Chapter 1

It felt like an eternity since she had walked up these stairs, sixteen weeks to be exact. Her thoughts began to wander through all the cases she had worked here, and the final moment she walked out that door.

"Erin… what…"

She looked up to see Sargent Platt behind the desk looking right at her with a blank expression, questions pouring through her eyes.

"Is Halstead here?"

"They are all out on a case… I can buzz you up if you want to wait?"

"Yeah… um… that'd be good."

She walked toward the gate, not looking back trying to keep the questions from coming. She heard the familiar buzzing sound and pushed through the gate and up the stairs momentarily pausing at the top taking in the sight of her old stomping grounds.

As if on auto-pilot she moved toward her desk… or her old desk as it appeared to be now. Files and photos were present, "guess they found a new girl…" she turned and her breath caught in her chest as she now stood right in front of his desk. Running her fingers along the edge she looked at the organized clutter of his desk almost tricking herself it believing nothing had changed.

Tears threatened to break from her eyes as she rested her hand on her middle, staring up at the ceiling trying to pull herself together. And then she heard that laugh that made her whole world snap into focus, shifting her coat she turned to see three of the team coming up the stairs.

"Erin…" Antonio moved quickly across the room toward her holding her arms quickly inspecting her to see if she was real. A smile spread across Atwater's face welcoming her back.

But He just stared blankly at her from the top of the stairs, a wave of panic and relief washing over his whole body. Shifting her focus solely to him she finally spoke after what seemed like hours "Can we have a minute?"

Without even saying a word he motioned to the back hallway leading her toward a private space, she followed careful to keep her coat pulled loosely around her. Walking a few steps behind him she could since the rising tension in his body, he pushed through the locker room door not pausing until he was in the furthest corner of the room hidden from anyone trying to listen in.

Turning toward her his face was like stone not cracking to show any emotion as he spoke "So where have you been?"

"I checked into a program" she said after a second of silence looking toward the ground.

"And you couldn't call or write to check in and let us know you weren't in a ditch somewhere…" he paused waiting to for her to look up and offer up an excuse "Your phone was shut off, your apartment empty and on the market, even Bunny didn't know where you were" distain dripping from his voice at the mention of her mother's name, letting her know just how worried they had been resorting to contacting the person who dragged her under trying to find a lead.

"I had to just go, if I had looked back or called someone I knew I couldn't have been able to do it."

Looking up she saw his eyes soften for just a second before clouding over again "So your back…finished the program?"

"Not yet, I got a day pass so I could… come back… to talk to you"

His emotions betrayed him as confusion spread across his face "Why me? Why now?"

She stood as she spoke turning while removing her oversized jacked and laying it over the locker room bench "Because you had the right to know…"

"Know what?" confusion and worry hitting him hard until she turned back toward him showing her new profile "You're Pregnant…"

"Found out a month after I handed over by badge, after freaking out for a full day I knew I needed to get help. Before I could let the darkness pull me under again or twist my mind I left… checked myself into a substance abuse program outside Chicago joined the grief group at the center… I … I knew I had to put the pieces back together, at least somewhat, before you would ever trust me again or at the very least believe me." It took all she had to not look away as she spoke, locking her eyes on his reading his emotions as best she could.

She saw a question forming on his lips, before he could ask "Nineteen weeks" she stated giving him the answer before he could form the words "I'm nineteen weeks along…" understanding flashed over his face and he finally let the tension fall from his shoulders for the first time since he came up the stairs. "So the night we…"

"Yup, who knew that night you would actually be saving my life" she tried to soften the situation some more but it caused him to look more hurt then before. "Sorry…"

"So… that's my kid in there?"

She nodded having prepared herself for having to answer this exact question multiple times. He kept his eyes locked on her swollen abdomen as the reality of the situation started to fully sink in. When his eyes finally connected again with hers the cold exterior was gone and she finally saw the Jay she remembered. They stayed there frozen in the moment snapping out of it only when Ruzek pushed through door did Jay drop his gaze

"Halstead we caught a lead, we gotta go"

"Be right there… look we have a case… here's my key, wait for me at my place… we have a lot to talk about" He pushed a single key into her palm and quickly left the room without another word.

She looked down into her hand at the silver key… "Well it's something" she closed her hand around the key putting on her coat as she slipped down the back stairs just before Voight came around the corner.