The Power of Imagination
"Opposing counsel hasn't called me human for a long time."
"Ah, but Jack… I know where you live."
- "Shangri-La"
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Unfortunately.
Author's Note: This story is based on a suggestion I received about Jack and defense attorney Jessica Sheets, who appeared in both "Shangri-La" and in the season premiere last week, where her interactions with Jack (He even calls her by a nickname) point to something between them, at least at some point. This was what I came up with.
The whole thing had been Abbie's idea. A few months before she left to work at the US Attorney's office, she knocked on Jack's door with an unusual suggestion.
"Jack," She began tentatively, which was not at all normal for Abbie, "I thought I'd pitch an idea to you."
"Shoot," Jack replied, thinking she was referring to a new theory in the case they had been working on that morning, before Abbie left for a meeting with some other ADAs and a defense attorney about a plea-bargain.
"It's not about a case. It's more of a… personal suggestion."
"A personal suggestion?" Jack asked.
"You remember Jessica Sheets, don't you?"
"Sure." Jack nodded, remembering the name. A smart woman, pretty… and a damn good lawyer, dedicated and idealistic.
"She remembers you, too. I thought…" Here Abbie hesitated again, hemming and hawing, hoping Jack would guess what she was trying to say without her actually having to say the words.
"You thought what?"
Abbie sighed.
"Maybe you two could…"
Jack shook his head and began walking back behind his desk.
"Abbie," He had finally guessed what she was hinting at, "Are you trying to set me up?"
Abbie gritted her teeth and rolled her eyes, angry at Jessica for even suggesting this. Of course she was trying to set him up, wasn't it obvious?
For Jack's part, he was surprised. Jamie had made more attempts at finding the right woman for him than he cared to count, and it was one of the few things he didn't miss about having her as his assistant. One of the nicest things about Abbie was that she had never tried before this, she left the subject alone. She didn't know much about the real reason behind Jack's solitary life, and she didn't have Jamie's motherly tendency towards trying to change it.
"Yes, all right, I'm trying to set you up. Jeez, I'm not good at this. I'm going back to work. Here's her phone number. You want to, you call her."
She tossed a card on Jack's desk and quickly left the room. Jack smiled to himself over Abbie's discomfiture – it was unusual to see her frustrated over anything. He took the card in his hand and looked at the number written on the back, going over the idea again in his mind.
His last date had been over two years ago – she was a history professor at NYU, Claudia. She had been Jamie's idea, her final attempt to pair Jack with anyone, and typical of Jamie's suggestions – a woman about his own age, intelligent, divorced with two college-age sons. She was good company, but it had lasted only three dates. Once things moved beyond conversations, drinks and dinner, everything changed, a proposition Jack found himself suddenly uncomfortable about.
It was too soon, he told himself afterwards, breaking it off with Claudia as gracefully as he knew how, I need more time.
So had enough time passed? Almost five years, that should be enough. Maybe enough time to give it another try, at least.
He put the card in a conspicuous place on his desk, making a mental note to give Jessica a call that afternoon.
"I'm glad you called," Jessica said when they met for drinks the next evening, "I should have asked you myself, but…"
"No, no," Jack said, "I enjoyed seeing Abbie get all bent out of shape. She needs that every once in a while."
"I have trouble imagining Abbie Carmichael bent out of shape over anything." Jessica shook her head and smiled at Jack. She has a nice smile, Jack thought.
"You didn't see her yesterday afternoon." Jack smiled back, taking a sip of his scotch.
"She's a tough negotiator, though," Jessica said, "They weren't able to budge her from Assault one."
"Did they take it?"
"They didn't have any choice," Jessica shrugged, "At least she knocked a year off the sentence."
"That's Abbie. She doesn't believe in plea-bargains. The first case we worked together. She and I were arguing with Adam over this adoption fraud scheme, trying to decide who was more culpable. There were three defendants and we had three different opinions. When she was sick of our bickering, she came out with 'No deals for anyone. Let's hang 'em all!'"
Jessica laughed, "I believe that. What came of it?"
"The jury decided on the sentence we were planning to offer as a plea."
"So you won anyway?"
"In a manner of speaking, I suppose we did."
"How did you handle the sentence recommendations?"
"We left that up to the judge to avoid office bloodshed."
Jessica laughed again. She had a nice laugh, too - it went with that smile.
"Are we here to talk shop all night? I really didn't have that in mind when I talked to Abbie."
"No, we don't have to talk shop," Jack agreed, "We can talk about anything. What should we talk about?"
"What about you?" She asked, "I mean you as a person, not as a prosecutor. You must have a human side tucked under there somewhere. Some interests outside of work."
"Are you saying there's more to life than the legal profession?"
"Exactly."
"I hadn't noticed," Jack said, smiling at her. She smiled back. Again, that smile.
"What else haven't you noticed?" She asked playfully, putting her hand on Jack's arm. She leaned forward and looked into his eyes, "Maybe you should take the time to look around once in a while."
A few hours, dinner and many drinks later, Jack was telling Jessica stories from his earliest days at the DA's office, back in the early 70's, how he and the other ADA's managed to trick their supervisors into accepting more lenient sentences for anti-war protestors.
"Do you think they knew what you were up to?"
"Oh, maybe. They let us get away with it."
"What else have you managed to get away with?"
"We'd be here all night if I tell you that." Jack smiled, and Jessica bit her lip as she leaned across the table and placed her hand on his arm again.
"I don't mind." She said. The look in her eyes was unmistakable – it may have been a while since he'd seen it, but he wasn't dead. He could feel something inside him rising up, responding to that look.
It had been so long. So damn long. And here she was, sitting across from him, gazing suggestively at him. It took another moment before he realized she was sliding her foot up his leg, under the table. The gesture was subtle, but obviously not accidental. She knew what she was doing. More importantly, she knew he knew it.
"Or maybe," she continued, "We could go somewhere else."
"Where did you have in mind?" He asked, although he knew the answer.
"I think you live closer." She said, not breaking eye contact for a second. Her leg slid further up his own, almost causing him to drop the drink in his hand. She seemed pleased at the reaction she'd elicited.
"Sure," He stammered slightly, trying to regain his composure. This was ridiculous, he commanded himself, don't go reacting like a hormone-crazed teenager just because this is the first time in a long time a woman has come on to you.
But the feeling was now unfamiliar, and it threw him off. It had been so long. So goddamn long.
When they got to his apartment, Jack poured drinks for the two of them while Jessica looked around the room.
"Books everywhere," She commented as he brought the drinks in, "See, I knew you had other interests. These aren't all legal books."
"No. Most of them, but not all."
Jack sat on the couch and she sat next to him, almost too close, resting one hand on his leg.
"It looks like such a bachelor's apartment," She continued, "Like all you do is work."
"Mostly." He agreed, acutely conscious of her hand on his leg, her presence in his apartment, the fact that somewhere in between the restaurant and here she had unbuttoned the second button on her blouse.
"Me too," She admitted, "But like I said, there's more to life than work."
She leaned in closer, and gently placed her lips on his, inviting him to take her in his arms. Instinctively he did, sliding his hand around the back of her head and pulling her in closer.
The thought echoed in his mind again – it had been so long. So long since he had let himself do this, so long since there was someone – and this, this was… this was too easy. It was easy when she pressed back, easy when her hands went to unbutton his shirt, easy when she started kissing his neck, easy to let go, easy to give in. It was so good, almost better than he had remembered.
It was at this highly inconvenient moment that the nagging little voice in the back of his head became louder and louder. It was at this inconvenient moment that Jack realized why her smile had captivated him so quickly.
She reminded him of Claire.
This was what had happened with Claudia, too… at the worst possible moment, he remembered. At a moment when it was impossible to stop without having to explain why – to explain too much. There was no reason not to continue, at least not as far as Jessica was concerned, and he had encouraged her this far – what was he going to do? Stop and explain that he felt like a rotten sonofabitch for not being faithful to a dead woman? Stop and explain that if he continued, in his mind and heart he would still be with someone else, going forward based only on a memory?
Besides, he was human. Too human. Desperate for this release. Just this once, maybe it wasn't too much to ask.
He did what he had done with Claudia – he closed his eyes and let his imagination take over. And as he had done before, he just hoped he could muster up enough self-control not to moan out the wrong name at the wrong moment. Tomorrow could worry about itself.
In the haze of half-sleep, Jack thought he could hear someone singing. The voice was strangely familiar, someone he knew he had heard before. As he began to wake up, he turned the alarm off, but the singing continued, along with the sound of water running.
Jessica. Damn, double damn. The previous night came back to Jack with a thud. His imagination had been able to take over last night, but not in the light of day. She was back to being Jessica and he felt like the same kind of ass he had been with Claudia – using her to fill a void. What kind of person pulls this on people, he thought, what kind of man does this?
"Good morning." Jessica came in the room, already buttoning her blouse, with her still damp hair tied back off of her neck. She smiled at Jack.
"Morning." He said.
"I wanted to thank you for last night before I go," She said, taking her jacket.
"Would you like some breakfast?" He asked. It was a perfunctory, polite gesture – he honestly hoped she would leave, and soon.
"No. I have to be in court in two hours, and I better get home and change. Give me a call, all right?"
She kissed his forehead, lightly, and he could hear her as she locked the door behind her on her way out.
Now he remembered why he had stopped things with Claudia. It wasn't just the fact that he felt like he was using her, using Jessica, getting carried away. It was this – the next morning. The emptiness opening up before him again. The knowledge that despite being with someone else, his heart and soul still belonged back in the past.
Acceptance was never a complete process. It didn't matter how much time had passed. There was only one person he wanted to be with, only one person he wanted to wake up next to, the one person he could never have. Every time he thought he had let her go, he thought he had made it through – something would come back to remind him. He had done it to himself this time, he couldn't do it again.
Now there was still the messy question of what to do about Jessica. He couldn't go through this again, but he genuinely still liked the woman. He didn't want to keep using her as a substitute, that wasn't fair to anyone – least of all Jessica herself.
Jack rolled over and looked at the clock. Figuring this out would have to wait – he had a hearing in two and a half hours.
"So, how did everything go last night?" Abbie asked later that afternoon, while she and Jack sat in his office looking over case files.
"Fine," He said. Abbie nodded, although the look on her face suggested she was curious.
"Just fine?"
"Just fine." Jack repeated, hoping she would drop the subject.
"All right," Abbie said, her voice rising on the last syllable as if she didn't really believe him. But as Jack hoped, she let the subject drop. That was one of the good things about Abbie – she wasn't nosy. Jamie would never have let it go that quickly.
It was another day before Jack worked up the nerve to call Jessica back. He knew he had to, but he also knew he would have to tell her he wasn't going to continue this, and he had a suspicion she would believe he had used her. He had, and that was why he had to stop, but he had no way of explaining this to her. He did not want to tell her – or anyone – the real reason.
Five years should be long enough.
Except it wasn't, and he couldn't figure out why. If he couldn't figure it out for himself, he certainly couldn't explain it to anyone else.
They met for lunch that afternoon, and as Jack walked in he noticed that Jessica looked just as apprehensive as he did – she was twisting a napkin over and over around her hands. As if she had something to say to him and she knew he wouldn't like it.
"Hi, Jessica."
"Hi, Jack." She replied, and turned her face up as he gave her a kiss on the cheek – a friendly little peck, nothing more – before sitting down.
"I'm glad you called," Jessica began, "Because I really have to talk to you. About the other night…"
"I wanted to talk to you about that, too…"
"Jack, please. Let me finish, this isn't easy for me."
Jack, startled, sat back in his chair and waited for her to continue.
"I wanted to apologize," She said.
"For what?"
"I got carried away. I don't usually do that." She looked down at her lap and continued to twist the napkin around in her hands.
"You don't have to…"
"No, I do. Because I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I just got out of a relationship and… anyway, I'm sorry."
"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Jack replied, "I was there too, remember?"
"Yeah. You were definitely there." She nodded, her face flushing.
"You don't want to go forward with this." Jack said, and Jessica nodded.
"Not because of you, but…"
"Let's not go into all that," Jack said gratefully, relieved, "Friends?"
"Friends," Jessica sighed a corresponding sigh of relief, "Now who's buying?"
"My treat." Jack smiled, opening his menu, "You can pay next time."