A.N. Yo.
This story stares Shadow and Omega. Other characters will feature in it from chapter to chapter, and is meant as a silly and humorous story, if you're in the mood for a laugh. If you're looking for a serious fic, turn back now.
You've been warned.
I would also like to note, that why'll I'll hint at certain romances, there is actually only one 'romance' in this fic, and that's between Omega and a toaster. I intended this so that everyone could enjoy the humor.
Thank you, and have a good read.
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Shadow was in a rare mood, something that came once in a blue moon for the hedgehog, but when he was in such a mood, it spread out to everyone else, infecting them and spreading even more. The last time it happened, Eggman had wept and agreed to stop trying to take over the world (a promise quickly broken once the effects ended), Rouge gave to charity, Knuckles let little kids on his island to play with the Master Emerald, and other things that seemed unthinkable occurred, and no, not that. That would be silly.
Poland was also invaded, but the opposing armies quickly gave up and agreed to never fight again, and were soon taken over by Eggman the next day in a fit rage at getting in the same mood Shadow was in.
What mood was the self proclaimed Ultimate Life Form in?
Shadow was happy.
And why was he happy? Perchance, had he found love, possibly in a certain pink hedgehog?
No, despite the fact the author is a fan, that's not what happened.
Had Sonic come to his senses and proclaimed Shadow to be the best? Nope, the cool blue 'hog was still convinced of his awesomeness, and truth be told, he is pretty cool.
Perchance he had somehow found out that despite the over whelming odds, Maria was still alive? Again, no. She was still dead. Bullets do that to you.
Maybe he had come across a horde of zombies, and their destruction by Shadow in the most violent means necessary cheered him up. Alas, the zombies weren't due for another week or so.
So, why was he happy?
He had had an epiphany.
Now, you readers, and hopefully reviewers, are probably thinking I'm just stalling, running low on ideas of what would make Shadow happy. I wasn't. Now I'm stalling.
Anyways, Shadow the Hedgehog had an epiphany.
"If I bought three of these things for 4. 50, and got the fourth free with this coupon, I'd save fifty cents off of each one!"
Shadow was food shopping.
With Omega.
Yes, the two friends, as only friends or family will willingly go food shopping with you, unless they have ulterior motives, such as back stabbing you with a piece of produce, were grocery shopping.
Now, Omega was a robot, thus didn't need to eat, and Shadow, while still needing and enjoying food, did not need it nearly as much as normal Mobians.
But there was a reason the two had a grocery cart load of food that Omega was pushing, Shadow being to short to push the cart designed for humans.
Shadow was throwing a party, and Omega, somehow thinking a party involved suitcases and firing all weapons systems, (allusions to Dragonbreath1's fanfics! Read them, very funny!) had agreed to help.
Of course, this brings up a whole new question, of why Shadow was throwing a party in the first place.
It all began last week, at a party Sonic was throwing…
A haze filled the air, Omega looking around in alarm, the only one who could see it apparently.
"It seems as though it is another flashback, Comrade Shadow," the robot said with no emotion, being a robot.
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Loud noises and drunken singing filled the house, as Knuckles, who had drank three bottles of Root Beer, had some adverse reaction to the caffeine, and became a bit…crazy. Some people would call it a sugar high.
However, this story does not focus on the amusing antics of Knuckles, and instead the flashback focuses on a small couch in the corner, a grumpy looking Shadow sitting with his arms across his chest, Omega peering forward as Sonic stepped back, laughing at something Tails had said, and looked towards his rival in speed.
"Come on Shadow! Have some fun!" Sonic grinned, "We got Root Beer!"
Shadow hissed at the mention of the nasty tasting substance, earning a strange look from Sonic.
"Err…We have cake-flavored cake!" Sonic then suggested, pulling out a slice from seemingly nowhere. He blinked, and it disappeared, a scowling Shadow having a bit of frosting on his lips.
"…" Shadow commented.
Suddenly, an idea formed in Sonic's mind.
"Well, I guess I'm better then you then!" Sonic declared, grinning madly and turning around, preparing to walk off.
"No one is better then Shadow the Hedgehog…" Shadow spoke up from his couch in the corner.
"I'm better at having fun then you!" Sonic shot back, turning around with a smirk.
"No one has fun like Shadow!" Shadow declared, doing a bad impression of Gaston and jumping from the couch, "I will prove to you I am better at this, fun thing, as you call it."
"And how will you do that?" Sonic wondering, raising an eyebrow, the roar in the party getting a little louder, as Pop Rocks had been found, and Tails and Knuckles were making improve grenades with them by stuff them in sodas, shaking thoroughly, then throwing them before their arms were blown off.
"I…" Shadow paused, wondering just how he would do such a thing.
"I…will throw my own party," Shadow then declared, "And it will be, as you say, more fun then yours here!"
"Fine then! The usual wager?" Sonic wondered, holding out his hand to shake.
"The usual," Shadow answered, and the two hedgehogs shook hands, and the mist faded back, Omega looking around in the grocery store, slightly confused.
"Comrade Shadow, I believe I should see a mechanic. I am seeing things I should not be seeing," Omega said quietly to the still shopping Shadow, who merely shrugged, and continued shopping for items, remembering what Sonic had at his party.
After the purchasing of foodstuffs, Shadow easily Chaos Controlled the groceries to his house.
Well, he would have, except he forgot one important thing.
Shadow the Hedgehog was not a home owner. He wasn't even a renter. The closes thing to a home he had was ARK, and that was a bit to go for partygoers.
"Omega, I believe we have a problem," Shadow said slowly, as he and the robot stared at the mute brown bags full of food and other necessary party supplies, including Kimi-Be-Gone Spray.
"How will we acquire a home unit, Comrade Shadow?" Omega wondered, "Perhaps we can…convince someone of lending one to us?"
"Are you suggesting we barge into someone's home, and then threaten to hurt them unless they let us use their house to throw a party?" Shadow asked, raising an eyebrow towards his robot friend.
"Of course not Comrade Shadow! But my scanners indicate that humans seem fascinated by small green pieces of paper. Perhaps if we gave them some, they would be willing to part with a home unit," Omega said, shocked that Shadow would think he'd suggest such a thing. Unless, of course, it was Eggman they did it to.
Shadow, looking a little disappointed for some reason, merely nodded, "True. They don't seem to like it when I pay in Rings. But where will we find these pieces of paper?"
"They can not be difficult to acquire some. There seems to be a large number of them," Omega reasoned, "And perchance we can assemble them ourselves."
"I think we need a job…" Shadow muttered, remembering an incident when he attempted to procure food at a food place with golden arches, unable to pay with cash, and told to 'Get a job bum!' by one of the annoyed customers behind him.
Authorities have yet to find that guy.
"And how shall acquire one Comrade Shadow?" Omega wondered.
Shadow paused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Well…Not sure. Perhaps we should ask Rouge."
"Comrade Rouge?!" Omega said, perking up, "At her Club? Would I be able to meet Miss Toaster once more?"
There was another pause from Shadow, though this one was a much more awkward one, and Omega was completely oblivious to the slightly disgusted and stunned look on his friend's face.
"Omega…that's just a normal toaster…" Shadow finally said, "It doesn't have any intelligence…"
Omega's eye glowed for a second, and he pointed two large cannons towards the Ultimate Life Form.
"Do you dare insult Miss Toaster, Comrade Shadow?!" Omega roared, locking unto the now slightly scared looking Shadow.
"Ummm…I mean…The age difference…" Shadow muttered, "I don't think it would work out."
"What about the age difference between you and Miss-"
"Shut up…" Shadow said quickly, eyes darting back and forth, "We're not suppose to talk about romance! At least not right now, with canon characters."
"…Omega believes that Comrade Shadow should not break the fourth wall," the robot said, removing his cannons from Shadow's face, "Now, let us visit Comrade Rouge and Miss Toaster!"
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"You want to know how to get a job?" Rouge wondered, eyebrow raised as she sat on the couch across Shadow, who was sitting on an uncomfortable stool.
"Yes…Omega and I need money. So we can get a house. To throw a party. And thus I shall beat the Faker at this 'fun' thing!" Shadow declared, clenching his fist, as Omega's voice, speaking in French, wafted across the room, the words 'Mademoiselle Grille-pain' heard very often.
"Well then…" Rouge grinned slyly, "I could pay you to help me with something."
"But I already told you, I don't know how to River Dance!" Shadow said, exasperated.
Rouge merely blinked, then laughed, shaking her head, "No, no, no. I want help with a heist, and you and Omega can definitely help."
"May I bring Miss Toaster along, Comrade Rouge?" Omega asked from the kitchen.
"Then again, maybe not…" Rouge muttered, glancing over to the hapless hedgehog called Shadow, who squirmed slightly in his seat.
"Can you help us or not Rouge?" Shadow wondered, getting slightly frustrated.
"I suppose so," the bat smiled, a gleam in her eyes, "You two will get…ten percent off what I make from this heist."
"Ten percent?!" Shadow spluttered, eyes wide, "But there's two of us! We should get two thirds of the money!"
Shadow suddenly found a boot to his chest, an angry looking Rouge glaring towards him, "Listen, if you and Omega weren't friends, I would have just dumped you two out on the streets, got it? Now because I'm so generous, I'll let you and Omega have a separate, ten percent cut, got it? Now if you complain about that, I will throw you out on the streets."
The black hedgehog gulped, staring forward at the scary sight. It was worse then when confronting Devil Doom…
"Go-got it…" Shadow muttered, the Ultimate Life Form now being freed from the boot.
"Good. Omega, put down my toaster and get in here! We're going over the plan!" Rouge shouted towards the kitchen, and a sad looking Omega appeared, toasterless.
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Shadow squirmed uncomfortably in the vent, staring towards the stone tablet he was suppose to help steal for Rouge's employer, waiting for the all clear from Omega.
The plan was simple enough. Omega would disable the outside security, while Rouge would get the inside ones. Once done, a simple Chaos Control by Shadow, and the tablet would be theirs. Errr…Rouge's.
"I've got the inner defenses offline," Rouge's voice crackled through Shadow's ear piece, "Now we're just waiting on Omega."
The robot in question did not have the plan entirely down pat. He thought that after he disabled the outside defenses, he was suppose to help Shadow steal the tablet, and when his bulky form did not fit through the air vent, decided to proceed another way.
"PROCEEDING TO HELP COMRADE SHADOW AND ACQUIRE ITEM!" Omega shouted, punching the museum's door open without much trouble, green eyes glowing as he looked around the museum, activating his floodlights to see.
"Destroying non needed targets!" Omega then yelled, locking his missiles on several priceless items, preparing to fire.
Neither Omega, Shadow, or Rouge would confess as to what happened next, but it was a good thing Rouge had gotten the inner security off.
The next morning, the sun would illuminate the destroyed building, artifacts of all kind now lost the searing heat of Omega's missiles. Needless to say, no one noticed the tablet missing, as it was presumed destroyed as well, but, in reality, Shadow had hastily punched the glass covering, winced and cursed, then stole the tablet and Chaos Controlled himself and Rouge out before he accidentally destroyed them in his search and acquire mission.
Shadow also managed to get Omega out from the rubble before authorities were able to appear, and it was presumed that Eggman was responsible for it, who as we all know, didn't, but was nevertheless arrested at a Safeway after purchasing a Snicker's Bar, a gallon of milk, and a copy of Discover Magazine. He is still in custody.
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"Remind me to never hire you two again for another job…" Rouge sighed, handing Omega and Shadow their share.
"Ten dollars…" Shadow muttered, staring at the green bill. Something didn't seem right, but maybe that was just the bandage around his hand.
Omega quickly shifted his still running thought process from 'Destroy' to 'Economics', a relatively easy switch.
"This does not compute Comrade Rouge," Omega finally said, "We were offered ten percent, not ten dollars. Was the job for only one hundred of these green bills?"
"No, it wasn't. But the price was lowered since you destroyed the damn museum, and I took what was taken out of your two's payments!" Rouge growled, "I swear, if you weren't friends…"
"Hey, I didn't mess up!" Shadow protested, "Why should I only get-"
A glare from the bat thief quickly shut him up.
"Now get out and find yourself a different way to make money!" Rouge yelled, shooing the two out her front door and locking it after them.
"…Does this mean I can not visit Miss Toaster again?" Omega wondered, as the two sat outside in silence for a few minutes.
"Nah, she'll calm down. Now come on. Let's get us a 'job' thing," Shadow answered, and stood up, and together, the two headed down the street…
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A.N. Part II is already about halfway written, so expect it up within a few days.
Hope you enjoyed!
I do NOT own Sonic and all related titles. Wish I did though. Then we'd have a movie. Well, another movie.