Hello, and welcome to a Dan and Phil fanfiction that's hopefully a little different from the usual ones...

This is (intended to be) a parody of certain aspects of the phandom, including general Tumblr fangirling and certain types of phanfiction. It's all fairly exaggerated and it's meant to be a light-hearted joke, OK? Please don't take offence.

Thank you to the lovely JustGoogleIt for beta-reading with such aplomb.

Chapter 1, in which we meet Ariana

Ariana Jade Hufflington-Whitby – aged sixteen and three-quarters – sat at her desk, staring angrily at her laptop. Her long, curly, immaculately styled honey-brown-with-blonde-tips hair cascaded down her back, and her eyes (deep blue like the ocean, but slightly green in the sunlight) were fixed on the familiar blue background of her favourite website, displayed on the screen of her almost-brand-new Mac. She scrolled down the page with growing irritation, watching yet more Tumblr posts appear.

OMG I got tickets for SitC!1!1

Summer in the City is gonna be AWESOME

My fave youtubers all in one place omg the feels I can't

So happy rn, can't wait to see Dan and Phil :D

On seeing the last one, she let out a shriek of rage and stood up from her desk. For Ariana – full-time Youtuber-stalker, professional Phan-shipper, and general all-round expert on everything Dan Howell and Phil Lester – had missed the deadline for tickets to Summer in the City. The biggest YouTube gathering in London and she wasn't going to be there. And all because she'd spent three days waiting outside Radio 1 for Dan and Phil. Not that it hadn't been a completely unproductive three days, of course, because she'd touched the building where they worked, and she'd seen a car that might have been theirs drive out of the heavily guarded gates, but still... Her big chance to meet them, and she'd blown it.

She glared at the full-size posters of her idols on her bedroom walls: Charlie, Tyler, Marcus, Caspar, Troye, Joey, Shane, Pewds, Alfie, Jack, Finn, Joe, Alex... The largest space, above her bed, was reserved for the holy gods of her existence: Dan and Phil themselves. Their side-swept hair and frozen smiles seemed to mock her as she stood there, silently fuming.

She walked out of her bedroom and into the lounge of the luxurious London apartment she shared with her friend Jess. Although originally from the US, they had moved to London a couple of years ago and now lived in a luxury apartment without their parents. There was no particular reason for this: it had just occurred. Neither of them questioned it – it was of course handy for potential encounters with certain YouTubers.

"OMG Jess I like totally can't rn!11!1" said Ariana, who was of course fluent in Tumblrtongue and rarely spoke in English.

"Don't worry, babe," Jess said comfortingly, knowing instantly what she was talking about. "We'll sneak you in somehow."

"Yh but my bbys are going to be there and I'm gonna miss out on all the pheels and what if something phan happens and I'm so angry rn and I can't," Ariana yelled, silvery tears building up in her beautiful blue eyes.

Jess didn't know what to say. She knew how important it was to her friend. The previous year, Ariana had had a full-scale mental breakdown on learning that Dan and Phil would not be attending VidCon.

Ariana shook back her hair (which was long, curly, immaculately styled, and honey-brown with blonde tips) and stormed into the kitchen. She needed some food to calm her nerves. She opened the fridge, which she knew contained varying quantities of Maltesers, homemade Dan-and-Phil-style brownies, ShakeAways (tailored specifically to Dan and Phil's requirements, of course), caramel macchiatos, and Nutella.

Ariana sat back down at her computer with a large bag of Maltesers. Clicking through the tabs open on the screen, she checked (in no particular order) Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Myspace, LinkedIn, YouTube and Tumblr again. Ariana had Dan and Phil's Facebook and Twitter feeds constantly open on her laptop, just in case they posted a location update. Tumblr was so she could check on what was happening in the phandom. Myspace was just because, well, Dan had Myspace once. LinkedIn... well, they had proper jobs now, so networking was important. And YouTube, obviously, was essential to have running at all times. It was one of Ariana's life goals to be the first like AND first comment on one of Dan's videos. She had already achieved this with Phil, however as it had only been a second channel video, she wasn't entirely sure if it counted.

She refreshed YouTube again. It had been three days, eight hours and twenty-eight minutes since Dan's last video and six days, twenty-one hours and four minutes since Phil's, and she was getting stressed.

Moments later, a gif of Dan eating a Malteser appeared on her Tumblr dash. Screaming hysterically, Ariana leapt up from her chair.

"OMG IT'S FATE!1!11! HE'S EATING MALTESERS AND SO AM I!11! MY OVARIES ARE EXPLODING!1! THE PHEELS!1!1!"

Jess came running into the room.

"Oh my god, Ariana, are you OK?" she asked in a suitably concerned voice, seeing her friend rolling around on the floor, clutching her stomach.

"ERMAGAHD MA OVEREEZ!" Ariana yelled (along with Tumblrtongue, she also spoke Meme).

"Here, have some more Maltesers," Jess said frantically, pouring them over her stricken friend. This usually worked in situations such as these. The chocolate-covered malt balls, infused with connotations of Dan Howell, had the powers to calm even the craziest phangirl.

Ariana sat up abruptly, looking chirpy once more. "I feel like Dan in one of his videos!" she said brightly. This thought had obviously cheered her up, because she got up gracefully, shook her long, curly, immaculately styled, honey-brown-with-blonde-tips hair behind her back and bounded back into the living room. Specifically, to the giant map on the wall showing the last known locations of Dan and Phil (the Radio 1 studios). It was a source of unending irritation to Ariana that they had still not found out the two boys' address.

That was the second most important thing on the list of things to do. The first was, of course, to meet Dan and Phil themselves. This occupied almost all of Ariana's waking moments, and quite a few of her sleeping ones as well.

In fact, she might have almost said that it was the sole focus of her existence.

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Please feel free to leave me a review telling me what you thought :)