Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.
Author's Note: Physics one-shots? Hellz yeah.
An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force. An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an external and unbalanced force.
-Sir Isaac Newton
The Long Arm
Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong!
"Someone get the door already!" shouted an irate Cyborg. The team was scattered throughout the Tower, exhausted from a hard day of kicking butt and taking names.
Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong!
"Beast Boy, it's your turn to answer the door!" called Robin. The leader of the team sat in his chair, looking somewhat disheveled. His efforts to take down Cinderblock, while successful, had taken a lot out of him.
"Do I have to?" whined the changeling. Mumbo Jumbo had decided to lock a ball and chain around his ankles, and it had taken the combined efforts of Raven, Starfire, and Cyborg to blast the wretched device off of his leg. The problem? They only had an opportunity to do it after the fight, which meant that the Titan had spent the battle weighed down by a hundred-pound chunk of iron.
Needless to say, he was tired.
"Yes, you have to. That, or you can have an extra hour of combat training before the rest of us start every day for the next week." If the Boy Wonder knew anything, it was how to make an effective threat.
"Fine, fine, fine… but don't expect me to let this one go for a while." Beast Boy rolled off of the couch and dragged himself towards the elevator.
Cyborg muttered under his breath. "Drama queen."
Two minutes later, a very different Beast Boy emerged from the elevator. Behind him came two stern looking men in black suits and sunglasses.
"Um… guys? We have a problem."
"We're WHAT?!"
"Under arrest. You four are some of the most notorious lawbreakers our division has ever seen." The Agent on the left- completely identical to the Agent on the right- delivered the line without a hint of emotion.
Beast Boy, Raven, Starfire, and Cyborg stared aghast at the two Federal Agents standing before them. They were completely speechless- lawbreakers? They enforced the law! Hell, the city funded them from money allocated for the Police for crying out loud!
Robin, however, was not speechless- he was apoplectic.
"UNDER ARREST?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
"We assure you, sir, that we have no sense of humor that we are aware of," said Righty.
"If this is about property damage, we pay that back! If this is about those frivolous lawsuits about assault, those have been thrown out of court every single time! If this is-"
"Sir, perhaps we should inform you of the charges before reading your teammates their rights." Lefty said, with an edge of aggravation in his voice.
Robin muttered under his breath. "You'd better- God knows I can get a good lawyer."
"Garfield Logan, you are being charged with a felony violation of the Law of Conservation-" started Lefty.
"Dude!" interrupted Beast Boy. "Conservation? I'm a total environmentalist!"
"-of Mass" finished Righty.
Cyborg fried a circuit. "What… was that?"
"The Law of Conservation of Mass. Mr. Logan here is one of the worst offenders we've ever seen."
The team was completely silent for thirty seconds, before Cyborg quietly whispered, "he's got you there, BB."
Beast Boy sat down on the floor, completely stunned.
"Victor Stone, like Mr. Logan, you are also being charged with violating the Law of Conservation of Mass. However, your violation is much less serious, and is only a misdemeanor." The Agent, if he was trying to be reassuring, failed miserably.
The android was steaming. "You'd better have a good explanation, buddy. I designed these systems myself- no way they're breaking any physical laws!"
"Mr. Stone, how many systems do you have in your right forearm?" asked Lefty.
"Well, I've got the sonic cannon, the rocket, the sensors and communicators, the repair tools, the retractor cable… what's your point?" replied Cyborg.
"What is the total volume of all of these systems, when considered separately?" inquired Righty.
"Approximately… three fourths of one cubic meter… why?"
"What is the total volume of your right forearm?"
"About… half… that…."
"So either multiple pieces of matter are occupying the same space at the same time, or you're creating and destroying matter. Which is it, Mr. Stone?" The question was laced with accusation, and dared Cyborg to answer.
He didn't. Slowly, as if in a daze, Cyborg sat down next to Beast Boy.
The Agents, satisfied that Cyborg understood his predicament, turned to their next victim…
"Ms. Koriand'r. You're being charged with violating Newton's First Law of Motion…"
"What?! How?!" shouted the alien.
"Ma'am, you are familiar with the principle, I assume?"
"Yes, but-"
Lefty interrupted. "An object at rest will remain at rest, an object in motion will continue to move in a straight line at a constant velocity while the net force is zero, correct?"
"Yes, but-"
"So tell us, Ms. Starfire," Righty interjected, "how do you turn in midair? What force is exerted upon you that allows you to change direction at will?"
"I… don't… know?"
"We thought as much, ma'am. If you would be so kind…"
Starfire walked- not floated- over to where the other two stunned Titans sat, before unceremoniously plopping down next to them.
"And you, Raven Roth…"
"Should I just save you the trouble and take my seat? I can think of two off the top of my head right now."
"That would be… appreciated. And five would be a more appropriate estimate, if you wanted to know."
"Five?!" Raven was aghast.
"Yes, ma'am. You've got Conservation of Energy, the First and Third Laws of Motion, as well as the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics…"
"Sitting!" Her pale complexion was now completely white- she looked like she had bled out.
"Thank you ma'am. Now, if you four would be so kind as to come with us to the station, we can get you processed into the system."
The four accused Titans followed the two Agents, their heads hung in shame. Behind them, Robin called out. "Don't worry, team! I'll get the best lawyers… and physicists… in the country on your case!" One of the Agents turned to look at the Boy Wonder.
"You've got your own problems to worry about, Mr. Grayson." With that, the elevator doors snapped shut, taking the four metahumans down to the base of the Tower.
Robin was puzzled at the Agent's parting words, completely at a loss as to what he meant. He knew for a fact that he strictly adhered to all of the laws of physics… so what trouble could he be in?
Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong!
Robin warily made his way to the door downstairs, which opened to reveal two more Federal Agents. Unlike the last pair, however, these two were female.
"Richard Grayson? We're from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Division Six…"
Robin blinked. "Wait a second… what's Division Six?"
"Sir, we're the Fashion Police, and we've got a warrant for your arrest."