Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is owned by J.R.R. Tolkien, his family, New Line cinema, etc. Not me. I'm not getting paid for this in any way and am only dabbling my unworthy fingers in his magical worlds.
Credit: Rogers and Hammerstein,www dot stlyrics dot .com/lyrics/thesoundofmusic/maria, en dot wikipedia dot org/wiki/The_Sound_of_Music
Note: This song (from beginning to end) follows the tune and metre of 'How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?' from the fabulous film The Sound of Music
A sequel, of sorts, to 'A Pony's Tale' (and therefore completely, utterly AU) - prior reading may help.
Summary: Bill the Pony composes a little ode to his 'friend' as the Fellowship leaves Rivendell
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Asfaloth?
*
I know a horse called Asfaloth
He's pretty, clean and white
He loves himself, he thinks he's great
It's quite a funny sight
To see him prance around the field
In afternoon sunlight
Imagining that he can bag a Mearas
*
The ladies of that noble race
Would really get a fright
To think the prissy Elven horse
Their noble ranks may blight
By chasing all the single mares
And taking great delight
In gazing at his rather bland reflection
*
I know you think that I am being cruel
But really, he's a fool
*
How do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?
How do you bring his ego crashing down?
How do you find a word that means Asfaloth?
A glorified pony! A smelly old nag! A clown!
*
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to what you say?
How do you let him know he's not so grand?
*
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?
How do you bring his ego crashing down?
*
When I'm with him I'm bemused
So unfocussed and confused
And I never know if he believes his hype
It was just the other day
That I heard the ladies say
That the prissy Elven horse is not their type
*
He's a nuisance, he's a pest
Gives the Mearas mares no rest
With his never ending self-deluded tales
And he'd better watch his back
Lest it comes under attack
From a very angry horde of
Mearas males!
*
How do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?
How do you make the ageing mule see sense?
How do you try to save him from his ego?
No wonder the fatherless warg doesn't have any friends!
*
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Asfaloth?
Maybe a dose of Gimmy hair would help!
*
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Author's Note: I know that one of the later lines is slightly out of metre, but it was for the sake of a giggle, so I hope it worked!
Bill wouldn't use a word like 'hype', I know, but I couldn't resist! The faithful pony likes Asfaloth, really.
No, really!
Kara's Aunty ;)