Author's note: I do not own anything from Gintama. I'd really appreciate your reviews. This story is raw and unbetaed because I'm a busy superhero, saving the world and all that. Hope you don't mind. This fic is slightly more light hearted than my others. I wanna try writing the characters closer (oh really) to their gagged up canon selves. Good thing I have this weekend off. I should start studying though. We never do the things we're supposed to anyway. :D
The challenge was a piece of cake. It was a sure win, that is, if he didn't have these low lifes as teammates. Gintoki Sakata sighed dejectedly. He had his heart set on asking for unlimited daily cash as a prize. Big mistake counting his chickens before they've hatched. Bitterly, he blamed his idiotic group members.
The four-man team was composed of himself, Kagura, Zura -Katsura Kotarou- and Toushirou Hijikata. Plain and simple recipe for disaster. Never again, he thought, never again should the world make such a blunder. They all found themselves in embarrassing predicaments.
Hijikata, the nicotine addict demon vice commander, had a tube of mayonnaise up his butt as he tried to claw his way out of a thick, thorny hedge on the side of the road. Zura, the dimwit and fugitive Joui faction leader, was inside a heavy-looking Ironman suit which had fallen over, causing his inability to move even an inch. Elizabeth, his constant oversized duck companion, was dressed as a cheerleader and at the sidelines, not even bothering to assist Zura with standing. Kagura, the violent Amanto China girl, had fallen to the ground, beaten after a long running close combat of the fists with the sadistic first division Shinsengumi captain, Sougo Okita of the other team.
Gintoki himself was being dragged across the rocky ground by the end of a whip wrapped around his wrists. Ayame Sarutobi, a purple haired woman with glasses who worked as a ninja assassin, was tugging him forward and Kondou Isao, the gorilla Shinsengumi captain, was barking with laughter, pulling along with her.
Gintoki grumbled in defeat. There was no way out of this. He only hoped that none of the winning demands of the other party involved him. But the odds were against him. There was no way that stalker woman would pass up the opportunity to get a piece of him. He could decipher her wishes from the very beginning, just as they were assembling for the contest. She screeched upon their meeting and glomped him within seconds. He didn't miss the ways she rubbed up against his body suggestively, also promising him in not so subtle words of the delightful days awaiting them.
He had torn her off him and flung her into a tree. This did not deter her, as usual. She continued to blush and bat her eyes at him, trying to get close only to end up pestering him to his limit.
A very, very bad feeling had overcome him. He was now at her mercy. The dragging stopped and Sacchan turned to face him. The glint in her eyes could not be overlooked as she giggled like a schoolgirl. She pulled him up to a standing position with his wrists still bound and then stepped closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. Her hands were caressing his biceps and she was making noises sounding like, "kyaa!" and "Gin-san!" He tried to shake her off but was interrupted by Shinpachi Shimura.
Shinpachi, a younger boy with glasses, had opted to be the judge this time. It was quite sensible of him since he could have ended up in his own shameful situation as the others have. He gave Gintoki a sympathetic look before shaking hands with Sacchan, Kondou, Taizou Hasegawa and Sougo, who had just arrived and was dusting his hands off on his pants.
"I guess Team Stalker Sadist wins!" Shinpachi declared. "Name your prize, guys." He prompted.
Gintoki could not think of any other word than "SHIT".
"Sacchan, ladies first," Kondou said, sniggering at Gintoki.
All too excited, Sacchan, who was still wrapped around Gintoki, was blushing and her eyes were shining delightedly. Gintoki tried to inch away but both Hasegawa and Sougo held him in place, devilish hints in their own eyes.
"Gin-san!" She gasped with glee. "I want Gin-san!"
"Uh... you have to be more specific." Shinpachi said. "What would you have him do?"
Gintoki shuddered at the conversation. He didn't want to have to do anything for that annoying stalker.
"Well, Gin-san, for the next four weeks, I want you to do whatever I ask you to!" She giggled, cuddling closer to him. "We're going places to have adventures. Just us. "
Kondou inclined his head, smiling, "Awesome, Sacchan! You're going to have a great time!" He pumped his fist for emphasis.
"I'm jealous! I want to go on a trip with my wife!" Hasegawa whined.
"You'll get your wish later." Sougo murmured. "But I don't think Boss is happy about this. It could be hell for him."
"THE HELL IT IS!" Gintoki roared. "That should be illegal!"
With an awkward look, Shinpachi said, "It's actually all right, Gin-san. You did agree to the terms of this bet beforehand."
"It's going to be fun, Gin-san!" Sacchan screamed. "28 days with only each other's company. It's like a honeymoon!" Shrieking, she fell to the ground, rolling side to side and lost in her fantasies.
Gintoki turned and took large, brisk steps, rushing to get away. He didn't even bother to stay and listen to the others' requests. It didn't matter. The next month would be pure torture and suffering. He should probably kill himself tonight.