Mystery Pokémon Theater 2000
Turn down your lights...
(But not to much. You'll strain your eyes.)
In the TV show called Pokémon,
on KidsWB,
Team Rocket has devised a plan,
to become the stars of this anime.
They built a rocket like a pokémon center
and lured in Ash and co.
Their crafty plot to action when they,
hit a big button and they launched them into space.
(Ash co: We're blasting off again!)
"We'll send them lousy poké-fics,
The worst we can find. (lalala)
They'll have to sit and read them all
Until they lose their minds." (lalala)
Now Ash and friends cannot control
Which fanfic they'll get next. (lalala)
They'll try to keep their sanity
With the help of their Poké-friends.
POKéMON ROLL CALL
PIKACHU ("You lookin' at me?")
TOGEPI ("Toki!")
FLAIRE ("Someone kill that Taco Bell dog!")
VUUUULPIX! ("Wizzar!")
If you're wondering how they eat or breath,
And other science facts, (lalala)
Just tell yourself "It's anime,"
And then sit back and relax!
It's Mystery Pokémon Theater, 2000 (TWWAANG!)
Ash and friends are still on the orbiting Pokémon Center, high above the planet. Let's join them, shall we?
Inside the center, we find Ash and co keeping themselves entertained. Ash and Pikachu are playing poker, Misty is reading a book to Togepi, and Brock and Stephen are behind the center's front desk, dressed up like scientists and furiously typing away on the computers.
"Hey, what are you guys doing over there?" Ash asked, looking at the two eldest members of the group. While Ash was looking away, Pikachu quickly snuck a peek at his cards, then zipped back to his side of the table.
"We're trying to figure out a way to get us out of here." Stephen said, not looking up from the console.
"And how do you expect us to get away? We're in orbit!" Misty said, walking over to the two boys, Togepi quickly following.
"Well, we have come up with a brilliant plan! We were going to pump more power into the pokeball transport system, then try and zap ourselves back to Earth."
"It's pure genius!" Stephen cackled in a mad-scientist tone of voice.
"Yeah, whatever." Misty said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey Flaire! Vulpix! Bring that transporter over here please!" Brock called to the back room. Seconds later, then two fire foxes appeared from the back room, pulling a cart with the pokeball transport system on it.
"Okay everyone, prepare to be amazed as we test out the system!" Stephen announced as he held up an empty pokeball. He placed the pokeball into the transporter as Brock began to madly type into the computers.
"Ready?" Brock asked.
"Ready." Stephen assured.
"Activate!" They both said at the same time. Brock hit the enter key and the transporter sparked to life and began to blast the ball with white beams.
"It's alive! Alive!" Brock laughed in his own mad-scientist tone.
Just then, Togepi, who was watching the scene from the counter top, leapt onto the transporter and began to dance around for no apparent reason.
"Togepi! Get out of the beams!" Stephen cried as he tried to grab Togepi. Togepi easily dodged him and continued to dance about.
"Pikachu!" Pikachu laughed as he laid down a straight flush.
"Argh! That's the eight hand in a row! How do you keep on winning!?!" Ash fumed as he slammed his fist onto the table. The sudden noise from Ash's fist startled Pikachu and he let loose a huge Thunder shock, shocking everyone in the Center.
Just then, Stephen had dived at Togepi and grabbed him. Suddenly, the transporter began to spark as Pikachu's thunder shock blasted it.
"Knock....it....off....Pikachu....!!!" Ash wailed.
Pikachu suddenly cut the flow of electricity short, causing our heroes to fall to the floor.
"Pika." Pikachu said, sweatdropping.
"AAAHH!! What's happening to the transporter!?" Brock cried.
Our heroes all turned to see the transporter sparking and shaking. Stephen got up and started hitting the off button, but it was in vain.
"It's gonna blow!!" Stephen cried.
Suddenly, the machine started shooting out white beams everywhere. One hit Stephen, then bounced to Brock, then to Ash, and finally Misty. The machine suddenly exploded in a huge blast of fire and shrapnel, sending our heroes sprawling across the floor.
"That was cool!" Ash cried. "Do it again!"
"No way Ash, that was our only hope of getting out of here." Brock said, hanging his head.
"It just went up in smoke....." Stephen sighed.
"Yeah, but it looked really cool when it blew up!" A strange, female voice said.
"Huh? Who said that?" Misty asked, looking around.
"I did." The voice said again. Team Ash all turned to see Flaire, sitting by the remains of the transporter.
"Yeah, that was a pretty cool BOOM!" another voice said, this time coming from Vulpix.
"Yaah! I can understand what they're saying!" Ash gasped, looking at the two pokémon.
"Me too!" Brock said, rubbing his ears.
"Me three!" Misty agreed.
"Me four...oh wait, never mind. I always could understand them!" Stephen said, pointing to his translator.
"What the heck is going on here!?" Ash asked.
"Don't look at me, I don't know." Pikachu shrugged from his seat.
"Toki!" Togepi laughed.
The group looked clueless for a few seconds, then suddenly, Stephen brightened up.
"By jove, I think I've got it!" He exclaimed.
"What? What happened!?" Brock asked.
Stephen cleared his throat, then sucked in a deep breath. "I believe that a molecular malfunction in the transport system's recombenator occurred when Pikachu's thunder shock amplified the alosynetic frequencies. The turnout was a disruption in the substructure of my translator system, which then carried the fluke through the frontal lobes of each of your brains."
The others all stared at Stephen blankly.
"Can we get that in English?" Ash asked.
Stephen sighed and rolled his eyes. "Pikachu's thunder shock made the transporter and my translator go all wonky, and gave you all the ability to understand pokémon."
"Oooh." The group said in unison.
Just then, a large red light on the front desk began to blink.
"Wonderful, the rockets are calling." Ash sighed as he hit the button. A large viewscreen lowered from the ceiling and beeped to life, showing Team Rocket.
"To protect the world from devastation."
"To unite all people within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love."
"To extend our reach to the...."
"Can you guys please skip the intro? We don't want to hear it anymore." Brock sighed.
"Why you impudent little...." Jessie snarled.
"You know what? Just for that, we're going to send you a really nasty fic." James laughed.
"Weren't you going to anyway?" Misty asked.
"Naw. We was gonna let yous guys have a day off, but we wanted ta' check and see if you were still alive." Meowth said.
"BROCK!!" The three other humans shrieked. They all leapt onto Brock, and about five seconds later, left him in a heap on the floor.
"S..s..sorry...." Brock moaned.
"Okay twerps, onto the Warp Pad. We're sending you a fic called 'The Absolute Best Pokémon Fic Ever!" Jessie said.
"We read it. Believe me, the author must have been on something when he wrote it! I wouldn't even force Butch and Cassidy to read this thing, but you twerps are special." James mocked.
"Oh noooo....." Our heroes groaned. Misty delivered a sharp kick to Brock, who was just getting up.
"Meowth, what did you do with the fic?" Jessie asked, digging around in a huge pile of papers.
"It's in here somewhar'." Meowth said, diving into the pile. He emerged a second later, holding a large script of story. "I 'tink 'dis is it...."
"Great." Jessie said, snatching the paper away. "Okay kiddies. Prepare to be scarred for life!"
Jessie began to feed the story into their computer as the picture vanished and the viewscreen sucked back into the ceiling.
"Great. Thanks for opening your big mouth Brock." Stephen said as he dragged Brock onto the Warp Pad.
"Let's just get this over with." Pikachu sighed.
"Hey! We want to come too!" Flaire called as she and Vulpix rushed onto the warp pad.
"Sure, why not." Ash said as he hit the Fic Button. Our heroes vanish from the warp pad and into certain insanity.
(Door Sequence. Our heroes get warped through a magic plot hole that turns the story into script form.)
**The Theater
Ash: Okay everybody, move down, no shoving, there's plenty of room for everyone.
Misty: Shut up Ash.
Flaire: Hey, I didn't get any popcorn!
Stephen: This isn't that kind of theater Flaire.
(The fic begins to scroll across the screen)
Hello, my happy readers!
Ash: More like unwilling.
Where does this story fit into the Great Immortal's Universe,
Misty: Perhaps it fits right up your....
Brock: Misty!
you ask? Well, it fits quite snugly
Misty: Aw man, that would've worked perfectly with my joke!
before the beginning of "The Lifting Darkness" and after the latest installment of "A Day in the Life," yet still has absolutely nothing to do with either, so if you haven't read them, don't worry about it.
All: We won't!
^_^ Enjoy!
All: We won't!
"A Pokémon Fairy Tale!"
Pikachu: Hey, it's the wrong fic!
Ash: You're right! Cool!
Brock: Hold on. This one might be even worse than the one they were going to send us.
Misty: We'll just have to wait and see.
By: The Great Immortal, DangerMouse
Stephen: There can be only one.
Vulpix: I am Vulpix McCloud, of the clan McCloud.
(The fic slowly shifts to a movie form, getting several oos and ahs from the audience.)
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, there lived a beautiful prince whose name was Prince James (or Kojiro-oji,
depending on whom you asked).
Misty: James, Kojiro, Loser, Butt-head, it all depends on who you ask.
He was a very fashionable prince - he knew all the right people, went to all the right social functions, ate all the right food,
Ash: Got all the right answers on Jeopardy, bet all of the right game show bookies, got his right butt kicked when they lost to him....
and so on. But, this beautiful prince was sad.
Brock: Well that's painfully obvious.
His parents
always kept him locked up in their tiny eight-story house with only three hundred some odd rooms.
Flaire: If that's tiny, than I'm the queen of England.
Vulpix: (Bowing) You majesty.....
All Prince James really wanted was to run away from his
home, give up his fortune, spend his days running menial jobs for a crime syndicate, and to rough it in the woods occasionally.
Misty: Either this guy is crazy, or just plain stupid.
Pikachu: That's our James!
However, his parents were adamant about him staying put, so stay put he did. Still, every night he wished on a star to be
saved.
Brock: (James) Jennifer Love Hewitt, where are you!?
Ash: (James) Starlight, starbright....hey, is that a comet? Wow, it's really big....is it getting bigger? Wow! Lookit the....
All: BOOOOOOOM!!!!
One night, Prince James had made his usual wish. Expecting the usual response
Vulpix: (Star) Get a life you moron!
(i.e. nothing), he folded his arms on the
windowsill and rested his head in them for a good, long cry.
All: Wussy boy, wussy boy!!
However, much to his surprise, a bright light filled the room.
Brock: (James) AAH!! My eyes!!
Prince James gasped and rushed to a corner as the light came together in a ball and suddenly exploded.
Pikachu: And destroyed the whole mansion, killing everyone. The end, let's go.
Ash: You can just sit down Pikachu.
In its place stood a slightly agitated young man.
Vulpix: Oof, ouch....dang 'roids....
He was wearing an atrocious outfit of brown pants, an orange shirt, and a green vest. On top of
the whole ensemble was a pink, frilly apron covered in hearts
that matched perfectly the pink frilly handkerchief on his head.
Brock: Hah! What kind of idiot would wear something like that?
(The others stare at Brock)
Brock: What?
His back was graced with a set of gossamer wings, not unlike something a butterfly would wear.
In his hand he held a smooth wooden rod tipped by a miniature pokéball.
"Who... who are you?" asked Prince James of the fashionably challenged youth in his room.
Brock: (Darth Vadar) I am your father.
Ash: (Luke) Noooo!!
"I am Brock, your Pokéfairy Princess." He glared around the room for no apparent reason.
(Brock gapes terror stricken while the others roll on the floor laughing.)
Brock: That's not me! That's not me!!
"You're a fairy?" asked Prince James.
"Pokéfairy!" corrected Brock, doom on his face.
Stephen: (Brock, slapping at his face) Ahh! Doom! Get it off! Get it off!!
(The others continue to laugh while Brock turns beet red.)
"That's great!" exclaimed Prince James. "After all," he continued, looking at the audience and winking,
All: (Singing) Joshua fought the battle of Jericho, Jericho, Jericho. Joshua fought the battle of Jericho and the fourth wall came a'tumbling down....
"you're not a real man until you have a fairy!"
Brock: Okay, that's a little disturbing.
(Ash, Stephen, Pikachu, Togepi and Vulpix instantly whip out small Clefairy plush toys from under their seats, grinning at Brock.)
Brock: (Digging under his seat.) Hey, where's my Clefairy doll!? Ooh, gum!
Misty: Eew!
Brock scowled and muttered something under his breath.
Flaire: (Brock) Stupid princes always making the stupid jokes. I'll have my revenge!
"Anyway," began the Pokéfairy Princess, "I am here to help you with your problem. Quite frankly, we're tired of hearing you
complain."
Pikachu: Hmm. A winey, obnoxious, wimpy guy....
All: That's our James!
"So you'll stand up to my parents and convince them to let me go?" asked Prince James, clasping his hands together, his eyes
filling with sparkles.
Ash: (James) Ow! Oh, ow! Frikin' sparkles! Ow!
"Heck no!" exclaimed the fairy - excuse me, POKÈfairy. "I've seen your parents. They're scary. No, I'm going to find
someone brave enough to do it instead."
Misty: (Brock) Because I'm a little wussy boy!
Brock: Hey!
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" cheered Prince James.
"Yeah, whatever," mumbled Brock as he slowly disappeared.
"I really appreciate it, Fairy Boy!" called the Prince. Any response Brock might have made was lost in the sound effects of his exit, luckily allowing this story to retain its "G" rating.
All but Brock: (Chanting) Fairy Boy! Fairy Boy!
Brock: That's not me!
* * * * * *
Vulpix: (Singing) As long as you love me so. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
Brock, the Pokéfairy Princess, searched far and wide for anyone brave enough to stand up to Prince James' parents. He
considered a pokémon slaver - I mean trainer, with a bad Australian accent,
Ash: Oi whonda 'ew 'e men's boiy 'dat?
a samurai with an affinity for bugs
Misty: Yuck! I hate bugs!
- he even went
so far as to consider a few of the really sentient psychic pokémon, but none of them seemed worthy enough.
All: (Bowing) We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Pokéfairy Brock
was about to give up all hope. He flitted down into the woods and sat on a boulder near a small pond. Suddenly, Brock was
aware of another person nearby. Rushing into the woods, he was amazed at what he saw.
Misty: (Brock) Gasp! It's Barney! My hero!
Brock: Hey, I do not like Barney the Dinosaur!
Misty: Then why do you sleep with a Barney Plush?
Brock: What!? You have no proof!
(Misty holds up a Barney doll, causing Brock to turn beet red again. He snatches the doll away while the others laugh.)
A handsome young woman, about Prince James' age, was standing in
Ash: How come the author described James as beautiful, and Jessie as handsome?
Misty: The author's hinting that James is gay and that Jessie is probably bi.
Brock: Hinting? More like shouting it into our faces.
a sheltered grove of trees. She was practicing some
moves with a sword.
Misty: (Jessie) So Sword, what's your sign?
Next to her, a sleepy Meowth was playing with a ball of string. Brock drew his eyebrows together and
squinted in concentration.
Stephen: But you always squint Brock.
Brock: So?
Stephen: Do you even have eyes?
Brock: I'm not sure....
He knew this woman. Pulling out his
Vulpix: Heheh....
Flaire: Eew! Vulpix! This is not that kind of fic!
PeopleDex, he pointed it at her and waited for it to register.
Ash: A peopledex? I want one of those....
Misty: (PeopleDex) Ping. Ash, an annoying type person. Prefers to cry and run rather than fight. It's special attack is Bed Wetter.
Ash: (PeopleDex) Ping. Misty, a scaredy cat type person. Enjoys hiding under the bed, screaming with little or no provocation, and beating poor little Psyducks. Threaten with a Caterpie to send it running for the hills.
Misty: Why you little.... **WHACK!**
Ash: Ow! Take this! **WHACK!**
(The two continue to brawl while the other continue with the fic.)
The results confirmed his thoughts. He rushed across the grove. This was just the person he needed!
"Brave Fencer Musashi!" he called, running towards the woman.
Pikachu: (Brock) I need a white picket by three o' clock. Come on! Spit spot!
The woman stopped in mid-swing of her sword and looked
at the boy. Internally, she made a face. This boy couldn't dress!
Flaire: She then ran him through with her sword. The end.
(Flaire starts heading for the door.)
Stephen: Get back here!
"Actually, it's Jessie now," she replied, watching the boy carefully. She didn't put down her sword.
"Really?" asked Brock, flipping through his PeopleDex again.
"Really," affirmed Jessie.
Pikachu: (Frau) Really?
Ash: (Dr. Evil) Really.
"It's a long story. Basically, it's a culture thing. I could go on all day, but..."
Ash: Butter.
Misty: Better.
Brock: Parkay.
"Yes, yes, yes," replied Brock, hastily making the correction. Putting the PeopleDex back, he walked up to Jessie and put on a
noble air.
Stephen: (Brock) Let's see, N*Sync, Savage Garden, Third Eye Blind...ah! Here it is. Noble Air's greatest hits. Let me just get my CD player....
Flaire: That was weak....
Stephen: Sorry, I'm still warming up.
Misty: I'd hate to see you when you're cold....
"I am Brock. I am here to ask you to undertake a noble quest.
Ash: (Priest) This noble quest was a good friend to many, we are sad to see it pass on so young, yet we must say goodbye....
Misty: Wrong kind of joke Ash.
But I warn you," paused Brock for dramatic effect,
Flaire: (Captain Kirk) Scotty, we need. More.....power!
Vulpix: (Scotty) I canno' do it Cap'n! I'm too fat ta' reach tha' controls!
Pikachu: (Bones) Blast it Jim, he's an obese Scotsman, not an engineer!
"you will face three very tough trials if you accept this mission.
Brock: This mission, should you choose to accept it....
Can you - "
"Why do trials always come in three?" interrupted Jessie. Brock scowled at her for breaking "The Moment."
Pikachu: The Moment, coming to a theater near you, then going straight to video.
"I don't know! Why do American idol groups always come in fives?
Ash: And why do hot dogs come in packs of eight while hot dog buns come in packs of ten?
Vulpix: The world may never know.
The point is, you will face three trials so you can save
Prince James. I will be with you, in the far, far back, offering support and useless hints.
Misty: Yep, that sounds like you Brock.
You wanna do it or not?"
Jessie was thoughtful for a moment before asking, "What do I get?"
Ash: (Bob Barker) You get a free trip to Paris and a brand new car!
"Oh, I don't know!" cried an exasperated Brock, practically yelling. He was beginning to wonder if promising to save Prince
James was a bad idea. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head.
Pikachu: (Brock) AH! OW! THE PAIN! GET IT OUT!
"You get Prince James," he said happily, nodding in satisfaction. Jessie thought a moment more, then shrugged.
Misty: (Jessie) Can I return him for a refund?
"Okay." The woman put away her sword and turned to go get her things. Halfway there, she stopped and faced Brock. She
had a quizzical look on her face.
"What are you anyway?" she asked.
Ash: (Brock) I'm a wimpy FairyBoy!
Brock: Do you want me to get Onix on your rear?
Ash: I'll be good....
"I'm a ~~~~~." The rest of the sentence was lost in mumbles.
"What was that?" asked Jessie sweetly.
"A pokéfarryprinceess..."
"Hmmmm?"
"A POKÉFAIRY PRINCESS, ALL RIGHT?!?!?" yelled Brock, breathing heavily.
All but Brock: Bwahahahah!!!
"Ahh. Just wonderin', Fairy Boy."
All but Brock: Fairy Boy! Fairy Boy!
Brock: Stop that!
"That's POKÉfairy!" he corrected again, loudly.
All but Brock: PokeFairy! PokeFairy!
Brock: I give up!
"Whatever," smirked Jessie. She gathered her stuff and walked off towards Prince James' mansion, leaving Meowth to his
string.
* * *_* * *
Brock: (NewsReporter) Hello, I'm Brock Fairyboy, giving a breaking report. An underscore was buried in an avalanche today and authorities are doing all they can to dig this little youngster out. More to come.
"Oh, well this is nice..." remarked Jessie.
When they came to the edge of Prince James' family's estate, they found it surrounded by thick vines and spiny brambles.
Misty: (Jessie) Lousy gardeners missed a spot!
It was practically impassable.
Misty: (Alice) You mean impossible.
Ash: (Doorknob) No, impassable. Nothing is impassable you hoity toity little brat!
Misty: Why you! **Smack!**
Ash: Ow!
Jessie stared at it a moment before shrugging. Hefting her pack, she started to walk away.
"Hey! Where are you going?"
Misty: (Jessie) I'm going to DisneyLand!
cried Pokéfairy Brock, flitting after her and grabbing her arm.
"Where else?" she replied, yanking out of his grip. "Home. I can't get through that stuff."
"Ahh! But that is where I can help you!" exclaimed the Pokéfairy Princess. He walked to the edge of the barrier, did a little
dance, waved the wand,
(All but Brock fall out of their chairs laughing 'till they cry.)
Brock: Oh, I hope you laugh yourselves into unconsciousness.....
Stephen: We could only wish. Then we wouldn't have to continue with this fic.
Vulpix: Hey, that's a good idea!
(Vulpix backs up down the aisle, then dashes forward and slams his head into a wall. He staggers about, then collapses.)
Misty: Hey! No fair! I want to be unconscious too!
and with the crackling and creaking of branches, accompanied by the screaming of wilderness animals, a path opened up, leading straight to a meadow.
"Not bad, Fairy Boy," remarked Jessie on his handiwork. She reached over to one of the brambles and was surprised to see it
was a rose bush. Taking one of the beautiful, fragrant flowers, she tucked it into her belt, mindful of the thorns.
"That's POKÉfairy and we're not done yet," said Brock. "Walking along this path, you will come across three meadows, each
containing a trial you must face.
"Couldn't you have opened me a path away from these meadows?" asked Jessie. "Surely this isn't the only way to the estate."
Pikachu: (Brock) Nah. I just like putting you through all sorts of unnecessary trouble.
"No. Now the first trial is the easiest."
"Of course," remarked Jessie dryly.
"I believe,"
All: (Singing) I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky....
continued Brock, "that you are truly worthy of the task of saving Prince James. However, there is one other you
must impress first. That is the only hint I can give you. If you fail the first test, you will be torn limb from limb by a ferocious beast."
Ash: (Jessie) Well gosh. That sounds like it might be a bad thing....
"Pleasant," sighed Jessie. "How about number two?"
Brock nodded. "The second test is more difficult. There you be facing an enemy so stupid, it is inflicted with the most terrible of advantages."
Misty: Sounds like Ash.
Ash: Hey!
"What's that?" asked Jessie, slightly worried.
"That, I cannot tell you," lamented Brock. His eyes, were they visible, would have had a dangerous glint in them at this point.
Stephen: Okay, sorry to bring this up again, but Brock. Do you have eyes?
Brock: I think so....I'm not sure....
(Just then, Stephen whips out a mallet and slams it onto Brock's foot. Brock's eyes bluge out of his head as he screams, then return to the little lines.)
Stephen: Ah ha! You do have eyes!
Brock: And a broken foot....ow.....
"Next is the final and most terrible trial of all. It has been known to make grown men weep, to claw at there own eyes, and beg
for swift, merciful deaths."
Ash: Kinda like that time we accidently walked in on Misty when she was bathing in that lake.
Stephen, Brock, and Pikachu: (Clawing at their eyes) AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brock: Oh man, I had just gotten that scene wiped out of my short term memory.....
Misty: Hmph....
Stephen: Death, take me in thy swift arms to the blissful slumber of mortals!
(The others stare at Stephen.)
Stephen: What? Oh, sure. Just because you knaves don't enjoy poetry....
Brock paused a moment. A hush fell over the field as if everything was holding their collective
breaths. Brock breathed in slowly.
"Okie-Dokie! You're set! Have fun!" he said enthusiastically, shoving Jessie towards the entrance. Jessie smiled in anticipation.
She loved a good slug fest. From the sounds of these tests, it was going to be some party.
All: Partay! WOOO!
Pikachu: Toga! Toga!
* *_* * * *
Ash: (Newscaster) This is reporter Tom Ato reporting from the scene of the avalanche. While trying to dig the boy out, another avalanche occurred, burying Brock FairyBoy in the process. Brock, can you hear us?
Brock: (Newscaster) This is Brock....It's very cold in here....I can't feel my legs or any part of my lower body....
I think my hair is starting to break off....
Ash: (Newscaster) Well, best of luck to you. I'm going to go to the StaryuBucks for a nice hot cup of cocoa and some of those little cookie things. We now return you to the fanfiction already in process.
Brock: (Newscaster) I hate you Tom....
Jessie walked into the first meadow and found it surprisingly pleasant. Wild flowers grew in abundance, sweetening the air with their gentle perfume. Pidgies were chirping, the sun was
warm, and a nice breeze was blowing.
Stephen: Sounds like Marilyn Manson's worst nightmare....
Jessie couldn't imagine anything sinister inhabiting such a place.
All: Dun Dun Dun!
She walked briskly across the meadow. Maybe whatever she was supposed to encounter hadn't shown up for work today.
Brock: Boy, it sure is hard work being a monster....I think I'll call in for a sick day. I'll tell 'em I caught the Black Plague or something. Then I can go fishing!
Jessie began whistling softly to herself.
It wasn't until she was halfway across the meadow that she noticed The Change.
Ash: The Change, coming to a theater near you!
Misty: **WHAP!** We already used that joke!
The breeze remained the same, the sun still shined, but it was utterly and completely silent, save her own breathing, whistling, and walking. Jessie felt fear creep up her spine.
Flaire: (Jessie) Pervert! **Slap!**
Her walk broke into a run, but she knew it was too late. Behind her, a beast of some kind thundered along, closing the distance between them in mere seconds. Jessie felt its weight as it pounced on her back, felt its breathing on her neck as she fell to the ground,
felt it licking her ear as she lay there, waiting for the killing blow.
Licking her ear? Jessie blinked and rolled over. Sitting next to her was a very friendly Growlithe. It barked at her and licked
her face while she stared at it, incredulous.
"You're the beast that's supposed to rip me limb from limb?" she asked the Growlithe, who licked her face again in return.
Misty: (Growlithe) Yep, but I'm not hungry right now. Maybe I'll maim you, then make some jerky for later....
It started panting and she saw its sharp teeth. "Never mind," she said, scratching its head.
Brock: With a weed whacker.
"I believe it. You must be the one that determines if I'm worthy. Did I win?"
The Growlithe barked at her and danced around her legs as she stood up. "Guess so," she laughed, trying to keep from being
knocked over.
Ash: (Bob Barker) You've won a brand new car!
Misty: You did that already.
She saw on the ground the rose she had picked up earlier. It had been knocked out of her belt when the
pokémon pounced her. Picking it up, she wrapped it in a handkerchief and tied it to the Growlithe's collar.
"Very pretty," said Jessie with a smile.
Brock: Fashions by Jessie, only at the Calvin Klein Store.
She looked up. "Well, it's getting late and I have a quest to complete. See ya' around!"
Jessie waved goodbye to the Growlithe, who barked once more and darted away. Jessie walked quickly on to the next
meadow.
* *_* * * *
Stephen: (Newscaster) This is Stephen Wannaleave at the avalanche site. We have lost a fine reporter to the icy weather, and his body will be wrapped in newspaper and thrown into a canyon.
Misty: (Grieving Relative) It's what he would've wanted.
Stephen: (Newscaster) We'll have more to come. We now return you to the fan fic.
Prince James stared solemnly out the window. He was sad. He was bored. He was lonely. As if in answer to his prayers, a
pokémon hopped into his room.
"Growly!" exclaimed the Prince, rushing over to hug his pokémon.
Brock: Which then freaked and ripped him to shreds, the end.
"Growly, I never realized how dull it was being a Damsel in
Distress...
Misty: I'm not going near that one....
(Vulpix wakes up, yawning loudly.)
Vulpix: Boy, what a nightmare I had. I dreamt I was in orbit and being forced to read stupid fan...fics...and...AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! IT WASN'T A DREAM!!!!!!
OW! What the..." Much to his surprise, Prince James
found a rose tied with a handkerchief to Growly's collar. That
was what had stabbed him.
Vulpix: I can see it now. James: 1981-2000. Cause of death, impaled by rose.
Brock: That sounds like something caused by Tuxedo Mask.
Misty: Ooh...Tuxedo Mask! He's so dreamy!
(Misty's eyes get all sparkly while the others just roll their eyes and go back to the fic.)
He carefully took it off of Growly's collar to examine it more closely.
"Where did you get this?" he asked his pokémon, but Growly had already curled up in a ball and had fallen asleep. Prince
James put the rose in a vase by his bed, mindful of the thorns. He held the handkerchief up to his nose.
Brock: And blew a big wet one into it.
It smelled of sweet perfume. The prince glanced curiously at his pokémon, then, with a sigh, went back to sitting by the window.
Misty: (James) Great. Growly's been sneaking to Esté Lauder's without me again....
* * * * * *
Misty: (NewsCaster) This is roving reporter Kasumi Waterflower at the site of the avalanche. The brave little underscore has been rescued and is on his way home. Let's join Stephen Wannaleave at the site of Brock Fairyboy's burial. Stephen?
Stephen: (Newscaster, wearing a black suit) This is Stephen here at the astoundingly deep Mos Espa Canyon. Who names these places? Boy that's deep....I can barely see the bottom....Hey, what are those pod thingies zipping around down there?
(Two Hitmonchans dressed in black suits walk on screen, carrying a writhing, body shaped bundle of old newspapers.)
Brock: (Muffled) But I'm not dead! I just had a little hypothermia! I'm healing really fast!
Stephen: (Newscaster) Now, we must say goodbye to the dearly departed. See ya!
(The two Hitmonchans chuck the bundle over the side of the cliff)
Brock: (Muffled) But I'm not deaaaaaaaad.........
Stephen: (Newscaster) Wow, lookit him bounce of those rocky outcroppings....
(A loud plop is heard.)
Stephen: (Newscaster) Boy, if he weren't dead, that would really had hurt.
Brock: (Weak) But I'm....not dead.....
Stephen: (Newscaster) Sure you aren't. Now, back to the fic!
Jessie had barely taken two steps into the next meadow when the second trial began. In front of her stood a young boy. He
had a haughty expression on his face and grinned at her with a twisted smile. Standing next to him was a pikachu. Lightning
crackled around the small rodent in an act of defiance.
"TEAM ROCKET!" yelled the boy suddenly, pointing straight at Jessie. "YOU CAN'T HAVE MY PIKACHU!"
Ash: And leggo my eggo!
"CHUUU!!" echoed the mouse.
"Okay," said Jessie, preparing to walk around the boy. "I'm on a much more important quest right now." The boy looked at
her in shock. He acted as though he was trying to speak, but couldn't get the words out.
"What could be more important than chasing my pikachu?" he asked angrily. "That is your purpose! Your only reason for
existing!"
"That all depends on who you ask," remarked Jessie with a smile. "Besides, I'm going to get me a hunk of blue hair bishonen,
so I certainly don't have time to mess with a little brat like you!"
Ash: Boy, this kid sounds like a real loser....
"Why you..." growled the boy. "I, Ash Katchem, hereby challenge you to a pokémon battle!"
(Ash's jaw drops to the floor with a sickening thud.)
Misty: I knew it!! I was right!! Hahahaha!!
Jessie grinned and reached for her own pokéballs. "I accept," she said evenly.
"NOOOOOOO!!"
Jessie spun around and saw Brock flitting towards her at a very rapid pace. He looked extremely worried and upset
"Why not?" asked Jessie.
"You can't win, Jessie!" cried Brock.
"And why not? He's young, inexperienced, stupid - he's only been a bloody trainer for like three months! There's no reason
why I shouldn't win!"
Ash: I hate to admit this, but she's right. Why do I always win?
Misty: Dumb luck.
"You won't, Jess," said the Pokéfairy sadly. "You really can't."
"Huh," she scoffed. "I'll show you, Fairy Boy." Reaching around, she grabbed her first pokéball.
"Squirtle! I choose you!" exclaimed Ash. A small turtle pokémon appeared in the meadow, said it's name, and prepared for
attack.
Brock: (Squirtle) Hello, I'm Squirtle and I'll be your pokemon for the evening.
"Okay," breathed Jessie, gearing up for the pitch. "Pokéball goooahhhh!" she screamed as she tripped and fell flat on her face.
Her pokémon was never released from its ball.
"Squirtle! Water gun attack!"
Jessie felt the water hit her as she flew back across the meadow and slammed into a boulder that so happened to be there. She
sat on the ground dazed for a minute before standing up groggily and rubbing her back.
Ash: (Nelson Muntz) Ha ha!
"YOU STUPID KID!" she yelled. "We're battling POKÉMON! I didn't even get to call mine out!"
"You snooze, you lose," replied Ash, tapping the brim of his stupid hat.
Vulpix: (Hat) Duh....
"Grrr... LICKITUNG, GO!" yelled Jessie. Her pokémon stood on the field, dwarfing the squirtle.
All: Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go....
She smiled brightly and pointed her finger at her pokémon.
Misty: And flipped it the bird.
"Lickitung! I want you to disable that turt - "
Jessie never got to finish her command. Suddenly, a herd of Grimers came slugging through the field, trampling her pokémon.
Ash: (Nelson Muntz) Ha ha!
She stared at her now fainted pokémon in shock. Jessie spun around and looked at Brock square in the face. She grabbed the
front of his shirt and glared down into his eyes.
Pikachu: Or lines....
Stephen: Hey, we've determined that Brock does have eyes, remember?
"What the HECK is going on!" she growled under her breath. "I can't do anything without something bizarre and random
happening to prevent me from doing what I was trying to do!"
Brock squirmed in her grip. "I told you!" he cried. "You can't win! He's too powerful!"
Ash: (Scotty) I canno' do it Captain!
Misty: (Smashing Ash with a mallet) We already did that joke! Can't you even try to be original!?
"WHY IS HE POWERFUL?" she shouted. "HE'S SO STUPID IT JUST -" Jessie stopped short and dropped Brock
Flaire: Off a cliff.
back on the ground. She closed her eyes and put a hand over her mouth. After a minute, she looked back at Brock, meeting his
eyes.
Pikachu: Or slits....
Stephen: We already had this conversation....
"It can't be. He doesn't..."
Brock only nodded solemnly. Jessie turned to look at the smug pokémon trainer wannabe across the meadow.
Ash: Wannabe!?!? I resent that remark!
Misty: More like resemble.
Ash: Repeat that, I dare you!
Misty: I said....
Brock: That's enough you two.
"Oh my God. He has..." she paused and swallowed hard before answering.
"Dumb luck..."
Misty: I was right again! That's two in a row!
* * * * * *
"Dear, I'm worried about
Brock: (June Cleaver) The Beaver. He's been playing with the lawn mower again, and the cat has gone missing....
The Boy."
Prince James' father looked up from his paper. His wife sat down next to him. She was very upset, he tell just by looking at
her.
"What has our little rascal done now, dear?" asked in a light and merry tone of voice. Somewhere behind him, a laugh track
began.
All: (Monotone) Hah. Hah. Haha. Hah.
"Oh, nothing at all dear. I'm just worried. He just sits by his window everyday and sighs. When I asked him what was wrong,
he said he was waiting for his Fairy to come back with someone to rescue him from this desolate prison and free him from the
control of his psychotic parents."
Vulpix: (James' Dad) Well, looks like we're going to have to start tying him to the bed and forcing those green pills down his throat again....
"Ohh, boys will be boys dear," said Prince James' father with a smile. Suddenly, it turned into a frown. "However, I'm not sure
I like this Fairy talk." After a minute, he brightened considerably. "I know! Why don't we send that pleasant young woman
upstairs to play with him. They seem to get along so well."
"You mean Jessiebelle, dear?" asked Prince James' mom sweetly.
Flaire: What, are you kidding me? Those two get along about as well as a cheetah and a Chihuahua.
Stephen: Gee, I wonder which one James would be....
"Yes, dear. I think it would be a good idea. They play so nicely together. Jessiebelle!" called Prince James' father. A pristine,
dignified young woman walked softly into the room.
"Yes, suh?" she asked sweetly.
"Jessiebelle, dear, we were wondering if you could go upstairs and play with Prince James for a while. He seems so sad."
Prince James' dad shook his head and smiled at Jessiebelle. "Why don't you two play that game you're so fond of! You know
- the one with all the leather?"
(The occupants of the theater gape, jaw's dropped.)
Ash: Oh...my....
Brock: I would not go near that with a ten foot poll.....
(Misty reaches behind her seat and pulls out a ten foot poll.)
Pikachu: James. Jessiebelle. Leather. Torture. Ten foot poll....AAAAA!!!! I JUST GOT A VISUAL PICTURE!! AAAAAA!!!!
(The others look confused, then begin to scream and claw at their heads. Brock begins to bash his head on the floor.)
Vulpix: We did not need that!!
"Yes, suh!" exclaimed Jessiebelle enthusiastically, rushing out of the room. The King and Queen of the household continued to
sit quietly together, reading the paper. Suddenly, they heard a loud scream coming from upstairs.
"NOOOO!! NOT YOU!! STAY AWAY!! DAD!! MOM!! I HATE YOU ALL!!"
"Ohh, isn't that sweet, dear?" asked Prince James' mom of her husband.
Misty: Ah, no MSTing required.....
"Oh ho ho, yes, dear. Kinda reminds you of when we were young, hmm?" The two of them chuckled merrily, listening to the
sounds of breaking furniture, cracking whips, and muted screams.
Pikachu: AAAAA!! ANOTHER MENTAL IMAGE! AAAAA!!!!!
Ash: That's it! We're out of here!
The group gets up and leaves, Ash carrying the still screaming Pikachu.
(Back through the plot hole and through the doorway sequence.)
As we return to third person mode, we see Misty sitting around, doing nothing inparticular. Just then, Brock, Stephen and Pikachu walk into view, all dressed up like Ash.
"What in the world are you guys doing?" Misty asked, suppressing a laugh.
"Well," Brock said. "We figured that since Ash really does have dumb luck, we should try to be more like him, and thus will never lose at anything."
"Oh that's silly." Misty replied, rolling her eyes.
"Well, we need to test our theory out, so do you want to help?" Stephen asked, taking off his hat, messing up his hair a little, then replacing it. "There. Just like Ash's nappy hairdo."
"Well, okay. Why not." Misty shrugged. Stephen zips off into the back room, then zips back with a card table and a checkers set.
"Yay! I love checkers!" Misty cried happily as she sat down at the table. She looked at the board for a second, then moved a red piece up one square.
"Okay." Stephen said, clearing his throat. "I am Ash Ketchum, destined to be the greatest pokemon master of all time!"
Stephen looked at the board, then moved a black piece. Misty moved another, then Stephen picked up a piece and jumped every one of Misty's pieces.
"Wha!? That's impossible!!" Misty shrieked as she looked at the board. "That can't happen!"
"Yeha! It works!" Stephen said, striking an Ash pose, then groaning in agony as Misty's mallet slammed into his cranium.
Misty frowned, then pushed Stephen out of his seat and put Brock in his place. She tossed the board away and pulled a perfectly set Chess board out from nowhere.
"But Misty, I don't know how to play chess." Brock said, sweatdropping at the sight of the board.
"Maybe so, but this will prove if your cockamamie theory is right." Misty said, moving a pawn forward. Brock looked confused, then moved a pawn. Misty moved another, then Brock picked up his queen and moved it a few spaces.
"I think that's Checkmate." Brock said, looking at the pieces. Misty gaped, her eyes wide.
"That's....that's impossible....." She stammered. Pikachu hopped up onto the table, holding a Pokémon League hat out to Misty.
"Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Misty sighed, putting the hat on.
Just then, Ash walked into the room. However, he was walking on the ceiling.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Ash asked, looking down at his friends."
"You mean besides you?" Brock asked.
"Uh, Ash. You know you can't do that." Misty said, staring at her topsy-turvy friend.
"Sure I can! I'm Ash Ketchum, the greatest pokemon trainer of all time! I can do anything!" Ash boasted.
"No, she means that what you're doing is not humanly possible." Pikachu said.
"It's not?"
"Nope." Stephen assured, removing Misty's hammer and standing up.
Ash frowned, then fell off the ceiling and slammed into the floor.
"Ow...." Ash groaned.
"Well, this just goes to show our theory is partially correct." Brock said, taking off his hat and vest.
"Guess so. I'm gonna go get changed. I can't stand these dorky clothes!" Stephen said, heading off towards his room.
"Dorky!" Ash said, jumping up. "My clothes aren't dorky!"
"Believe what you want." Stephen smirked.
"Why you...." Ash growled.
"Cool it Ash." Misty said, pushing him aside and walking over to a couch. Stephen reappeared a few seconds later in his normal clothes.
"Well, we better get back into the theater. We have a fic to finish." Stephen said, brushing his hair. He tossed the brush to Ash. "Maybe you should try using one of those sometimes. Your hair's a mess."
"If you insult me one more time, I'm going to lay the smack down on you!" Ash shouted, throwing the brush over his shoulder.
"Don't tell me you've been watching wrestling again." Stephen said, shaking his head. "That stuff'll rot your brain. Well, what little you have anyway."
"That's it!" Ash said, tossing off his hat and getting into a fighting stance. "I'm going to get you with a Stone Cold Stunner!"
Ash charged at Stephen, who sidestepped and tripped Ash, sending him flying into a wall. Ash got up and charged again, getting a hold of Stephen. The two rolled about, tossing up a huge cloud of dust, even though they were on a linoleum floor. The dust finally faded to reveal Stephen holding Ash in a half nelson.
"Now that's wrestling." Stephen said as Ash tried to wriggle free.
"Okay, uncle already!" Ash said. Stephen released his grip and Ash tried to pick up his dignity. With a wry look on his face, Ash whipped around and stomped on Stephen's foot, then recoiled, hopping around clutching his foot.
"Steel toe boots." Stephen laughed. Ash just grumbled to himself and stepped onto the warp tile. The others followed, and Ash hit the fic button.
**Theater**
Stephen: Listen, I'm sorry about your foot, but I thought you knew I wore steel toe boots. Remember that time I kicked Brock?
Ash: Oh yeah. Boy, Brock couldn't sit down for a few hours!
Brock: Oh sure, laugh at the guy with the deformed butt.
Ash: Thanks. We will.
Misty: Let's just get on with the fic already!
(The fic rolls across the screen, then turns to movie format.)
* * * * * *
"Whooa," said Brock suddenly.
"What's wrong?" asked Jessie, only slightly concerned. She was more worried about the second trial, which seemed to be
heading their way.
"Bad Karma. I think Prince James is in trouble. We gotta get to the estate, fast!"
Misty: (Cordeila Chase) Why do these terrible things always happen to me?
Ash: (Xander Harris, coughing) Karma!
Brock: Wait...today's Wendsday....You guys watched Buffy without telling me and Stephen!?
Stephen: What! I outta get you in another choke hold just for that Ash!
Ash: Don't look at me! Pikachu was supposed to tell you!
(Stephen and Brock turn, then dive on Pikachu, kicking up a fierce cloud of dust from the carpeted floor. Pikachu finally shocks them, flinging them back into their seats.)
Stephen: Well I feel better.
Brock: Me too.
"I'm thinking, I'm thinking!" growled Jessie.
Vulpix: (Jessie) Ow! I think I pulled something....
"Now let's see. I can't beat him in a pokémon battle. No matter what I do,
something stupid will always counteract it." She closed her eyes in deep concentration. Suddenly, she snapped her fingers.
Brock: In half.
"What are you going to do?" asked Brock. Jessie just shook her head and walked across the field. She got no less that one
foot away from Ash. He seemed a little surprised by this, but held his ground.
Ash: Oof....boy this is heavy....I hate having to carry peat....
Pikachu: That was just sad.
"Ready to fight me again so soon?" he asked with a smirk. Jessie said nothing. She just stood there. After a minute, she smiled,
a twisted, evil smile.
All: (Singing) You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
She pulled back her arm and slugged the boy in the stomach. He fell to the ground, unconscious.
Ash: Hey! You can't do that! Cheater!
Misty: You know, I don't see why not. You always have Bulbasaur vine whip them, Squirtle water gun them, and Pikachu thunder shock them, so I don't see how it's unfair for her to slug you.
Ash: 'Cause then I lose! I can't lose! I'm the main character!
Brock: Actually, I think Jessie and James are the main characters in this fic.
Ash: Quiet Fairyboy.
"I win!" said Jessie with a smile, turning to flash a victory sign at Brock. She took off at a run to the next meadow. The
Pokéfairy walked slowly over to where Ash was laying on the ground.
"Now why didn't I ever think of that..."
* * * * * *
Jessie ran along the trail to the next meadow. Although she would never admit it, she felt the "bad karma" Brock had
mentioned as well. It really disturbed her. All that she knew was that she had to get to the estate and she had to get there now.
Stephen: (Salesperson) If it absolutely has to be there in two seconds flat, use Pidgeot Mail, for all your air mail needs.
As she approached the third meadow, the sight that she beheld caused her to skid to a stop. Behind her, Brock slammed into
her back and looked over her shoulder.
Flaire: Jessie then beat Brock to a bloody pulp for touching her. The end.
Misty: Cool it Flaire, there's only a little bit left.
"Oh dear God! NOOO!" screamed Brock, clawing at his eyes. "I can't help you, Jessie! It's too painful to look at!" He
collapsed in a fetal position and sobbed.
All but Brock: That's our Brock!
Jessie didn't say a word. Her eyes filled with tears and she clasped her hands together under her chin.
Vulpix: And accidently strangled herself.
"They're so... so..." whispered Jessie, smiling brightly, "CUTE!!"
In the meadow was every form of cuteness ever made. Pikachus chased monokas. Cabbots frolicked with gubabas. Big-eyed
funny animals danced jigs and made speeches on environmental awareness. Bubbles, flowers, and hearts floated everywhere.
Pinks, pastel blues and greens, and sunny yellows were the predominate colors. Everything seemed to be singing cheerful
songs.
Stephen: Scratch that one remark. This is Marolyn Manson's worst nightmare.
Ash: Monokas? Cabbots? Gubabas? What are these things? Digimon?
Brock: No, Digimon aren't as cute as these things are. They're equally annoying though.
(Brock suddenly receives a mallet to the head from the Author.)
Brock: Ow! Hey? What'd I do?!
Pikachu: The Author likes Digimon too, remember?
It really was enough to make any grown man cry. Jessie couldn't help but stare at the adorable scene. I could stay here
forever... she thought dreamily. Suddenly she shook her head.
"Dammit! We gotta get out of here before I go SD, Fairy Boy!"
All: **GASP!**
Ash: She cussed! She can't do that!
Misty: Great. Now the author will have to make this a "PG" rating.
Brock: With some of the cracks Vulpix has been doing, I won't be surprised if he has to make it "R" rated.
Jessie picked up the still immobile Brock and charged across
the field, kicking bunny rabbits and shoving ponies out of her way. Finally, they reached the trail beyond the meadow. Jessie
collapsed in exhaustion, dropping Brock unceremoniously in a heap next to her on the ground. After catching her breath, she
slapped him a couple of times.
Misty: (Jessie) This is for touching me! This is for making me do this stupid quest! This is for having such a bad fashion sense! This is for breathing my air! This is....
"Ohhh," groaned Brock. "What happened?"
"You fell victim to the cuteness," explained Jessie. She reached into her bag, pulled out a brush, and began fixing her hair.
"I remember..." whispered Brock, shuddering. He looked at Jessie curiously. "How did you manage to survive?" he asked.
Brock: I'm Supergirl!
(The others giggle and smirk while Brock looks confused.)
Brock: What? What's so funny?
Ash: Hey, Magic Voice Person, can we get a replay on what Brock just said?
Voice: Brock: I'm Supergirl!
Brock: Doh! I forgot to put in the (Jessie)!
(The others continue to laugh while Brock fumes.)
"Simple," replied Jessie, looking at her reflection in the mirror. "I just remembered that I was cuter!"
Brock looked at her for a moment, then calmly stood up. Finding a suitable tree, he nodded once to himself, then started
bashing his head into the trunk over and over again.
Ash: (Brock) There. Oof! Has. Ouch! Got to be. Ow! A better way. Yeow! To get rid of. Owie! This spikes in my hair!
* * * * * *
"Nice place. How do we get in?"
Jessie and Brock stood at the entrance to Prince James' parent's estate. It was really, really, big. Standing over eight stories it height, it dwarfed other mansions easily. Just looking at it felt expensive.
Misty: (Money Collector) That'll be four hundred dollars for that brief glance.
Brock looked up and pointed at a window. "That window is open. We can scale the side of the building and enter through
there. Then we can - " Brock stopped when he realized Jessie was no where in sight. He turned around and saw her standing
by the front door. She reached over and opened it.
"Let's just go in this way, okay?" she said sweetly. Brock grumbled something to himself about a lack of dramatics.
Brock: Lousy humans always have to do the practical thing....
Jessie found herself speechless when she entered the estate.
Pikachu: There's a first!
Within the main hall alone, she was fairly certain she could fit at least three of her houses. Every step she took was echoed back at her many times over. It was late afternoon outside, but in here, it was dark - much darker than she had expected. The place seemed strangely empty. Standing still in the center of the room, she held her breath,
Vulpix: Turned blue, then fell dead from brain damage.
listening for any sound in the complete and utter silence.
Ash: Moo.
Stephen: It's utter, not udder.
"AHHHHH!!! GET IT AWAY! GETITAWAYGETITAWAY GETITAWAYGETITAWAY
GETITAWAYGETITAWAY!"
All: Teletubbies!! Run!!!!
The scream shattered the silence, quickly accompanied by the sound of someone running. A figure practically flew down the
grand stairs at the end of the main hall and slammed ungracefully into Jessie. They went down in a tangle of arms and legs.
Vulpix: Hehehe....
Brock: Vulpix! That's it! You're going back into the ball until you can keep it clean!
(Brock pulls out a pokeball and zaps Vulpix in.)
"Get offa me!" cried Jessie, pushing the decidedly male person away.
Vulpix: (From inside the ball) Hehehe.....
Brock: I just can't win....
She looked up to glare into the face of whoever would
dare to attack her. Her breath caught in her throat and she began to chew her lip.
Stephen: However, she didn't know when to stop and ended up eating her lower jaw.
He was very beautiful, that much was certain. His blue hair hung gracefully around his face, a small strand falling right between
his eyes. He was slightly flushed from his run down the stairs and his deep, rich green eyes met her own and held them. He
panted slightly and continued to hold her in the same position as when they had fallen.
Flaire: This sounds like a cheesy romance novel.
Misty: Replace Jessie's name with Jaquline and James' name with Antoine, and it probably would....
"Excuse me," he whispered softly. All Jessie could do was nod. Neither of them moved.
"Ohhh Princey!!
Ash: Here boy! C'mere! I've got some Snausages for you!
Come back and let Jessiebelle cheer you up some more, honey!" Jessiebelle darted down the stairs, dressed
in a tight ringmaster's outfit, a whip in hand.
Pikachu: AAAHHHH!!! SCARY VISUAL PLACE!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
She skidded to a stop, anger flaring up in her eyes.
Brock: And melting them right out of their sockets.
Stephen: Someone's been watching "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" one to many times.....
"How DARE you make time with my honey, you floozy!" yelled the woman.
All: Uh-oh....
Jessie and James broke eye contact and straggled
to their feet. Prince James ran around behind Jessie, grabbing her waist and using her as a shield of sorts. Jessie didn't notice.
She was fuming at the other woman.
Stephen: Literally? You mean smoke was actually coming out of her ears? Cool!
"Floozy! You DARE to call me a floozy!" She turned and looked over her shoulder. "Hey Fairy Boy! Who is the reject?"
Brock motioned Jessie and Prince James into a huddle on the far side of the room.
"Okay, here's the deal," began Brock. "First of all, it's POKÈfairy. Second of all, Jessie meet Prince James. Prince James, meet Jessie."
Ash: Misty, Brock. Brock, Misty.
Misty: Ash, Stephen. Stephen, Ash.
Stephen: Ash, Brock. Brock, Flaire.
Flaire: Brock, Pikachu. Pikachu, Misty.
Pikachu: Misty, Ash. Ash, Misty.
They waved at each other.
(The occupants of the theater do the Wave.)
Brock nodded once. "Now, this is the next trial you'll have to face."
"What?" asked Jessie, angry. "You said I only had to go through three trials!"
Pikachu: (Brock) I lie like a dog.
"Maybe trial isn't the correct word..." reiterated Brock. "More like... Boss Level Monster."
Misty: Hey Ash, I bet you five bucks James will make a crack about that line.
Ash: You're on!
"She definitely a monster..." muttered Prince James.
Misty: Yes! Pay up!
Ash: (Handing her the five) Grr....
"Who is she?"
Brock looked over at Prince James who only shook his head. "It's my parents idea of a 'playmate.' They're crazy! She's crazy!
She has this thing for leather!"
Pikachu: AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Stephen: Enough with the visuals!!
He grabbed Jessie's arm.
Brock: And in his haste, accidentally ripped it from her shoulder.
"Please! You have to save me! I'll do anything!" he begged.
"After what she called me, you don't have to ask twice," growled Jessie. She turned to look at Brock. "Okay, Fairy Boy, how
do I defeat her?"
"I'm afraid I don't know. But I can give you some advice!"
Ash: No doubt useless....
exclaimed Brock. Jessie put her hand to her forehead. This was
getting ridiculous.
"Nothing is ever easy, is it?" she asked softly.
Misty: Well what's the fun in that?
"Nope!" replied Brock cheerfully. His countenance suddenly became more serious. "This is what I can tell you. Ignore what
you hear and accept what you see, but above all, do not believe." Brock paused a moment.
(Our heroes stare blankly.)
Brock: That made no sense at all.
Ash: Hey Stephen, you're into poetry. Did you get that?
Stephen: Not a bit Ash.
"How very cryptic," remarked Prince James.
"Great, just great," sighed Jessie.
"Hey!" yelled Jessiebelle, causing all three of them to look in her direction. "This isn't battle by committee! Come over here and fight me, you hussy!"
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?" growled Jessie, taking a step towards her enemy.
Misty: Wooboy....
"You heard me, you slut!"
All: Whoa....
"THAT'S IT!!" yelled Jessie. She screamed a battle cry and launched towards Jessiebelle.
Flaire: Hit the dirt!
Brock grabbed a stunned Prince James and dragged him into a corner on the far side of the room. As a loud *thwap* rang out
across the room, both of them winced.
The Guys: Chick fight! Whoo hoo!
Misty: Men.
Flaire: Can't live with 'em.... end of sentence.
"That had to hurt..." stated Prince James. Brock only nodded.
"How did they get into that position?"
"I don't know. I didn't know a person's body was capable in bending that direction."
(Brock begins to shake violently as his face turns red.)
Ash: Uh-oh, I think Brock's going into DT's over here....
"Neither did I. I mean, how can - oh damn. That is definitely going to leave a mark."
"Ouch. She's gonna feel that in the morning."
Both Prince James and Brock swallowed hard. The battle was surprisingly short. A few minutes later, a slightly disheveled, but a triumphant looking, Jessie walked out of the dust towards them.
Ash: That was excellent!
Brock: Best part of the whole fic.
Stephen: Yeeha!
"Vic-to-ry!" she said with a smile, flashing a "V" with her fingers. Prince James let out a cheer, which Brock echoed a few
seconds later.
"Thank you, Jessie!" cried Prince James, rushing over to give her a hug, which she gladly accepted and returned. The hug
probably lasted longer than it needed to. In fact, it probably would have lasted longer than that, had the resident Pokéfairy
Princess not cleared his throat a few moments later.
Ash: And hauked up a big loogie.
Others: Eew!
"Sorry to interrupt," said Brock, sheepish, "but I think we still need to get out of here. Prince James' parents could show up at any minute!" Reluctantly, they broke off the hold.
"Well, if we're going to do this, let's do it right," murmured Jessie softly.
Brock: (Singing) Let's get it on...aww yeah. Let's get it on.
"Do what right?" asked the Prince.
Pikachu: (James' Father) I knew I should've had The Talk with James....
He seemed about to ask more, but Jessie reached between his legs
Vulpix: (From inside the pokeball) Hehehe....
Brock: Will you stop that!!
and threw him over
Ash: The balcony.
Misty: A cliff.
Stephen: The rim of a volcano.
her shoulder.
Brock: And onto the floor, breaking his spine.
"A heroic rescue!" she exclaimed, charging out of the estate. Brock stood there and watched them go, an expression on his
face something akin to a smile, while at the same time, similar to a look of hysteria.
All but Brock: That's our Brock!
* * * * * *
"The End,"
All: Whoo hoo!
stated Jessie firmly,
All: Doh!
tucking the covers tightly around James' brother, Michael. The hospital room was quiet, save for the beeping of monitors.
Brock: Huh? What's going on here?
Misty: The story must've been told by Jessie to James' bro.
Ash: I thought James was an only child....
Michael's Pikato hopped up on the bed and curled up in a ball next to him.
Ash: What's a Pikato?
Pikachu: Bowling anyone?
"That was really weird, Jessie." replied Michael, sleepily.
Misty: (Michael) Just like you....
"What do you want on spur of the moment?" asked the young woman with a smirk.
Brock: (Smirk) Yeah, what'd you expect? War and Peace?
"Is this Brock guy really a fairy?"
Brock: No!
Jessie smiled at the boy. "To be honest, I'm not really sure. Probably not. But maybe."
All but Brock: Fairyboy! Fairyboy!
"And is Ash really that sadistic?"
"No, I guess not. Although, he is pretty stupid."
All but Ash: Bwahahaha!!
"What about the girl? Dusty... Whispy..."
"Misty?"
Misty: Hey!
Ash: (Victor) Hey look! It's Feeble!
Brock: (Hugo) Doofus?
Stephen: (Quasimodo) Pheobus!
"Yeah."
"Let's just assume she was in the Field of Cuteness somewhere, along with that Togepi your Uncle Meowth is so fond of."
Michael chuckled softly and rolled over on his side. He scratched his Pikato behind its furry ears, then smoothed the feathers of the wings on its back. "So, what happened after they escaped from Prince James' parents estate?"
Jessie looked thoughtful for a moment. "Well, Prince James became just plain old James, since he didn't have any money any
more. The Pokéfairy Princess got a job at a daycare center in Pewter City, having become burned out after the last mission.
Ash continued to run along the meadows, surviving only because of his good fortune. The Field of Cuteness is now used as a
form of capital punishment for hentai offenders. Meowth remains in the forest with his ball of string where he can not annoy
anyone. And Growly keeps the Evil Jessiebelle at bay so that she can never harm anyone again."
Ash: That sounds like a decent wrap up to me.
"Aaannnd...?"
"And what?"
"Come on..."
"Oh!" exclaimed Jessie with a wink. "Jessie and James became a world famous criminal team and lived very happily ever after
together.
(Our heroes crack up laughing.)
Now," concluded Jessie, standing up and kissing Michael on the cheek, "go to sleep, or your brother will have my
head."
Flaire: (Queen of Hearts) Off with her head!
"G'night Jessie."
Misty: (Australian accent) Mawbe a dingo awte yow' baybe.
Stephen: That was just sick....
"Goodnight Michael."
Jessie turned around to walk out the door. Standing in front of her, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over
his chest, was James a smile on his face. Jessie started to push past him, but he put his arm around her waist.
Brock: And snapped her spine like a twig.
Together, they walked silently down the hospital halls, ducking into empty rooms every time they saw somebody. Sneaking out they way they
came in, they walked away from the hospital, the cool wind blowing gently through the late night air.
Ash: Abolish and stamp out redundancy!
"You know," said James after a minute, "I don't think I'll ever be able to look at that Brock kid in the same way again."
Misty: (Jessie) I can't even stand to look at him.
Stephen: Story of your love life, eh Brock?
Brock: Groan....
Jessie chuckled softly. "Me either. It seemed natural though." Jessie pulled out her keys and unlocked the Jeep. James sat in
the passenger seat, while Jessie sat in the driver seat and fixed her mirrors.
"Of course, I do like that concept," replied James softly.
"What, Brock a fairy?"
All but Brock: Fairyboy! Fairyboy!
"No," replied James with a laugh. "I meant, 'happily ever after.'"
Jessie leaned back against the seat and looked over at James, smiling. "Me, too."
After a minute, she started the engine and together, they drove out of sight.
Ash: And off a cliff.
THE END!!
All: WHOO HOO!
Okay, I lied.
All: Doh!
Michael was in this story. For those of you who might not know, Michael is James' younger brother ("But James
is an only child!" I hear you cry.
Ash: Boy, this author is good....
Well, if you want Michael's parentage explained, you'll just have to read "The Lifting
Darkness" which is located on my web page!).
Brock: www.ShootMePlease.com
Michael has some serious health problems and has to remain in the hospital.
Misty: Probably ate some of Jessie's cooking.
In
order to keep his spirits up, James gave him a Pikato - a cross between a Pikachu and a Pidgeotto.
Ash: Okay, hold up. So James had this rare half n' half pokemon, and he didn't send it to the boss?
Misty: Blood is thicker than water Ash.
Ash: Well thanks for the science lesson, but I still don't get it....
Brock: He's hopeless....
If you're wondering what
that looks like, I have some lovely fanart that you can look at.
That's all! Hope you liked it! C&C is always welcome. Flames
are not!
Flaire: Too bad!
(Flaire shoots out a stream of flame, singing the screen.)
Stephen: Hey! Cool it! You want to kill us?
Flaire: Sorry....
Ash: C'mon, let's go.
(Our heroes head back out of the theater and through the plot hole again.)
Back in the lobby, we find Ash co. standing in front of the viewscreen. On the screen, we see Team Rocket screaming.
"We sent you that fic!? No!!" Jessie wailed.
"That fic was actually good!" James sobbed into his arm.
"Well, we appreciate it anyway!" Misty laughed.
"Grr. Well, tamarraw we'll send ya' 'da right one!" Meowth shouted at the screen. He hit a button off screen and the picture vanished.
"Great. Now we'll have to deal with the worst fic of all." Brock sighed.
"Well, it can't be any worse than "A Hot Time On Mt. Rai." Ash shrugged.
"Don't be so sure Ash." Pikachu called from across the room. Our heroes walked over to Pikachu, who was sitting at one of the computers. A long, jumbled mass of text was on the screen. At the top in big bold letters was the title "The Absolute Best Pokémon Fic Ever."
Our heroes read into it a few lines as the screen goes black. As soon as the screen is completely dark, terrified screaming is heard.
To Be Continued....