Disclaimer: I don't own Bones, Fox does.

I was having some fun on April Fools but just never posted it. Just a short one-shot. Which I don't usually do but thought it was funny. Set between Season 3 and 4. Enjoy

He's Ours

Brennan glared at her phone then looked at the alarm clock.

"Brennan," she growled into the phone.

"Bones..." Booth struggled out.

"Booth what's the matter," Brennan said worriedly.

"I uhh...need some help...," he said between gasps. The pain shot from his back up his neck and he couldn't move.

"Okay what's going on," Brennan said as she pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt not bothering with a bra.

"The junior agents thought it would be...funny... to pull an april fool's day joke," Booth gasped out.

"Keep talking the deep breaths will help with the pains," she said as she closed her doors and ran down the steps.

"They loosened the screws on my chair, when I sat down...the back fell off," Booth said between gritted teeth.

"How long have you been sitting there in pain?" Brennan asked quietly.

"Two hours," Booth said.

"Booth! You should have called right away," Brennan, sighed.

"Well, I thought it would go away," Booth said.

"You know better and I know you do," Brennan chastised.

"Yeah well, they're still laughing about it," Booth rumbled crankily.

"I'm just around the corner," she told him then hung up the phone. Flipping it, open she made a call.

"Medico-Legal Labs," Cam answered.

"Cam get everyone together and put me on speaker," Brennan said. Cam raised her eyebrows but did as she asked. She quickly explained the situation. Then she explained what she wanted them to do. She heard Hodgins roar in laughter.

The line went dead and she knew that they were doing exactly what she wanted. She strode through the doors and made a beeline for Booth's office. They started whistling when she dropped the blinds and closed the door.

"Thank god," Booth said with a sigh.

"Stand up," she ordered. He stood up and she walked behind him. Putting her arms under his she hooked her hands behind his neck. In a quick motion, she popped his disc back into place. Booth's mind stuttered at the realization that she wasn't wearing a bra.

"Couch," she ordered.

Booth looked at her but sat on the couch. Rolling her eyes, she gestured for him to lie on his stomach. She reached over while he was doing so and grabbed her purse. Pulling out her lotion, she yanked his shirt up. Squeezing some lotion into her hand, she kneaded the muscles that had become knotted over the last few hours.

Booth groaned in appreciation and felt the pain in his back recede. When she had worked out the kinks, she continued to massage. She heard her phone beep, grabbing it with one hand, she checked the message then she grinned.

"Who is that?" Booth asked between groans.

"Angela," Brennan said and nothing more.

She heard the phone ring then the frantic shuffle of the agents as they left the office. She continued to massage his back listening to the sounds in the office. She smirked in laughter knowing exactly what was going on.

"Do you hear something out there?" Booth's sniper trained ears picked up the sound of tearing.

"No not at all," Brennan lied grinning.

"You're not a very good liar Bones. At the moment I could care less though," Booth muttered.

"Why were you here so early?" She asked him in a curious tone.

"Paperwork," Booth grunted. She sighed and continued to knead. Her phone beeped and she laughed quietly.

"Is Angela misbehaving again?" Booth asked after hearing her laugh.

"Yes," she said and again said nothing else.

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't know do you?" She asked innocently as she continued to smirk.

"No I don't think I do," Booth rumbled. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the workings of her magic fingers. When she had finally finished working, the kinks out she stood up. Booth sat up and sighed.

"You are an angel," Booth said with a charming smile. She smiled the corners of her mouth tilting up. Her eyes danced with laughter as she walked out and leaned against the wall. Booth walked out and glanced around.

"Bones why is the entire squint squad here?"

She held up her finger and the elevator doors opened with a bunch of agents laughing hysterically. Charlie walked off the elevator with neon pink and dark blue circles around his eyes. He went to rub his forehead and left a neon green trail across his forehead. Booth turned suddenly as he heard what sounded like a feminine squeal coming from Roberts' door down the hall.

When he went to the agent's office he saw the man sliding around on the floor trying to keep his balance. He went to reach for the door but Brennan's hand around his wrist stopped him, she shook her head no. He pulled his hand back. Another junior agent ran over to try to save the agent. He grabbed the door and tried to push it open. He stared in shock as a white powder puffed over the office.

The powder hitting the petroleum jelly smeared on everything began to turn a violent shade of purple. Booth jerked to the left when he heard a pop followed by a squeal. He saw a green flame shoot up over everyone's head. Junior agent Jones began laughing until he sat down and felt a squish. Standing up immediately, he squealed like a little girl. Someone had put what looked like bloody half-rotten flesh in his chair.

"Dang it who covered my desk in mold? It's spreading I can't stop it," Jansen yelled from his cubical.

"Why is everything labeled in post it notes? And they're Hello Kitty and they won't come off!" Jackson yelled from his cubicle.

"Hey look Franks has been searching about butt pimples," a junior agent laughed. Franks was frantically trying to close his Internet Explorer but it just kept opening again.

"Oh crap they put a bomb in my pencil drawer," Brown yelled diving from his cubical and hitting the floor with a grunt. Booth walked over to him and looked into the man's cubical.

He tried not to laugh as the yellow mixture that smelled like eggs poured from the pencil drawer. A grin had started to spread as he realized Bones had exacted revenge. T

he squints had moved to the center of the bullpen standing back to back in a tight circle. Moving to the center of the bullpen Brennan let out a shrill whistle. The sounds ringing around the office stopped immediately.

"None of the chemicals used are dangerous. The next time you think you're smart, remember we're smarter. Agent Booth he is one of us, he is ours. Which means if you attack one of us you attack all of us," Brennan said with a satisfied smile.

Turning as one the squints left the bullpen without saying a word. The agents with mouths hanging open looked at Booth. Booth just grinned and began making his way towards the coffee room. His phone buzzed and he looked at the text.

Brennan: Don't drink the coffee

Booth did an about face walked into his office grabbed his keys and wallet. Whistling he left the Hoover and headed for the coffee cart.

Cullen looked at his cell phone when it buzzed with a text. He put his coffee cup down before taking a sip. Picking up the phone, he hit the button to see the text.

Brennan: Deputy Director Cullen I would suggest that you not drink the coffee.

Cullen strode from his office to hear security down the hall roaring in laughter. Walking to him, he watched as they played the video from moments early. Sighing he ran his hands down his face. The security turned to smile as this sigh. He rubbed his eyes and then put his hand over his mouth rubbing his cheekbones to cover his laugh. Their teeth and tongues were indigo blue. He walked back to his office and sat down. Finally giving in he started to laugh.

"Damned squints," he muttered.

April 2nd

Booth strode out of the elevator and tried not to laugh. Agent Bowden had one eyebrow from the green fire. Charlie still had rings around his eyes and a green swatch on his forehead. Jansen's cubical was now completely covered in mold. Booth whistled as he made his way to his office his grin getting larger.

"Agent Booth," Cullen called out. Booth stopped to face him.

"Yes sir," Booth said.

"Next time your squints do their stunts, which were actually funny by the way, make sure they don't do anything that has to send my guys home," Cullen said trying not to laugh.

"Fredericks had to go home because they saran wrapped the toilets and he had bounce back. Lemming had to explain why his urine was neon green to the drug testers. Roberts' office took too long to clean up. Mind you they made it easy for the technicians to clean but they were laughing too hard to get it done quickly," Cullen said in a strangled voice.

"Yes sir. As long as they don't try anything else with me they'll be left alone," Booth promised.

The End

A/N So there it is. I was thinking of maybe doing some paybacks but it might take a bit since I'm still working on Dancers on a String. Let me know if your interested!
Just hit that little button, review, ideas for revenge, whatever!