Title: A Heart Without Blood Cannot Beat
Author: me
Couple: RenjixIchigo
Warning: shounen-ai, light boys love, angsty, OOC-ness, hurt and comfort without the comfort part...
Summary: Renji questions his relationship with Ichigo and the answer he receives hurts them both more than they ever imagined it could have. This is on my new lj (LiveJournal) too, which you can find by searching breathbiter, Lascivious Appetite, or the title of this fic. I just decided that it was about time I finally transfer it to my FanFic account too since I hardly ever post.
"Let's be lovers."
There was silence as the weight of the statement sank into my head. It was sudden, to say the least, especially coming from Renji. I don't even know what brought it up. We were just sitting there, basking in the warmth of the sunset in Urahara's yard, his hair darkening in the dying pinks and orange and mine lighting up like fire.
"Ichigo," he started, I could taste the hint of hesitation in his voice, " did you here me?"
He turned towards me, leaned closer with eyes dark in their worry, but I closed mine to their open secrets and smiled laughingly.
"Aren't we already lovers?"
I could feel his eyes on me through my eyelids, the heavy, sad, sad, gaze piercing through my shells of protection until they touched my sympathy, a feeling I'd long since forgotten having. Warm arms wrapped around me and I leaned into their living embrace. A single thought pushed to the surface. 'What a cold cage...'
"This isn't what I'd call being lovers," he started, whispering softly, "this is nothing but sex buddies."
"Isn't that what lovers are?"
My words froze him, threw him off, for a long minute, until he stood, angry and proud. "You know what I mean!"
"Renji, calm down and just have a drink."
"Ichigo!"
The cup shattered against the wall of the shouten, Renji's hand was back by his side, clenched tight in a trembling fist as he towered over me. I stared up at him, eyes cold even as he dragged me out of my seat and pulled me into a harsh mashing of teeth and lips, a crude kiss deserving of the both of us. When he pulled away though, he was on the verge of tears, glassy eyes shining prettily. Chuckling, I grasped his face in my hands and looked him in the eyes before leaning in for a tender kiss, "is this lover-like enough for you?"
"Are you enjoying this?"
He glared at me as I pulled away, tears now making tracks down his cheeks, "do you enjoy watching me, a man lifetimes your senior, cry?" Shock didn't even register in my brain let alone my heart, but I couldn't keep myself from asking, "what do you mean? I love you, you know I don't like seeing you like this."
"Quit lying!" A dull sting rose in the left side of my face from Renji's punch. "We both know you don't feel anything for me so why don't we break up?"
"Okay."
This time I had delivered the chilling blow, one so frigid it seemed to knock away all his breath. It was almost comical, the look on his face, so laughable that I had to continue. Leaning in, I hugged him, arms clasping his body close to mine, and murmured lustily into his ear, "that's what you want, right?"
He couldn't deny it, he merely pushed me away, head hung in misery, "at least tell me why," he pleaded, "why couldn't we be real lovers?"
The response came immediately and pushed itself from between my tight lips into his veins like a razor to the wrists, "because we'd both be lonely then."
At first, it seemed he'd break down right then and there, collapse at my feet in an agonized heap. So, when he raised his head, face devoid of tears but full of pain I could only ever have nightmares about, I felt a clap of thunder shake my core. As if even the tiniest breath of air could knock me from my perch and shatter me like the sake dish. Which is exactly what happened.
"I see," he whispered, solemn faced and bitter. Then he walked away, his form stronger and more beautiful than I'd ever seen before. As I watched his back go I felt warmth light up my face and as I touched my fingers to my chin I felt dampness soak the calloused skin. My knees trembled, shook so hard, until I was on the ground, wailing out bitter sorrow and sour frustration.