Lord Voldemort vs. Honey Badger.
Lord Voldemort walked around his mansion, looking for his snake Nagini. He wanted to go kill muggleborns for the evulz, but he needed his snake first. She would not appreciate not being fed dinner. Sighing, he decided to go check the basement.
"Lumos!" The light from his wand shone throughout the basement as he glanced around. There was a lot of blood on the floor. Frowning, he walked around, peering behind the stone columns and various alcoves in the walls. As he came to the last alcove, he saw a line of blood dragged into the alcove. He peered around the alcove. What he saw drove him into a rage as he screamed in fury.
Nagini was laying in the alcove, her head severed from the rest of her body. Voldemort's fury focused on the small furry animal contently munching as it kept eating the snake, the body wedged between the powerful forepaws.
"Avada Kedavra!"
The green light shot out and hit the badger dead center. The badger glowed green for a moment before it faded. The badger ignored the curse as it tore another piece of snake off to chew. Voldemort screamed again in rage.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
The light shot out again from Voldemort's wand. Instead of doing something weak like dying however, the badger just kept eating away, ignoring the Dark Lord.
"Imperio!" Voldemort hissed out.
'Cease eating the snake. Throw yourself off a cliff and die.' Voldemort spoke in the animal's mind. He was shocked when he heard a reply.
'Piss off.' Voldemort snarled as he felt the Imperius curse lift.
"Stop eating my snake! Why won't you die?" Tom Riddle screamed at the badger in rage as he tried a cutting hex. The badger looked up and eyed the evil wizard. Almost insolently, it bit a mouthful more snake off and just sat there, slowly chewing away. It was as if it was deciding something. It got up and stretched it's legs before leaping at the Dark Lord with a chirp, landing on the shoulder and biting into Riddle's neck. Voldemort screamed as he tried to defend himself, but the badger stubbornly held on and continued to bite in the neck. With a final scream, Voldemort fell to the floor, dead from the attacks of the honey badger. The badger paused for a moment before biting again, slowly eating the Dark Lord. The badger thought he tasted like snake, and it was good.
Harry Potter and Ernie Macmillian were sitting in one of the unused classrooms with Fred and George, peering into the orb that displayed the scene. The badger was happily feeding on the deceased Dark Lord. It was Ernie that first spoke.
"You see, Harry? I told you Bob the Badger would own You-Know-Who! You owe me 10 Sickles."
Harry sighed as he handed over the coins. Fred and George were smirking at the exchange. Finally, Harry asked.
"Where did you get Bob?" Ernie just laughed and pointed toward the twins. They all looked at each other for a moment and began to laugh. Never mess with a Hufflepuff.