Wufei is my favourite Gundam pilot, so it should come as no surprise that the first part of this story is about him. This is one of the few gundam stories that I have written that I actually like - even if it is not completed yet.
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The awakening sun bathed the the memorials of the dead in a blood red. The cemetery, situated far from civilisation and perhaps the reason for it's survival, bore few scars of the ongoing war.
One lone visitor entered through the looming cast iron gates - once they must have been gleaming new with well oiled hinges, but now, devoid of any care, wild ivy had entangled itself with the bars. The gate groaned in protest as the visitor pried them open, years of unuse sounding its voice. As a strong gust of wind threaded its way through the tombstones as a fox terrier might at a dog show the visitor drew his ankle length coat tighter around his small frame, burying his head deep in its collar. The crisp freshness of Autumn had begun to give way to the dreariness and bitterness of winter, and he could feel it's chill through to his bones as he walked up and down the rows of the dead before stopping in front of a grave.
He ran a hand down the smooth surface of the tombstone, unconsciously tracing the indented letters softly with his finger tips in a lover like caress.
"Chang Meiran" He whispered softly into the breeze.
"Beloved wife of Chang Wufei"
He closed his eyes briefly in grief, ignoring the way his long black ponytail whipped across his face or how the dew drenched grass was beginning to seep through his trousers.
"It's been a long time Meira" He finally spoke up softly after offering a silent prayer.
"Between the War and ..." here he paused before letting forth a short, humourless laugh.
"Well, as if there is much time for anything BUT the War. You would be pleased, we have made some advances - and important ones at that. Oz have suffered some heavy defeats, perhaps this time they won't be able to regain their grip on the colonies and we'll be able to finally defeat them for good" His voice trailed off, the last few words lost in the whistling wind. His voice possessed hope, yes, but it was tinged with fatigue and the weight of failure - they had come so close so often only to have the opportunity slip from their grasps. Hope could be an inspirational thing when it came to war, but it could also reek havoc on ones soul.
"Beloved wife" he repeated, but this time a small smile graced his lips.
"We were never really in love were we Meira? Not in the lovers sense anyway. But the word 'friends' doesn't seem deep enough to portray our relationship, it was so much deeper than that." His smile widened slightly as his features softened.
"I remember when we first met - oh, we had been bonded maritally since before we were even born, but still our parents didn't think to introduce us until we were almost ten. Even then you were the rebellious one - quick for a dare, agile as a fire dragon with a temper to match. Do you remember when I told you in no uncertain terms just exactly HOW I expected you to act once we were married?" He chuckled softly, brushing away the stray tears which were silently cascading down his cheeks.
"You used some American term - ah, that's it, you told me to go jump in a lake, and when I stead fast refused you pushed me into your fathers duck pond, saying that it would do instead"
"You were never one to be controlled by anyone were you? Even after we were married I couldn't convince you from doing as you pleased, couldn't stop you from joining this god forsaken war" He shuddered, hunching his shoulders in the hope of regaining some warmth.
"All I ever wanted was to lead the life that had been planned out for us. If we didn't interfere with Oz then I thought they would leave us alone, and we and our families were all that mattered. The rest of the colonies could have been blown to hell for all I cared, as long as we were safe. Looking back I still can't believe how foolish - how selfish I truelly was."
"Even after you, you died I still couldn't see the enormity of the war - I wasn't fighting to save the colonies or for just~ice" He spoke self mockingly, stressing the final word.
"I was seeking revenge, for you, my family, and perhaps even partially for myself and the life that was stolen from me. You would have been ashamed of me Meira - I know I was." He gently laid the single wild rose he had found growing near their current safe house in front of the grave, silently reflecting just how much it was like his former wife.
"But somewhere along the line I stopped fighting your battle Meira, and developed a cause of my own. Although I doubt they will ever know it I was saved from my self pity, my self destruction by something I thought died along side you years ago - true friendship. Oh, I know I always peel out ideas of justice, but it was these four boys, only my age, who taught me it's real meaning. Justice is not seeking revenge on ones enemy, but trying to right what they have done so terribly wrong. Before I didn't know there was a difference, but there is. There is a line, blurred as it may be, between doing what is right and sinking to their level - it's a line I hope never to cross again."
He pushed himself up onto his feet, the dampness of the grass finally getting the better of him. No longer partially sheltered by the gravestone the wind buffered against him, almost causing him to lose his balance. But years of training kicked, preventing him from landing in an undignified heap on the ground.
"But you know" He continued, either oblivious to the howling weather or simply choosing to ignore it.
"The strangest thing is, Meira, is that through all this destruction, all this HATE, I've been able to find not only true friendship, but love as well" He chuckled softly.
"Yes, Mister "what the hell do YOU have up your arse?" has somehow managed to let go of all his inhibitions and fallen in love. I wish you could meet him, he's got the same wicked sense of humour you have and he'd be able to understand all those silly American phrases you seem to throw into every second sentence. He's from L2 you see - I know, the last person you would expect a rigid Chinese set in his ways to care about, but I do. In hindsight all that seems just so superficial - our customs for marrying within your own circle, having your bride picked for you, it means nothing. Underneath the customs and religions and histories we are all the same in war time - all innocents trying desperately to survive."
"But that wasn't what I was talking about was I?" He reflected, a fond smile on his face.
"I was telling you about Duo, a fellow Gundam pilot, and my lover. I didn't always love him you must realise, there was no love at first sight or all that fluffy romance stuff you liked to read about in your American books. At first I thought he was a babbling idiot, always rambling on about one thing or another with that maniac grin on his face, not a care in the world" He scoffed.
"Of course he cared, I just took my sweet time in seeing the well hidden cracks in his facade. But once I found those cracks Meira, they suddenly became crevasses. Duo wasn't coping with the war better than the rest of as we all thought, in fact, Duo wasn't dealing with it at all. He was pushing everything into some dark recess of his mind, denying all the pent up anger, hurt and guilt that the rest of us had to try and deal with on a daily basis. Denial is NEVER a good thing - I don't care if it makes you a more competent soldier, it acts like a cancer, slowly eating away at your soul until there is nothing left but a shell. If it's one thing that this war has taught me, is that your soul should never be compromised - the price is not worth it."
"Duo was basically a time bomb just waiting to go off, but in typical Duo fashion it happened in the last way I had expected."
End part one.
Cairnsy