A/N: Enjoy!! please tell me if i should continue. cause if not. i wont waste my time. :-)
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I hid my face into my hoodie. Jacob was staring at me as if I'd just become more than a friend. I'd grown up with him my whole life, and he had always been my one and only best friend, granted no one else was to know I was here. Until I stopped aging. It would be to dangerous. So I didn't have many friends. I had the friends the family had from all over the world. And I had Jacobs friends and the pack. But Jacob was my actual friend. I looked towards him when I needed a helping hand with my school work, I was home schooled at first but not anymore. or even someone to talk to instead of my parents. They never understood. He'd told me one day something would change our relationship, he would change it. An I'd never really understood him, but at my age now I do. He looked at me like other boy's did, and it was even more pressuring then usual.
His smitten look daggered into me. I loved him in a way I wasn't sure of, as much as I wanted to look away I knew I couldn't. Something brought me back each time my gaze wandered over to the shore. I was more than attracted to this boy and it was clear. Maybe this was why my mother had never been bothered when I had 'boyfriends', or when I told her I'd found the 'one'. How rude. To keep something like this from your own daughter.
I sat on the beach in a hoodie, on the dullest day of the year smiling at the boy that was reading a book to me. He'd decided we would read Of mice and men. It was on the homework. He liked it, I hated it, but I pretended I liked it because it kept him happy and gave me time to think. He however didn't know I had already read it for my school work. And it was all finished up. But it made him feel useful.
"Don't stare at me so hard Renesmee it throws me off reading. It makes me nervous." Jacob grinned. I put my chin up, and ran my fingers through my hair and returned to staring out at the beach, and catching Jacob in the corner of my eye. My feelings were obviously unaware to him, but maybe he did know something.
"Jacob." I said, burring my feet into the sand, and covering the rest with my hands.
"Yes Nessie." he grinned. "if you want me to finish. I really need to keep reading." enough with the stupid book already. He was still grinning. But it didn't reach his eyes. He was moody.
"Forget it. Carry on reading." I tried not to sound annoyed. I wasn't like my mother. She would open up and ask something without thinking. She would say things without caring. I never had the power to say things with out speaking. I was shy I guess you want to call it. But it was only ever to Jacob. I never wanted to upset him. For some reason I didn't want him to think differently of me.
I didn't really like to get along with a lot of people. I had a few normal friends at school. But nothing big. We never hung out really outside of school that much. I got along great with my family and felt at ease there. But then again they were my family. Either way I was stuck with them. but with Jacob it was like I'd have chosen to know him even if I hadn't been brought up around him. He was the exact other half of me, and I didn't like it.
"No. Tell me Nessie. Now." Jacobs demanding voice scared me, lately he used it a lot more. Because he was a werewolf I was told not to test his anger,
"Its just, why am I so attracted to you?" I got a chuckle out of him, so I knew his anger was gone. He had finally dropped the book onto the beach, loosing his page – thank god. An he returned to my eyes, he was a beautiful boy as much as I tried to restrain from believing it. He could be prettier then me, his tanned skin and in perfect shape hair and muscles. How could I not be attracted? Then there was me, I was beautiful as well but even if I tried I couldn't live up to this boy. Ever. He was god like.
"Nessie, I've told you about this before!" Jacob said, his forehead creased up and I could only wonder what was on his mind. Oh yeah, the imprint. Silly me. "Nessie, my love isn't something I can deny. Of course I have plans to marry you, and continue our life together. But its days like these I have to forget my attraction for you, to just try and lead a normal life around you."
"Don't you ever get mad or frustrated at the thought it's me your going to be with." I was interested in what his answer would be, sometimes I got mad. Why shouldn't he?
"No. I only get frustrated when I can't be with you, or express my love for you until I know it's time. Sometimes I feel like it will be forever until your love will be as strong as mine is for you. My patience has it's limits." Jacobs fingers went from the sand to my legs, he stroked them gently as I felt the prickles of the sand that had still been left on his finger tips. .
"How do you know my love is nothing compared to yours? You can't say that! You cannot read my mind Jacob Black!" I liked to over exaggerate thing's. "since when did you become my father?" I snapped. I hated that my dad could read my mind. And Alice could see me doing things before I even did them. And I hated how Jasper would try to calm me when I got angry at those very facts.
"I know because nothing can compare to my love. I have loved like this once before, and I hope day by day I will not lose you like I did the other. I hope you will not deceive, or fight our love. I try to fight it so you can be a teenager a normal one. Then I realize your not her, your you and you are not normal, your half a vampire. I think about you every single minute I am awake. I can't keep my mind of you, and it's not like I could if I tried. I read this book, but I only see what your doing, wonder what your thinking. Yes the words come out of my mouth but I don't think them over in my head, I only can think of you. Do you feel that?" My shock showed in my face, and my legs came up to my chest. It gave me a heartache to think that I could not feel that for this boy, and I would never. I knew this time he would always love me more than I did him. I could have died.
"Didn't think so." Jacob said, he picked up the book again, and I felt a relief. I was glad he didn't expect me to feel like that just yet. I'd only just realized an attraction. How long would he have to wait?
"Jacob," I held his arm. His muscled arm. How had I not noticed that before?
"I'm so sorry, I can't believe you feel like that I wish, I wish, I wish you didn't have too."
"Renesmee, you can't be sorry. I like it." Jacob smiled.
I shook my head as my mind came back to the present. I remembered that day like it was yesterday. Two weeks ago I realized things. things that have changed me.
somehow or another Jacob Black. Friend. Became something, more.
He wants to be more than friends. But so far I have not seen anything to prove it.
My god! I had way to much pent up anger! Stupid hormones. You think you've got it bad? Imagine having your growth rate being over 5 times what it is. Imagine all those hormones suddenly affecting you one day. It ain't pretty. And neither was my mood. I needed Uncle Emmett to take me out. He was the perfect person to help me release my anger.
My parents didn't like that fact. But he was my uncle. I was supposed to spend time with him.
Oh man. Here I sat on my bed writing ideas. And searching the web on how to get boys to notice you.
I was currently on a 101 ways to get a boy to notice you.
Sadly I have probably tried 99 ways so far. Jacob was oblivious. It was like he wasn't paying attention or didn't want to pay attention.
"Nes?"
"Jake?" i sounded startled and I slammed the laptop shut and slid the tablet under my pillow. "What's up?" I smiled.
"I was just letting you know I was here. I'm going to play some Xbox with Emmett and them."
I nodded. I'll be there in few.
"What's wrong?""Nothing. Why does something have to be wrong?"
He shrugged and closed my door.
God he didn't get it.
I frowned. Jake and I have been best friends since like the day I was born, but sometimes I felt like he just didn't get it. Maybe that's where his feelings stopped. Just friends? I felt more than that, but Jake? I mean he had told me he loved me and blah, blah he imprinted and wanted to marry me. But sometimes I felt like he was forced to. Like he had no choice in the matter. That he really didn't like me at all. At least not more than friends.
The door opened again. I looked up slightly.
"Are you sure your ok?"
"Fine." I looked at him and smiled the most sincere smile I could muster.
"Your lying."
I rolled my eyes at him.
"Go play Jacob." I smiled at him again. "You think it's more interesting than me anyway." I added under my breath.
He narrowed his eyes at me.
Damn. Werewolf hearing.
I tried to keep the smile on my face. He saw right through it.
should i continue with this story?!?!?!
"What?" I crinkled my nose at him.