"What the hell is that!?" Owen yelled in horror at. What he was seeing, of all the things he expected to catch Jack doing, this definitely wasn't one.

"It's a baby, Owen. I would have expected you to know considering you're a doctor." Said Ianto as he passed Jack a bottle of warm milk.

"I CAN BLOODY WELL SEE THAT! WHERE'D IT COME FROM!?" He yelled even louder.

"I would really appreciate it if you stopped yelling, he only just stopped crying. And he was left outside the office this morning, we've checked the CCTV but we couldn't see his mothers face so we can't find her." Jack rocked slightly while he spoke, calming the baby.

"Jesus, this is insane. Alright give him over, I'll make sure he's not a bomb or a flesh eating alien." Owen took the baby and carried him to the medical bay before giving him a full checkup.

* * *
"Right, the good news is that he's human and not an alien." Owen walked back to jack and Ianto a while later, holding the child away from him. "The bad news is that he needs changing."

The three men looked at each other. "Not me." They all said in chorus.

Ten minutes later they all stood in a circle around the baby, who lay on the medical table wearing only his dirty nappy.

"Ok, how hard can this be? We just pull it off, wipe and put another one on. Easy." Owen nodded to himself.

"Yep, women can do it so we should too" Said Ianto, still not sure.

"Right, on the count of three, 1, 2... 3!" Shouted Jack as they pulled the nappy off.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS KID EAT!" Streamed Owen as he covered his mouth and nose with his shirt sleeve.

"Shut up Owen, just get the nappy on before..." Ianto was cut off abruptly by the baby as the inevitable happened, he held his hands up uselessly against the flow of urine that came at him. "AHHHHHHH"

Jack quickly fastened the clean nappy. "There. That wasn't to hard."

Ianto turned to face him, fixing him with a glare that would have killed him if he wasn't immortal. "Jack, this is my favourite suit. In what way did it go well." He gestured down his front, his favourite shirt was soaked in a pee and stuck to him uncomfortably. "I am going to get changed, and since I didn't bring a spare suit today, I now have to wear whatever I can find in the lost property."

Ianto left to clean himself up just as Gwen and Tosh arrived, chatting away cheerfully.

"Jack, Owen? Where did that baby come from?" Asked Gwen, Tosh stood next to her in a stunned silence.

"Well, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much..." Owen trailed off, smirking.

"Shut up Owen, you know what I mean." Snapped Gwen.

"Ask Jack." Owen nodded toward the immortal, who was the baby at arms length, looking at him curiously.

Gwen and Toshiko looked at Jack expectedly, he told them the whole story just as Ianto arrived back.

Jack looked him up and down, seemingly confused at what Ianto was wearing (grey track suit bottoms and baggy green t-shirt. "What?" Asked Ianto irritably.

"Nothing, it's just weird seeing you in something other than a suit..." Answered Jack, now holding the baby closer, the baby was now snuggled into the mans neck, asleep.

Ianto glared at him then strode over to his coffee machine, attempting to regain his dignity.

To be continued...