Time Travel with a Side of Paradox
AN: This delightful little plot bunny randomly appeared one evening. For now it'll be a one-shot, but it may be extended if enough people want it to be.
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Albus Dumbledore sat perched on his golden throne in the Hogwarts Great Hall, taking a moment once again to observe his own little kingdom. Things were progressing nicely and soon his plans would come to fruition. As he brought a spoonful of soup to his mouth, the wards around the castle gave a mighty CLANG, and the powerful magics that protected the castle flared worryingly. The surprise caused him to spill the spoonful of soup into his beard. Disgruntled, Albus stood to address the students and direct them to calmly return to their dorms while he tried to figure out what was going on, when the frightened whispering of the hall was silenced by a shrill scream that echoed throughout the entire castle.
"HERMIONE!"
As the shrill and rage filled shriek was registered by the student body, all eyes shifted to the resident genius of Gryffindor's Golden Trio. Before any more whispering could start, another voice was heard, this one decidedly more feminine than the first.
"HARRY JAMES POTTER! What did you do this time!?"
Hermione raised an eyebrow and looked to her best friend sitting next to her, who in return quirked his brow and gave her a shrug that she took as a nonverbal 'don't look at me, I have no idea'. As they finished their silent communication, the voices sounded again, sounding as if they were getting closer.
"What do you mean you spilled some blood onto the rune matrix!? I specifically told you that the array for the custom time turner was EXTREMELY delicate, and any of your normal mishaps would have dangerous repercussions!"
…
"How the bloody hell did you manage to sneeze at the exact moment you were handing me the knife!? You know what, forget it. It's been three decades and your penchant for bad luck still surprises me. Are you sure that you didn't ingest malaclaw venom as an infant?"
…
"No? Are you absolutely positive? Because it would explain so much."
At this point, the voices were just outside the great hall. As the large doors opened, a quartet of people entered. A tall and well-dressed woman with a beautiful mane of brown hair was talking, showing that she had been the voice that they had heard from the most so far.
"At least we managed to only get sent to Hogwarts, and all we have to do is find Minerva and Filius and explain why we almost destroyed the Hogwarts wards. They should be sitting down to dinner right… about… now…" the woman trailed off as she finally noticed the rest of the room's occupants. "What in Merlin's name are they all doing here? It's the middle of summer!" A gasp from a tall and buxom blonde on the left side of the group cut of a response to the question.
"Oh my god, Dumbledork is still alive? When the hell are we?" This caused the other two members of the party, a blonde male with an aristocratic look and a man who looked disturbingly like James Potter, to take quick glances around the room.
"Moony's teaching Defense; must be third year," the blonde man stated.
"Looks like a feast, and all the banners are Gryffindor colors. Leaving Feast? So the end of third year. Padfoot should be on his way to the island; we'll need to contact him to get access to the manor," came the response from the Potter look-alike.
The brown haired woman looked over at the Gryffindor table, seeing a thin looking Harry Potter staring at the group with his mouth agape.
"Harry, your scar! You've still got that piece of old Moldyshorts stuck to your head!" she shouted to the man next to her.
"You're right," he responded. "I can't believe the whiskered wanker got away with leaving that attached to me for so long. We'll need to pop up to the infirmary and get that out of my head. Mione, could you handle it please? And while you're there, pump shorty full of nutrient and growth potions, he could use a few inches." The woman nodded and walked over to a stunned Harry and a rapidly thinking Hermione, before grabbing the shorter Harry by the arm and dragging him out of the room. The younger Hermione quickly followed, her mind still blazing about at a furious rate as she took in everything that was going on. "Speaking of," a now identified Harry Potter continued, "Ginny's still got residue from the diary in her head too, and the love potions she's on don't become permanent until fifth year." Turning to a pair of redheaded twins, he shouted, "Gred, Forge! Grab your sister and follow them to the infirmary!" The twins still hadn't fully understood what was going on, but if what they were hearing was true, their sister desperately needed some help, and it seemed that the new arrivals could be the ones to give it. A trio of Weasleys soon trailed the previous party out of the room.
"Wait a sec! My dad and Hermione's parents, they're still alive! We can save them this time around!" came a gleeful shout from the blonde woman. A similar sentiment was echoed by the other blonde of the pair.
"Well, at least for now," he added as an afterthought. "My father will be dead soon if I have any say in it. All he ever did was get my mother killed and my fortune wasted, why I ever wanted to be like that idiot in the first place is beyond me." After this he turned to the Slytherin table, and took in the sight of a sneering Draco Malfoy. He turned back to the other blonde and said, "Luna, love, be a dear and grab the ponce by the ear and drag him off to the infirmary with Hermione and the others. I'll grab your mini-me and follow." He gave her a peck on the lips before she went and dragged a wincing and complaining Malfoy out by the ear.
The man then went over to the Ravenclaw table and knelt down beside a timid second year who was wearing mismatched socks and two left shoes. She looked extremely apprehensive as he approached, but his warm smile and gentle tone were helping calm her down.
"Hello little moon, don't be afraid. Everything's gonna get better. Ignore the nargles, they never were worth your time anyway. And no, before you ask, I do not have wrackspurts, you dealt with my infestation of those a long time ago. Would you like to come along and join the rest in the infirmary? My wife knows the best places to find the illusive snorkack."
Luna's apprehension had slowly melted away as he spoke, and by the end she was smiling wide and a few tears had leaked from her eyes. She nodded, and gave the man a brilliant smile and a hug, while he leaned in and kissed the top of her head. He wandlessly transfigured her footwear into a proper pair of one of each foot, before lifting her up in a bridal carry as she snuggled into his chest. Harry waved him towards the exit of the hall when he approached, and walking alongside him said,
"I'll catch up with you later. I've got a few things I need to do. A grave to defile and some horcruxes to collect. Do you think you could grab my sword from the display in the Headmaster's office?" He received a nod in reply. "Thanks, the basilisk venom in it is waaay easier than fiendfyre; you remember what happened last time I cast that one." Both men shuddered as they walked through the doors. Hermione's response to their stupidity that time had been legendary, and neither cared to relive the fallout of that horrible event.
The rest of the school watched frozen in shock as their sudden visitors left, leaving nobody a chance to even ask who they were or what they were doing there. Although, a few of the more intelligent staff and several Ravenclaws were already fairly certain they had at least a general idea of what had just occurred. The silence around the hall was broken by a rather large belch from one of the two remaining Weasleys in the hall, as he set down the half eaten sandwich he had been stuffing his face with. He looked around at the silent students and staff and asked,
"What'd I miss?"
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AN: There we go. Hope you enjoyed. If I get a big enough response I might continue. In the meantime, I'll get back to working on my other fics. Catch you next time!