Metal Gear: the heir of Voldemort
Disclaimer: I do not own any of this
This story is not mine it was written by a friend, Adrian childress the author of twilight refrain at
It's show time
"Five minutes to drop zone." The metal box on the wall cackled like a fast food drive-thru speaker. The lone occupant of the stealth plane's hangar could almost picture the pimple-faced youth flying the plane, while salting fries.
The man flicked a cigarette down the length of the hold. It joined the other fifty-seven already strewn about, many still smoking, and some threatening to start a fire with a can of gasoline. The man, dressed in military camouflage, considered the threat of the fire, but made no attempt to stop it. These cigarettes were menthols, and he refused to be afraid of menthol cigarettes.
The opening of the plane's cargo door probably saved his life. Intense winds began to tug and him and pull at him in uncomfortable places, these were wild winds. The cigarettes were torn from the vessel, and began their descent towards earth. Most of them would probably become extinguished in the fall, the man hoped; lest someone come after him for burning down vast amounts of British forestry.
The man stepped towards the back of the hold to view the countryside racing by below him. It was difficult to make out much more than the occasional treetop however, under the vast quantities of fog.
Perhaps, this is the fog of war, the man wondered to himself vacantly. The bright moonlight illuminated something in the distance, jutting out from the fog like a knife, out of something with a knife in it, maybe a body or something. Before him, lie, layed, or in general was the Castle Hogwarts, a school for witchcraft and wizardry. His target was somewhere within its walls, probably sleeping, violating curfew, or chasing some tail. It was hard to say, children are all crazy.
"Three minutes to D.Z." Came the pimply voice of Andy the friendly fry cook / pilot.
"Are you a pimply faced fry cook?" The man asked the speaker box.
As if in response, the vessel did a barrel roll, followed by a steep incline, launching the man out the back, and into the darkness, and the forest below.
--
Solid Snake was advancing through the slumbering forest, as his namesake would suggest. It was a slow crawl, but he had to be careful, he was dealing with foes the likes of which he had only seen in video games. Opponents with magical and mysterious powers.
After quickly pressing the select button, bringing him to the codec screen Snake began his call.
"What is it, Snake?" Came the voice of Otacon, Snake's nerdy assistant-from-afar. He was always questioning Snake, or shouting his name in long dramatic bursts, but he was good for business. Snake did not like computers, and Otacon... Otacon may have actually liked them too much. None of that mattered now; what mattered now was the mission.
"I'm just wondering what I'm doing?" Snake grumbled, his voice was gruff, cigarettes had taken their toll. He was getting old, he could feel it. Every time he waited for Otacon's dialog to load, he felt it a little more. Maybe it would be easier if he had a cigarette... Ah! One pack of Cigarette brand cigarettes rested in his inventory. That would do nicely.
"Weren't you paying attention at the briefing?"
"Oh, you've loaded." Shock caused Snake to swallow the cigarette he had just started to smoke.
"My load times are not that long! Anyway, clearly you were not paying attention at the briefing. Alright, well, you're in a fan fiction, Snake."
"A fan fiction? I don't want to be violated by any narutos, or furries." Snake thought on this for a moment. "Unless they are cute, female furries."
"It's not that sort of fan fiction, Snake." Otacon was getting excited about something, Snake was not pleased. "It's a Harry Potter fan fiction, and your job is to go into Hogwarts Castle, and extract the wizard Harry Potter before the heir of Voldemort can kill him."
"Heir of Voldemort?"
"Listen Snake, people who are reading this fan fiction will know who Voldemort, the dark wizard, and Harry Potter, the sexy boy wizard, and Hogwarts, the unfortunately named school, are. Suffice it to say, Voldemort had one more trick up his sleeve when he was finally defeated in book seven. Voldemort cast a spell on himself, that if he was killed, and his soul finally destroyed, he would be reborn as a son to a death eater, the servants of the dark wizard."
"How old is this Voldemort now then?" Snake pondered how much he cared about any of this. He decided it did not matter much.
"Two years old, but don't let that fool you. He's going to be powerful."
"Powerful toddler, got it. I'm just going to go get started." Too easy, Snake told himself. I can totally take a two year old.
"Good luck, Snake."
Snake ended the call, and resumed his slow crawl towards the castle somewhere off in the distance. The soft dirt of the forest, made faint scratching sounds as he crawled, the only sound in this unnaturally silent forest. The full moon only made it to through the thick canopy of leaves in small shafts of pale brilliance. Snake took it all in as he eased his way along; he had to remain focused and alert. It was three in the morning and he had to remain alert, without coffee... Otacon had coffee. Otacon was probably in his pajamas, in his bedroom, with coffee. Snake suddenly felt a deep hatred for Otacon.
Enough thoughts of that, something's there.
Snake could feel it. Something was happening. His radar told him something was moving. Something was moving right on top of him. That was impossible, wasn't it? Unless...
Snake's keen intuition and heightened senses told him something was falling from the sky. His sharp eyes and ears also detected that something, however they informed him that it was large, fast, and screaming.
"Ngaaaah!" Snake screamed and dove for the cover of a nearby shrubbery.
The falling something, proceeded on its fall, impacted the earth in exactly the spot Snake had chosen for cover.
Snake's world was pain, red, tearing, and squishy pain.
The figure falling from the sky turned out to be an old man, the same man, dear reader, who had only paragraphs ago, fallen from a plane. Snake began to extract his assailant's kneecap from his thigh. The process was painful, but necessary. Once the kneecap was removed, Snake crawled a small distance away and placed another call.
"Otacon."
"Yeah, Snake? What happened?"
"A person fell on me, from the sky."
"Are you ok? Are they?" Otacon began to check Snake's vitals on his monitor feed.
"I'm fine, a little beat up, but fine. The other person however..." Snake quickly crawled back to the incapacitated figure. "Well, they're breathing, but they're not in good shape. I don't see any ID." Snake said as he fished through the figure's pockets.
"Male or female?" Surprise was evident in Otacon's voice. Snake took a deep breath, and with a quick squeeze of the crotch, ruled it to be male.
"Male." Snake wished for hand sanitizer.
"Send me a photo."
"I don't have a camera." Snake said, hunting through his gear.
"Oh, yeah. Procure all equipment on site. What a dumb rule... We're not even at war with Britain, and they helped set up this whole operation." Otacon was perusing the outline of the mission. The outline was simple enough, it would have to be, the prime minister's child had drawn it in crayon on the back of a napkin. A large-headed snake stood on top of England, with an arrow pointing indifferently into the Arctic Ocean. It was not a terribly detailed plan, but Snake was good with improvisation, he would figure something out.
"Well..." Otacon muttered, wracking his brain. "If you can't treat him any further, leave him and move on. If you can come back to this spot for your extraction, we can get him then."
"Got it." Snake switched off the communication, and proceeded to apply first aid to the man, until he was fairly certain the fellow's condition was stable.
Snake re-began his slow crawl towards castle Hogwarts. This time, however, he was plagued by a fear of the elderly falling from the sky. A smaller, nagging hope wished that an attractive female in her mid-to-late twenties would fall from the sky into his arms. Neither occurred as he inched ever forward.
In the distance, Snake saw movement, the first he had seen since the old man fell upon him. A raven, large and black, circled in the air, and then alit upon a tree, facing Snake. Snake met the raven's eyes, the raven met Snake's eyes. Somewhere in Vegas, someone rolled snake eyes, but that is not important. Snake and the raven held eye contact. Snake decided there was something unusual about this situation, to be having a staring contest with a bird.
Snake's eyes were beginning to burn, but still the Raven neither blinked nor looked away. Tears stung Snake pleading for him to blink; just let the bird win, they called in their teary way.
The tree smashed the raven into a fine black mist.
Snake blinked. Had he won by default? Did the bird blink as it was struck? Had Snake technically cheated? Did that tree just vaporize that bird?
Snake paused on this question a moment. Then he called Otacon.
"That tree just killed a bird."
"That's the 'Whomping Willow,' Snake." Otacon's voice was brimming with excitement, and a note of caution. "Don't get too close, Snake. That tree earned its name. In the book series it whomped a car pretty good. You should steer around it if you can."
"The level designers didn't give me the option."
"Oh, that sucks. Well, good luck, and try not to engage it; you probably can't win in a direct fight."
Ker-snap.
"What was that?" Otacon practically jumped out of his bed.
"I just shot the tree with my tranq dart."
"Why would you do that?"
"To put it to sleep so I can sneak by."
"Good thinking, Snake."
"How can I tell if it's sleeping?"
"Are there tiny z's coming out of it? They'll be near the top."
Snake turned to analyze the tree.
"I feel sleep!" The tree shouted, and z's began to pour from its upper branches.
It was go time. Snake began to crawl as quietly as he could around the base of the tree, and on to Hogwarts.
The tree woke up and killed him.
"Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!" Shouted Otacon into the game over screen.
--
After a quick reload, Snake was back before the tree. Faster this time, Snake told himself. His internal dialog was to no avail, as the tree killed him again, and again a reload was called for.
"Maybe you're going about it wrong." Otacon suggested. "I've been reading the player's guide and it says..."
"Never mind, Otacon. I've got this. I've studied CQC for a long time. I'm going to avenge myself, and tear that tree limb from limb."
Snake spun heroically into the Willow's clearing, and the battle ensued, filled with fast pace action. There were lots of punches, spins, dodges, and the occasional freeze frame for emphasis. Snake and the tree were wearing themselves out. Snake was pouring sweat, and the tree, dropping leaves, had sap running freely.
A high kick tore a branch from the willow, but the tree answered with a root sweep to knock Snake into the tree's waiting branches. The fight bore on, as the combatants proved to each other their unyielding will.
The tree won, a reload was called for.
"Listen Snake, I think you ought to..." Otacon's sentence was abruptly ended, as Snake shut off his codec.
"Ok, Willow. You're good. Probably the best fight I've had in years." Snake beamed his approval at the tree. The willow took a bow, with a flourish of its branches. Snake walked over and hugged the tree; the Willow offered a supportive pat on the back, and a thumbs up to Snake's efforts.
"I'm sorry it's come to this buddy, but I've got to move on, and you're in my way." Snake shed a solitary, man-tear, as he continued. "I have to save this Harry guy."
From deep in the depths of his survival pack, Snake pulled out his stinger missile launcher. He set up the sights, aimed, and (if the tree had had eyes, they would have widened) fired at the lumber barring his path.
The explosion was enormous and fire quickly began to eat away the forest around the blast. Snake strode stoically through the inferno, stopping only for a moment by the ashed out corpse of his foe, and once to apply burn lotion. Snake was past his first major obstacle, all that was left was to enter Castle Hogwarts, inevitably kill the Heir of Voldemort, and save this boy wizard, Harry Potter.
"I'm coming Harry. Just hang on!"