I wrote this for a friend who's birthday was today. I liked the way it came out, so I decided to upload it. "Losing My Religion" by REM reminds me so much of how Aang would think/feel in Season 3 that I couldn't help myself.
Don't own, don't sue, plz.
Enjoy the read!
He finds himself lost in his thoughts more often than he'd like it to. It was a total subconscious action, and it was one that he didn't really try to stop. It was better to feel this way than to pretend to not feel at all. Ever since his failure (it hurts more than the sting of the scar that's forever burned on to his back) at Ba Sing Se, he finds it harder to keep his thoughts straight and mood positive. It was a never-ending battle, and when he feels his lowest, he wonders if he'd ever win...
The hardest battle of them all was the battle of his feelings for her. Loving Katara wasn't supposed to feel wrong, it wasn't supposed to make him feel filled with endless doubts and fears and regrets. It was supposed to make him feel happy, maybe even floaty, but nevertheless, it was supposed to make him feel positive feelings, instead of the ones that occupy his mind and heart.
He knows that she doesn't like it (he hates acting this way), but he's been distancing himself. He tries his hardest, and sometimes even his best, to try to stay far away from her, from her influences. The only thing Aang could wish for now concerning his feelings for Katara was for her own happiness. If this was what it took to bring back peace to the world then he'd sacrifice it.
However, nobody said that he had to feel better about it. It eats at him, strips away whatever nature he had inside of him before, and munches and molds and makes the product of who he was at the moment. So he lives in his own fairy-tale wishes (like those stories Monk Gyatso used to tell him before he went to sleep...), shrouded by his concerns and overpowered by his upcoming destiny.
Aang closes his eyes, smelling the salty sea as he stands on the deck of the Fire Nation ship that Katara and Sokka's father had captured. It was a safe way to get into the Fire Nation without being noticed, it made things easier for them, and since their defenses were lowest right now, this was exactly what they needed.
A couple of days later and they're hiding in plain sight, using Fire Nation clothes for disguises. Things have slowly been looking up, but despite this, he still felt the same as before. It was getting harder and harder by day, to push away any temptation she might bring. She looked so beautiful in Fire Nation wear that he couldn't help but stare sometimes. He noticed that she noticed he was still, distant and reserved but she tried her best, nothing worked.
Sometimes, he'd give her a soft smile just to please her, but it didn't.
He thought that he heard her laughing one day, and that brought half a smile, because as happy as he was for her, it sounded...different. He can't blame her, though.
Everyday he counts his confessions: I dreamed that I was with her, embracing her, kissing her like lovers would, making her happy. I dreamed that she was by my side, always: my best-friend, my girlfriend. I dreamed that she held my hand, and then kissed me, and then I kissed her…
But they were all just dreams.