By: Amanda
Feedback: sweety167yahoo.ca
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I'm just playing with JK Rowling's toys. I promise to put them back when I'm done, whenever that is.
Spoilers: including Deathly Hallows
Summary: Some people fight to be ordinary, and it's their noble cause.
Completed: September 7, 2007
Notes: One must see all sides.
Sometimes you have to give something up for love. It can be anything; a hobby, a vice, a skill, even a way of life. It all depends on how much it's worth to you, on how much you want it.
It's about choices.
Vernon Dursley was my choice.
It all started before that though. Long before.
Lifetimes ago, Lily and I were not that different. Two girls, two sisters who would dream of fairy book weddings and tea parties with the Queen. That was until, one sunny afternoon in the yard, Lily moved the teapot higher than me.
I could only make it quiver.
She moved everything, unashamed, in every public place. The flowers in the park scared me; someone could see. Someone would know. Someone did.
Everything changed after that.
It was the summer that Lily turned eleven and still I could only make the flatware shake when father wouldn't listen to me. When he wouldn't pay attention to me.
I came home from a friend's up the street for tea, and found a strange man standing in our living room. He wore a bright-coloured robe and half-moon shaped glasses. I had never seen anyone like him before.
He watched me from the corner of his eye and winked.
"Oh no," Father spoke up, catching the small exchange, "One is quite enough, I should think." His arms were crossed his on his chest – there was no way he was changing his mind.
The man's eyes twinkled at me, "Indeed sir. Quite right."
Dad nodded, proud of their understanding, "To your room Petunia."
Lily went to a new school after that.
I said nasty, hateful things to her as she left me there on the train platform. We were supposed to be together forever, she and I. That's what we has always planned. But she was leaving me behind. Poor, plain Petunia.
Only she didn't forget. Over summer holidays Lily came home with whimsical stories of magical creatures, talking paintings and friendly ghosts. A fairytale of her time away at school.
"We're not supposed to discuss this with Muggles," she spoke with a new authority, a new passion. She was something special now. "But, Dumbledore said you might be curious." He had refused my letter previously, but now seemed content to keep me interested. Keeping me in the loop.
She pulled a large, leather bound book from her school trunk and handed it to me; A History of Magic was written in glittering gold lettering.
"Just don't tell dad."
The second year saw an unusual number of owls around our home. It was the fastest way to write each other, the easiest way to have my questions answered and to keep in an eye on my sister.
We were almost peas in a pod again.
And I missed my sister. Not that I'd tell anyone that.
Only, she had grown closer to her kind at school: Severus and the others from her House. Gryffindors, or some creature. So I tried to get closer to my school friends. But they had questions, more questions than I could handle. There were more curious faces about my missing sister; more whispers about her other school. More gossip.
They all whispered, all but Vernon.
Vernon Dursley was the most average person I had ever met.
And he never accused me of being otherwise. I never wanted to move another piece of flatware again. Not if he was around.
Everything changed again, after that.
As the years wore on, I stopped accepting owls – it was strange in our part of town. Abnormal. And I didn't want to risk that. I'd avoid being home over holidays when Lily came back. Best not to be swayed. To be wooed by the magic and wonder, and things I couldn't be apart of.
The same could not be said for our parents. Their pride in Lily only grew, and I became less because I wasn't special. Certainly not special like their Lily. They didn't mind me being gone anyway.
I regularly vacationed with Vernon's family. I smiled pretty and did what was asked. I was sweet and courteous. I did ordinary things well; I learned to cook and clean. On my own, without the aid of a special piece of wood or poetic turn of phrase. I listened to Marge talk about dogs and ignored the little grey owl tapping at the window.
And, in the end, it all earned me an engagement ring.
Modest, simple and ordinary. A thin band and chipped diamond around my finger.
I longed to tell my sister. Make plans with my sister like we used to do as girls.
But things had changed. They were different now.
Fresh from Summer Holidays, with a ring on my finger and Vernon at my side, I was ready to burst into Mum and Dad's living room with the good news. To show them what their ordinary daughter could do. Only Lily was already there.
Lily and some lanky, dark haired boy of a man at her side. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet with glee and energy. And something else…
I knew what was coming, I could feel it. I hid my left hand behind my back.
"Lily has news," mum beamed.
Father nodded, clearly pleased with the matter
Lily took a careful step toward me, trying to whisper, "I tried to owl you –."
But mother broke in; "It'll be wonderful won't it? An autumn wedding."
That was it then; perfect Lily was going to have the perfect life. All magic and wonder. To hell with plain old Petunia.
I wanted to scream in the quiet room. Break every teapot in the house. Make them see me, make them listen.
The mess of black hair and glasses bounded over and thrusted his hand out at Vernon. "James Potter," He beamed, clearly expecting the jubilation that had started before our arrival to continue with claps on the back and congratulations.
Vernon glared from this James' hand to his face, but made no attempt to shake his hand or introduce himself, "You from the same wayward school as Lily?"
James laughed, the kind of laugh reserved to use against the only one left out of a very public secret. "Hogwarts is no wayward school, sir. It's the very best in Witchcraft and Wizardry," it was like listening to someone speak of Oxford.
Vernon's face reddened. He sputtered, "Did you just say witchcraft?"
James searched the faces around the room, the grin fading on his lips and his eyes narrowed. "Of course I did. I'm a wizard, like Lily's a witch." He put an affectionate arm around my sister's waist.
"NO!" I screamed, sending a decorative plate of the Queen falling from the wall and shattering on the floor.
Everything fell apart. It could be ruined. Nothing was plain. Nothing was ordinary.
I fled. Ran out the front door and into the street. Everything was bound to crumble. I wasn't as ordinary as I had worked so hard to be. We were different, all of us, different and freakish. And I was too scared to see that in Vernon's eyes now. Not when I had come so close.
"'Tunia!" I heard Vernon's heavy steps behind me, his voice shaky, "Wait!"
I stopped, but didn't dare turn around.
"Are you," he panted, struggled, "Are you – one of them?"
I shook my head, and heard him let out a heavy breath. Chancing a glance behind me, I caught the smile on his face, the relief. He was happy I was ordinary. Pleased even.
"Alright then, good," he paced a little, unsure of himself.
I turned to him, fiddling with my engagement ring, and asked the question I was afraid of hearing the answer to, "What now?"
He stopped pacing to stare at me. "We get married, we have our life…and we forget all this… nonsense." He nodded, like a man of authority: not someone who had encountered people of lore for the first time.
I smiled, safe, pleased, "Yes."
"Right," he nodded again, "no more wizards or whatnot. No more sisters." He crossed his arms over his wide chest, a lot like father. Those were the conditions. There was no room for discussion.
There is was: The choice. Vernon or Lily? Ordinary or magical? Life of my own, or a shadow?
Choices needed to be made.
And that was it. An ordinary life. It was something, and it would be mine.
The choice was made.
I heard later that Lily and James had a small wedding. One that matched Vernon's and mine. Neither of us had our sisters at our side like we had always planned. I didn't have a twill-dress or silk bows. No sparkling crystal or fairy-lights. But I had my life. That was something.
That was real.
There weren't any more owls pecking at my windows. No more strange wax seals on letters from exotic sounding places. I didn't even see Lily when mum and dad were buried. Strange to find one's parents dead in the sitting room with no clue as to why. No hint. No reason. Besides, I wouldn't have known where to find Lily if I had wanted to, no one could by then.
But, when Dudley was born I was overjoyed. No stars, no twinkles, no magic – a simple, ordinary baby boy. He was plain and natural, and perfect. He wouldn't surprise us like Lily had surprised our parents. There was no worry as far as Dudley was concerned. He was as plain as his pug nose.
I was thankful. Lucky. Safe.
Then I found him on my doorstep. A small bundle of a child: messy black hair and Lily's green eyes. Harry Potter, with his scared temple. And a letter.
Dumbledore finally saw it fit to write me. And make demands of me. Of us.
But I couldn't say no.
That was my choice. Against Vernon's stern glare. Against my better judgement. Against everything we had worked so hard to secure.
Being different killed Lily. I wouldn't let that kill her son too. I vowed to make him as ordinary as I had been. As ordinary as possible. Less than ordinary. It was safer that way. Safer to give up Lily and her memory. Safer to hide the magic and forget that nonsense. Safer to lock the boy away from the world that would see him for what he really was. Throw away childish things like magic and wands and wizards.
Hide that part of him. Of her. Of me.
You see, sometimes you have to sacrifice everything to salvage one thing.
END