I started to muse life in general at 3am in the morning (admittedly not when I'm at my sharpest) and came up with this. It's completely pointless but I think I was actually on to something- or that could be the insomnia speaking O. O
Anyway it's from Kai's POV so enjoy reading.
Disclaimer: I don't, won't, can't, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't own Beyblades
Loneliness. Is it an emotion or a state of mind? I've always wondered. But, then again, I've always been lonely so maybe I'm not the best person to ask about it. Maybe Loneliness needs to be thought about with detachment.
But I can't detach from the feeling of being lonely. I can detach from anything else. Hell, if it weren't for gravity I would have detached from Earth by now.
Now that's an interesting thought. If I weren't attached to the ground then I wouldn't have to be around people. Then I truly would be alone.
But if it's possible to feel alone when people surround you is it possible to not feel alone when no one is around? Now that's a thought to ponder.
Maybe it's possible for other people but not for me. I am always alone. I can try to surround myself with friends but it will never work. I am alone.
I even tried to fill the void in my heart by having someone to love. But even then I messed it up. I couldn't change who I was and I drove him away too.
Just talk to me! Tell me what's wrong!
Maybe I just can't relate to people at all. I prefer to keep my thoughts to myself. If I don't share what I think, my thoughts can't hurt anybody. Or at least that's what I used to think. But maybe hiding what I think just hurts people more.
Don't you trust me enough to tell me anything?
Trust always has been hard for me. I just can't bring myself to have total faith in someone. I'm too afraid I'll get hurt. At least if I don't trust I will not be hurt by others.
That seems rather selfish doesn't it? I won't trust other people so I won't be hurt. I know that my distrust hurts people but I still refuse.
Self-preservation, I suppose it's called. But is this lonely existence, I can hardly call it a life, is it true preservation? Or is it a complicated exercise in denial?
No man is an island. That saying has always puzzled me. Why can't people be islands? Islands are places of peace and harmony. Islands are the places that shipwrecked sailors long to see. What is so bad about being an island?
People could argue that islands are lonely, desolate places. But that's not really that different from me is it? Maybe I am the proverbial island. But where does that leave everyone else?
If I'm an island then there has to be boats. People who have a way of reaching islands are rare but they do exist. He existed.
Stop staring at me like that! Can't you just say something? Anything?
Maybe it's a choice. Do you choose who you are? Or are you just handed a personality? While the munchkins are assembling you on the big conveyor belt of life do they add in a personality like they would a hand or foot? Or is it a choice?
Can you choose to be something other than what you are? Even that statement says that there is not choice. I have no choice but to be an island. I have not choice but to be alone.
If I have no choice then why are there boats? Why does he exist?
It's too cruel to think that he exists only as a reminder that I am an island, apart from everyone else. I remind myself of that everyday.
I can't live like this anymore! I just can't be here.
I guess it's down to what you believe. Choice or Fate? That question has stumped famous philosophers throughout history. Is what we do a result of our choices or is our path predetermined?
If it is all a result of choice I obviously made a bad decision somewhere along the line. That choice cost me my happiness.
If it's all a result of Fate then my karma sucks. I obviously drew the bad hand from the deck of life.
I just can't stay. I can't be with you
Maybe I just drive people away. Maybe I'm like poison ivy? Now there's a thought. People try to see what I'm like because of curiosity but then they see the true me too late.
People wonder why I hide me. Maybe I don't hide it. Maybe they are so busy looking for the inner me they don't see that what's on the outside is me. I am a selfish bastard. There is no escaping that fact.
I may have built up on it but I had to have something to build on.
I hope that that was a choice of mine. Choices can be undone. You can choose to turn around and backtrack your steps. You can choose to continue down the path that you have chosen.
People wonder why my place of choice is somewhere high above the ground. It's so I can see that I could end my poison ivy-island-lonely existence. I can see that I could always jump and finish it. But I chose not to.
I choose to wait for another boat to sail towards my shores.
I'm sorry. Goodbye.
Depressing? Yes. Odd? Definitely.
I'm going to leave it to your imagination to decide who the mysterious him is. I don't know either. Just pick your favourite Kai pairing and run with it.
Please tell me what you think- I love getting reviews.