Peeta:
I was wondering the train, knowing that Katniss would wake from her nightmares, and that I was the only person who could calm them, scare them away. I sighed, and finally entered her room. She was lying still, almost peacefully, for a few seconds before I saw the fear cross her face.
I laid beside her, just as the screams started. Her screams shatter my heart. What's left of it, anyway. "Katniss! Katniss, wake up!" I shake her a little. "Katniss, I'm here!" I shake her harder. Her eyes fly open, but she's still in her dream. "Katniss, it's fine. It was just a dream. You and I are on the train. Wake up." Once she realizes she's fine, her arms lock around me. Almost like she needs me. When she looks into my eyes, everything feels better. Right before your eyes ,I'm breaking, no past No reasons why, Just you and me.
I see the pleading in her eyes, for me not to go. I know that she's pleading for me to stay for the nightmares, not for me.
"Go back to sleep," I whisper. "I'll be here."
This is how our weeks are passed. During the days, we act like we're in love. She relies heavily on me to make her look likeable. At night, I wonder the train, waiting for her screams. She has no idea that my heart breaks when I hear her screams. This is the last time I'll help her, I bargain with myself. This is the last time.
My will is destroyed about thirty seconds later when I hear her whimpering my name. My heart aches for her. I rush to her, and wake her. "Oh, Peeta," she whispers. Clinging to me, she falls asleep.
She doesn't eat, she hardly sleeps. I hold her at night, and during the day, she's too afraid to let go of me. Her prep team tries to cover the circles under her eyes; Cinna takes in her dresses. Effie gives her pills to sleep, but they don't work. They just make it harder for me to wake her up. I always climb into her bed to make the dreams stop, and she always lets me. In some ways, these nights are harder than the cave. But, we do it together. Nothing else happens, but our arrangement quickly becomes a subject of gossip.
Back in our old training center, the first night is worse. She doesn't sleep at all. She clings to me, crying. "Please don't let them take me away, Peeta," she pleads. I cry along with her. One night, we don't sleep. We're too tired to sleep. She looks at me.
"Peeta?"
"Yes, Katniss?" She's laying in the crook of my arm.
"I'm sorry. This is the last time I'm going to hurt you. I promise."
She doesn't know how much that hurts me, though. I just nod.
The next day, we're all sitting around the table, and she looks at me. "Peeta, why don't you propose to me when we talk to Cesar?"
I smile, hoping she genuinely wants to marry me. I look up at her, seeing no emotion on her face.
"Yes, Katniss. Of course." Before I lose it, I go to my room.
I stay outside, to hear her voice. "I thought he wanted it, anyway."
"Not like this," Haymitch says. "He wanted it to be real."
I hear Katniss stomping my way, so I duck into my room.
That night, when we're on the stage, talking to Ceasar, Peeta answers most of the questions, and leaves the smiling to me. When he asks about the future, I get down on one knee. The crowds grows silent.
"Katniss, from the moment I saw you eleven years ago, I knew I was going to marry you. I was stupid for not talking to you before the Games. I'm just so lucky I did get reaped, though. The odds were in my favor when you helped me survive. Katniss Everdeen, will you please marry me?" I emphasize please, as if she might say no. She grins, and wraps her arm around me.
"Yes, Peeta! I will." The crowd goes wild. I don't notice, though. She kisses me. But this isn't a stage kiss. This is a real kiss.
At the dinner, President Snow surprises us with a visit. He slaps my back and shakes my hand. He knows I love her, and he is happy for me. He hugs Katniss, and she smiles. She raises her eyebrows at him.
For some reason, Katniss becomes happier after that. Her smile is no longer forced. President with Snow offers to throw the wedding for us. Katniss jumps up and down, almost catatonic with joy. We go to the feast, to see what there is.
"I want to taste everything in the room," she tells me.
What is up with her? Did we succeed? We must have, if she's so happy. Maybe, just maybe, she's actually happy with marrying me.
We dance, eat, and our company is sought out. That night, we say our goodbyes, and are on the train by one. Haymitch is drunk, and put in his room while the rest of us enjoy tea. Effie suggest going to bed, and nobody resists. Katniss and I walk to our rooms, holding hands.
"Goodnight, Peeta," she smiles.
"Goodnight." Last night was the last time. The last time she wasn't going to hurt me anymore. The last time she asked me to put her name at the top of my list. I wait outside her door, and she falls asleep.
I peek in."Peeta," she calls for me in her sleep, and I can't resist. I lie next to her, and she wraps her arms around me in her sleep. My heart splits in two. I fall asleep almost instantly.
I wake around 11, but Katniss is still asleep, so I just watch her sleep. When she wakes, it's early afternoon. She turns, as if not to wake me, but she sees I'm up.
"No nightmares," I whisper.
"What?"
"You didn't have any nightmares," I say.
She processes this. "I had a dream, though. I was following a mockingjay through the woods. For a long time. It was Rue, really. I mean, when it sang, it had her voice."
"Where did she take you?" I ask, while pushing her hair off her forehead. Her gray eyes flick up to mine, and my heart threatens to shatter.
"I don't know. We never arrived. But I felt happy."
"Well, you slept like you were happy," I say. She did.
"Peeta, how come I never know when you're having a nightmare?"
"I don't know," I confess. I don't think I cry out or thrash or anything. I just come to, paralyzed with terror."
"You should wake me," she says, sweetly.
Without thinking, I say, "It's not necessary. my nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm okay once I realize you're here." Oh, no. She's going to get up and stomp out. I crossed a line. She draws back a little. "It will be worse when we're hope and I'm sleeping alone again," I whisper.
Yes, last night was the last time.
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