A/N: This is my first time ever writing for this site, mostly to improve my skills as an author, so please critique me as you see fit. Flames will be enjoyed. Hit me, baby!

BTW, has anyone noticed how L looks like a dark, morbid version of Fai? They're equally strange, and have basically the same haircut and body type…I was planning on him being the original Fai (as opposed to the Yuui Fai we know), but decided the concept was too strange for this story. I might come back to it later…

Most of this is reintroducing the Death Note cast. If you already know it, you can probably get away with skipping to the 3rd person scene, though I'd rather you read all of it.

So without further ado, please enjoy my version of Sorta Cinderella!

Warnings: Language, Kurofai, Douwata, RaitoxL, MxN

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, Tsubasa, Card Captor Sakura, or xxxHolic. I also don't own Fruits Basket…I doubt I'd want to. All the expectations…brrrrrr!!!!

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a…

Wait! I'm starting off on the wrong foot here. Hang on…okay. That was wrong because this 'Once upon a time' was far too modern for such a phrase as that, and the land wasn't so much as far away…as simply not being here. It isn't even in this dimension. Don't understand? Don't care.

Maybe I should introduce myself first. My name is Mello. What kind of name is Mello, you ask? An alias. What, you thought I was going to give out my real name to complete strangers who could very well be sick, psychotic serial killers? Hah!

I live in a boring, modern town in a boring, modern country in this boring, modern world. I go to a boring, modern school complete with boring, modern teachers. Unfortunately, I have the ultimate displeasure to report that my fellow classmates are not so boring and modern.

My best friend, Matt, isn't so strange, I suppose. Well, there's the fact that he chose such a normal sounding name like Matt for an alias. Even his real name is more interesting than Matt. Another lame quirk of his is his obsession with video games. He always seems to be in the middle of one. That's pretty strange…no? You do the same? So you play with handhelds when in the middle of a lecture or a test? Delinquent. The sad part is that he maintains a 3.5 average. I personally think he's jury-rigged that game boy so he can cheat somehow. And how does he manage to hide his gaming from the teachers?! Gah! So Annoying! The stupid, red haired, goggle-faced freak! If it weren't for my grades being slightly better, I'd hate him!

Then there's bratty Near. I can't stand him, the little albino punk! He makes better grades than me, straight frickin' A's, even though he's only 14. He's skipped three grades, which is why I have the irritation of sharing some of my classes with him. He's pretty quiet, though. If it weren't for his creepy snow-white hair, you'd never notice you shared a class with the guy. That doesn't keep him from being a jerk to me though. Just don't ask me how, I can't explain. He's that sneaky.

Sakura is a pretty sweet girl-too sweet. The way her short auburn hair frames her sweet round face, and her sweet jade eyes sparkle sweetly in the sunlight, I can sweetly say something is wrong with this sweet. Why else would she be dating bratty, plain Syaoran? With an average face complete with brown hair and eyes, I can't see the attraction. I'm much hotter, that's for sure. The kid also has an attitude the size of a hippo. Just because I put a frog down Sakura's shirt in the 7th grade (4 years ago!) he decides I'm a menace to society and acts like a bodyguard whenever I come around. And Sakura likes it when he's overprotective! That is weird, right?

Tomoyo, Sakura's best friend, is obsessive. By obsessive, I mean she only gives a damn about Sakura, clothes, and videos, and by that I don't mean she likes buying clothes and movies. No, she makes clothes (usually for Sakura) and records videos (of Sakura). She's a pretty girl, with long, wavy black hair and gray eyes, but is too busy with her friend to worry about a boyfriend. I suspect that she's bi, but you didn't hear that from me. She's definitely stranger than the brat and his girl, but since I'm not the one being harassed, it's cool with me.

No, the strangest one in the entirety of the junior class is by far one Kimihiro Watanuki, born April 1st, in case you couldn't guess. When first met, he may not seem too strange. Feathery black hair, pretty dark blue eyes that at times seem lavender, slender limbs and feminine shape, his girlyness is his only crime at first glance. And no, I'm not crushing on him, ya damn fan girls. Anyway, later on you notice how he's fine one minute and about ready to barf the next. He calmly walks in his strange way down the street, then tenses and starts running like the devil is behind him. He seems to talk to himself a lot, but you can tell when he raises his voice ('Just leave me the hell alone, already!') that he's seeing something no one else can. His reactions are actually pretty comical to watch. I personally didn't believe in the paranormal when I first noticed his abnormalities, so I had been pretty sure he was a loon…not so much anymore.

Then there's me, Mello, the babe-a-licious blonde with a kick-ass attitude, only true loves being chocolate of nearly all forms and L, my idol. Oh, sweet L, to breathe the same air as you, my love! Um…I meant that platonically, of course. What? Who is L? You mean, you don't know?! He's only the smartest person on the face of the planet!

After graduating at age 10, L went on to be the number one detective in the world. He never really mastered the art of socializing though, so his guardian decided his social skills might improve if L went to school with his own age group, allowing him to be an armchair detective on the side (L still skips school sometimes to be on-scene. He's no armchair detective). Now, I admit that L might be a bit strange, what with his odd habits and all, but I really can't see him any other way. Sure, he can't go a full half hour without eating something sweet, but neither can I. Sugar boosts brainpower, which is one very good reason why I eat chocolate all the time. You think that's strange? You're one of the dumb ones, then.

Well, the way he slumps while walking is also odd, as well as the way he crouches to sit…but it helps him think! The guy is a genius; of course he's going to be different. It makes him more wonderful! I admittedly have never talked to him before, so most of this is just conjecture and overheard conversations he bothered to partake in, but…hmm? What do you mean by lovesick loser?! I don't get many chances to talk to him, what with him always being preoccupied, so I am by no means a lovesick loser! There are loads of excuses, all realistic!

Unfortunately, this flower in the desert has a disgusting weed growing nearby by the name of Raito Yagami. That's his real name. Have at, serial killers. With light brown hair and eyes, a pretty boy face, and brains that almost rival L's, he's got lots of fans. It somehow pisses me off. Still, it's pretty obvious he's power hungry. He likes being boss, and I used to think he hated L because of that almost previously stated. I know for a fact that he's always burned with jealousy towards his alleged rival (and no, that sounds nothing like me!). L doesn't exactly help things by teasing him the way he does, but since he sees Raito as a friend, despite Raito's scathing comments, I guess it's all good fun.

Beyond Birthday, on the other hand, is a much harder problem. Serial killers, stand down. Otherwise, you might end up dead. Remember when I said Tomoyo was obsessed with Sakura? That was like a schoolgirl crush or a fan girl in the same room with her favorite celebrity. B, on the other hand, is…well…I doubt there's a comparison. B apparently really likes L. Platonic, romantic, I don't know, but definitely psychotic. The creep likes him so much, he's trying to become him.

L is pale with feathery dark hair that nearly reaches his shoulders, very messy and unkempt with many layers. He has dark bags under his eyes due to him being an insomniac, which makes him look slightly cute and panda-ish.

To resemble L, B actually puts make-up on his entire body to look pale, puts eye shadow under his eerie red eyes, purposely messes up his greasy black hair (which may be dyed, by the way), and copies all of L's unique, adorable mannerisms in a sinister fashion. Though a bit gothic, L seems so carefree and innocent most of the time. I've actually seen his eyes chase a butterfly during lunch once when Raito was trying to pick a fight (again). B? Nothing sweet about him. He's a creepy stalker. L either always ignores him or is just too busy to notice or care, though, so let's move along, shall we?

Pretty boy Raito has many fans, god only knows why, but one fan stands up above all others. Misa Amane, age 18, is quite clearly infatuated with the self-absorbed jerk. With her long, blonde hair and pretty blue eyes, she could have nearly any guy in school, and she chooses one of the very few who just don't give a damn. She isn't the brightest crayon in the box. I would almost feel sorry for her if she didn't make herself look stupid all the time. Raito likes challenges far too much to go out with someone who makes the hook-up so easy. Few girls would be a challenge for Raito, and the few that would he probably wouldn't like enough to bother trying to pursue. It must be mass hypnosis, making a jerk like that popular.

Raito has some fan boys too, one of which being Matsuda. Matsuda is a bit pathetic. I don't mean to be mean, but…well, yeah I do. Matsuda's main goal in life is to hear Raito call him his best friend. That's just sad, really. Well, at least he's mostly normal, unlike some other people mentioned.

All of these weirdoes ended up in my Honors English class, along with Kyouga and Takaki, two boys who really aren't important to the story, and will rarely be mentioned. I just have one last person to introduce before we can get on with the story.

Yuuko Ichihara, age unknown. Occupation: English teacher. Hair: Black, long and straight. Eyes: lavender. Height: tall. Bust: big. Fashion sense: flashy. Bedside manner: none. Attitude: problematic.

A very confusing woman, she and L hit it right off the bat. With her infuriating ability to tease anyone and anything, the two of them are a force to be reckoned with. But that's a story for another time. This time, the story is about how a world can be turned completely upside down by a mere whim from this one scary lady.

Switch to 3rd Person

"Alright, class. I'm sure you'll all be happy to hear that I've decided its far too much trouble for you to have to decide what you want to do for the end-of-year project, so I, being the generous gem that I am, have decided for you. We're going to put on a play."

As soon as she had first walked in front of the class with a Cheshire Cat grin, the small class of 14 students knew whatever she had to say couldn't be good. Surprised by the rather normal turn of events, many teens prayed she had nothing more to add to that.

"Miss Yuuko?" Sakura raised her hand. "Have you also decided what play we will be performing?" Mello, who really didn't want to know, muttered something about idiot girls not being able to keep their mouths shut, earning him a heated glare from Syaoran, who could hear him clearly from behind.

"Yes!" Miss Yuuko stood tall, eyes gleaming. "It will be Cinderella – Shakespeare style!"

A pause spread throughout the classroom. Kyouga, a dark haired man with a tanned complexion, was the first to build enough courage to ask what most were thinking. "What exactly do you mean by Shakespeare?"

Grin spreading even more, she answered his question with one of her own. "What were one of the rules of the theatre, back in old Willie's day?" The class looked stumped. "Women weren't allowed in the theatre until much later, so men had to play the female characters."

No one dared breathe.

"I knew, of course, that very few of you would volunteer to play a girl, so I also chose the cast." She turned to the board with a dry erase marker and wrote the following:

Cast:

Announcer- Matsuda

Squire-Syaoran

Neighboring Prince-Watanuki

Evil Stepsister- Takaki

Evil Stepmother- Mello

Prince Charming- Kyouga

Fairy Guardian- Raito

Cinderella- L

Help:

Scriptwriter- Near

Costume Designers-Misa, Sakura, Tomoyo

Set- Beyond, Matt

Looking at the cast, there were many diverse reactions. Takaki merely raised an eyebrow, Kyouga looked horrified at playing opposite L, Raito was secretly glaring at Kyouga, jealous that he got chosen to play the prince, Mello buried his face in his arms and pretended to be elsewhere, after realizing just who he was going to play-bully, Beyond had a creepy smirk on his face, and L…

Well, L was eating his lemon cake and working a mystery from his notebook, so he either didn't realize he was going to play a fairytale princess, or didn't care. Knowing L, it was the latter.

"And no switching parts!" Yuuko smiled, apparently very pleased with herself.

Mello Narration

And that's how the adventure started. Man, I couldn't believe I was going to be L's wicked stepmother! It was by no means the best way to get closer to my idol. I really felt at a loss as to what to do. And Near knew I idolized him! What was worse, he felt the same. Being the scriptwriter, I was positive that Near wouldn't waste such a great opportunity to make me look bad. This was gonna be hell.

Well, now that you've been introduced to my messed up schoolmates and equally messed up school life, you probably want to know about that whole alternate dimension thing I mentioned earlier. Yeah, this is sucky narrating, but I don't see another narrator, so deal.

It's my understanding that there are many different versions of our world. In each dimension, there is a different version of every human. While I'm completely awesome here, I might very well be a complete loser elsewhere, though I doubt it. After all, all of my other selves share the same soul, and my soul just doesn't have what it takes to be a loser.

How do I know all this, you ask? It was all explained to me by four strangers, two of which I somehow felt I had met before.

A/N: And that's the first chapter! Did the characters seem out of character to you? I tried to keep them realistic, but it's sort of hard, especially with Mello. Why, oh why did I narrate with someone so difficult! I guess I just felt like being Mello. At least he's easier than L. Also, do you see any mistakes that need fixing?

Next Chapter: CRASH! Enter the Tsubasa Crew!