As I stared through the window of the café, I suddenly felt the urge to run
home to the safety of my room. I stared at the person whom I was already
five minutes late in meeting. Ben Street. The guy that I had once stood up
in this very same café.
After I had learned about Ethan and his boyfriend, I had sunk into a depression that lasted for about a week and involved me playing lots of loud Tori Amos in my room. Jen had had to come over and physically drag me out of the house to get me to hang out with the gang, or at least, what was left of the gang after Pacey and Joey took off for the summer. And I thought I was depressed...
Over the next month, Jen and Andie had slowly badgered and vexed me into putting myself into the world of gay dating. Not that it's a big world in Capeside, Mass. Especially considering that, well, that world consisted solely of me, and Doug, at least according to Pacey.
After a while, Andie came up with the absolutely fabulous idea for me to e- mail Ben. When she first suggested it, I just kind of looked at her as though she had grown another head. Mainly because the last time I had talked to Ben was when we set up our first disastrous (that's the fucking understatement of the year!) meeting at the café. When I pretty much stood him up, Ben had e-mailed me, asking me where I was and why I hadn't shown up. I never wrote him back. So I was, understandably, adamant about the idea. True to form though, Andie was persistent and won in the end. This is why I was at the café.
So, there I was. Standing on the threshold of a potential cataclysmic disaster. I had two choices. One, I could go home and repeat the exact same chicken shit behavior that I did before. Or two, I could face my fears, walk through that door, sit down, and finally introduce myself to Ben.
I swallowed, glanced around and looked back through the window. I pushed all of my fears, deep down into the very pit of my stomach and opened the door to the café. Ben lifted his eyes as the bell above the door tinkled, announcing my arrival. His eyes met mine and a smile broke out across his face. I smiled a nervous smile back as the butterflies in my stomach started doing a wild dance. I strode over to the table as Ben stood to greet me.
"Hi." was all I managed to say.
"Hello Jack. It's nice to finally meet you."
Two hours, lots of coffee, and much nervous chatter later, we were deep in conversation. We had talked about your typical icebreakers: the weather, politics, stupid general things. Ben had told me about the moment he admitted to himself that he was gay. He had run head first into a pole while checking out a cute guy's ass at the mall. When he asked me how I was getting home and I told him that I was walking, he decided to drive me home.
On the way, Ben turned and gave me an imploring look. "Jack, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Well, you just did, but feel free to ask me another one." I said jokingly.
"Was this a date?"
No jokes there. It was a simple question with quite a few answers. I sat and pondered on it for a moment. I glanced up at Ben and said the best thing I could think of.
"I'd like to think so."
Ben smiled at me and kept driving. About halfway to my house, he reached over and took my hand in his. I glanced at him out the corner of my eye and smiled.
We pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. He took my hand in his again as we walked up to the porch.
"Well," he said, "here we are."
I turned to look at him. "When am I going to see you again?"
"Well, just call me and we can set up another date." Ben said this with emphasis on the word 'date'.
My smile got wider. We just kind of stood there looking at each other unsure of what to do. 'Just do it' ran through my head. So I did. I stepped forward and kissed him. He seemed a little startled at first, but then he slowly began to respond. He pressed his lips to mine, hungrily. His lips were softer than I had ever imagined.
Taking the kiss a little further, I reached around him and ran my hand across the small of his back. Moaning softly, he opened his mouth to mine and touched his tongue to mine. Ben put his hands on the back of my head and neck and deepened the kiss.
We broke apart. Breathing heavily, we watched each other. I caught his hand in mine and squeezed it.
"Night Ben. I had a lot of fun."
"Me too. Be sure to call me."
"I will." I said blushing. I briefly pressed my lips to his and then went inside. I walked up the stairs to my room.
As, I passed Andie's room, I glanced in and did a double take. Apparently her and Dawson were taking Pacey and Joey's leave of absence better then Jen and I thought. They were making out on her bed. Resigning myself to talk to her in the morning, I continued to my room.
When I got there, I closed the door and collapsed on my bed. I sighed as a smile crept across my face.
After I had learned about Ethan and his boyfriend, I had sunk into a depression that lasted for about a week and involved me playing lots of loud Tori Amos in my room. Jen had had to come over and physically drag me out of the house to get me to hang out with the gang, or at least, what was left of the gang after Pacey and Joey took off for the summer. And I thought I was depressed...
Over the next month, Jen and Andie had slowly badgered and vexed me into putting myself into the world of gay dating. Not that it's a big world in Capeside, Mass. Especially considering that, well, that world consisted solely of me, and Doug, at least according to Pacey.
After a while, Andie came up with the absolutely fabulous idea for me to e- mail Ben. When she first suggested it, I just kind of looked at her as though she had grown another head. Mainly because the last time I had talked to Ben was when we set up our first disastrous (that's the fucking understatement of the year!) meeting at the café. When I pretty much stood him up, Ben had e-mailed me, asking me where I was and why I hadn't shown up. I never wrote him back. So I was, understandably, adamant about the idea. True to form though, Andie was persistent and won in the end. This is why I was at the café.
So, there I was. Standing on the threshold of a potential cataclysmic disaster. I had two choices. One, I could go home and repeat the exact same chicken shit behavior that I did before. Or two, I could face my fears, walk through that door, sit down, and finally introduce myself to Ben.
I swallowed, glanced around and looked back through the window. I pushed all of my fears, deep down into the very pit of my stomach and opened the door to the café. Ben lifted his eyes as the bell above the door tinkled, announcing my arrival. His eyes met mine and a smile broke out across his face. I smiled a nervous smile back as the butterflies in my stomach started doing a wild dance. I strode over to the table as Ben stood to greet me.
"Hi." was all I managed to say.
"Hello Jack. It's nice to finally meet you."
Two hours, lots of coffee, and much nervous chatter later, we were deep in conversation. We had talked about your typical icebreakers: the weather, politics, stupid general things. Ben had told me about the moment he admitted to himself that he was gay. He had run head first into a pole while checking out a cute guy's ass at the mall. When he asked me how I was getting home and I told him that I was walking, he decided to drive me home.
On the way, Ben turned and gave me an imploring look. "Jack, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Well, you just did, but feel free to ask me another one." I said jokingly.
"Was this a date?"
No jokes there. It was a simple question with quite a few answers. I sat and pondered on it for a moment. I glanced up at Ben and said the best thing I could think of.
"I'd like to think so."
Ben smiled at me and kept driving. About halfway to my house, he reached over and took my hand in his. I glanced at him out the corner of my eye and smiled.
We pulled into the driveway and got out of the car. He took my hand in his again as we walked up to the porch.
"Well," he said, "here we are."
I turned to look at him. "When am I going to see you again?"
"Well, just call me and we can set up another date." Ben said this with emphasis on the word 'date'.
My smile got wider. We just kind of stood there looking at each other unsure of what to do. 'Just do it' ran through my head. So I did. I stepped forward and kissed him. He seemed a little startled at first, but then he slowly began to respond. He pressed his lips to mine, hungrily. His lips were softer than I had ever imagined.
Taking the kiss a little further, I reached around him and ran my hand across the small of his back. Moaning softly, he opened his mouth to mine and touched his tongue to mine. Ben put his hands on the back of my head and neck and deepened the kiss.
We broke apart. Breathing heavily, we watched each other. I caught his hand in mine and squeezed it.
"Night Ben. I had a lot of fun."
"Me too. Be sure to call me."
"I will." I said blushing. I briefly pressed my lips to his and then went inside. I walked up the stairs to my room.
As, I passed Andie's room, I glanced in and did a double take. Apparently her and Dawson were taking Pacey and Joey's leave of absence better then Jen and I thought. They were making out on her bed. Resigning myself to talk to her in the morning, I continued to my room.
When I got there, I closed the door and collapsed on my bed. I sighed as a smile crept across my face.