It was past midnight and I was holding a gun. I couldn't handle this anymore; the images just kept flooding my mind. All the memories, all my loved ones, just the thought of leaving them, leaving everything I worked for, everyone I loved. I can't bear it; I'm torn down the middle and have given up. I can hear the distant sound of footsteps getting closer and closer. It was too late, they couldn't save me, I was already gone.
Have you ever imagined how it would be like to die? To stand on the high end of a balcony, staring down as the cars wizz by, staring at the people who look like specks? Feeling the wind as it tickles the nape of your neck? Have you ever had the feeling of pure curiosity, a voice in your head that keeps chanting "jump"? You imagine yourself falling, the feeling of adrenaline coursing through your useless limbs. The ground grows nearer and all you can think is "this is it." Would you die on impact? Where would you go if you died? Questions run through your head and you almost feel as if that voice is controlling your body, slowly carrying you towards the edge. The night sky looks so tranquil, so beautiful. Then you imagine closing your eyes and taking that last step.
How many nights have I spent on that balcony? Contemplating whether or not to go for it, to just take that one step that will determine my fate. Too many times I have thought about the consequences that could happen if I managed to live. Therapy? Counseling? Medical Attention? And every time I back away from that ledge, getting further and further away from the destination I long for. To scared to actually carry out my wish. I have had so many thoughts like these ones, so many times I have thought about suicide; it almost disgusts me. Always mulling over life and death. Always telling myself that it's for the better that no one cared.
That is until He came.
I heard it, even though it was faint, I still heard it. The quiet jingle of someone trying to get in. Startled I dashed to my bed, clumsily tripping over shoes and books that blocked the way. Then there was voices, low whispers that clouded my mind. My body became immobile as I panicked. What was happening? Why can't I move? I began to question petty little things that one would never even thought of fussing about. Why did I have to wear blue jeans today? Or, I should have changed my socks. Silly little things that you don't acknowledge until you're at a certain state of mind, confused and vulnerable. All defenses dropped- you're an easy target.
Darkness blocked out the pale moonlight as the door gently swung open. A figure stood in the doorway, the light gone, too dark for it to be recognized. Then it laughed. It was the sound any human would go head over heels for, it was the voice of angel. I could feel my knees go weak; the hairs on the back of my neck sand up, my palms go clammy, as it approached me. Watching with curiosity as it sauntered over; I noticed that it was not walking, but floating along. Its feet never touched the floor and it looked as though it had objects prodding through its back. A hand carefully touched my cheek, as the other gripped the back of my neck. I felt my heart beat increase with every second that passed by. Breath. I could feel the warmth of it lingering on my lips, as I gasped at the unusual sensation. What was it trying to do? I could feel its lips encase my own as I squeezed my eyes shut. I lost my first kiss to someone I don't even know! Why was it kissing me anyhow? The lips that were once connected to my own were torn away, as fatigue washed over me. Reality began to fade out, but before it could overcome me I could hear the figure, whisper in the same angelic voice as before. "Join me."