Warning: This fic is extremely dark, depressing, graphic, and is not recommended for anyone that has problems with said themes. Honestly the darkest thing I have written and probably will write, it's based on a night-terror I had a long time ago. You have been warned.
...
Whizz... Click-click-click... Snap!
Everything had fallen apart for him as time had passed. Abandoned, tortured, beaten, experemented on, and even forced to do the unspeakable. This green changeling had never lead an easy life. New struggles erupted around every corner. But no matter how terrible everything had been, there was no way he could blantently end his life. He hated that he just couldn't at least leave himself some portion of chance. So he turned it into a game. A game he seemed exceptionally good at, or aweful at depending on your point of view. Every night that seemed exceptionally hopeless was filled with a rousing game of russian roulette.
Whizz... Click-click-click... Snap!
The steel was chilling against his round jaw. Tonight he had decided to increase the "difficulty" of the stakes. He felt it was necessary after his heated argument with his leader. It hadn't ended well as neither had handled him finding the long revolver among the shapeshifters personals. It was matte black along the steel with a ebony grip. Gold trim accented the screws and formed a cursive N.G. above the trigger. The gun had once been the tool of his captor long ago, and the pommel of the .44 was stained with his blood, remnants of many a blackout.
Whizz... Click-click-click... Snap!
The boy wonder had not taken the offending firearm lightly. "Do you know what kind of monsters use these?" Robin had shrieked. "I don't think you-"
"You think I don't get your position on guns?" Beast Boy challenged. "That I have no idea the kind of mad men you faced? The satanic death worshiping assholes who kill for fun?" He stood on his toes and snatched at the gun, glaring as his leader disassembled it to prevent him.
"No. I don't think you do, Beast Boy." Robin stared into his eyes. "Why would you even need something like this? You have your powers I don't-" A hard, unsuspected shove knocked him to his rear. His green teammate gathered the pieces of his tool from the floor. Robin was shocked to see that his friend was so familiar with the gun that he was putting it together as quickly as his hands picked up the pieces. "Beast Boy... What is with you!"
Whizz... Click-click-click... Snap!
The green lad had to run at a mad dash to escape his leaders rage. Not only had he disobeyed several orders involving firearms in the tower, he had run from his superior. Robin was no longer angry, he was down right pissed and wanted answers. No one had seen the leader of the Titans this frustrated since his initial obsession with Slade. And now this fury was focused on someone he lived with. Robin tailed close behind the shifting form of Beast Boy as he made his fastest pace to his room. He was desperate now. Beast Boy didn't want to reveal this side of him to anyone. Ever.
Whizz... Click-click...
The stirring on the floor of his room drew Beast Boys attention to the groaning form of his leader. He was waking up. He thought that this time he would finally do it, but he could tell his leader was dead set of stopping him. Even if he wasn't aware what he had been doing. Panic set in as Robin quickly regained his consciousness, looking up at the green teen who had whipped him out upon entering his room. Eyes widening at the sight before him, the masked hero's jaw dropped to the floor. Beast Boy, his friend, his little brother, was sitting before him. The elvish hero held the barrel of the revolver to his head as tears streamed. His finger was twitching against the trigger and the boy mouthed the word "Please".
Click-click...
Thinking and reacting faster than he had ever imagined in his life, Robin hurled a birdarang into Beast Boys hand. The red weapon dug into his glove, springing forth a small amount of blood. With a squeal of pain, the changeling fell to the floor as the gun pulled from his head.
Click... Bang!
A ring sounded throughout the room as the revolver was fired into the ceiling above him. Robin clutched at his ears while Beast Boy continued to wail at his pain and failure. The lights turned red as the tower detected the shot. Doors locked around the pair as the youngest Titans room went into lock-down. Other than the green Titan wailing on the floor, the room remained silent for a long time.
...
Cyborg clutched at his wrist as it beeped and blinked. A holomap of Titans Tower floated above the small panel. Beast Boy's room was highlighted in a bright resonating red. Panic spread to the large teens eyes as he stared at the omen before him. Had that gunshot been someone killing BB? Is his best friend dead? Anger and worry filled his gut as he wrenched towards his door and into the hall. His heavy feet sprinted through the hall. As Cyborgs metal clanked down the corridor, he brought up the other Titans who were home on their communicators. Raven had been "kidnapped" by Starfire for the week, so if Beast Boy was down the only help he'd receive would be Robin. Neither of which answered. Sweat dropped from his brow as he assumed the worst. Turning hard, he blasted a shortcut to the green Titans room via the wall. He never expected he could feel so miserable in his life.
There before him was his best friend, wailing in the fetal position, and an exhausted and very pissed off Robin. "What in the hell happened in here?" Cyborg worriedly asked. "Tower says we had a gunsho-" The black and gold colt revolver, smoking at the barrel. A hard frown pressed to his face as he observed the firearms placement. It seemed that the youngest Titan had shot it. The black and silver Titan grasped the offending object in his tight fist. "What the hell is goin' on guys?" His voice was low and accusing. Robin stood and grasped the collar of the smaller Titan, dragging him through the hole to the hall. The whole way, Beast Boy wailed louder and louder, begging for death and another chance. Cyborg was speechless as his leader slammed the smaller boy against the wall.
"Why?" Robin demanded with threat in his voice. Beast Boy only tightened his face in a frown. A hard backhand greeted his cheek. The force flung his head sideways into the cold stainless steel wall, earning a loud thump. The disoriented of the two attempted to glare daggers at Robin. "Why?" The leader questioned, matching his tone. Once again, Beast Boy refused to answer and wriggled in a foolish attempt to free his collar. Another, harder backhand. This time there was an audible crack from the changelings teeth when they met the dent in the wall. His lip was now split and a fresh torrent of tears stained his red cheek. Once again the leader interrogated. "Why?" Robin growled. Beast Boy still refused to answer. "Damnit!" He yelled as he brought back his free hand again. However, no hit came as a metal paw grappled at the green glove.
"Robin! What is wrong with you? What is going on?" Cyborg demanded to know. "This isn't like you! Whatever it is, beating answers out of BB won't solve it!" The colorful titan stared at the larger one with a scowl placed firmly on his lips, but his demeanor seemed to speak of... betrayal?
"Beast Boy attempted to blow his brains out!" He screamed, mask tightening at the corners. Cyborg fell away and loosed his grip.
"He what?" The metal mans voice was almost a whisper. Robin stared at him before growing angry again.
"He tried to pain the wall red, make a grass stain out of himself, go all in on Roulette." Robin grew more pained with each phrase, his mask peeling at the ends where it was wet. "Beast Boy wanted to kill himself!"
Cyborg could only manage to stare, until he ran forward and grappled the green hero by his shoulders. "You didn't. You couldn't have. Did you?" His one human eye shone with hurt as he looked over his friends grieved expression. "Beast Boy only sunk his head.
"I did." Was all there was as a reply. The silence afterwards was palpable. The trio seemed frozen in time. Cyborg began to tremble. A single sparkle of water dropped his soft cheek. His shaky grip finally engulfed his best friend in a deathly tight hug.
"No. Don't say that. Please don't say that." Cyborg begged. "My little brother can't say that. I forbid it. Tell me the truth." His voice was almost a whimper, underselling just how large and tough the Titan was. Beast Boy only sunk further into his hard chest. Although it was cold, it was comforting and familiar.
"It's true. I'm a monster, I deserve to-" Cyborg's demeanor shifted to a furious glare as he shook him.
"You are NOT a monster! You are a hero!" The large teen shook into him. "You save people every day! There's love in your heart! So much love! Yo have so much love that you can't even eat meat, knowing what it's like to be them!" Cyborg attempted to make his point. The changeling only shook his head in contempt.
"You're wrong. Both of you. You don't know the monster I have been."
...
The argument had lasted all of the day, ending finally when Beast Boy admitted defeat. The older boys had attempted to call the girls, but the shapeshifter had literally begged to keep them out of it. In the end, they struck a deal. They would listen to his past without judgement, and in return he would stay under their constant watch until he was deemed safe to be left alone. Beast Boy had labored the point that the only reason he wanted to die was that he never felt he was able to explain his past. Ever. He truly thought that if anyone found out, they would never see him as a hero. So, with the three male Titans sitting in the sanctuary that was Robins room, the shapeshifter began his life story.
"As you know, the doom patrol are my adopted family." Beast Boy began. "When I was younger, I lived in Africa. I grew up in the forests with my parents, Mark and Marie Logan. They were biologists, and they made me what I am today. I was normal until I contracted Sakutia from an infected monkeys bite." Cyborg wrinkled his brow.
"I thought that was some super deadly disease in Africa?" He scratched the human portion of his head. "What else do they call it? Oh yeah! Green... fever..." Beast Boy nodded calmly. Then he continued.
"In an attempt to save my life my father injected me with an untested serum. It changed my DNA as to adapt to the disease. The major effect, other than the ears, claws, and fangs, was that it left my DNA in a constant state of flux as to disallow the virus to thrive. I soon discovered my ability to shift." His demeanor changed darkly. "It wasn't long after that the local witch doctor called me a curse, forcing us from the village. We took a boat in exile. Down the river... down the river there was a waterfall." Beast boy sulked, then mumbled. "They didn't make it..." Robin grasped for his shoulder.
"I get it. You blame yourself." The leader spoke. "Trust me, once you realize there was nothing you could do you will feel better. I felt that way about my parents for a long time." The changeling gazed at the smaller of his adopted brothers.
"Thanks Rob." A small smirk found the green Titans lips.
"So is that what was bugging you so much?" Cyborg pitched in, relief stitched in his tone. Beast Boy's smirk vanished completely.
"... No." He began, again. Something about his voice seemed darker. "My life truly tanked after that day." He pulled off his shirt, revealing scars of all different shapes and sizes. "My life became hell when I was given to my uncle, Nickolas Galtry."
Robin's face had turned almost as green as his friend when he saw the mutilation that covered his friend. His back and sides looked to have been torched by napalm, consisting more of light green scar tissue than his emerald flesh. Words like "Pet", "Toy", and "Monster" were carved in the sides of his arms. Lines curved around his joints and the inner flesh of his arms. The scarring of shackles remained around his wrists, looking like he was chained up for years.
"I became that mans sadistic play thing for three years, until the many missing persons reports finally lead the police to his mansion. When I was there, he put me through the most unspeakable acts for the entertainment of him and his evil guests. Bestiality, mutilation, rape, you name the sickest and cruelest of fetishes and I guarantee I was on the worst side of all of them. But nothing tops-" Robin held up a hand to halt his friend.
"You said missing persons lead to your escape? So you mean you weren't alone? He kidnapped others?" The leader asked, hoping he was wrong in what he was thinking. Beast Boy shook his head.
"When I was under the "Care" of Galtry, I had one source of food. They would lock me in a pit with one other person. The would be armed with that black and gold revolver, and one shot spun in the chamber." He pointed to a series of round scars on his sides and chest. "Only about twenty or so ever got off a shot." His voice was cold. "But still, I had to do what I had to for my survival." His voice was choked, and his eyes puffy with unshed tears. "I don't deserve to live after doing what I did." He broke down in front of the two before him. "Now you know why I'm a monster. I not only killed people, but I ate them. Like a beast. A sick predator. I'm sorry."
The changeling fell to the fetal position. Robin was the first to fall beside his friend. "I'm so sorry Garfield. It's ok now. You had to do it, didn't you?" He tried to calm his friend. "It wasn't a matter of choice, you didn't have one. There was no other option. In a way, you saved those people from the fate you held. You gave them a painless end, right?" Beast Boy nodded.
"I did what I could. But if I was too quick, I was flogged. I had to "play" with them if I didn't want to hurt. I did what I could, but I don't think I eserve pity. I'm a mon-" A slap resounded through the room. But there was no anger behind it.
"You aren't a monster, Beast Boy." Robin was soft. "A monster wouldn't feel like you do. We fight monsters every day, and last I checked they aren't remorseful." Cyborg nodded.
"Yeah, BB. Have you ever seen Slade regret what he did? How about Cinderblock? Gizmo? None of them have a heart like yours, bro, and that's what makes you a hero!" The metal teen drove his point home with a hearty grin. Beast Boy practically melted from the understanding in his team.
"You... You really think..." He stuttered. The pair nodded and drew him into a tight hug. The shapeshifter began to wail, he was so relieved and happy. Tears of joy flew from his face in all directions. "Alright guys. I'm sorry!"
The stood there until the girls came home, and the events of the day were never mentioned again.
END.