Declaimer: I do not own the characters from the Total Drama Series and blah, blah. Anyway here's a fic that me and RGZ Archer discussed. It's a parody of you-know-what. If you like it, choose a character from the Total Drama Series and create a superhero name for them. Create a background and tell me their origin of why they became heroes or vigilantes. I'll make sure to put a role for them. P.S. Don't choose Duncan and Courtney, because I already got a role for them. If you want me to continue this story, review and tell me what you think. Enjoy.
CHAPTER 1: Be a Hero
New York's Skyline, Day:
It's a wide clear city in which you could be forgiving for failing to spot a tiny, brightly-clothed figure on one of the rooftops. We hear the voice of our hero.
'I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books. Movies. TV shows...You'd think that one eccentric loner would have made himself a costume.'
A young man in a superhero costume is perilously near the edge of the rooftop, striking an iconic pose. With cool resolve, he slips a pair of goggles into position.
'Is everyday life really so exciting, are schools and offices so thrilling, that I'm the only one who ever fantasized about this?'
He spreads his arms to reveal his cool and awesome mechanical wings. He takes a deep breath and calmly dives off the roof.
'C'mon. Be honest with yourself...At some point in our lives, we all wanted to be a superhero.'
The wanna-be superhero has a smile on his face. A beautiful open vista of concrete and glass window reflecting the low sun. It's amazing. It's bravery. He's in flight...Oh wait...No he's not. His smile fades into a terrified expression. This isn't flying...it's just a good old-fashioned falling to his death thing.
"FUUUUCK!" The wanna-be superhero screams. Below the ground, pedestrians become aware of his impending approach. They all look up, pointing and screaming at the falling dumbass hero. Everyone were using their camera phones and some were running to safety. The wanna-be superhero falls towards a parked taxi car. CRASH! It crumples like a paper.
The car alarm strikes up over the crowd noise. Is he okay?...No! Of course he's fucking dead! Look at him. He's not even moving an inch, so we all know that he's in hell now! Anyway, the people didn't need to look closer to be sure if the young man in the costume is dead.
'Umm...That's not me, by the way. That's some Armenian guy with a history of mental health problems. On the news, his sister said he read about me in the New York Post. Who am I?...I'm Kick-Ass.'
Fanfiction Presents:
A Parody of the comic book/movie Kick-Ass:
An Idea By RGZ Archer:
Another Toonster9's Fic:
~~Ready to Kick-Ass~~
Six Months Earlier...
Jersey City, High School, Morning:
The school is a huge, antiquated building as an a ghetto place. Different group of students mill around outside. A bunch of jocks fake fighting. Some students getting high behind a tree. Some are sitting on the grass. An overweight girl eating Egg McMuffins in secret in her car. A car pulls up and out climbs high school senior Cody Lizewski (17, slim body, not quite Napoleon Dynamite-looking, but not quite Zac Efron-looking either).
'That's me. Back before any of this crazy shit happened. Back when you'd have to be a lot crazier than that guy to try and be like me instead of killing yourself. I guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero' Cody turns to the car and waves goodbye to his father, Mr. Lizewski, who is driving away.
"Later, Dad." Cody said, watching his father drive off. Then he sets off towards the school entrance with a beat look on his face.
'Not saying there was anything wrong with me but there was nothing special, either. Just that you'd have had a hard time finding a hook. I mean, I wasn't into sports...' He strolls past a brace of Soccer-Team Girls kicking a ball. The soccer ball rolls towards him. Cody hard-kicked the ball, trying to send it back but it flew out of the school which made the girls mad. Cody gives an apologetic smile and walks on, embarrassed.
Later, In the High School Entrance:
Cody joins the back of a line of kids , all waiting to pass one by one through a Metal Detector Archway.
'I wasn't a mathlete...' Three nice kids where ahead of him of the line, chatting and laughing. Cody enters the hallway, passing a group of gamers playing their PSPs, IPhones and Nintendo DS.
'Or a hard-core gamer. I wasn't the type of guy who plays Call of Duty all day, so don't judge me.' Cody passes a group of four skinny, pierced emos leaning against the lockers, who are shooting daggers at other students walking by.
'I didn't have a piercing, or an eating disorder, or three thousands friends on MySpace or Facebook' Cody walks pass a group of hot girls, doing their makeup or texting their phones.
'My only superpower was being invisible to girls.' Cody walks up to a tall geek kid wearing glasses, who we'll come to know as Harold, dancing through the archway doing the Soulja Boy dance. His other friend, who wears baggy pants and a beanie name Ezekiel, is watching Harold dance. Cody walks up to them and hi-fives both of them.
'And out of my stupid friends, man, I wasn't even the funny one. Like most people my age, I just existed.' The three of them walks towards the hallway. Then the school bell RINGS! Cody waves goodbye to his friends and walks to his classroom. Everyone in the hallway hurries to their class.
Later, Cody and others scramble into their seats. The teacher, Mrs Zane (40, A slightly hot chubby borderline milf) comes in the classroom, holding a binder. She takes off her jacket. She's now wearing a red tank top that exposes her cleavage. Cody was pervertedly starring at her body figure. He's imagining her staring right at him and takes off her blouse. She reaches back to unhook her bra which made Cody drool.
'Kick in my bedroom door and you'd probably find me watching TV. Or talking to my friend Ezekiel on Skype. Or jerking off. Mostly to my English teacher. Sure, a lot of what got me through the average school day was making deposits in the wack-off warehouse for later. Though, to be honest, it didn't take much to set me off. I tell you, when my hormones balance out, shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man. I had problems.'
Back to reality, Mrs Zane takes her seat and leans forward to put down her purse. She catches Cody looking at her boobs.
"Cody Lizewski. You might want to be looking at Hamlet right about now?" Mrs Zane asked, with a smirk. Cody snaps back to reality and becomes completely flustered with a blush.
"Oh, yes Mrs. Zane. Sorry." Cody muttered, embarrassed. Mrs Zane flashes a playful mock-stern frown, then an amused smile, before looking away. Okay the truth is, she is flattered. Cody looks down at his book.
Later, Cody walks the crowded corridor, eyes fixed on a strikingly cute Asian girl who is fumbling in her locker.
'But don't get me wrong. I liked girls my own age, too. Especially Heather Deauxma.' Cody walks up to his locker next to hers, getting a little bit nervous. Heather looks up and breaks into a broad smile.
"Hey gorgeous!" Heather greeted, playfully. Cody can't believe what he's hearing. He can barely contain his smile.
"Hey." Cody greeted, keeping his cool. Heather claps her hand over her mouth, and, hearing a bark of laughter from behind him, Cody wheels round to see the person Heather was actually addressing to. Her best friend Lindsay Bell. Cody was extremely flustered, mortified, embarrassed...Oh sorry and totally in panic-mode.
"Oh. No, you meant Lindsay. Um-I know. I-I knew that, heh. You were...I was just kidding. I-I knew you didn't...Okay cool. See ya-um, okay." Cody mumbled, hesitatingly. Cody exhales and hurries away the awkward moment. Behind him, Heather and Lindsay clutch each other in helpless laughter as Heather dies in of embarrassment.
Later in the Cafeteria, Cody and his friends are sitting at a table, eating together. Harold uses a slice of bread with a bitten-hole in the middle.
"Hey. Look, I'm Ezekiel's mom." Harold said, playfully licking through the hole of the bread. Ezekiel chuckles for the joke. Cody grabs two boiled eggs and lift them up.
"That's funny. This is your dad." Cody said, playfully shoving both of the eggs in his mouth and chews them. Ezekiel and Harold laugh for the joke.
"No, that's still my mom, actually." Harold corrected, playfully while chuckling. Suddenly, one of the jocks, who were sitting behind them, throws a soccer ball at their table. Launching their food everywhere.
"What the fuck, gosh!" Harold exclaimed, annoyed. The jocks were laughing at them hysterically and they hi-fives each other.
'I was just a regular guy.'
The Next Day...I Guess
Inside Cody's House, Kitchen, Morning:
'No radioactive spiders. No refugee status from a doomed alien world.' Cody sits at a table with his Dad and his Mom. They are all eating cereal. Cody morosely pours himself a bowl of Corn Puffs.
"You know what? Ezekiel said they do still make Count Chocula. They just sell it at the store anymore." Cody informed, conferring with his parents. Suddenly, Cody's mom unexpectedly slumps forward onto the table. Her bowl of cereal CRASHES! to the floor, the spilled corn puffs bouncing iconically around the floor like the pearls from Martha Wayne's broken necklace (Batman's mom, FYI)
"Mom?" Cody asked, wondering why she's resting her head on the table.
'My mother was killed by an aneurysm in the kitchen, as opposed to a gunman in an alley...'
A Hero is Born...
Around a Grave-Yard, Dark Stormy Night:
Cody was starring down at his mother's gravestone, dripping wet and depressed. Behind him, the New York skyline just visible through a fierce storm, rain pouring as hell. His fists aloft, looking up at the dark clouds. Having the revenge look on his face.
'So if you were hoping for any...'
"I will avenge you, mother!" Cody rages at the heavens through the thunder and lighting, deadly serious.
'...You're outta luck.'
Oh, Nevermind...
Cody's House, Kitchen, Morning:
Cody and his Dad are at the table, both eating cereal of Count Chocula. The expression on their faces seems that they both look like they moved on after the mother past away.
'In fact, in the eighteen months since my mother died, the only epiphany I had was realizing that, like it or not, life just goes on.' Cody and his Dad were studying the cereal box in front of them.
"They never had so many mallow pieces when I was a kid." Mr. Lizewski muttered, breaking the silence. Cody nodded while finishing his bowl.
"Oh." Cody responded, with his mouth full. Mr. Lizewski pulls out something from his back pocket and clears his throat to get Cody's attention. Cody turns to him with a questioning look.
"I have something for you." Mr. Lizewski added. He hands Cody three movie tickets. Cody lights up, grabbing the tickets. He stares at them, widen his eyes in surprised.
"Iron Man 2! Thursday? At the IMax Theater! Dad, you officially rock! Wait, don't you got a shift Thursday night? And who's third ticket is this?" Cody asked, out of curiosity. Mr. Lizewski rolled his eyes and chuckles.
"They're for you and your friends. I knew you'll love it." Mr. Lizewskin said, patting his son on the back. Cody shoots him an appreciated smile.
Meanwhile...
Inside The Comic Book Store, Day:
A place for a nerd or fanboy's dream. Two storeys of comic books, action figure toys and collectibles, with a coffee-shop concession. Cody, Harold and Ezekiel are there, sitting at a table together, chatting and drinking frappucinos. Cody was pondering about something.
"How come nobody's ever tried to be a superhero." Cody asked, wondering. Harold rolled his eyes while reading his comic book.
"Gee, I dunno. Probably 'cause it's fucking impossible, dipshit." Harold answered, sarcastically. Ezekiel was snickering while reading his own comic book. Cody shoots Harold an annoyed look.
"What, putting on a mask and helping people? How is that impossible?" Cody asked, serious. Harold and Ezekiel put down their comic books and decided to discuss Cody's disturbed question.
"That's not superhero, though. How is that super, eh? Super's like being stronger than everybody and flying and shit, eh. That's just hero you're speaking." Ezekiel pointed out. Harold nodded in agreement while Cody groans in frustration.
"No, it's not even hero. It's just friggin' psycho, gosh." Harold added. Cody rolled his eyes.
"Hello? Bruce Wayne? He didn't have any powers." Cody assured, trying to make a point. Ezekiel chuckles at Cody's expression.
"Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist. I mean, a glider? Pfft, who invented that?" Ezekiel asked, playfully. Cody ponders at the inventor.
"I think his name was Leonardo Deja Vu or Dicaprio?" Cody guessed, still thinking about the name. Harold rolled his eyes and stares at them like they were very stupid.
"It's Leonardo Da Vinci, dumbasses." Harold corrected. Ezekiel waves it off, getting back to the conversation.
"Whatever, I thought you meant, like how come nobody does it in real life." Ezekiel said. Cody shrugged his shoulders and nodded.
"Yeah, I guess I mean that." Cody muttered with sigh.
"C'mon. Anyone who did it for real would get their ass kicked. They'd be dead in like, a day." Harold explained, disturbed.
"Yeah, okay, I'm not saying they should do it. I just can't figure out why nobody does. Seriously, out of all the million people who love superheroes, you'd think at least one would give it a try. All those mid-life crisis guys in the guitar store, they're never gonna be rockstars, but it doesn't stop 'em buying guitars." Cody pointed out. Harold and Ezekiel both shrugged their shoulders.
"Meh." Harold mumbled, carelessly.
"Yeah, I guess." Ezekiel responded, sounding less convinced. Cody rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration.
"Jesus, doesn't it bug you? Why do thousands of people wanna be Paris Hilton, and nobody wants to be Spider-Man?" Cody asked, annoyed. Harold and Ezekiel got interested at the question.
"Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits. None at all." Harold said, imitating Hilton's chest. Ezekiel ponders at the question too.
"Maybe it's the porn tape. He doesn't have a porn tape." Ezekiel answered the differences.
"You guys never saw One Night in Spider-Man?" Harold joked, playfully. They all crack up, hysterically for the joke. But suddenly, Ezekiel is distracted.
"Holly shit, check out the wheels, eh." Ezekiel said, nodding over to the storefront window. Cody and Harold follows Ezekiel's gaze. A huge black stretch S-class Mercedes has pulled up outside. They all recognize the parked vehicle.
"Looks like Mr. D'Amico traded in the hummer." Cody muttered, amazed. Ezekiel shakes his head in response.
"Nah. He probably kept it. And has, like, both?" Ezekiel said, wondering. They all watch the car, waiting for someone to come out. A teenage boy climbs out of the Mercedes...Noah D'Amico (17, rich and self-conscious). He takes a moment to take his composure and shuffles in the store, followed by a large body guard name Chef. Noah begins to browse a rack of comics, sneaking a look over at Cody and his friends before looking hurriedly away.
"Is it me, or do you feel kinda sorry for Noah D'Amico?" Cody asked, under his breath so Noah can't hear. Harold rolled his eyes and scoffed.
"Yeah. Whoa. Must be terrible to have a rich and powerful Dad and everything you want. In fact, I wish you hadn't brought it up. I think I'm gonna cry." Harold muttered, sarcastically. Cody gives him a playful scowl for messing with him.
"Yeh, but the fact that he's always on his own?" Cody asked, feeling a bit bad for the guy. Harold and Ezekiel nodded in agreement Everyone turns to Noah, who's reading a comic about Superman.
"We should, like, talk to him, eh. See if he wants to hang out with us." Ezekiel added. Cody shakes his head in response.
"I wasn't saying we should talk to him. I just..." Cody muttered, trying to explain but Ezekiel cuts in.
"No, I meant that it'd be awesome. Think about it: if he was our friend, no one would ever mess with us again, eh." Ezekiel explained, talking sense to the guys. Cody and Harold thinks at the idea, then they consider it as a great idea. Harold nods over towards Noah.
"Well, go on then, Ezekiel. You wanna go?" Harold asked, gesturing him to go talk to him. Ezekiel quickly shook his head in response and points at Cody.
"No, no. Nuh-uh. Cody should go." Ezekiel suggested. Harold nodded in agreement. They both gestured him to go talk to Noah. Cody was off guard.
"What, why? I just said I felt sorry- Aw shit, okay fine. I'll go, you cowards." Cody muttered, getting up from the table. He makes his way over to the register, where Noah is now in line. Nearby, Chef pretends to read a comic. Noah sees Cody approaching and cracks a small smile. Cody smiles back with an awkward wave. Chef glances up from his comic and steps in front of Cody to block his way.
"Fuck off." Chef threats, with a massive tone. Cody hesitated and didn't need to ask twice. He hurries away from the scary moment. From Noah's point of view, he watches Cody return to his friends and re-enact the encounter. The three of them were bursting into laughter.
Meanwhile...Oh, Wait. I Already Said That...
Around a Dodgy Street, Day:
Cody and Ezekiel are walking home, carrying their bags of new comics. They're both having a mid-conversation.
"You're not making any sense." Cody said, getting confused.
"What I'm saying is the centrifugal force of Batman's batarang would undoubtedly penetrate the Joker's force field leaving him totally vulnerable to the-." Ezekiel informed, then out of nowhere, Two Gang members block their path. Cody and Ezekiel stop at their tracks, hesitating. The bigger gang kid holds out his hand matter-in-factly.
"Pussy patrol. Phones. Money. Now." The Bigger kid demanded. Ezekiel sighed in frustration.
"Aw man, not again." Ezekiel muttered, annoyed. Cody instantly hands over his phone and cash, nervous as hell. Ezekiel just hands them his cash. The Gang members were waiting for him to hand over his phone.
"Phone." First Gang demanded.
"I don't have one. Some other asshole jacked it last week." Ezekiel muttered, glaring at them. Both of the gang member rolled their eyes. One of them glances at the bags their holding.
"Gimme the bag, punk." First Gang demanded.
"It's just comics." Ezekiel muttered, clutching at his bag. The Second Gang gives him a deadly glare.
"Yo, you wanna get cut?" Second Gang threats, reaching for his pocket knife. Ezekiel reluctantly hands over the bag of comics. Cody was glancing at a building. Ezekiel and the gang members follows Cody's gaze. They a see a man looking out the window, watching the robbery and not bothering to call the police. He hesitatingly shuts the curtains close.
'Look at this asshole just watching...'
The Gang members chuckles and walk away casually, leaving poor defenseless Cody and Ezekiel alone, shaken and angry.
'Come on, be honest with yourself. Would you do anything differently?'
Later...
Inside Cody's House, Room, Night:
Cody was sitting at his laptop, searching something at a website call Scubastore. He clicks at 'Add To Cart' for a green wet-suit constume and a green ski mask. Cody smiles proudly for what he's about to become...a hero.
'We see someone in trouble and we wish we could help, but we don't. The world I lived in, heroes only existed in comic books. And I guess that would have been okay if bad guys were make-believe, too...But they're not...'
To Be Continue...After you Review