Kissing You
By: PhoenixJustice
Disclaimer: The wrestlers own themselves, the gimmicks are owned by WWE. I only own this story and make no profit from this.
Warning: Rated M for language, slash, etc.
Pairing: Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn.
Setting: Hell in a Cell 2016.
Summary: He ignores all the people around him. He only has eyes for the screen as he watches Kevin walk out with the Universal Title. Watches as he walks out with Chris Jericho. Watches Jericho's friendly arm around Kevin. And he burns.
Italics for thoughts and flashbacks. Bold for flashback thoughts.
Part Six of the Kevin-Sami Playlist.
A/N: Title is named after the song of the same name by Des'ree.
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It's like a trainwreck; you can't look away from it. So he watches, despite himself, doing his best to ignore that burning, that aching in him.
"One day, Sami. One day. One day we'll-" Kevin looks around. "One day we'll look past these high schools and bingo halls. One day we'll sit atop that mountain. We'll get to WWE."
"We will?" He asks softly. I will? I mean, of course Kevin will. Kevin is-he's too good for these places. He needs to be seen by everyone. So everyone will know how good he truly is.
"Of course we will!" Kevin exclaims, frowning at him, putting an arm around him. Sami does his best to stay still; Kevin didn't touch him often and he savored the times whenever he did. He didn't seem to be aware his touch was lingering-as caught up in thoughts as he was. "Who is better than us? We'll climb over everyone who gets in our way, take every title. And then they'll-they'll see why we're the best."
"We'll take out everyone in our way. I know that day will come. And when that day comes, I'll turn to you and I'll-" Kevin stops and Sami keenly feels the loss of Kevin and his body heat when he moves his arm away. He swallows. "I'll-"
"I'll tell you how proud of you I am." Sami says. Kevin stares at him, an unfathomable look in his eyes. Sami can feel himself going red but he cannot look away from Kevin (could never, ever, look away from him.) "I'll see you at the top and I'll be able to smile and tell everyone proudly that that is my best friend. That's Kevin. That's the best."
Kevin's eyes flash and he turns away. Sami frowns.
"Hey, I...Kevin-"
"And then I'll smile," Kevin says hoarsely. "I'll smile and I'll tell you that we did it. One day, Sami. I'll hold that title, I promise I will. And I'll tell you...I'll tell you everything I always should have."
His brows furrow.
"Kevin?"
Kevin shrugs, not looking at him. "Come on; about time to face the Briscoes."
He shakes his head, jaw clenching. He ignores all the people around him. He only has eyes for the screen as he watches Kevin walk out with the Universal Title. Watches as he walks out with Chris Jericho. Watches Jericho's friendly arm around Kevin.
And he burns.
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He's stupid and he knows it, but he can't help himself. He finds himself in Gorilla, watching the curtain move as Kevin and Jericho walk through it. Jericho preens at the congratulations as if he had won the match himself but Kevin is surprisingly silent. As if he was a magnet, Kevin's eyes instantly find his. They connect and Sami feels that burn in him again.
"Look who it is. You come to cry about your fellow loser losing the match?" Jericho says snidly.
He doesn't answer him. He stares at Kevin. Kevin's jaw clenches, but he doesn't speak.
"One day." He finally says.
Jericho looks at him like he's crazy, but Kevin's eyes widen.
"One day." He repeats. He smiles sadly. "Right, Kev?"
Kevin lets out a soft sound in his throat and-despite the agony his body must be feeling-actually takes a step towards him...until Jericho's hand on his shoulder stops him.
They look at one another-him and Kevin-and he nods his head, walking off.
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Despite being on the same roster, they hadn't seen much of each other for quite awhile now; he was sure that him and Kevin both had been making sure they didn't run into one another. Everytime they even saw one another, a small spark always blazed into a wildfire. That fact hadn't changed in all the years he had known him and he doubted it ever would.
He finds himself, after one Raw, watching Raw Talk as it goes on. He wasn't sure why. Kevin and Jericho both just used the time to badmouth anyone that wasn't themselves, but he does. He watches Kevin in his suit, showing off the Universal Title on the glass table, his eyes barely noticing Jericho or anyone else there. He shakes his head, feeling fond despite himself; Kevin obviously still had no love for ties of any kind.
The last time he could remember Kevin wearing one, well...
He frowns. Actually, he couldn't remember very much about that time. He tries to think about it while Jericho drones on and on about something.
Hadn't they been at some kind of party?
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"Wow, okay. Remind me to never take you anywhere again, you lightweight." Kevin says, knocking his shoulder into Sami's.
Sami rolls his eyes. "Oh come on, Kev. I had like two beers."
"And those two beers were apparently like fifty for you. Dunno why you even want to drink that piss anyway; tastes terrible."
Sami laughs. "I know you think so. I can still remember the look on the guys' face after you spit all of that out. It's not too bad."
Kevin snorts and shrugs, looking away. He keeps adjusting his tie and looking ill at ease in his slightly rumpled suit. It was cute. Sami knew, on some level, that thinking those sorts of thoughts while inebriated wasn't smart but at this point he was too out of it to be able to really do anything about it.
"Hate this shit," Kevin mutters. "Dunno why we have to dress up for this shit; it's not like we even know the bride and groom."
"Yeah, but we wanted to do this for Franky." Sami reminds him.
Kevin snorts again but doesn't argue with him. Franky the Mobster was one of their oldest friends at this point and had asked them to come to his friends' wedding; it had been a long time since they had been able to all see each other in person, after all, and the wedding fell on a date when Kevin and Sami actually had a day free.
Kevin never seemed to like large crowds, so he had headed to the nearest corner, which was fine with Sami because he had dragged Sami along with him. Apparently Sami was the company Kevin liked best and that was more than okay with him.
He chuckles as Kevin keeps trying to fix his tie; he hadn't tied it very well. They had been in a bit of a hurry, but Kevin kept smacking his hand away whenever he tried to go over and fix it so he had left it alone after that. He stands in front of him now, not hearing Kevin's sudden intake of breath as he grabs his tie, all but invading his space (drunk!Sami never knew the meaning of the world space.)
"What are you-" Kevin coughs a bit. "What are you doing?"
"You keep messing it up. Let me take care of it." Sami says, looking down at the tie as he tries to fix it. His fingers keep fumbling and he wasn't sure if that was due to the alcohol he had consumed or the fact that he was so near to Kevin, could just touch him now...
"Sami." Kevin says quietly.
He ignores him, ignores the sensation building up in his stomach, the fluttering feelings.
He finishes it up and looks at his finishes product, beaming. He pats Kevin on the shoulder.
"There! All better!"
He looks up to smile at Kevin and stops as he sees the look in the other man's eyes.
They burn.
Kevin lets out an almost wounded sound in his mouth and Sami can't help but pull on his tie, pulling him close. Their mouths touch and it takes a moment for him to recognize that fact. Then he feels his whole body come alive and nothing else matters in that moment. Nothing.
He feels alive for the first time in a long time; perhaps the first time ever. And this is everything. He can forget about the large crowd of people he didn't want to deal with, can forget about Kevin's growing distance (the distance he cannot understand, because all he wants, all he can ever think about is wanting to be with Kevin, always), can forget about everything else that isn't Sami and Kevin. Can even forget that they are two different people and not one thing, connected, forever.
Kevin groans and he feels a thrill unlike any other he had ever felt before when Kevin kisses him back. Kevin lets out a sobbing breath and his hands tremble as they touch either side of Sami's face. He clutches the tie in his hand and laughs joyfully.
Until Kevin pushes him away. Kevin stands there, chest heaving as he breathes heavily, eyes wide and wild as he looks at Sami. His tie, the tie Sami had worked so carefully on, was now loose and as wild as Kevin's eyes.
"No." Kevin murmurs. His eyes wrench close. "No, no. This can't-it can't-" He trembles. He lets out a deep breath and opens his eyes back up. "You're drunk. You never would have otherwise. Of course you wouldn't-" His jaw clenches.
"You're drunk." Kevin repeats.
"I'm drunk but I'm not-Kevin-" He takes a step forward to reach for Kevin but starts to sway on his feet. He grabs the wall next to him and Kevin laughs-a hopeless, bleak laugh.
"You'll forget about this in the morning. Forget it." Kevin demands. His face wrenches in such an expression of sadness and something else he can't recognize in his state that it strikes Sami directly in the heart.
After that, he did forget that night. Kevin never wore a tie again after that.
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His eyes open again, shaking slightly from remembering. Of course he'd remember something that momentous at the worst possible time; seemed exactly his luck. He looks at Kevin sitting on that stage with Jericho and he isn't sure which he feels more of; hatred or...or...
He swallows.
If only he could forget everything. Surely that would have to be much easier, much more forgiving. But no. He was left to remember everything, remember all that made up Kevin Owens and remember that, no matter what had happened between them, that he loved him.
More than anything.
He swallows, coming to a decision. It'd probably blow up in his face eventually, but still...he had to.
He had to let Kevin know.
He turns and Tom Phillips seems to notice eyes on him. He smiles at Sami. "Oh, hey Sami. Everything good?" He glances at Kevin and Jericho before looking at Sami, a question in his eyes.
"Everything's great." Sami tells him. "Well, outside of one thing. Mind doing me a favor?"
Tom seems surprised, but he nods. "Sure thing. What's up?"
"Can I borrow your tie?"
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"-so Roman Reigns can forget about even coming near this title..." Kevin trails off as Sami approaches. Everyone at the table looks at him surprised.
"What the hell are you doing, loser?" Jericho demands. "This is our time; time for the co-Universal Champions."
Sami ignores him. Ignores everyone else, if he's honest. His eyes are only for Kevin. Kevin's mouth thins but he doesn't say anything.
"Sami," Renee Young says, trying to get his attention. "Did you, uh, have a question for our Champ or Chris Jericho-"
"I have a question." He says softly, eyes never leaving Kevin's face. "Why does our Universal Champion never wear a tie?"
Kevin's eyes widen.
"What the hell does that matter, you stupid idiot?" Jericho bites at him. He waves his List at him. "Get out of here; you're ruining our time!"
He pulls his other hand-which had been behind his back-and holds out a tie; red, the same as Kevin's had been. Red and Black had been what Kevin wore that night. Red and Black like the colors Sami sported then and sported now. Colors that Kevin too wore now. That meant something. It had to. He refused to believe otherwise.
Jericho looks irritated and confused, the rest of the table looks confused, but Kevin whitens.
He stares at Sami like he's never seen him before.
"You keep messing it up." He says gently. "Let me take care of it."
Kevin lets out a sound and is up before anyone can react. He comes barrelling Sami's way, title in hand. His face is red and his eyes wild and Sami burns.
Kevin's chest heaves as he looks at him.
"Will you let me then, Kevin?" He asks softly.
Kevin looks at him with lost eyes and he has to work hard not to say the words then.
"You-" He swallows. He leans forward, keenly aware of all the eyes on the pair of them now but does his best to ignore them. "Room 205."
And then he pulls away, before he can see the look of-condemnation, of worry, of anger, or who knew what else-from Kevin and hurries away.
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He doesn't sit there long on the bed, one hand still clutching the red tie, before there is a hesitant knock at the door. He had half expected Kevin to bang on the damn thing, but Kevin, for all that Sami knew him so well, still managed to surprise him in so many ways (never saw that chair shot coming, ever-)
He heads over to the door and opens it and gasps as Kevin immediately pushes at him. The door barely manages to shut, Kevin's title falling to the ground as Kevin's hands dig into Sami's bare shoulders, pressing him up against the wall. If Sami thought his eyes wild before, that was nothing compared to how they look now. Kevin looks possessed, as if barely able to keep himself in check.
He bites back a moan at his proximity. It had been...a long time since Kevin had been so near to him and it only brings back a lot of memories and a lot of what if's that Sami had once been too afraid to try and see. Too afraid of the rejection (because Kevin was Kevin and how could he want someone like Sami? Gawky, beanpole, awkward Sami Zayn...how could anyone want that? How could Kevin?)
He stares back at Kevin and sees that he's still wearing the suit. He almost wants to weep.
"Why?" Kevin demands. He shakes Sami, pressing him harder into the wall.
"Why what?" He asks, thankful that his voice doesn't crack.
Kevin's eyes blaze and his mouth snarls. "You know what, you-"
"I remembered." Sami says and Kevin stops. "That night. The night you told me not to remember."
Kevin's eyes widen and then he tries to pull back. Now it's Sami who snarls. He changes their positions, pressing Kevin up against the wall. Kevin's eyes turn to one of panic and he tries to push Sami off of him. Kevin was strong, but Sami's desire was stronger and he holds him in place.
"Did you really hate it that badly?" He finally asks, quietly.
Kevin stops struggling. He looks at Sami with a helpless look before turning his eyes away, red suffusing his face.
"You were drunk." Kevin says flatly. "You're not remembering anything. You just think you are."
That incenses Sami."So I just imagined you kissing me back?" He hisses. Kevin flinches. "I imagined you speaking words against my mouth then?" Because he had. Sami hadn't ever been able to make out what he had been saying then, but Kevin had said them again and again, quickly, full of desperation.
"It didn't mean anything." Kevin says. And it goes right through Sami-until he sees just who Kevin is trying to convince: himself.
"Because I wouldn't ever want to kiss you, you mean?"
Kevin flinches again and seems to shrink in on himself for a moment before trying to get away again. He stops when Sami puts the tie around his neck. He looks at Sami and the amount of feeling there makes him want to cry.
"I'm not drinking now, am I?" He asks, gently, smiling at him. Kevin sucks in a breath. He starts to work it around Kevin's neck, starting to fix it up. "Haven't drank in...god, I can't even remember the last time. You made it hard, back then. Sometimes I almost wanted to drink again, just to forget. Forget all the terrible things you did to me."
Kevin makes a sound in his throat and Sami very determinedly does not look at his face right now.
"Of course, with my luck, the brightest moment of my life was the one I forgot."
"Sami." Kevin whispers.
"No, instead I'd remember the sound of the chair echoing as you destroyed everything that I was. Destroyed us. I'd remember your face as you licked your own blood. Remember your face as you painted me with blood. Marked me."
"Sami." Kevin says, more insistently now.
"And I couldn't-" He breaks off for a moment, hands pausing, voice choked with emotion. He could feel the tears build in his eyes and he hates himself for getting this emotional. Emotional when Kevin wouldn't care. When-for all that Sami wanted it, Kevin surely couldn't... "I couldn't remember the moment that gave me the most joy."
He looks up at Kevin now, the tears streaming down his face and Kevin's eyes widen.
"I couldn't remember, Kev. All I had ever wanted was your-was..." He licks his lips, feeling the saltiness of his tears upon them. "All I ever wanted in my life was you and then I forgot. You wanted me to forget. You...you didn't want me. I am-I am less than...I am not worthy for..."
He realizes he's finished with the tie and he moves his hands, looking back at Kevin helplessly.
Kevin looks shattered. His face is flowing with tears that Sami hadn't even heard him cry.
"Sami." Kevin says, face twisted in agony. He reaches for Sami and Sami shudders when Kevin embraces him. He's not sure which of the two of them is trembling more now, in this moment.
"Sami." Kevin repeats, forehead against his. "You're such an idiot."
He flinches and tries to pull away, but like his time keeping Kevin in place, this time Kevin is the one successful at keeping him there.
"It's me, you idiot, that isn't worthy of any damn thing!" Kevin says heatedly. "I never was..."
He pulls back, touching Sami's face, shuddering as he does so. "I was never worthy of you. I couldn't-I couldn't...you're so...so..."
"You're blinding." Kevin says. "You are the sun and it's all I can do to not by burned into ashes by the sight of you. Your touch..." His eyes close. "It burns."
He lets out a keening sound in his throat and smiles through his tears when Kevin jumps at his touch. He touches Kevin's face and swallows hard, unable to fathom that he was here now, with Kevin. That he could touch him.
He yanks on the tie, pulling Kevin's face close. Kevin lets out a soft exclamation of surprise that turns into a groan when Sami kisses him.
As if it were yesterday, he can once more feel that fire fly through his veins and he knows Kevin is wrong, or that he is only half right, because it is Kevin who is the sun. All bluster and fire and light that pours through Sami's body at any places it touches.
He lets out a breathless laugh when Kevin kisses him back. His hand loosens its death grip on the tie and moves to cup Kevin's face-
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"Fuck." Kevin pants, moving onto his back.
Sami has never been so sore or so happy in his life.
"Pretty sure you're never going to be able to give that tie back."
Sami looks down where the tie ended up and agrees heartily.
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I hope you enjoyed this!
Let me know what you thought!
-PhoenixJustice