This is set after 4X19 47 seconds
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"So I guess it's just us?" Kate ventured, "now that the case is done what did you want to talk about?" She looked into his eyes hoping it was what she wanted him to say.
Castle's face was like cold stone as he said, "nothin', nothin' important anyway." He made a half attempt at a smile then continued, "I'm going to head home. Goodnight."
Kate watched him walk to the elevators with a noticeable slump in his posture. She looked toward the interrogation room where half an hour ago she had listened to the story of a woman who had taken the lives of other human beings. She thought back to the day she had almost lost hers. Castle told her he loved her, but she wasn't ready then. What if she had died that day, what if he had died in the 7 months she had been avoiding his confession? She would never know what it was like to feel him hold her, to wake up to that smile. She quickly made a decision as the doors to the elevator began to close.
"Castle stop! Wait!" His hand came up and stopped the doors from closing.
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After tracking down Castle, she convinced him to go to their park, sit on the swings and talk. They sat in silence as Kate pondered how to bridge the distance that had formed between them. After her mother died she had once asked her dad if loving her mom had been worth all the pain he now felt. Her father had answered with a smile, "One second with her made all this worth it. Love always is." Kate took a deep breath.
"Castle don't pull away from me, not when we are closer then ever to what we both want." Her words caught in her throat as she voiced her fears.
Castle scoffed. "Oh ya? and what is that?"
Kate rolled her eyes, "I'm tired of this Castle. I'm tired of denying it and dancing around the issue. We both know there is something between us. Why don't you want to admit to it?"
Castle gritted his teeth. He took a moment to work his jaw while he thought what he wanted to say. "I know what happened today shook you Kate but don't play with me. You never wanted to be with me. I heard what you said in that interrogation, I know that you remember everything. You heard me tell you that I loved you. Then you left me hanging for three months. Four months after THAT you want me to believe that you were just waiting? Waiting for what? The right moment? If you didn't want you be with me you should have just told me and ended my suffering; not stand by while I get closer and closer to what I want without any chance of getting it." By this point Castle was breathing hard and his heart was racing. His eyes burned and Castle thought maybe now was a good time to cut his losses and go home.
Kate was speechless as the truth set in. He knew. That's why he had been pulling away. He knew that she had lied to him. her heart constricted as she tried to speak up over the pain. Her eyes filled with tears and her voice sounded desperate even to her own ears. "Castle you were WITH me when I came back to the precinct after my shooting. You were WITH me when I could no longer do my job. You SAW how I almost fell apart. Castle I didn't know who I was and I had no leads on who killed my mom or who wanted me dead. I TOLD you about the wall and honestly Castle I was protecting you!" Overcome with emotion Kate took a second to catch her breath.
"How was lying to me protecting me!?" Castle couldn't understand how she could talk her way out of this one.
Kate bit the inside of her lip as she considered what to say. "Castle I didn't want to loose you. I CAN'T loose you. I was scared to death that we would try and I would screw it all up and we would loose our chance. I'm broken Castle, but now I see the hope of healing. After I got shot I lost that hope and thought I was nothing but a lost cause." At this Castle reached out and grabbed her hand.
He looked at their joined hands and sighed. "Never Beckett. You will never be a lost cause. Not now, not ever." At this he looked straight into her eyes with sincerity coloring all his features.
Kate smiled for a moment. "This is why I wanted to keep you around, to be the one I could let in." She caressed his hand with her thumb. "I need you to give me another chance Castle. I've healed over these past few months. With your help I healed and now I'm ready Castle. I want to take the risk."
Castle wanted to believe the words he had waited so long to hear but he had one last question, "Why now? How do you know THIS is the time?"
Tears marked Kate's cheeks as she prepared to let go of the last few bits of brick that made up the wall she had depended on for so long. She was ready. She had to be. She began, "I...I think I just finally decided to admit my mom is dead...she is dead and never coming back no matter how hard I work to find her killer. I saw those dead bodies, the lives that just ended so suddenly and I realized that you weren't dead."
Castles eye narrowed and his head cocked to the side. "You just figured out I wasn't dead?"
Kate laughed. Really laughed. For the first time in days. This man was all she wanted so she sobered up and continued. "I mean that I realized my mom is gone but you aren't. YOU are real and you are right here in front of me. For years you have been right beside me; comforting, supporting, and never leaving no matter how I treat you." Kate stood and pulled Castle to his feet. "Please don't give up on me now! Don't..." The last of her words ended before they made it out of her throat as Castles lips crashed into hers.
Kate smiled into the kiss, so relieved that she was finally in his arms. Desperately, she pulled him closer. As he moved from her lips down her neck she whispered, "maybe my place would be a better venue for this. I'm not into letting people feel me up in public." Castle smiled, grabbed her hand and quickly pulled her in the direction of her place.
Castle almost skipped as he moved out of the park. He lifted his head and yelled to anyone listening, "I LOVE KATE BECKETT! Come on lets go!" They both laughed and tripped along only stopping to kiss and nuzzle each other.
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Kate snuggled closer to the form lying next to her. "oh and Castle?" Kate lifted her head to look in his eyes.
"hmm?" Castle hummed his response.
"I love you." Head eased her head back into his neck... Castle smiled from ear to ear.