KamiKaji: Well this is just gonna be a little one-shot, dunno how long it will be, don't really care. Although I hope it's darn funny! My good friend came up with the idea but she writes generally Yu Yu Hakusho fics so she's letting me write this. So I thank her greatly for this wonderfully hilarious idea but warn you about something.
Sasuke: We're going to be out of character.
Kaji: Exactly! And another warning!
Naruto: She'd going to try to be 'epic' and use lots of exclamation points when they aren't needed.
Kaji: Yeah, because comic hero's are always all epic and loud. I do not own Naruto or any sort of comic book franchise or anything like that.
The Adventures of Super-Emo Man
"Sasuke have you finished that report yet? It's due by six and if it isn't in it'll be both our jobs on the line!" shouted reporter for Konoha City, Sakura Haruno!
"I'll be done in a second get off my back," grumbled the dark haired buy from the desk that was none other than Sasuke Uchiha who by day was none other than a normal reporter. But by night he was the hero, Super Emo-Man! With the incredible power to cause his enemies to cut and cause them to fall into a depression about how horrible their lives are!
"There, done," He pushed his glasses up and printed the report on the notorious villain, The Weasel with his sidekick Fishboy! Their latest scheme had been to poison the peaceful burgs water supply and they had been foiled by Super-Emo Man!
Now the two were plotting sinisterly back at the Weasel's lair deeply hidden somewhere in the Uchiha Mansion. The Weasel sat, stroking his pet Raven as his villainous sidekick cleaned up after said creature muttering darkly.
"Itachi why do I have to do this, I'm your partner not your maid!" the blue skinned man fumed scrubbing the floor.
"Quiet Kisame," he stated watching intently upon his recorded footage of his archenemy. "That! That's it!" he declared loudly startling his pet bird so that it took off and added to its mess that Kisame was cleaning.
"Ah!" Kisame snarled throwing his rag onto the floor.
Meanwhile at Konoha Channel Seven…
Sasuke was just leaving his shift at the news station when he looked upon the sky where a large spotlight with a razor in its center was shining in the night sky. Ducking into an alleyway he pulled open his dress shirt to reveal a grey long sleeve pajama set with a razorblade at the center of the chest surrounded in a red circle. Removing his pants he showed off the same grey of his pants, black boxers on the outside and spandex boots. He quickly pulled on his matching gloves and took his glasses off, hiding his true identity!
He charged off towards town hall with his black cape whipping behind him.
"Super-Emo Man! It seems that dastardly devil The Weasel has captured mild mannered reporter Sakura Haruno! It's up to you to save her and stop whatever villainous plot he's cooked up this time!" Police Commissioner Kakashi Hatake informed him as he arrived.
"Super-Emo Man away!" he yelled and ran out to yet another hidden part of the Uchiha Mansion. This part of the home was dank and rather cave like for being inside his mansion.
"Fox-boy!" cried Super-Emo Man.
His partner and sidekick Naruto ran out in his costume; similar to his friends except orange in place of black and red in place or black with a fox across his chest and a red eye mask to hide his identity as Konoha City's number one knucklehead!
"Yes sir?" Fox-boy cried out in question.
"Sakura Haruno has been kidnapped; it's up to us to save her! To the Emo Mobile!" He pointed to a sleek gray car with tail fins.
"Right sir!" he hopped onto his orange motorcycle with a red fox head at the front, its eyes acting as headlights.
Together the two headed for the lair of The Weasel, mysterious behind the Uchiha Mansion…
"Come out Weasel!" Super-Emo Man shouted entering the domain of his nemesis.
"Ah, Super-Emo Man, how nice of you to drop by- Now Fishboy!" The Weasel screamed in his trademark evil spandex bodysuit, trench coat and left eye patch.
The fish-like man in his full body swimsuit and snorkel pulled back a lever and the two fell into a pit.
"Snacking Sharks Super-Emo Man!" Fox-boy exclaimed as they fell into a deep pool of water, "Look out behind you!"
A large Great White was nearly on him and with one sharp look the great beast broke down into large sobs.
"Why doesn't my son write to me more, he lives up above this hole!" cried the shark in a clearly feminine voice pulling out a hankie and dabbing at her eyes with her fin. "Why don't you love me son!"
"Shut up mom!" Fishboy screamed down into the hole.
"Now Fox-boy!" cried Super-Emo Man and with his awesome arsenal of amazing gadgets Fox-boy used his grappling hook to grab a rafter high above them both and pulled both he and his friend to safety!
"Curse you Super-Emo Man!" Cried The Weasel angrily, "Go Karasu!"
The Raven started pecking violently at Fox-boy before adding more to its mess.
"Fishboy! Clean the Weasel Lair's floor!" He declared calling the bird back, "Had enough you two?"
"You can't defeat us that easily!" cried Super-Emo Man. He gave the man a sharp look.
"Your powers of Emo will not work on me!" he declared and pulled back a curtain where Sakura Haruno dangled helplessly above a tank with dozens of rabid looking weasels.
"Help me Super-Emo Man!" she shrilled.
"I'll save you Miss Haruno!" Super-Emo Man declared.
"I beg to differ Super-Emo Man!" Stated The Weasel smugly, "If you thought one of us were bad, try the whoel Dawn Brigade!"
Several people landed in front of them as the rope holding Sakura started to lower.
"Good Golly Gosh Super-Emo Man!" Fox-boy cried.
"So you thought you could defeat us, think again Super-Emo Man!" stated the red haired troublemaker, the Puppeteer with his blonde sidekick, Clay!
Both Avarice and his partner Jashin Junior cackled arrogantly.
"Prepare to taste your inevitable defeat!" shouted Plant-Man and his sidekick with a less than creative name.
"Hi I'm Tobi!" Cried the man with an orange mask.
"Don't reveal your reveal name Tobi!" growled out the black half of Plant-Man.
"Yes Zetsu-san," he complied happily.
"Don't say ours either!" Both halves yelled.
"It doesn't matter how many of you there are as long as I have the powers of…Emo!" Super-Emo Man declared, "Let's go Fox-boy!"
The forces of good and evil engaged and with a few well placed punches with the appropriate:
POW!
ZANK!
BOOM!
PUNCH!
KICK!
And of course, EMO!
The Dawn Brigade was defeated save for The Weasel.
"No, my plans for world domination are ruined!" he cried nearing the edge of the tank of weasels.
"How did kidnapping Miss Haruno help you near world domination you fiend!?" demanded to know the hero of our story.
"You'll never know-!" he fell back into the tank where the furry animals attacked him and he screamed.
"Super-Emo Man!" screamed Sakura as she started to plummet.
Throwing a well aimed razorblade and jumping he cut her loose and caught her.
"Are you alright Miss Haruno?" Asked Fox-boy after piling up the battered bodies of the Dawn Brigade.
"Oh yes, thank you Super-Emo Man!" she pecked his cheek.
"All in a day's work Miss Haruno!" He declared.
"You look familiar…Sasuke?" She guessed.
"No, no of course not, I am not Sasuke Uchiha, I am Super-Emo Man!" he lied nervously.
"…I didn't say Uchiha…" She clarified and he grew silent trying to think of a better lie.
"To the Emo Mobile!" he ran out.
"See you at work Sasuke!" she waved.
Fin
Kaji: I hope you all liked that. It was just a blast to write, what with all the Batman and Superman jokes I just made. Well, please review.