Matthew woke up to a quiet house, he looked over to his alarm clock and saw why. Seeing that it was 2pm he sighed with a victorious smile, he usually woke up early but not today. Today he wanted to waste it away in dreamless sleep. He closed his eyes but the noon light was too bright to fall back asleep, thus he got out of bed. Matthew lazily dragged himself downstairs in his maple leaf pajamas and with his cherished toy polar bear: Kumajiiro. Alfred must have gone out with friends, or that British girl, that's the only reason it could ever be so quiet in this house.
When he got to the kitchen, in a trance he started making pancakes. There is never a time that isn't good for pancakes. He sighed while cracking eggs, he knew what day it was, but didn't want to officially tell himself. It would only make it worse. While being completely ignored and invisible hurts on a normal day, it seem much more painful on his birthday. "Damn it." he said aloud in exasperation, he wasn't supposed to think about it. He turned 16 today, but their isn't anything sweet about it when no one even remembered.
He finished the pancakes and set a lone plate for himself. Drowning them in maple syrup before adding whip cream and strawberries for the occasion. 'No!' he thought, 'It just a normal day, nothing special.' Giving up on not thinking about it he walked back into the kitchen and got out a small cake candle and lighter. He stuffed it in the top pancake and lit it before writing 'Happy 16th birthday Matthew!' along the rim of the plate.
He hummed the happy birthday song to himself before blowing out the candle. He felt a tear side down his face but ignored it and made a wish.
"I wish some one could see me and remember me." It was a wish that no one else had to wish for but it was the only thing he wanted. Just for a while.
He sighed, "What a pointless wish." he said to himself while slumping in his chair," Honestly, I think I hate Birthdays."
He figure, after so long, he would simply accept that he was nothing and unmemorable but he couldn't. If he did, he would lost the main thing keeping him going: hope. Hope that someday, someone will notice him and drag him from the ghost land he seems to be trapped in.
The pancakes made it a little better, simply because they were delicious. Then he saw a note on the fridge, it was signed by his adoptive dads, Arthur and Francis.
Gone birthday present shopping, you can't come! Burgers in fridge: Francis made them don't worry.
Matthew stood shocked before he smiled the biggest smile he had in years.
" They remembered my Birthday!" he exclaimed running over to the fridge to hold the note to verified its' existence. He literally jumped for joy, smiling like a child before running to the stairs. Not bothering to clean up his dishes, he bounded up the stairs to his room. He quickly put on his best clothes, a dark red dress shirt, white tie and white jeans. He couldn't stop smiling and a few tears fell from his eyes from the happiness. He let them fall as he combed his blonde hair then brushed his teeth.
'My wish came true, today is finally the day!' he thought while going back downstairs to clean up, 'The day they all notice me for me!' Matthew laughed. He was so happy he didn't know what to do. 'Just one day, I had hoped so many times, just one day when they know i who am, when they really see me.' He thought.
The door bell rung.
Matthew ran faster than he thought could to the door and yanked it open smiling wide. There stood Francis and Arthur, Arms full of shopping bags, answering the question why they did use their key.
"Alfred! Go to your room your not allowed to see these yet!" Yelled Arthur in a heavy British accent, eyeing Matthew with accusing emerald eyes.
"Honhonhon, you know he'll peak anyway, oui?" said Francis.
Matthews grin faltered, and in his normal soft tone he said, "I'm not Alfred, I'm Matthew."
They both turned to him,"Who the bloody hell is Matthew? Don't lie, you git!"Arthur yelled while stumbling passed Matthew through the doorway.
Francis, on the other hand stood still in the doorway, closely eyeing Matthew. Two awkward minutes past and only then a spark of recognition appeared in Francis's eyes. Matthews once joyous demeanor had become crestfallen.
"Ah! Oui! You are Mathieu!" Francis said as he went to stand in front of the violet eyed boy. " Here, go wrap your brothers presents. The hamburger print wrapping is.." Francis looked around then searched each bag before finding and puling out obnoxious coloured wrapping paper."Here! Now hurry up, before Alfred comes back and sees them."
Dazed, Matthew walked to his room with the bags, he silently slipped through the door and locking it behind him.
"Mon Dieu, Arthur! You didn't recognize... your other son at all!" Matthew heard Francis say to Arthus downstairs.
"What are you going on about, frog? We only have one son!" Arthur called back.
Upstairs Matthew, hearing every word, slumped against his door.
"They forgot. They were buying Alfreds presents, not mine that was 3 days before." Matthew whispered as he dropped the bags and slid down the door. He sat there, curled up and unmoving whilst staring at his hands, just so he could see himself.
"I'm alive, I matter.. But.. then why..every time.." Matthew barely whispered the words before he felt tears falling down his cheeks. He started sobbing loudly, not bothering to quiet them since no one would hear him anyway.
It had never hurt this bad before, this feeling was so much worse. The feeling of high hopes being torn away from you. It was too cruel and not something Matthew could really handle after such a long never ending low.
He stayed like that for hours, the light had faded from the room. It was night time and he had missed dinner probably but it was fine because no one there missed him.
Matthew looked around his room of white walls and grey carpet; he had hockey posters up and his own drawings or paintings on the walls. He was very proud of his Canadian heritage and had a large flag on wall, everything else was themed red or white to match.
He worked 2 jobs that this adoptive parents didn't know about, simply to pay for his art supplies. Which he didn't mind really, he liked the smells of the Deli he worked at and his newspaper route was pretty scenic.
Matthew wondered why he was thinking about such things and came to the conclusion that this is all he'll be leaving behind. A White and red room, mediocre paintings and two empty job slots.
Matthew stood and started getting ready to go out. He was stiff from sitting so long but still pulled on his favourite red hoodie and some red converse.
As a after thought, he grabbed Kumajiiro and held him tight.
He unlocked his door and put the shopping bags in the hallway before relocking it. He walked downstairs while shaking off the fatigue from crying with deep breathes.
He wasn't sure at what point during his crying he had decided to do this, but he was walking out the door regardless. Without saying goodbye to his almost family, he closed the door behind him.
It was cold for July but the yellow glow of the street lamps warmed up the atmosphere. The street was desolate but it was enjoyable for Matthew. No one was around to not see him, to act like he didn't exist or mistake him for his exciting and popular brother.
It was just him and a empty street, and he slowly walks alone to what will be his death.
" I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes but its only me and I walk alone" Matthew starting singing to the air, it fit the moment surprisingly well.
"I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams as the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone." If anyone could actually hear his voice they would know it was beautiful.
"My shadow is the only one who walks beside me, my shallow hearts the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me, until then I walk alone."
Matthew let his voice and the song fade out at he approached the bridge. It must be really late or very early because no cars or people were on the bridge either.
"This is it."Matthew said, the sound of resolution strong in his voice, " There really is no reason for me to live anymore is there? What would I gain from it but more pain? That's not living, that is slowly waiting to die."
Matthew sat on the edge of the bridge and looked down. If it wasn't for the fact he was about to die, this would have been beautiful.
The river rushed below, black-blue water danced with white and yellow lights from the porch lights of the houses lining its banks. The full moon gleamed like a broken spotlight on the moving water. The clear sky twinkled with stars, Matthew could even make out a few constellations.
Sadly, the beauty didn't diffuse the gravity of the situation. Their would be no headline for his suicide, he knew that for sure. His body would never be found, and no one will have ever looked for it.
Matthew held Kumajiiro tightly to his chest as he really thought about what he was about to do while enjoying the last moment of being alive.
A/N: Hi, this is Loyal And yeah... i hope that was depressing. But I'm not sure if Canada should just die or if someone should save him? Maybe Prussia? idk
Review and Decide Canada's Fate! DUh Duh DUUUUUH!
or not. :D
Have a nice day!