Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor anything else so please dont sue

Voldemort tapped his fingers as he sat on his chair as he waited impatiently for Severus to return from his scouting mission. If one is to defeat the opponent then one must learn all they can. "Where the hell is he?" Voldemort shouted as he activated the mark. He smirked as Severus returned a few seconds after words. 'Never fails' he thought "Severus. You are late. Now what do you have to report?"

Severus winced as he remembered what happened to the last death eater that was late for a meeting with his lord. In fact they're still cleaning up what little remains of him. If it wasn't for the fact that he was the only one capable of doing such a mission, he would have been worse then dead. "They are suspicious of Lucius Malfoy and are currently trying to take him into custody. And the Potter boy is getting lessons at Hogwarts personally from the new headmaster."

"Excellent. Now begone before I change my mind about killing you." Voldemort said as he watched Severus poof away with a hint of gleam in his eyes. Oh how he loves seeing the fear that he portrays in people. 'Hm...' He mused "I wonder who won the game between New London and Japan in the Quiddich Finals. " He said as he made his way to the local villains News Stand to receive a copy of The Daily Prophet.

"That'll be 3 Galleons and 7 Sickles sir" The paperboy shouted.

Voldemort paid the boy grumbling "3 Galleons and 7 Sickles. Thats highway robbery! These types of prices should be outlawed!" Voldemort opened the paper not really paying attention to the front page. "Hm... Hogwarts gotten a new Potions teacher...hey I recognize him...the fool couldn't teach a faerie that 2 + 2 can equal fish...Japan and New London tie for 3rd place...and Goku won first? Didn't even know he had a quiddich team." Flips the paper over to the front page. "Hey I'm front page news! Mom will be so proud of me!. Lets see...Potter and Voldemort. Rivals to death or...secret lovers?...Well thats nice of the...wait, WHAT?" Continues to read on. "We all know of the tale of Voldemort and Harry. But is that the truth? An anonymous reporter has proof that states otherwise" Voldemort continued to read on, his anger growing. "When I find out who wrote this I will KILL HIM!" He looks around to find everyone looking at him. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" He strokes his pet snake to try and calm himself down. "Tell the other death eaters that I am heading out on a trip" With that he apparated out of the village

Meanwhile at Hogwarts

"Mmm Harry. That was great" Hermione moaned

"Ya Harry I'm glad that we did this instead of class" Ginny mused.

Harry smirked as he got up from under the covers and put on a pair of pants. 'Being the hero so rocks' He was about to put on a shirt when Voldemort poofed in with pretty pink smoke, which caused Harry to stumble back and fall on his ass "What the hell?"

Voldemort looked at Hermione and Ginny, a smirk on his face. "Wow Harry. I didn't think you would get them both. And at the same time too. Damn now I owe Sirius 20 bucks"

Ginny and Hermione blushed deep red as they tried their best to cover themselves up. Here was the greatest dark wizard to ever live and they where both in their birthday suits. Before they could do anything Voldemort raised his hand. "Don't start. I'm not here to kill you guys. At least not yet"

Harry looked at Voldemort with distrust in his eyes. "Why in the blue hells should I trust you. And how did you apparate into the castle grounds anyways?"

Voldemort shrugged. "It's a plot hole. Anyways have you seen today's paper?" He asked as he tossed it at Harry.

Harry looked at him still not trusting him then opened the paper. "...You came to tell me that Goku won the quiddich tournament? Does he even have a quiddich team?"

Voldemort growled and twacked Harry on the head. "Not that you idiot. Though it does make you wonder...Anyways look at the front page"

Harry flipped the paper and began to read. "srevol terces ro htaed ot slaviR tromedloV dna rettoP...What the hell does tha mean?"

Voldemort once again twacked Harry on the head. "You're holding the paper upside-down you fuck-head."

Harry grinned sheepishly as he turned the paper around and began to read it again " Potter and Voldemort. Rivals to death or secret lovers? Hm is that all you wanted to...WHAT THE HELL? WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS?"

Hermione and Ginny, who where silent through this, started giggling as images of Harry and Voldemort went through their minds. Harry heard this and glared at the two. "Perverts" he muttered under his breath. "So now what do we do?"

Voldemort sighed. "Well we have to find out whoever this mysterious reporter is and like the mature adults that we are and unruly KICK HIS BLOODY ASS!"

"Well Voldy I'm afraid that there's only one team that can help us in a situation like this." Harry said as he pulled out a cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" Voldemort asked

Harry smiled "An old friend"

Meanwhile in another part of the world, a telephone rang. BELIEVE IT!

"Hello Scooby Doo Detective Agency"

The Saiyan: So what do you think? Read and review and flamers will have hot dogs and marshmellows rosted on them