I have waaaaay too much fun with Tono and Tsubasa. Really.

So, this was originally part of Wherever She Goes, but it didn't really fit in with the rest, so I cut it out. Apparently, I still had to get it out of my system, so expanded it into a standalone one-shot.

Contains The Usual: Tsubasa, Tono, Misaki, awkward situations, random pointless cameos by Mikan and Natsume, lots of dialogue, etc.

Please keep in mind the fact that this was written by a teenage girl who doesn't know shit about buying condoms. Thank you.

Don't own.

So they were running a little late. Fine. All the better, Tono thought, because it would be much less conspicuous walking into a drugstore in broad daylight rather than sometime around dawn, which would have happened if this mission was operating on schedule. Besides, this delay meant he would most likely get to skip half of his morning classes. He pounded the button that requested a "Walk" sign several times more than necessary, and his companion shifted from one foot to the other and turned to stare somewhere over his shoulder.

"Um, where are we going?" questioned Hayate, focusing on the white stripes that marked the crosswalk and ruefully wishing he had longer legs in order to keep up with his partner's purposeful strides. "School's the other direction, and we're already late."

Tono made an annoyed noise. "Just be quiet, don't ask questions, and go along with it. I'll buy you a comic book if it'll make you shut up." Of all the kids in the Dangerous Abilities, Hayate Matsudaira was one of the more agreeable ones to accompany on a mission. Nevertheless, Tono found himself wishing for the thousandth time that he was alone. "Come on, there's got to be someplace around here," he hissed to himself.

Hayate ignored the several signs Tono was giving off that meant "I-don't-want-to-talk-right-now" to most people. "I'm sixteen," he replied, his voice carrying a tone of defensiveness. "I'm too old for comic books."

"Are you now?" Tono scoffed skeptically. "Have you taken down that enormous poster in your room yet? And are you or are you not stalking Hotaru Imai?"

"I'm not stalking Cool Blue Sky. Besides, that's a TV show," the younger boy grumbled. "And when have you ever been in my room?"

"Never. Heard it from Amane." Tono stopped outside a correct-looking building, peering around a poster in the window. Deciding that this place was acceptable, he pushed open the door and stepped into the refreshingly air-conditioned store.

Hayate remained outside on the sidewalk. "When has Rui ever been in my room?" he whined in confusion. The door closed behind his partner, and he hurriedly slipped through on the backswing.

Inside, Tono's head was visible above one of the aisles. Hayate took his time in joining him, forcing himself to become distracted by a magazine display. It probably would have been mildly interesting to know that a pair of celebrities had broken off their engagement if he had any clue who they were, but, that not being the case, he didn't really care. He had more important things to worry about, the most pressing at the moment being the intriguing expression on his senior's face.

"Uh…" he mumbled, trying to make out the words on the box Tono had in his hands. "What'cha got there?"

"Condoms," Tono replied, probably not oblivious to the uncomfortable atmosphere he was creating but ignoring it either way.

Hayate was silent for a moment, staring pointedly anywhere but to his left. "I… see."

"They're not for me," Tono said, evidently trying to lessen the awkwardness. The statement had the opposite effect. Hayate coughed nervously.

"Don't most people generally buy their own condoms?"

Tono rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't count on it. Somebody's got to take initiative in this situation."

"Well, who're they for, then?"

"Tsubasa," Tono responded, though it would probably have been smarter not to mention to the person in question's classmate.

Hayate choked. "Who's he sleeping with? Harada?"

"I dunno. Probably nobody."

"Then why are we in a random drugstore in… well… wherever we are?"

Tono smiled charmingly in the direction of the young woman at the checkout counter, who averted her eyes and ran his purchase over the scanner. "Because Misaki-chan will kill some people if she ever ends up pregnant. Generally, one of those people is me."

"So he is sleeping with Harada?"

Tono pushed open the door and winced at the bright sunlight, a plastic bag dangling off his arm. "Well, not yet, probably. I'm just thinking ahead here. I mean, I'll be graduating in a couple weeks, and then I won't be there to make sure he doesn't get his sorry ass into more trouble than he can handle." Hayate didn't answer, merely trailed after the taller boy as he strode down the sidewalk, making sure to maintain a distance that passersby could interpret as him not knowing the man currently tossing his hair over one shoulder and waving to a couple of girls waiting at the crosswalk.

xx

If Tono was the person he was a few years ago, he would have been glad to get out of the apparent hellhole that is Alice Academy. However, somehow, over the years he had managed to get attached to the place. Truthfully, less the place than the people in it. But either way, now he could regretfully say that he would probably miss the whole damn thing.

He heaved a sigh. This would have been so much easier if he still had the mindset of an angsty teenager.

Mikan launched herself at him and flung her arms around his chest. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Tono-senpai!"

He patted her head, grinning. "Me too, squirt. Call me in eight years."

She giggled. "Maybe, if you're not totally old by then."

"Get off him, Polka," Natsume tugged on the back of her shirt, disentangling her from her from the upperclassman and shooting him a glare that clearly said "Have you no shame?"

"Miss you too, Natsume," Tono said, extending a hand. He ignored the gesture until
Mikan elbowed him in the ribs and he grudgingly returned it.

Luca hung back behind Natsume, but Hotaru was off somewhere else ("Probably with her brother," Mikan thought). Misaki was chatting with a couple of her Special Ability classmates, and Tsubasa leaned casually against a nearby tree. Tono excused himself from his younger set of kouhai and joined Tsubasa in the pool of shade.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," Tsubasa replied. "Well, this is going to be weird."

"What's going to be weird?"

"I'm going to be the old guy now."

"Well," Tono laughed. "I'm afraid you're still going to be the bratty little kid to me."

"Oh joy," he groaned.

Tono decided that, as the conversation was going nowhere, now was probably better than never. "I got you something."

Tsubasa gave him a suspicious look. "Since when do you give me stuff?"

"Well, you see," Tono was completely improvising at this point. "You're… uh… not a little kid anymore, so…"

"Didn't you just say you thought of me as a kid?"

"I lied, okay? Well, the thing is… well… here you go." He produced a box from what looked to Tsubasa as seemingly nowhere and thrust it into the younger boy's arms.

Tsubasa's eyebrows disappeared up into his bangs. "Condoms." He looked up. "Just when I start thinking you're not completely insane, you walk over and hand me condoms."

"Look," Tono huffed. "Do you think you can just stroll into Central Town and get condoms at the Howalon stand?"

"Well, not at the Howalon stand, but if you wanted to, you probably—"

"You may as well just take them," the taller boy grumbled." I had to drag Matsudaira into a drugstore to get these, so—"

"Matsudaira?" Tsubasa gasped, bordering on hysteria. "What did you tell him?"

"Shut up, will you?" Tono hissed, waving apologetically at the nearby students who had looked around in alarm.

Tsubasa dropped the matter entirely, turning the box over in his hands. "Just as a matter of curiosity, who exactly is it that you think I'm screwing?"

"Well, nobody, really."

"Yeah, thanks," muttered Tsubasa, looking slightly miffed.

"It's not that," backtracked Tono, trying to figure out which approach to this was less offensive. "I'm not trying to insinuate that that's a problem, I mean, I was a virgin at sixteen, well, sort of, but, um…"

"That's not helping." Tsubasa voiced the obvious.

"That's not the point, either. I'm just speculating here. Thinking ahead, you know."

"Alright," corrected Tsubasa. "Who exactly is it that you're expecting me to screw?" Tono turned reflexively towards Misaki, who was laughing animatedly with a pair of older girls. Tsubasa followed his gaze, and when he found its target, pressed the box back into Tono's hands. "No. No way. Haven't you given up on this yet?"

"Oh, come on," Tono chided. "Haven't you ever wanted to just, you know…?"

"Don't tell me you have?" Tsubasa said, in a somewhat accusatory fashion.

"I never said that," The older boy retorted defensively. "But wait! Wait! You totally just admitted she turns you on!"

Tsubasa rolled his eyes. "No, I totally didn't, and I'd appreciate it if we never had this conversation again. How do you manage to twist everything I say into me somehow confessing that I want to sleep with Misaki?"

"Oh my god," chuckled Tono, "You so admitted it that time!"

With that comment, Tsubasa officially lost it. "I did NOT, thank you, and if you would kindly shut the fuck up, I've got something else to do!" he bellowed, stalking off and disappearing into the crowd. Tono tugged on the ends of his hair awkwardly, now the subject of everyone in the vicinity's attention. Perhaps that wasn't the best note to part on.

"Well, you didn't deny it!" He shouted doubting he'd be heard. Before he could sufficiently hide in a corner or something that would similarly divert people's attention from him, Misaki came up on his right.

"What was that?" she asked curiously. "What on earth were you guys talking about?"

"Sex," Tono responded bluntly.

Misaki raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Really."

"Geez," he chuckled. "I was kidding."

She didn't bother to respond, only stared at her feet for a few uncomfortable seconds.

"Well, then," Tono said. "See you in a few years, I guess."

Misaki smiled. "Yeah, I guess."

Tono opened his arms, grinning hopefully. "How about a hug?"

"You wish," Misaki laughed back, punching his chest lightly. He managed to catch her anyway, folding her into his arms.

"Let me go, you douche," she gasped, suddenly finding herself face-to face with an irritated-looking Tsubasa.

"The goddamned bitch wouldn't take it off," he muttered glumly.

Misaki opened her mouth, but she caught herself before it fell far enough to be comical. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Rui," Tsubasa clarified. "He wouldn't take the mark off." He pointed at the black star underneath his eye. "I mean, seriously. It's not like I'll ever see him again, will I? What's the point of leaving it on?" He turned his attention to Tono. "If you don't mind, you might let her go." He obediently released Misaki, suddenly hyperaware that they were all completely in shadow.

Misaki walked over to Tsubasa, brushing his bangs back with a move that, to the uninformed eye, would look somewhat like a caress. "Well, if it's any consolation," she said. "I think it sort of looks like you intended it to be there."

"You mean it looks kind of cool?"

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as 'cool,' but definitely not a curse." She poked his cheek firmly as his expression slipped into the "dejected" category. "Hey. That's a good thing."

He scoffed. "Sure."

Misaki rolled her eyes at him, and turned around. Waving at Tono, she joined Mikan and the others on the other side of the lawn. Tsubasa watched her go, and his senpai pushed his shoulder to get his attention.

"Last chance. You sure?" He was holding out the box.

"Um, no thanks," Tsubasa confirmed. "The way things are going, I won't have a girlfriend until I'm at least thirty."

"The way what's going, exactly?" questioned Tono, though he would have very much liked to have said something along the lines of "A girlfriend's not a prerequisite, you know". " What are you basing this off of?"

"I don't know," he groaned. "Just girls in general."

"Well, I guarantee you that Mikan-chan would date you if she was your age and if Hyuuga wasn't a possessive jerk." Tono wasn't quite sure what to say in this situation, but from the look on Tsubasa's face, he was guessing that wasn't it.

"Yeah, thanks," Tsubasa grumbled. "That makes things a load better."

"I was just trying to help," whined Tono indignantly.

"Yeah, well, you're shit at it." Tsubasa was staring intently in the opposite direction, near the spot where Mikan was now chasing Koko in a circle for some reason.

"So. You still mean to tell me that this whole unrequited love thing you've got going on with Misaki-chan is just a figment of practically the entire school's collective imaginations."

"Something like that," Tsubasa agreed.

"You're staring at her right now, you know."

Tsubasa reddened furiously. "Don't be a dick, Tono."

"I'm not. I'm stating a fact. There's a difference." Tono looked around. The lawn was clearing and several of his classmates had left already. "I should probably be going soon," he added.

"Okay,"

Tono tossed the condom box to himself a couple times. "You sure about this?"

"Um…" Tsubasa hesitated for a moment. In spite of his several protests, he outstretched a hand. "Just gimme it." Tono smirked. They stood there in silence for a few moments, until Tono spoke.

"I guess… I'll be going now," he said. The pair watched each other for a couple more seconds, as if waiting to see if something would happen.

"If you try and hug me, I swear I'll kill you," Tsubasa threatened.

Tono chuckled. He reached out a hand to ruffle his kouhai's hair, though Tsubasa attempted to pull away. "Go get 'em, kid." Leaving it at that, he turned and walked towards the gates. Tsubasa watched him go, absently shaking his head.

Upon re-entering the dorms, Tsubasa, after some deliberation, decided upon throwing the box in the cabinet under the sink and promptly forgetting about the whole affair. That is, until a couple years later when Misaki demanded to know why the hell there were condoms under his sink, where the hell he had gotten them, and what the hell he had been thinking the night before.

I don't know what made me choose Hayate for the bit at the beginning. I debated for a bit about using Natsume, and even wrote a whole other sequence with Rui in it instead, but I'll be using him in another thing I'm writing and it was annoying. I don't think I've gotten Hayate in-character, but oh well.

Most of this was written at roughly three in the morning, so please excuse... you know what, just don't. That's not a good excuse for anything.

Um, review? Do people actually take note when authors say that? Or is it just me they ignore?

-TCATB