If They Didn't Come
By olirulz111
Outside Gong man City, morning.
"Are you kidding me? We're warriors right? Nerves of steel, souls of platinum. Like you, so hardcore you don't feel anything." Po jokes as he he tries to punch her, forgetting what he had just said or just making sure what he is saying is correct, but either way it hurts.
Tigress, well this is a part of her she has not thought about, only now does she realise the meaning of what Po has just said. The other emotional side that she has never had for so long is now creeping back up to her, as if to allow a slight taste of what it was like.
"I was 3 years old." Tigress starts, sitting cross-legged now on the bow of the boat facing Po, reliving such suppressed memories. She is taken back over 25 years ago to that same Valley of Peace.
"I was playing in the village, just like normal." The sound of the two-syllable word confounds Po; Tigress could never be normal. "It was just another day and as usual, it seemed, I would be picked on for being different." She explains, looking at her own orange and black striped skin.
"I was little, and they were much bigger and I never thought I could get away from them for long enough that I could just be alone." The tone of Tigress' voice becomes slowly softer, as if this very mention of this story breaks this persona of being undefeatable and strong and brings on embarrassment to herself.
"One day, I just, snapped." She says, like she never thought it would be possible. "When I just saw this one fat, ugly and older pig that hurt me and bullied me like a rag doll, I just ran after him. I don't even know how I did it. I guess I was a natural." She says, remembering the blows she brought to that big pig that was twice her height and 3 times as heavy.
"I thought I had to run away and hide after what I had done, so I ran back into my Parent's hut. It's the only thing I could think of." She continues in a somber tone.
"When they heard about what I had done, I was disowned." She says with difficulty. All of the humour in Po has left him having been replaced with feeling and empathy.
"That was the last time I saw my parents." She says, looking at her own palm, trying to picture her parents'. But when her last memories of them are far from happy, it's difficult to try.
"I would be dead if it wasn't for Shifu. Me, being three years old in that village alone with no one wanting to care or help me, I would have given myself, 2 maybe 3 days tops before I would have died. He heard about what I had done, I think he saw something in me. So he took me up the steps and tried to explain what happened.
"With speed and power like that, you can become the dragon warrior!" She faintly remembers Shifu telling her has he carried her up the hundreds of steps to the Jade Palace.
"He put me in front of the dummy in the dojo. And just stood there with a small smile of expectation on his face when I looked back at him, not knowing what to do. He just told me to hit it. So I turned and tried, but it seems for him it wasn't good enough, but it wasn't bad either. Otherwise I might have become someone's lunch." She says.
"Oh come on, you weren't going to be eaten." Po replies. "Shifu struggles to eat 2 bean buns at a time." Tigress is silent and Po get's the meaning of what she says when a small but direct look of her eyes into his tells him the horror and misjudgment he has made. "Oh, sorry." Po apologies. Tigress looks back out to the shoreline from the boat.
"For weeks he made me do the same thing over and over. Hitting the dummy for hours until he thought I had improved enough. He never thought I was good enough even if I though I did okay. He would always find some tiny flaw that he would exploit in me; shoulders too high, legs too far apart. It seemed I was a never ending failure that he somehow persisted with." She says. She takes a deep breath and pauses. Po gives her the time she needs.
"One night, I snuck out of bed and was furious with how Shifu was treating me. Still even if I was perfect, he would say I wasn't even when I knew I was. I was so mad that I went and took all my anger out on this one tree that was just outside the bedroom. I punched it so hard and for so long that I lost count. Anger and shouting dulls the pain, but it doesn't stop the bleeding. When the fury and anger wore off, all I saw were bloody knuckles and cuts on my shins that were smeared with blood that clotted in my fur. I turned around and… I just see that face from Shifu standing stocked on the steps to the palace. His eyes wider than I have ever seen him, his mouth pursed and sunk down to his chin, his arms motionless next to his body, he was also motionless. I thought he was going to get rid of me, again." She says and pauses.
"I turn away and I see him just standing behind me. I looked back the steps but he wasn't there. Then he did something that, that if I could just relive… just once again…" She wishfully says, but words fail her to adequately describe a singular moment and feeling she has never felt again. The one feeling of belonging, the feeling of love and care, all portrayed in a caring and apologetic hug from Master Shifu. At that time she didn't realise it's significance, nor did he care that he literally had her blood on his hands and his robe. That was the moment when she actually realised that he cared for her despite all of the flaws he pointed out each and every single time she did something, despite the soul destroying and constant put downs from him, despite all of that punishing hard training.
"I think I changed him, for just that night. After he bandaged me up and cleaned off the blood, he stayed with me." Tigress explains, like it is her fondest and most treasured memory.
"He sang songs."
"He told stories." She becomes nostalgic and happy just from even remembering this moment.
"He even sung a lullaby which put me to sleep, but what I saw before my eyes shut was… was… a smile. Not just a forced smile, but an actual real smile of happiness."
"I think it's the happiest I have ever seen him." She postulates wistfully. Po doesn't say anything; his perceptions of Tigress and Po have changed dramatically over the course of this story. His mind has been blown like the biggest firework he has ever seen.
"The next day, was perhaps the second biggest disappointment of my life. Behind…" She says, not wanting to offend a certain panda sitting opposite her.
"Behind what?" Po cheerfully asks.
"Behind you being chosen as the dragon warrior." She quickly whispers. Suddenly Po feels down about himself, but he understands. Master Shifu has already told him the same thing. Tigress then tries to apologise, but she lacks the empathy to give it, and so continues on.
"I woke up, I expected him to be there, but no. It was empty." She begins again. "I went and saw him again and it was like that night had never existed. He was back to normal. I thought it was a dream, a wonderful, beautiful dream."
"So I tried the same thing again, I went to that same tree and punched it and kicked it again, but he would not come. So, night after night in the darkness, I would go out to that same tree and perform another bout on my immovable opponent, somewhat hoping that I could feel that same way, but it never came." She explains.
"It wasn't until later that I realised what I had done to myself." She says, delving into another set of deep memories.