Blaine didn't know what was worse: the fact that he couldn't stop or the fact that he was lying to Kurt. Both hurt and it was a cause and effect relationship. The more he lied to Kurt, the more that he felt the need.
Things were supposed to be better. He was in a happy, stable relationship with an amazing guy. His dad, however, had taken his resentment of Blaine and his lifestyle to a new level. Instead of trying to set him up with "nice girls", Richard Anderson had ignored his youngest son since the day Blaine had told them he was dating Kurt. And that hurt.
A lot.
Blaine was trying to catch his breath in the boys' bathroom. This round of slushies had been particularly cold. Red dripped into the sink as Blaine stared at himself. He shrugged off his black cardigan and tossed the soggy sweater into the sink next to him. His blue polo was purple in places the slushie touched. He sighed. He had just bought this shirt. Blaine looked down at his arms. His cuts were fading, scars disappearing.
He secretly thanked whoever for Neosporin.
Blaine reached down into his bag. His finger hit something sharp. He withdrew his hand, blood beading on his right index finger. Blaine examined it. He looked around the bathroom again, having already done the pre jock check when he got in there. He put his hand back into his bad and pulled out his compass he used in Geometry. He stared at the sharp end. Blaine looked at himself in the mirror. Was he really going to do this here? He flashed back to the slushie attack.
"Hey fag!" said a nameless football player. He slammed Blaine into the locker. Blaine grunted at the impact. Blaine stared at the guy.
"You like slushies, right?" Blaine was silent. The bullying wasn't so bad when he was with Kurt. They knew that Finn would protect them but alone, Blaine was still the new kid. He was an easy target. Blaine braced for the shower of ice and Red 40 that would hit him. He gasped when the ice stared to seep underneath his sweater. Blaine wiped the slushie out of his eyes as the football players walked away. He was alone, the curse of having a free period when the rest of the Glee club had class.
Blaine sighed as he slid the sharp point across his skin.
"Blaine, you in here?" asked Kurt as he walked into the bathroom. Blaine jumped which caused the compass to stab him in the arm.
"Shit." whispered Blaine as he walked over to the sink.
"Blaine? Blaine, what happened?"
"Slushie attack. My sweater is ruined." said Blaine, his arms behind his back. Kurt eyed his suspiciously.
"You know that the more the slushie dries, the harder it is to get out. Come here." Kurt turned the faucet on, letting the water get warm. "Blaine? We gotta get that stuff out of your hair."
"I can do it."
"I'm just trying to help."
"I got it, Kurt." Blaine snapped. Kurt raised an eyebrow. Blaine sighed. "I'm sorry, Kurt."
"Is everything ok?" Blaine opened his mouth but words didn't come out. His mind was screaming to tell Kurt everything.
"Blaine?" Kurt grabbed Blaine's left hand. He frowned. Kurt pulled his hand back and it was red. Blaine looked down at the floor. "Blaine? Blaine, show me."
"I can't." Blaine whispered.
"Blaine, honey, show me. Please?" Kurt's blue eyes pleaded with Blaine. Blaine's eyes welled up with tears as he showed Kurt the fresh cut on his arm.
"Oh Blaine…"Kurt whispered. Blaine broke down. He crumpled into Kurt's arms. "Oh sweetie. Let's get you out of here." Kurt gathered up Blaine's stuff, discreetly throwing the compass in the trash and led the boy out of the bathroom.
Blaine woke with a start. He looked around. He was in his bedroom. He looked down at his arm. It was wrapped up in a white sterile bandage.
"Oh good, you're up." said Kurt as he walked into the room. He sat a glass of water down on Blaine's bedside table. "Scoot." Blaine sat up and scooted over to make room for Kurt. Blaine snuggled up to Kurt, who wrapped his arms around him.
"How long?" asked Kurt as he kissed Blaine's forehead.
"Since I left my first high school." Blaine looked up at Kurt. "I almost died my first year at Dalton." Kurt's breath hitched. "It's not something I'm proud of, Kurt." Blaine shifted his eyes to his wall. Kurt kissed Blaine's forehead again.
"Blaine, look at me." Kurt cupped Blaine's chin and forced the ex-Warbler to look at him. "You have to promise that you will try and stop. Please."
"I…"
"No, promise me you will try. I…I don't wanna lose you to something like this."
"I'll try."
"If you feel the need, you call me, ok?"
"Ok."
"I'm supposed to be able to fix everything for you, Blaine. I'm not really sure how to fix this."
"Just…just love me." Blaine pecked Kurt on the lips.
"I do. So much." Blaine smiled. For the first time in months, he felt happy. He felt safe. He felt accepted. He felt loved. He hoped that would be enough.