Nope the Brotherhood and any other X-Men characters are not mine. Well I had this strange idea of how the Brotherhood would deal with PMS (Not the Pietro Maximoff Syndrome). Personally I'm a Pamprin Girl myself but apparently…
Midol is a Guy's Best Friend
"Hey will you keep it down?" Lance grumbled as he stumbled into the living room holding his head. "What's all the racket? My head is killing me!"
He looked at Pietro and Fred fleeing the kitchen in pure terror. Several hexed utensils followed them. "INCOMING!" Fred shouted as some pots hit him in the back.
Lance screamed along with them and ducked behind the safety of the trusty couch along with Pietro and Fred. Wanda was still screaming and fuming in the kitchen. "Let me guess?" Lance looked at them. "That time of the month?"
"Oh yeah," Pietro groaned.
"Wanda's little monthly friend has come for a visit," Fred grumbled rubbing his sore back.
"With friends like that who needs enemies?" Lance grumbled. "So what set of Mount St. Wanda this time?"
"I heard that," Wanda growled. She was standing above them on the couch. The boys all gulped in terror. Instinctively Pietro clung to Lance in fear. "Did you ever think that maybe if you morons were just a little more sensitive and perceptive I wouldn't get so upset?"
They blinked at her. "Who am I kidding?" Wanda groaned. "You idiots have all the sensitivity of a Mac truck!"
"Look in my defense you asked me for my honest opinion!" Pietro snapped. "I'm a guy! Of course I'm going to tell you the truth if you ask me that your jeans are too tight!"
Fred looked at him. "Of all the time we've known you, you chose now to practice this new philosophy of honesty?"
"Your timing stinks Pietro," Lance groaned.
"Yeah for somebody so fast you're not so quick on the uptake now are you?" Fred grumbled.
"Tell me something I don't know!" Wanda snapped. "Look I'm going to try to explain this to you since you obviously don't have a clue. I have my period."
"Don't say the P-word!" Fred flinched. "Ewwww!"
"What do you mean 'ewwww'?" Wanda snapped. "What about all those stupid horror movies and slasher films you guys watch? You see tons of blood there and you don't complain about it!"
"Yeah but that's when somebody's taking a chainsaw to a guy's face or stabbing him in the eye!" Fred told her. "That's natural!"
Wanda shook her head in disbelief. "Listen. During this short time of the month I am losing a major quantity of blood. Not to mention that I get mood swings that cause me to react uncontrollably sometimes."
"And how is this different from your normal cheerful self?" Lance asked.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH?" Wanda shouted. "Look is it so much to ask that you indulge me a little bit once a month? Is it?"
"Once a month?" Lance asked. "How about all the time?"
"Lance don't go there," Pietro warned holding up his hands.
"Ever since you got here all you've been doing is throwing your weight around and complaining!" Lance snapped.
"Lance you are now in the middle of a minefield!" Pietro said. "Stop! For the love of god stop right where you are!"
"I mean it's not like you're the only one that goes through pain you know?" Lance ignored him. "I get huge migraines all the time! How bad could a little cramping be?"
"Forget the minefield," Fred gulped. "He's just stepped on the mother of all mines!"
"How bad could it be?" Wanda's eyes grew very angry. "How bad could it be?"
"She's gonna blow!" Pietro whimpered.
"You wanna know what it's like?" Wanda snapped. "Take a rusted hacksaw and scrape it across your abdomen a couple times. It's pretty much the same only the pain and the bleeding from the hacksaw ends a lot sooner!"
That was when all the lightbulbs exploded in the house. Immediately the boys screamed and ran for the backyard. "Nice going Henry Kissenger!" Pietro snapped at Lance as they hid behind a tree.
"Sheese! And I thought Rogue and Mystique had it bad!" Lance groaned.
"How could you tell?" Pietro asked.
"I am so glad I am a guy," Fred sighed. "I am so glad I am a guy!"
"Just think!" Pietro groaned. "We have this to look forward to every month from now on!"
"Well its not like we didn't have to put up with your PMS to begin with!" Lance snapped. "You know, Pietro Maximoff Syndrome!"
"Ha ha Rockhead!" Pietro snapped. "That joke is getting so old…"
"What joke?" Todd hopped over. He had been wandering in the woods earlier.
"Nothing," Pietro waved it off. "Forget about it."
"Hey have you guys seen Wanda?" Todd asked. He held up a small bouquet of flowers. "I thought I'd give my sweet sorceress some flowers. Where is she?"
"She's in there but…" Fred started to warn him.
"Go right on in," Pietro interrupted. "I'm sure she'd love to talk to you."
"Thanks guys," Todd hopped inside.
"That was low, even for you," Lance looked at Pietro.
"Well I didn't see you doing anything to calm the situation if you know what I mean?" Pietro snapped.
"We should have warned him," Fred said.
"Yeah we should do a lot of things Freddy," Pietro said. "Right after saving the whales and achieving world peace. Unfortunately for Toad saving our hides is the number one priority."
"Yeah giving her a new target will make life a whole lot easier on us," Lance agreed.
"But what if she kills him?" Fred asked in a worried tone. "She hates him on a regular basis. Add Aunt Flow to the mix and she's ready to commit homicide!"
"You have a point," Pietro looked worried. "Maybe you're right."
"I know I'm right," Fred told him. "I read somewhere that a woman once killed her husband while she had PMS and she got off."
"Yeah I heard something like that too," Lance remarked. "Imagine being able to get away with killing a man just because a girl has PMS!"
"Oh no," Pietro groaned. "Toad doesn't stand a chance! Okay we gotta devise a rescue plan! We go in, Lance you and Blob distract her, I'll grab what's left of Toad and then we all head for Mexico for the rest of the week!"
"Good plan," Lance nodded.
"Si," Fred nodded. "Adios mu-cheetos."
Pietro rolled his eyes. "Oh brother! Well go on!"
"Why don't you take a look first fearless leader?" Lance snapped.
"Yeah!" Fred remarked. "You wanna lead so bad, lead!"
"Fine I will! She doesn't scare me!" He simply stood there.
"Well?" Lance asked.
"I'm assessing the situation okay?" Pietro snapped.
"From back here?" Lance asked sarcastically.
"What? Did you get super sight all of the sudden and we didn't know about it?" Fred asked.
"No I'm just making some tactical observations," Pietro snapped.
"What observations?" Lance asked. "Nothing's happening?"
"Hey you're right," Pietro looked at the house. "Nothing is happening. It's all quiet over there."
"Yeah you would have thought we'd have heard the guy begging for his life already or something," Fred scratched his head.
"It's too quiet," Lance furrowed his brow. "I don't like the looks of this."
"We gotta do something," Pietro said.
"Well then do it!" Lance shouted.
"Fine, we'll all go over there at the same time! Ready?" Pietro asked.
"Not really," Fred groaned.
"Go!" They all crept over to the house. "So far so good," Pietro remarked. Cautiously they made their way into the kitchen. They then looked into the living room and got the shock of their lives.
"No way…" Fred's jaw dropped.
Inside the living room Wanda was seated at a lounge chair with a heating pad on her stomach. Todd was serving her tea. "You want any sugar with that?" Todd asked.
"No this is fine," Wanda sighed. She seemed calmer.
"I see it, but I don't believe it," Pietro blinked.
"Hey guys," Todd noticed them. "Could you guys keep it down a little? Wanda just needs a little quiet time."
"I don't believe this," Pietro stood there in shock. "How did you…? And why aren't you…? What the heck is going on here?"
"Unlike most people in this house I happen to be sensitive to Wanda's feelings," Todd sniffed. "You really should be nicer to her when she's not feeling well."
"We should be nicer…to her?" Lance gasped.
"Yes you should! Why can't all of you act more like Toad?" Wanda snapped.
"That is without a doubt the most frightening thing I have ever heard in my entire life," Pietro said.
"Why don't you rest sweetie while I get some pain medication okay?" Todd went out of the room. "And don't you guys bother her."
"Don't bother her?" Pietro snapped. "Yeah we're gonna tick off the living time bomb over here?"
"Pietro…" Fred gulped.
The next thing the three of them knew, they had been blown headfirst into the kitchen. "I told you guys not to bother her!" Todd called from the bathroom.
"It figures," Pietro coughed. "The only guy she won't hex now is Toad!"
"I still don't believe it," Lance groaned, holding his head.
"Neither can I," Todd walked in with some medication. "I'd have thought after living with Mystique, Rogue and Tabby you three would have picked up on these things by now. Take it easy on her. She's in pain."
"Well she's not the only one," Lance groaned. "My head hurts worse than ever now!"
"Here," Todd handed him a bottle. "I got you some of them pills that take away your headaches."
"Thanks, wait a minute…" Lance looked at the bottle. "Toad you idiot this is Midol!"
"So?" Todd asked. "Well it works for Wanda. It was great for Mystique and Tabby. And it has been helping you with your headaches."
"You mean for the past few weeks you've been giving me Midol for my headaches?" Lance shouted.
"You know Lance that would explain why you've been awfully moody lately," Fred suggested.
"SHUT UP!" Lance shouted.
"See?" Fred told him.
Wanda walked in. "Is that the aspirin?" She asked. She took the bottle.
"Hey I need that," Lance told her. "I got a major man sized headache so hand over the Midol!"
"No way," Wanda looked at him. "Forget it you freak." She stormed out of the room.
"Lance I'll go get you something else," Todd sighed.
"I don't want something else! I don't care what it is, I want something to take my headache away! I'm going in and getting my Midol back!" Lance stormed in. "WANDA!" Immediately the house started to shake and things flew around. "GIVE ME THE MIDOL AND NO ONE GETS HURT!" Lance shouted.
"IN YOUR DREAMS ROCK HEAD!" Wanda shouted.
"Maybe you can share the Midol?" Todd suggested. "There's plenty to go around."
"If this keeps up I think I'm gonna need some of that Midol," Pietro groaned.
"Wouldn't hurt," Fred sighed.