A/N: I got the idea for this story while watching the movie for the 20th time. I was watching it and one of the bunnies stopped, and told me it would be cool to do a parody of the movie as a fanfic. For those who have seen the movie, the characters are as follows:

Scott John Cooper Carson Jamie Rodney Jenny Jeanie (McKay and Mrs. Miller)

Mika Elizabeth Fiona Teyla Donny Ronon Creepy Italian Radek

Other characters will show up too, but since they aren't the main ones, I don't feel obligated to list them all, as there is too many.

Hope you enjoy, if not, whatever, I'll enjoy it.

It was graduation day. John, Carson, Rodney, and Jeanie had made it through 4 years of grueling work, evil teachers, and hard relationships. The four of them were going to go to a party tonight before they split for the summer.

John and Carson were standing, waiting for their parents when John spotted his girlfriend Teyla.

"There she is. Teyla!"

"Hey," Teyla said when she got to him.

"Hey," John replied.

"Congratulations graduate," Teyla said, kissing John.

"Thanks, baby," John returned the kiss.

"And congratulation to you to, Carson"

"Awe. Thanks, baby" Carson said, leaning in for a kiss as well.

Teyla smacked him on his arm. "Nice try."

Carson pulled John aside to ask him something really quickly.

"So I'll see you at Wade's party tonight right?" he asked.

"Yea, I'll see you there," John said before walking back to Teyla.

He put his hands on her waist and gave her another kiss.

"So next year you graduate, and join me in college. It will be just like we planned."

"John, we need to talk," Teyla told him.

"Yea? What about?" John said, worriedly. She had just said the deadly four words.

"About me dumping you," she replied, without any emotion whatsoever.

"Huh? Dumping me?" John stared at her.

"There he is!" His parent's voice rang through the air.

"The graduate and his beautiful girl friend, smile you two," John's father said.

Teyla separated herself from him, so that she could pose for the camera, as John's father continued to take numerous pictures of the couple, while his mother video taped the whole event.

"Dad, Mom, Grandma... Uncle Moke... I need a minute here ok?" John said to them before taking Teyla's arm and pulling her away so that they could continue their talk.

"What do you mean you're dumping me?" John was completely surprised. He had thought that the two of them had been perfect for each other.

"I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore," Teyla told him, still emotionless.

"What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you," John said, completely taken aback by the fact that Teyla thought he would cheat on her.

"I know. That's what makes this so hard," Teyla replied.

Now John was even more confused. If she knows that he would never cheat on her, then why would she break up with him?

His parents, meanwhile, were still taking pictures of the two of them. "You're looking good guys."

"John, it's not you. It's me," Teyla admitted, "There I go, lying again. It was you. You're just so, so... predictable"

"So that's it?" John still couldn't believe that this was happening to him. He had seriously thought that the two of them were going to make it.

"Here's your letter jacket back. Goodbye." Teyla handed John the jacket.

The moment the jacket left her hand, she ran off to meet up with the guy that she had been cheating on John with, Ronon.

As she ran away, John's father walked up to him. "She's a keeper," he said, without realizing what had just happened.

"Teyla!!!!!" John yelled after her, his eyes full of tears, heartbroken. Unknown to him, his mother had continued to film and had caught it all on tape.

Later that day...

Carson and John's brother were in John's room, replaying him yelling Teyla's name over and over on John's T.V.

"Let's see that again" Carson told John's brother.

"This is just so brutal" John's brother said laughingly.

"And yet, I can't look away. Play it again" Carson said, with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

John had had enough.

"Get out of here" he told his brother.

"Stay black, man" Carson told John's brother on his way out, knocking knuckles together.

That's when John's computer came to life. "Mail mother" was heard as a picture of a letter appeared on the screen.

"Hey I got an email from Weir." John said to Carson. He had been talking to Weir for a year now as a way to help him with his German.

"Happy Herzlichen" the mail read.

"Still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class," Carson asked John.

"Yeah, at first, but we're actually becoming good friends," John told Carson, as he began to type his response.

"Dear Weir, greetings from your American pen pal" the response started out. Carson had heard it all since John had been saying out loud what he was writing, and had to say something.

"John, girl scouts have pen pals," he started, "Listen to yourself, alright? You met a "cool guy" on the "internet." This is how sexual predators work. Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" where he'll gas you and stuff you in the back of his van. Come on, let's go to Wade's," Carson told John, and started to walk towards the door.

"All right. Fine. Screw it, let's go. I'm not going to let Teyla ruin my graduation night," John said with conviction.

He sent the email and closed his computer. He then walked to the door, where Carson was waiting for him, and left his room.

They took John's Mustang and drove to where the party was being hosted. John parked a couple of blocks away to keep his car safer from theft and vandalism.

They walked to the party, with John determined to have a good time with Carson, Rodney, and Jeanie.

A/N: I was going to write this in the Pegasus Galaxy and have John take a puddle jumper and then have them gate to other planets to get to the one he needs, but then it wouldn't make sense that he was going to visit Elizabeth, so I decided to stick them on Earth.

I have tried to stick to the movie as close as possible. I hope I can do it justice.