Chapter 1

"Simon!" Phil's voice echoed through the hallway. No response. Phil furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and walked to his friend's bedroom.

"Hello? Are you there?" Phil said, poking his head through the door. His eyes fell upon a figure covered in bedsheets. Phil grinned, then pulled the covers off, succeeding with a couple of tugs.

"Who's that...?" a voice, heavy with sleep muttered.

"Get up, sleepyhead, it's time to go to school," Phil declared, nudging his friend. When he saw that that didn't work Phil thought for a minute. Then he had an idea.

"OH MY GOD SIMON WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. After Phil's sudden yelp Simon fell off his bed.

"What?!" Simon said, shocked. "Oh geez, I've got to get ready!" He dashed past Phil who was giggling uncontrollably.

Simon came back with a toast forced into his mouth and all dressed for school. "Okay I'm ready, let's go." Phil leaned against the wall, a smirk plastered on his face.

"What're you on about, Phil?" Simon asked as he packed his bag.

"I just did that so you would wake up. Now hurry before I leave you here," Phil told him, flashing an innocent smile.

Phil held the door out for Simon as the two boys departed from their small dormitory. Simon walked aside Phil, breathing in the sweet, cold scent of the morning.

It didn't take them long to arrive to school in less than 10 minutes. Simon and Phil walked up the stone steps and entered the hallway.

"Were you up last night?" Phil asked. Simon stared at the ground. "Well yeah, I was just finishing up my History project." Simon looked at Phil only to see a cloud of worry shrouding his blue eyes. "It's nothing," Simon smiled. Finally, Phil looked away.

The two stopped at an intersection in the hallway, and Simon and Phil fist bumped each other, something that had felt like tradition by now. "See you at break, buddy," Simon told Phil, who replied, "You too, Simon." With one last glance at each other, they both turned and walked their separate ways. Phil walked silently but briskly to his locker, and dialed his combination like he had done for 2 years already.

"Uhm, excuse me," a voice suddenly entered the silence, and Phil turned to see a boy with a brown fringe and a nice set of brown eyes. He was wearing a black t-shirt along with black jeans and a black backpack to match. Wow, in this hot weather, Phil was surprised that this guy could live under the heat.

"Aren't you hot in that?" Phil asked him.

"Of course I am," he replied with a grin.

"No, I don't mean it in that way," Phil laughed, "Today's weather is supposed to be really warm." The brown haired guy shrugged. "I never cared about the temperature outside," he said. "Regardless if it's cold or hot I always wear black." Phil stared at him, awestruck. This guy had really, really pretty eyes. They had a soft shimmer to them and had a nice, bronze brown color.

"Anyway," he said, interrupting Phil's mind process, "I need to find my locker. Do you know where number 347 is?"

"Actually, my locker number is 348. You're right next to me," Phil replied. "Oh, that's even better," the brown-eyed teen said, relieved. "I don't have to walk another freaking mile." He swooped in right next to Phil and dialed his combination.

"So, I'm guessing you're new here?" Phil asked. The guy chuckled. "No, I'm just changing lockers because my past one was next to this group of people, and they kept on stealing stuff from me." Phil's eyes widened. "Oh, it's okay now," he said casually. "They weren't important, really." There was a mirror fixed into his locker wall and he adjusted his brown fringe. "I've got to go now," he said as he slung his backpack over his shoulder.

"Ah, wait!" Phil instinctively grabbed his sleeve. "I never got your name."

"Dan."

And with that, Phil watched Dan walk away.

Phil was walking back home, hearing only the distant noises that his shoes made as they scraped the floor. Wind brushed his hair and a few hair strands fell over his eyes so he reached out and swept it away carelessly. It was only until Phil's phone ringed and on the screen it read, 'Simon'.

He pushed the green button to accept the call with his thumb. "Hello?" he called out when he pressed the cold screen on his right ear.

"Hey, buddy, how you doing?" Simon's deep voice answered. Phil smiled. "I'm great, thanks," he replied. "What's up?"

"The sky."

"No, Simon, I'm serious, where are you?"

"I stopped at a small shopping place to get some food. I was just wondering if you wanted anything from here." There was a short silence before Phil responded.

"It doesn't matter, really," Phil said at last.

"Oh really? Okay, I'll just get you a sandwich completely lathered in cheese. Bye now-"

"Simon, I swear if you-"

"Okay, okay! You better not toilet paper my room again! It took me such a long time to get it all off...there's actually still bits of paper under my bed where you taped it. Thanks, Philip," Simon said.

"Bye, sucker, " Phil laughed, then placed his thumb over the red button to leave the call.

"Love you too," Simon replied as he hung up.

Phil had at last reached the steps of his and Simon's dormitory. "I'm home," he called out to nobody in particular, and got into his pajamas. He snuggled against the couch and turned on the TV, thus sitting back and pulling out his phone. He sat there for a while, checking his social medias, and waited until he finally heard the ring of the doorbell.

"Coming!" Phil called out, then scrambled to the door.

Simon was at the door, carrying two plastic bags and a wide smile on his face.

"Hey," Phil replied. Simon frowned. "Are you just gonna stand there?" he asked. "I'm freezing!"

Phil chuckled, then let Simon in, closing and locking the door behind him.

The two boys gathered on the couch and took their sandwiches, Phil opening his first. He gasped as his sandwich had a lot of cheese in it. "Simon!" he said, turning to give him a death glare, but only to see Simon laughing his head off. "Y-your face was priceless!" Simon wheezed. "I purposely switched our names on the bags!" When Phil had crossed his arms, astonished he had fallen for something so simple, Simon said in a pouty tone," You're so gullible, Philly." He gave Phil his bag and took the sandwich with cheese, biting immediately into it and sighing with content. Phil started to bite his and the two continued eating whilst watching their favorite show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was until then that they were to go sleep for the night, and Phil fist bumped Simon as they went inside their rooms.

"See you tomorrow, mate." Phil smiled broadly as the two best friends gazed at each other.

"See you," Simon returned the smile, but not fully as he turned and entered his room, closing the door. Phil frowned. Was Simon okay? Shrugging, Phil assumed that he was just tired from waking up early. After all, he had a project he worked on the night before and he needed his rest. Phil closed his bedroom door and tucked himself into the bedsheets, which were blissfully nice and warm. It didn't take too long for Phil to go to sleep, his thoughts resting on Simon and his worries fading away.

The next day, sunlight coming from Phil's blindfolds hit his eyes, and he stirred. As he sat up rubbing his eyes, he yawned and knocked on Simon's door. No answer. Phil decided to let himself in and check to see if Simon was just sleeping deeply. He saw the familiar shape of Simon cradled in his bedsheets, and Phil reached out to shake his arm.

But there was nothing.

Phil blinked in surprise. He let his hand drift through Simon's bed, but there was no one under the covers. Phil finally pulled back the sheets. There was no Simon, only pillows tucked under the bed to look like a person was sleeping under it. Panic flooded Phil's eyes.

"Simon?" Phil called out. "Simon, where are you?" He rushed down the stairs, hoping desperately that Simon was just there happily munching on his cereal. But there was no one to be found.

"Simon!" Phil yelled, terror setting in. He ran back up the stairs to his room. "I need to find him...!" Phil muttered as he dressed for school. Phil was about to walk out when he spotted something that he was certain was not there before. A note.

Phil, relief washing over him like a wave, took the note and opened it. It was definitely from Simon.

Dear Phil,

Hi. It's Simon. Right now you're sleeping and I'm up late typing this to you. You must be very worried when you wake up tomorrow, not finding me. Well, it's pretty awkward having to explain something that's gonna happen in the future. By the time you read this I would probably have wrote this by now. But as of right now, I'm writing in the present. Isn't that weird?

Anyway. I wish I could tell you all this, hoping you'd understand, but I realize now there's definitely no way that you can be okay with me disappearing mysteriously. I've been trying very hard to hint at you and hopefully give the situation to you piece by piece, but I'm going to have to tell you whether you like it or not.

Philip Michael Lester. You changed me ever since we met. When I was breaking and under the influence of drugs, you were my light in my darkness. To be figurative you were the best drug that I've ever taken. You saved me. And I want to just say thanks. Thank you for being there when no one else was. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for being my best friend.

The thing that I'm getting at is, although you've tried very hard to keep me happy the darkness is still there. Believe me, Phil, please...I tried to avoid it but it kept coming back. The effects of your drug were long lasting...but now the effects are starting to wear off. My addiction...it's just horrible. That night, Phil, when I was working on my project? It wasn't a project. I snuck out and my addiction took over me. It's been happening frequently now...I don't know why it came back when I was totally fine for 2 years. So...I thought that I was just a burden to you. That I'll always be under your care, that you'll have to worry about someone like me. And I thought, I'm not worth your effort. I'm sorry Phil, I really am. You've been such a great friend to me, and I really thank you for what you've been doing, but I think enough is enough.

Phil, I'm in too deep in the darkness that theres no escape. And before I do this, I ask you to help save everyone else that is about to fall into the dark hole of darkness. Save them with your kindness and happiness...make sure that no one else will fall as deep as I did. Don't be sad, Phil. All the good times are sacred to me and I will treasure these memories forever and ever. Please understand. For my sake Phil...A world influenced under you will be the best world to live in. Goodbye Phil. I'm with you to the end of the line.

From your best friend, Simon

Phil didn't know what to think. Was this a joke?

This was all true and Simon would never go that far to do a joke. Phil slunk onto his bed, his legs weak with numbness.

What was this feeling of emptiness? He was sobbing. His mouth was parted in shock and his eyes were filled with sorrow. His tears were overflowing and seeped through his clothes, the coldness chilling his skin. Phil would have loved to wipe it away, but he let it be. He tried to stifle a wail, but it was no use. Phil started to shake, and he gripped his arms to control himself. He bent over, his knees against his chest, and buried his head inside his chest, allowing new tears soak his jeans.

Why would Simon do this? What happened? Phil mentally hit himself for not paying attention to Simon's activity. Why didn't he notice? He could've known...

Phil, having sniffed a couple of times, weakly walked over to his desk and obtained his laptop, searching desperately for a source of reassurance. He sat in his desk chair, opened his laptop and scrolled to his saved files. There, a video clip of Simon and him was there. This was recorded pretty recently, maybe around three weeks ago. Watching this now felt like it happened years ago.

The laptop lit up with a screen of Simon and Phil facing the camera, and smiling happily. They were positioned in front of a piano, and the camera captured their faces.

"Okay, you start," Simon's voice said, and the Phil in the video nodded, a little nervous.

"Uh, hi, this is Phil-"

"Phil, that's not how you start a good introduction," Simon laughed.

Phil, obviously stung by this, punched Simon in his arm, making Simon cower with pain, and Phil burst out laughing at him. "OW!" he yelled, but cheerfully as he nudged Phil for another attempt.

"Hey guys!" Phil started. "I'm Phil-"

"-and I'm Simon!" Simon finished, waving briefly.

"This is a song we've been working on together," Phil said. "And here's the final piece, I guess."

The two boys positioned their fingers onto the keys, and they looked at each other. "Ready?" Simon asked Phil.

"Yes," the Phil from the video and the Phil from reality replied, a small smile feigning in his lips now. The two boys, unable to hear Phil's additional response, gathered closer to each other and started playing their song, which was split into two parts. Phil took the left side of the screen, and Simon took the right. For a few minutes, Phil looked at the video, sick with nostalgic, and shut his eyes. He let himself submerge into the music, letting himself alone in his mind and shutting down the world around him. He started to not think about Simon anymore, and it almost felt like a dream.

Phil chuckled at himself. Maybe it was better to spend the rest of his life here, where everything was peaceful and quiet. Nothing but calmness remained here. The terror of the real world felt all cast aside; here, Phil felt happier.

But it wasn't home.

Sadness instantly washed over Phil; a moment ago he rejoiced in his quiet place, but now, reality came back. And whether Phil liked it or not, he had to deal with it, he had to.

For Simon's sake.

And with that, Phil left for school alone.

Phil had reached the all too familiar steps of his school. Seeing everyone casually continuing their lives just felt wrong. Phil wanted to scream. He wanted everyone to know what it was like to lose a best friend...and how it hurt so much.

He was just dialing his combination silently when someone stepped beside Phil.

"Hey."

Phil looked up. "Dan," he murmured. Despite all the hell Phil was going through, he felt a nice, warm feeling of friendliness when Dan was around. He continued to look at Phil, a worried expression displayed on his face.

"So," he began. "You weren't here this morning."

Phil bit his lip. "Yeah." Dan's eyes softened. "Are you okay?"

Turning away, Phil started to walk away from Dan. He didn't feel like Dan would understand.

Unsure of where he was going, Phil found himself walking to a quiet place where no one could find him. Some people might go looking for him, he realized. But that doesn't matter anymore, Phil then thought. No one cares. Phil sat on a bench and stared at the freshly cut grass, watching two squirrels race each other up a tree.

Phil spent the rest of his break in the place. He rather enjoyed it, since it was so hidden and obscured from view. He decided that this'll be the place he'll spend time in. This place was the only time where Phil was alone with his thoughts. He sighed as the bell rang, and got up to go to his next class.

After school ended, Phil almost practically ran to his now favorite spot in the entire world. He needed some time to think since he was so distracted all day. He swept through crowds of students, muttering a quick apology after accidentally hitting a boy's shoulder, and pulled open the doors to the place only to see the last person he would have wanted to see.

It was Dan. He was holding a notebook, a pencil in his left hand, and a thoughtful expression clouding his face. Phil turned away to open the doors and exit, desperately hoping he wasn't noticed, but it was too late.

"Phil?" Dan asked, surprised. Phil turned around. "Uh, hey," he said flatly. Dan closed his notebook, marking a place in it and met Phil's gaze. For a moment, they just stared at each other, and Phil felt a small fire of hope burning inside him.

"You can sit down, you know," Dan said at last, scooting aside so that Phil could sit. Just then, Phil sat, almost immediately that Dan jumped back. "Um, okay, go ahead and get comfortable I guess." Every moment that followed afterward was scrutinizing for Phil; he didn't know what to say.

"So, what brings you here?" Dan finally spoke. Phil stared at his shoes. "It's nothing, really." Then Dan scoffed.

"Nothing? People usually go here when something's on their minds. Especially when something's troubling them."

Phil crossed his arms. "Well, why are you here, then?" he asked Dan. He could feel Phil's eyes piercing his soul.

"I come here everyday, mind you." Dan placed his hand on his notebook, which laid beside him.

Phil couldn't stop himself. "What's in it?"

"When people have something that's troubling for them, many do a lot of unheard things." When Dan saw Phil's confused expression, he said, "Some get angry with life. Others go to someone to talk about it, or they talk it out with themselves. In my case, I like to keep my train of thought in a notebook."

Dan looked up at the sky. "I've been here since I came to this school. I had only a couple of friends, but in the end, they turned out they were just using me."

Phil looked at Dan, feeling remorse. "It must've been tough," he said.

Dan shrugged. "I'm used to it," he replied. "This is where I have hung out in the meantime. Everything is just so quiet here, and you-"

"-Can be alone with your thoughts," Dan and Phil finished together. Dan smiled, and Phil smiled too.

"Looks like we have something in common," Dan said. Phil chuckled.

"Agreed."

"I never got to fully introduce myself," Phil realized out loud.

"I think I know so much about you and we haven't fully introduced each other," Dan nodded, laughing.

"Whatever," Phil smiled. "I'm Phil Lester. Nice to meet you."

Phil held out his hand and Dan gladly shook it.

"I'm Dan. Dan Howell."

And it must've been the nice weather, or perfect timing, or just good luck, but little did they know that life was going to go completely sideways with these two.

A/N: Aand that's it for now! I hope you're enjoying this as of now, the next chapter will be up very soon :). dont forget to share your thoughts on this!

see you on the next one! -starrylester