Death and Transfiguration

Departure

"Dad...c'mon! We're going to be late!"

Izayoi gave the clock an exasperated look and sighed; Kagome giggled. It was like this every year.

"Just need to find my hat," came Inuyasha's voice from the other room, accompanied by a loud crashing and banging. "Where have those darned kids hidden it?" Another crash. Izayoi buried her face in her hands; Kagome laughed again.

"Uncle Souta, maybe you and Aunt Hitomi had better go on ahead," said Izayoi wearily. "We'll get there..." Another crash from the next room, and the sound of Inuyasha muttering profanities under his breath. "...eventually."

The Higurashi temple had seen its share of triumph and tragedy over the years, but rarely had such peace and prosperity blessed its guardian family. Souta had married his childhood sweetheart Hitomi, and soon they had filled the ancient courtyards with the sweet laughter of happy children; and in due time, the courtyard had been filled again, now with the voices of grandchildren. Souta had taken over the duties of the temple priest, and since he also had the family gift of spiritual power, his custodianship of the temple was a good deal more effective than his grandfather's. Kagome maintained her double life in the past and the present, and was much beloved in both worlds. Kagome remained strong, agile, and spry as the years passed, and her spiritual power only increased, rather than dimmed, with age. The only clear evidence of the passing of years was that Kagome's thick black hair gradually turned a shimmering silver gray, which Inuyasha in a rare burst of poetry had lovingly termed "the color of the evening star;" and she became the greatly adored "Grandma Kagome" in both the feudal and the modern era. Inuyasha was as ageless as all hanyous, and he never lost his youthful spunk; but his shoulders did become regally broad. And the older he became, the more he came to resemble his great father; and his noble bearing provided a fitting counterpoint to Kagome's stately wisdom.

Izayoi spent much of her time in the feudal era with her beloved Shippou, but she never lost touch with her roots in the modern world. She went adventuring with her mother and father as often as they traveled into the past, and in the modern era she became the beloved, jolly, and cantankerous "Auntie Izayoi" to Souta's family. She was a favorite at temple festivals for her flower arranging and ceremonial archery, but a holy terror towards any child that didn't show the proper respect for her tools or her work. She even stayed in touch with her best friends from high school...although they constantly groused about how Izayoi always managed to look no older than she did on the day that they all graduated.

One of the children came up to Kagome and tugged at her sleeve. "Grandma Kagome," the little girl asked sweetly, "Will you come see me at the concert this year?"

"I'll try," said Kagome smiling. "I'm a little tired today. Perhaps I'll get there later. But even if I don't make it...do your best!"

"I will," piped the little girl, hugging Kagome. "Goodbye, Grandma Kagome!" She called to the next room, "Goodbye, Grandpa Inuyasha!"

"How many times have I told you never to call me that?" came an angry shout. Another crash. "Oh. Here it is." Inuyasha emerged with his baseball cap, brushing dust off his sleeves. "Aren't you ready yet? We're going to be late!"

Izayoi sighed wearily; Kagome laughed again. "Be patient with your father, dear. Lord knows I have." She hugged Izayoi, and then said, "You two go off without me. I'm a little tired today. Just be sure you keep a close eye on your father." Kagome whispered conspiratorially to Izayoi. "I still don't trust him out of my sight, and neither should you."

They both laughed, Izayoi hugged her mother again, and then she grabbed Inuyasha by the hand. "Come on, Dad, let's go," she said as she dragged him out the door.

"Have fun, dears!" shouted Kagome after them.

The high-school culture festival was always full of people in fanciful costumes, so it was the one place that Izayoi and Inuyasha could go about with their ears uncovered; and so, they never missed a festival. This year, one of Souta's grandchildren was performing. The family had taken up its usual position at the back of the room, where they could keep a firm hand on Inuyasha and quietly explain the proceedings to him without disturbing anyone else. Souta's granddaughter had just finished soldiering her way through a violin etude and was taking her bow, when Inuyasha grabbed his chest in pain and sank to his knees. "Kagome..." he gasped. "Something's happened to Kagome. I heard her... I heard her call to me..."

Izayoi was helping him to his feet, trying to get him to tell her more, when Grandma Hitomi's phone rang. She answered the phone, then she blanched and clutched at her own chest. She hung up the phone and whispered to Izayoi, "Get your father home...now." Izayoi led Inuyasha out of the auditorium, and Hitomi could see them dashing along the rooftops, running home as fast as they could go.

When Inuyasha and Izayoi arrived at the temple, they found Kagome lying against the Goshinboku. At first, she seemed to be sleeping, and she was smiling, her face utterly at peace; but when Inuyasha took her hand, it was cold and still.

"NO! KAGOME!" Inuyasha screamed. He recoiled from her, his hands shaking; then he grabbed for a sword at his belt. "This time, I've got Tenseiga... This time, I can save you, Kagome!" Inuyasha desperately fumbled for Tenseiga, pulling it sheath and all from his belt. His hands finally found the handle, and he ripped the sword out of its sheath and hurled the sheath to the ground. He raised Tenseiga high above his head, ready to bring it down and bring Kagome back to life; but suddenly he froze, transfixed by something that only he could see.

Izayoi watched as Inuyasha's face twisted with anguished puzzlement. Whatever it was that he saw, it was clear that he did not understand it at all, and his mouth moved as though he were arguing with someone or something, but no sound emerged. After a few moments, Inuyasha dropped Tenseiga, and he collapsed to his knees, his shaking hands covering his ashen face.

"Daddy! What's wrong with you? What are you doing? You've got to save Mom!" shouted Izayoi, and she leapt to his side, grabbed Tenseiga, and swung it to the ready. Instantly, Tenseiga revealed to her what Inuyasha had just seen: four minions of the underworld, clearly sent to consume Kagome's soul...but they were already lying motionless, quite dead—impaled by shimmering arrows of gold.

"Honestly—did they think I was going to go that easily?" came a warm chuckle; and Izayoi turned to see Kagome standing next to her. Gone was any sign of the toll of age and time; her hair was lustrous obidian black, and her smooth face glowed with youth and joy. She was clothed in living light, by a gentle glow that seemed to come from somewhere deep within her very self; and when she spoke, the air quivered faintly with music.

Kagome's shining spirit went to her body, which lay slumped against the Goshinboku. She knelt beside it and stroked its hair lovingly. "This old body..." she said, gently smiling, "It ran a good race. I was sorry to leave it...but its time had come, I'm afraid." She stood, and turned to Izayoi. "I've died before, you know," she said thoughtfully, "And it's really not that bad. A moment's pain; the body's panic, and sadness at its loss; and then, just the tiniest wrench. And then...your true self, freed from its mortal shell." Kagome pirouetted merrily and she laughed again, a sweet clear sound like the ringing of silver bells; and there was such joy in Kagome's voice that even in her grief, Izayoi could not help but smile at her mother's laughter.

"I've lived and died many times before, " Kagome continued, "But always as a maiden." Kagome's shining spirit went to Inuyasha; she tenderly put her hand on his head, and the pain on his face softened slightly. "I was only once a wife..." she said softly; then she turned and put her other hand on Izayoi's heart, and she smiled as she said, "...and only once a mother."

Kagome sighed, and she laid her hand on Izayoi's sword arm and gently encouraged her to lower Tenseiga. "Please don't try to bring me back," Kagome said, gently but firmly. "Don't let your father try to bring me back. We would just come back to this same crossroad again, again, and again, until even Tenseiga could not restore me—and then your father would hate himself for the rest of his life because he had failed, at the last, to save me." Kagome laid her hand on Inuyasha's head again. "He doesn't understand right now...but eventually, he will accept this as my choice. If I let him bring me back, even once... one day he could no longer do so, and he would never forgive himself for something that he would always see as his greatest failure."

Kagome took Izayoi's hand between her own shining hands. "Scatter my ashes at the foot of the Goshinboku, both here and in the past. I promise that no matter where you are, I will be watching over you. With your spiritual power, you may be able to see me, or maybe even talk to me...and I'd like that. I'd really like that." Kagome sighed again. "Please help your father. This will be worse for him than it will be for you, because he has lost me so many times before. I wish I could make it easier for him...but I can't. Maybe you can help him to understand. I hope so."

Kagome smiled, and she said tenderly. "Always remember that I love you, my dearest little princess."

"And that we love you too." Izayoi heard the voices of Kagome's long-departed mother and father coming from the leaves of the Goshinboku, and two golden lights grew into being on either side of Kagome. When she saw them, Kagome's smile grew even broader, and she stretched her arms out in welcome. The light that was Kagome's spirit began to grow brighter, so bright that Izayoi could no longer bear to look on it.

"Tell your father that he'll see me again, and soon...and that I'll always be with you...with both of you." There was a flash, and a sound that was beautiful beyond description...and she was gone.

Izayoi wordlessly sheathed Tenseiga, and thrust it into her own belt. She knelt next to Inuyasha, and rested her head on his shoulder. "Oh Daddy," she said, trying to maintain her composure for his sake, "I'm so sorry...but Mom said everything was going to be fine...Mom's OK...you saw her too...and she said that you'd see her again soon...oh, Daddy..." Izayoi's voice broke, and she sobbed inconsolably as she hugged her father.

"Hush, princess," he whispered, but he could manage to say nothing more, and his hands shook as he stroked Izayoi's hair. In a few moments, he gently withdrew from Izayoi, and he went to Kagome's body and cradled it in his arms, rocking her, speaking softly to her and trying desperately to hold back the tears. Izayoi sat next to the two of them for a few minutes; then she left Inuyasha with Kagome and joined the rest of the family, who had gathered around the Goshinboku at a respectful distance. Souta and Hitomi each put an arm around Izayoi, and they gently led her and the family back to the family residence, leaving Inuyasha alone with Kagome.

Inuyasha stayed with Kagome all day, holding her in his arms, gently speaking tender words that none but the two of them ever heard.

It was not until the sun had nearly set that Izayoi was able to coax her father into letting Kagome go; and Izayoi and Souta together led Inuyasha back to the family home, so that they could take care of what was necessary.

Inuyasha never had much patience for human ceremony or legal traditions, either in the feudal or the modern era; and he was less tolerant than ever in the days preceding the funeral. His foul mood nearly brought him to blows several times with people who did not deserve his rage, and Izayoi had to speak with him very sternly to calm him down. She handled most of the necessary arrangements with Souta and Hitomi's help, but on legal matters that could only be handled by a husband's signature, Izayoi begged to take the papers home to be signed, saying that her father was beside himself with grief and was in seclusion (which was not that far from the truth, actually). She simply signed his name herself when nobody was watching, snickering when she added the last name "Higurashi," something that she knew he quite despised.

Inuyasha could not bear to attend the funeral at the place at Izayoi's side that had been prepared for him, but Izayoi did see him standing in the temple's open doorway, watching. Even the discussion of cremation and the spreading of Kagome's ashes was more than he could withstand; he fled the room every time the topic was mentioned. Of all the family, only Izayoi had the emotional strength to handle the urn, and to spread the ashes on the roots of the Goshinboku. But Inuyasha had watched that, too, from the window of Kagome's old room; and that night, he lay at the foot of the great tree, speaking softly to Kagome, until sleep finally overcame him.

Inuyasha had discovered that he could remove his prayer-bead necklace after Kagome died, and doing so nearly broke his heart anew. But Izayoi took the necklace from him, and wove the beads onto strands of her mother's long silver hair, and bound Kagome's wedding ring into the necklace, around a central bead of gold. And she laid upon the necklace a new enchantment, something very tender and subtle: the scent of Kagome's hair would never fade, and each time Inuyasha handled the ring and gold bead, the darkness of his grief would be gently purified, softly transformed into blessed memory. When Izayoi was finished, she took the necklace to her father and solemnly lowered the necklace over his head; and she put her hand on his heart, and she said, "Remember Kagome."

And Inuyasha put his hand on hers, and touched the ring, and for the first time in many days, he smiled; and he said softly, "I will."

Although she hadn't said anything to him about they way he stayed at the periphery of the ceremonies in the modern era, Izayoi was quite firm with her father about what needed to happen back in the feudal era. "You owe it to Aunt Sango and Uncle Miroku, and to Shippou, to tell them yourself. I'm not doing this one for you." Inuyasha reluctantly agreed; but when the time came to head down the well, he quietly took the urn from Izayoi and said softly, "I think I need to carry her...this one last time."

Everyone was heartbroken to hear the news. Shippou and Sango wept openly, and Miroku did his best to maintain his priestly reserve for Sango's sake, but for those who knew him, his grief was plain to see. When it came time to scatter Kagome's ashes at the Goshinboku, this time all five of them held the urn—even Inuyasha—and Miroku said the most eloquent and moving prayers of his life as the gray ashes floated gently down, quietly glittering when they touched the soft, green earth.

Izayoi left her father and the others alone at the Goshinboku, so that the four friends could have some time alone with each other. She stopped at an old wooden shrine, looked around to make sure that she was alone, then knelt before it. From the sleeve of her kimono, she withdrew a small pouch, and sprinkled its contents onto the earth, and then began scratching the fine dust into the earth with her claws.

While she was working, Shippou emerged from the glade, and put his hand kindly on her shoulder. "Za-chan," he said softly, "Are you OK?"

"Yeah...mostly," she said.

"You know... that this is Kikyou's grave, don't you?" he asked gently.

"Uh-huh," she nodded, not looking up from her work.

"Ah...Za-chan...you know that your mom and Kikyou were... rivals for your father's love, don't you? That...things were never really... good, between them?"

"Yeah, I know all about that," said Izayoi. She finished her work, brushed the soil off her hands, then stood and put her arm around Shippou. "I also know that they were the same soul, and how much it cost each of them—both of them—to be ripped apart like that. I know that in life they never really got along... but somehow, I think that the person that was Kagome always wanted to reconcile with the person that was Kikyou. And maybe, by sharing the same earth, they can mend their differences and become the one person that they truly were meant to be."

"You have a good heart, Za-chan," said Shippou, kissing Izayoi tenderly on the top of her head. "Just like your mother."

"I hope so, Po-chan," Izayoi sighed. "I hope so."

The Higurashi temple was, of course, profoundly affected by Kagome's passing; but the celebration of life was as much of its substance as wood and stone, and the cloud of sorrow did not hang over the temple for long—and that was exactly what Kagome would have wanted. Soon the courtyard was echoing with the laughter of children again, and the flags of mourning were replaced with colorful banners of the seasons, and life went on: which is, of course, what life always does.

But Kagome's passing marked the end of Inuyasha's days in the modern era. In a few weeks he seemed to be back to his old self, shouting angrily as always at the children when they called him "Grandpa Inuyasha," but as merrily as always taking them for rides on his shoulders, bounding from building to building, laughing as loudly as his passengers. However, he stopped sleeping in the bed that he and Kagome had shared; her scent, lingering on the pillows, had brought him comfort in the first few days alone, but now it only reminded him of his lonliness. Instead, he had begun sleeping in the branches of the Goshinboku. He confided to Izayoi that when the wind rustled the leaves, he could hear Kagome's laughter.

One day, he came to the family at breakfast and announced that he was leaving, later that very day. When they insisted that he return frequently to visit, he of course reassured them that he would be back often, but everyone knew that this was most probably the final farewell. He took with him only those few small remembrances that he could carry in his kimono, and he gave the rest of his and Kagome's worldly possessions to Izayoi. "I'll keep them just the way they are, in case you ever want them," Izayoi had said; but she knew from her father's listless "uh-huh" that he had no intention of ever returning to claim them.

Inuyasha took one last look around at the room that he and Kagome had shared for so many years, and he whispered softly, "Goodbye." Then he turned and without looking back headed out of the house, crossing the courtyard and heading to the well-house.

There he saw that the entire family had assembled to give him a hero's farewell. They cheered, and waved flags and fans, and wished him well and begged him to return someday and see them all again. Inuyasha looked for Izayoi, to say goodbye to her, but he saw her nowhere; so he sighed, and waved to the cheering children, merrily shouting "See ya!" and walked into the well-house.

Standing at the well was Souta, his wife Hitomi, and their eldest daughter. Souta took Inuyasha's hand in his, and blessed him; and he said, "This temple will always be your home, and your daughter's home; and I give you my most solemn vow that it will be a home to her children, and her children's children, as long as one stone stands upon another." He put his hand on Inuyasha's shoulders, looked deeply into his eyes, and said gently, "Please don't be a stranger, Inu-ni-chan. I just lost my sister. I don't want to lose my brother too."

"You won't. I'll be back. I promise," said Inuyasha; but this time, he meant it. He hugged Souta and Hitomi and their daughter, stood on the lip of the well, and said mischievously, "You won't get rid of me that easily—I'll be back!" He smiled, and waved, and he jumped into the well; and with a flash, he was gone.

When Inuyasha climbed out of the well in the feudal era, Izayoi was waiting for him. "Took you long enough," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "I was starting to think that you had changed your mind and were sitting in front of the television, playing games with the kids." She held out her hand to her father, smiled, and said, "C'mon. I think we both need a little time to get over Mom's death... and we need to spend that time together. What were you planning to do... go somewhere to mope, hack a few youkai to bits, then mope some more?" She laughed. "Not a chance... Po-chan!"

There was a loud pop, and Shippou appeared, in the form of a large pink ball with big goofy eyes—the same form that he had taken so often when he was just a child. Inuyasha nearly fell over laughing at the sight, and shortly he and Izayoi clambered up and sat cross-legged on top of Shippou, just as he and Kagome had done so often in their early days together.

"Shippou—onward to adventure!" Izayoi yelled, and slapped Shippou enthusiastically.

"Ow—not so hard!" Shippou whimpered, but he quickly rose into the air and off they sailed, laughing and talking merrily of old times.