Mario: The Musical
(THE CURTAIN RISES, THE APPLAUSE DIES DOWN, AND THE MUSICAL BEGINS)
(MARIO IS STANDING IN THE SPOTLIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE STAGE. HE BEGINS TO SING)
MARIO
When I was a little boy
Growing up in Italy
I dreamed of fixing toiletries
For large, unnessecary fees
Oh, I want to be a plumber
Grab a wrench and a hammer
Fix away all the problems in the world
I'll make all the toilets, run in unison
I'll fix all the pipes, the water soon will run
I WANT TO BE A PLUMBER, FOR THE WORLD!
LUIGI
Can't you see?
How happy he'd be?
If he was a plumber!
He'd wrench out happiness
For a small fee
That would cost a lot, with taxes, you see
Oh, let him be a plumber
For the gods and people
Let him be the plumber
that wrenches our ssooouuulllsss!
MARIO
I'll travel around the world
Jumping in pipes, and fixing types
Of Toilets 'round the globe
Everyone will shout
Everyone will scream
HERE COMES MARIO
THE PLLLLUUUUUMMMMBBBBEEERRR!
(THE AUDIENCE CHEERS. MARIO WALKS OFF STAGE. BOWSER WALKS ON, HE HAS THE PRINCESS CHAINED UP. HE BEGINS TO SING TO HER.)
BOWSER
So what do we have here?
A princess full of fear
My treasure that I stole
She's worth a lump of coal
I'll make her my own bride
Then her ransom I will hide
I'll make her a queen
When I become king
So this evil song I sing
PRINCESS
Bowser, you're nothing but a bully
Soon you'll meet your match, and DIEEEEEE!
But until that moment comes
I'll make sure the marriage comes undone
Because I won't be a queen for you!
BOWSER
Hahaha, you ugly bitch
You tried to become a snitch
Well, I'll tell you something right now
If anyone comes, I'll hit 'em with a POW
Because I'm BOWSER!
BACKUP SINGERS
He's BOWSER!
BOWSER
I'm Bowser, the meanest guy around.
(LUIGI AND MARIO ENTER THE STAGE, CARRYING WRENCHES. THEY BEGIN TO SING)
MARIO AND LUIGI
We are brothers, Till the end
We'll fix the toilets, pipes will bend
We'll travel across the world, pipes will mend!
We are the Mario Bros.
Heros for the world
We'll beat up bad guys and make them hurt
With the ladies we will flirt!
MARIO (STARTING TO RAP)
Boom Boom Chee
Boom Boom, Chee Chee
I'm Mario, see
And I'm here to say
I'm here to spread happiness across the US of A
If you mess with me
I'll mess with you
Shoot you in the face
Spray your eyes with mace
Breakdown
LUIGI (CONTINUING THE RAP)
My brother's right
We'll put up a fight
Shoot you with a 9
Bullet in yo' spine
We're the toughest bitches
To reclaim the riches
We're the rockin' plumbers
You the fools we pity
MARIO AND LUIGI (BACK TO SINGING)
We're going to make it after all!
(SUDDENLY, TOAD WALKS IN FRONT OF THEM, CRYING. HE BEGINS TO SING)
TOAD
You brave heros, have come tonight
Today the princess, was stolen alright
We need some heros, to bring her back
Beat up Bowser, kick him in the SSSAAACCCCKKK!
MARIO
Princess Peach? I know her well
I love her sweetly, she sure is swell
To Bowser's castle we will treck
Beat up Bowser, Send him to HEEEECCCCKKK!
LUIGI
I will come to, and help save the day
Bowser will die, Bowser will pay
The princess will be returned, Safe as before
I just really wish, she is not a WHHHOOORRREEE!
TOAD
You two are so brave, heros you are
For no reason, here's Ringo Starr!
RINGO STARR (RAPPING)
The name's Ringo, I'm the Starr of the Show
Why am I doing this? I've really sunk low
I used to be in the Beatles, now I'm here today
I'm only here, because I get really good pay!
Hanging with the Starr Man
Bling Blinging it
(BOWSER AND PEACH ENTER THE STAGE. MARIO AND LUIGI ENTER. EVERYONE BEGINS TO SING)
MARIO
Here we are Princess, you're heros today
Bowser, get ready, we'll make you pay!
I have a wrench, and a mighty pounce
Don't wash clothes in Tide, always use BBBBBOOOOOUUUUNNNCCEEE!
BOWSER
Mwahaha, you're as scary as a cat
About as ugly as Bob Saget
Prepare to die, you ugly mofos
As I ready, my attacking pose!
LUIGI
Why am I here? I'm shaking in fear
Bowser is scary, and Princess is HAAIIRRYYY
Oh, I'm running away
I'm running away
I'm going to Mexico
I'm going to Key Largo
I'm going to France
Where the frenchmen prance
I'm running away
(LUIGI RUNS AWAY)
BOWSER
It's just me and you, no more two
Your brother was a coward, and you're one too
I'll mash you, bash you, give you a rash
I'll make you eat feces, and force you to watch M*A*SH
MARIO
How did you know, my only weakness?
M*A*S*H makes me weak, I hate Alan Alda...
Oh, how can I go on?
How can I go on?
When M*A*S*H is ooooonnnnnn?
PRINCESS
Mario, Oh Mario!
Get up off your ass
In case you didn't notice
I'm still Bowser's lass
Save me, oh save me
I need your magical touch
Take me away from this place
Or I'll stab you in the FFAAACCCEEE!
MARIO
Princess is right, Bowser you'll pay
Draw up your weapon, TOOUUCCCHHHEE!
(MARIO AND BOWSER BEGIN TO HAVE A SWORDFIGHT. MARIO STABS BOWSER)
BOWSER
What is this red coming out of my wound?
Is it ketchup, blood, or Tabasco sauce?
I'm in need of medical attention
(BOWSER DIES)
MARIO
Ding dong, the beast is dead
Put a sword in his head
Let's all sing a jolly song
As his corpse rots
PRINCESS
Ding Dong, you saved me Mario
I knew you were a hero
Now take me away
Back to home
Where I can boss around Toad
We'll cut up Bowser's carcass
And sell his bones for money
LUIGI
I am Back, to save the day
Oh my god, Bowser is dead!
I've come to late, I am such a coward
Oh how I wish, my name was HOOOWWAARRDD
(MARIO AND PRINCESS LAUGH. EVERYONE WALKS OFF STAGE, EXCEPT MARIO)
MARIO
When I was a little boy
Growing up in Italy
I dreamed of fixing toiletries
For large, unnessecary fees
And now here I am
A hero for the ages
I hope you enjoyed the show
Tip the waiters, they make minimum WAAAAGGGGEEEEESSSSS!
(THE AUDIENCE CHEERS AS THE CURTAIN CLOSES)
(THE CURTAIN RISES, THE APPLAUSE DIES DOWN, AND THE MUSICAL BEGINS)
(MARIO IS STANDING IN THE SPOTLIGHT IN THE CENTER OF THE STAGE. HE BEGINS TO SING)
MARIO
When I was a little boy
Growing up in Italy
I dreamed of fixing toiletries
For large, unnessecary fees
Oh, I want to be a plumber
Grab a wrench and a hammer
Fix away all the problems in the world
I'll make all the toilets, run in unison
I'll fix all the pipes, the water soon will run
I WANT TO BE A PLUMBER, FOR THE WORLD!
LUIGI
Can't you see?
How happy he'd be?
If he was a plumber!
He'd wrench out happiness
For a small fee
That would cost a lot, with taxes, you see
Oh, let him be a plumber
For the gods and people
Let him be the plumber
that wrenches our ssooouuulllsss!
MARIO
I'll travel around the world
Jumping in pipes, and fixing types
Of Toilets 'round the globe
Everyone will shout
Everyone will scream
HERE COMES MARIO
THE PLLLLUUUUUMMMMBBBBEEERRR!
(THE AUDIENCE CHEERS. MARIO WALKS OFF STAGE. BOWSER WALKS ON, HE HAS THE PRINCESS CHAINED UP. HE BEGINS TO SING TO HER.)
BOWSER
So what do we have here?
A princess full of fear
My treasure that I stole
She's worth a lump of coal
I'll make her my own bride
Then her ransom I will hide
I'll make her a queen
When I become king
So this evil song I sing
PRINCESS
Bowser, you're nothing but a bully
Soon you'll meet your match, and DIEEEEEE!
But until that moment comes
I'll make sure the marriage comes undone
Because I won't be a queen for you!
BOWSER
Hahaha, you ugly bitch
You tried to become a snitch
Well, I'll tell you something right now
If anyone comes, I'll hit 'em with a POW
Because I'm BOWSER!
BACKUP SINGERS
He's BOWSER!
BOWSER
I'm Bowser, the meanest guy around.
(LUIGI AND MARIO ENTER THE STAGE, CARRYING WRENCHES. THEY BEGIN TO SING)
MARIO AND LUIGI
We are brothers, Till the end
We'll fix the toilets, pipes will bend
We'll travel across the world, pipes will mend!
We are the Mario Bros.
Heros for the world
We'll beat up bad guys and make them hurt
With the ladies we will flirt!
MARIO (STARTING TO RAP)
Boom Boom Chee
Boom Boom, Chee Chee
I'm Mario, see
And I'm here to say
I'm here to spread happiness across the US of A
If you mess with me
I'll mess with you
Shoot you in the face
Spray your eyes with mace
Breakdown
LUIGI (CONTINUING THE RAP)
My brother's right
We'll put up a fight
Shoot you with a 9
Bullet in yo' spine
We're the toughest bitches
To reclaim the riches
We're the rockin' plumbers
You the fools we pity
MARIO AND LUIGI (BACK TO SINGING)
We're going to make it after all!
(SUDDENLY, TOAD WALKS IN FRONT OF THEM, CRYING. HE BEGINS TO SING)
TOAD
You brave heros, have come tonight
Today the princess, was stolen alright
We need some heros, to bring her back
Beat up Bowser, kick him in the SSSAAACCCCKKK!
MARIO
Princess Peach? I know her well
I love her sweetly, she sure is swell
To Bowser's castle we will treck
Beat up Bowser, Send him to HEEEECCCCKKK!
LUIGI
I will come to, and help save the day
Bowser will die, Bowser will pay
The princess will be returned, Safe as before
I just really wish, she is not a WHHHOOORRREEE!
TOAD
You two are so brave, heros you are
For no reason, here's Ringo Starr!
RINGO STARR (RAPPING)
The name's Ringo, I'm the Starr of the Show
Why am I doing this? I've really sunk low
I used to be in the Beatles, now I'm here today
I'm only here, because I get really good pay!
Hanging with the Starr Man
Bling Blinging it
(BOWSER AND PEACH ENTER THE STAGE. MARIO AND LUIGI ENTER. EVERYONE BEGINS TO SING)
MARIO
Here we are Princess, you're heros today
Bowser, get ready, we'll make you pay!
I have a wrench, and a mighty pounce
Don't wash clothes in Tide, always use BBBBBOOOOOUUUUNNNCCEEE!
BOWSER
Mwahaha, you're as scary as a cat
About as ugly as Bob Saget
Prepare to die, you ugly mofos
As I ready, my attacking pose!
LUIGI
Why am I here? I'm shaking in fear
Bowser is scary, and Princess is HAAIIRRYYY
Oh, I'm running away
I'm running away
I'm going to Mexico
I'm going to Key Largo
I'm going to France
Where the frenchmen prance
I'm running away
(LUIGI RUNS AWAY)
BOWSER
It's just me and you, no more two
Your brother was a coward, and you're one too
I'll mash you, bash you, give you a rash
I'll make you eat feces, and force you to watch M*A*SH
MARIO
How did you know, my only weakness?
M*A*S*H makes me weak, I hate Alan Alda...
Oh, how can I go on?
How can I go on?
When M*A*S*H is ooooonnnnnn?
PRINCESS
Mario, Oh Mario!
Get up off your ass
In case you didn't notice
I'm still Bowser's lass
Save me, oh save me
I need your magical touch
Take me away from this place
Or I'll stab you in the FFAAACCCEEE!
MARIO
Princess is right, Bowser you'll pay
Draw up your weapon, TOOUUCCCHHHEE!
(MARIO AND BOWSER BEGIN TO HAVE A SWORDFIGHT. MARIO STABS BOWSER)
BOWSER
What is this red coming out of my wound?
Is it ketchup, blood, or Tabasco sauce?
I'm in need of medical attention
(BOWSER DIES)
MARIO
Ding dong, the beast is dead
Put a sword in his head
Let's all sing a jolly song
As his corpse rots
PRINCESS
Ding Dong, you saved me Mario
I knew you were a hero
Now take me away
Back to home
Where I can boss around Toad
We'll cut up Bowser's carcass
And sell his bones for money
LUIGI
I am Back, to save the day
Oh my god, Bowser is dead!
I've come to late, I am such a coward
Oh how I wish, my name was HOOOWWAARRDD
(MARIO AND PRINCESS LAUGH. EVERYONE WALKS OFF STAGE, EXCEPT MARIO)
MARIO
When I was a little boy
Growing up in Italy
I dreamed of fixing toiletries
For large, unnessecary fees
And now here I am
A hero for the ages
I hope you enjoyed the show
Tip the waiters, they make minimum WAAAAGGGGEEEEESSSSS!
(THE AUDIENCE CHEERS AS THE CURTAIN CLOSES)