Um… not to put anyone's love for Itachi down or anything… but this is a random fic that I wrote in Sasuke's POV. There's gonna be a lot of OOCness… just to warn you. I just saw a picture of 'Inner Sasuke' someone drew, and it made me think of all this random stuff… There will be Itachi bashing, unfortunately for those who love him. But, it's kind of humorous and light. I'm sorry though, for those who can't stand Itachi bashing.
Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine… It's sad to say. If it were, I'd give away Itachi to Eijilicious and keep Sasuke for myself!!!
Damn you, Itachi. DAMN YOU!!!! You ruined my already awful life (A/N Shut up, Emo kid) …. And you embarrassed the hell out of me on my sixth birthday!
-Flashback-
Nice, happy, day, AKA, my birthday. Kill me now, how could it get worse? Suddenly, the door banged open and there, stood aniki… wearing a neon colored weasel suit with a noise maker clutched tightly in his hand.
"OMG!!!! Otouto, it's your sixth birthday! HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled, blowing the noise maker repeatedly, then a total silence fell over everyone. Yeah... sorry I asked. The kids were just like 'What the fuck? This is the famed Uchiha Itachi?'
"Um… aniki… could you um… not, interrupt the party?" I asked timidly, hoping he would get the message and leave. After all, it couldn't be that hard.
"Of course not, otouto! It is your SPECIAL day!" he objected enthusiastically, waving his arms around for emphasis. Obviously, it was very hard to pick up my oh-so-obvious message. It wasn't until my mother graciously removed my aniki from the room that the party could resume. Except…. That was after the party was supposed to end. All the kids went home, laughing about me and my brother.
I hate you, Itachi. You messed up my life already!
-End of Flashback-
Damn you, Itachi. I suppose I should say this too. You always thought you were so much sexier than I am! Hell, you would not shut up until I said you were the sexiest guy alive. I am just as sexy as you are, maybe even more! I turned Naruto gay in a few days! (A/N: Just so you know, I don't really like lemony SasuNaru. I like the friendship kind or extremely light SasuNaru. Tragic ones are alright too.). I also have every girl practically begging on their knees to have sex with me. What was your first girl, Itachi? Oh, I remember. A lesbian that thought you were a girl! (A/N: Don't get me wrong. I'm not homophobic. I'm just thinking this is something Sasuke would say.)
-Flashback-
Walking down the streets was such a pain, especially since this beefy lady walked up to us. She smiled a wolf smile at Itachi and smirked at me.
"Hey girl, what'cha doin' hangin' around this little fellow? Why not hang around with stylish folks, like me? I'm the best woman in the bed, and don't you forget that. People may call me a whore or a prostitute, but they are just jealous! I-"she began 'seducing' my brother. Hell, she was molesting him with her eyes, mentally undressing him. Nevermind she was lesbian and thought he was a girl too.
I almost burst out laughing--- but I'm humorless Sasuke. I don't laugh.
-End Flashback-
My inner self still laughs their ass off when they think about that…. You know… just for the heck of it, I'm gonna laugh now. No one's going to see me anyways. So I let it all out. I laughed till' I heard someone say, "Sasuke-kun!?", followed by a shocked and surprised, "Sasuke-teme!?"
I stopped my hysterical laughter and glared at my two friends… scratch that… teammates… no, not quite… Hmmm…. Oh yeah---enemies. My glare must have been extra-intensified, because I saw them stiffen and prepare to run.
"Um… Sasuke-kun, we were told to get you for a mission… and---" began Sakura, my pink haired idiot weakling of a teammate.
"SASUKE-TEME WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU LAUGHING AT, HUH? HUH????????" asked/yelled Naruto, the dobe, cutting off Sakura. I continued to glare at them.
"You. Guys. Are. Going. To. Die. If. That. Is. The. Last. Thing. I. DO!!!!!!" I yelled trying to keep my voice calm and indifferent, even though I just humiliated myself to death. I glared harder as I sprang up from my chair and ran at them, fully intending to kill them when a thought struck in my mind.
Itachi, you said your glares are scarier than mine. I just proved you wrong… SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran off, trying to claw both Sakura and Naruto's eyes out, thinking I finally beat Itachi---never mind that he beat me at everything else, including pissing faster and yelling louder.
Wait…
What the fuck? We had a contest on pissing faster?
Wherever Itachi lives:
Itachi smirked at his toilet (A/N: Guess what he is doing…) "Yes! Finally, under ten seconds! SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!" He turned and glanced at his sheet of notebook paper from who knows where with his and Sasuke name on it and puts a tally on it. "Little brother, I win again. If you wish to kill me…" he began, getting ready to launch into his psycho speech when someone shouted from just outside the door.
"Itachi-san!!! Get the hell out of there! Your brother doesn't give a damn whether he beat you at 'that' or not!"
Itachi glared at the door and said, "You don't know that." (A/N: Sorry, Itachi, but Kisame is probably right.)
-Back to Sasuke-oh joy!-
"Damnit, Itachi! You still beat me!" yelled Sasuke while standing in his cramped bathroom, glancing at his score chart from way back then and his timer. He flushed the toilet again and took a looooooooooooong drink of water. "I won't let you win this time. I swear I'll…." Sasuke trailed off on his avenging crap while he prepared himself to piss. Again, for the fifteenth time in a row in one day.
A/N: Hey, I've been wrong before….
Yeah…. It had some weird… quirks to it. I seriously had no idea where all these damn ideas came from… Yeah… there is Sasuke acting like an idiot in this too, I guess. I might make a sequel, only in Itachi POV, making Sasuke look like a bigger idiot! Yayz!
Oh, and for those who are waiting for Itachilicious, I am so sorry! My dad accidently deleted and now I must recreate it… except school is getting very busy now. Once again, I am so freaking sorry!
Akemi Uchiha-chan