Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII.
Title: A Hero's Epitaph
Warnings: Unbeta'ed. Bad grammar.
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Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names.
Proverb
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Cloud stared at the vast nothingness of the field. His eyes were blank and there were no trace of life on those cerulean orbs. He was sitting near the place where fate smitten him, where his long journey, together with his comrade, friend, and commanding officer, ended. This was the place where he learned the most painful truth in life; that in war, people's lives were expendable.
Cloud clenched and unclenched his fist as he leaned to the tree behind his back. He stared at the ground where he last saw Zack in his flesh, gasping for air, life, and barely managed in focusing his gazes on him. He was bloodied, and yet, the air of valor and bravery hung on Zack like a long, dependable friend, never leaving the dark haired soldier. Sometimes, the blond couldn't help but wish to replace Zack's fate. It wasn't just right. Him, gone, didn't seemed right, up until now. Cloud was still wishing for something to help him go back to the past, where Zack was alone fighting for his beliefs, dreams, and Cloud, to help, to be of assistance.
A trickle of blood gushed at the corner of Clouds' lips. His blank countenance was being tainted by a sorrowful scowl.
Maybe, if he was there with him at that time, he wouldn't be sitting here, breathing, and dying of guilt... of... sadness, of sorrow. Cloud wouldn't be left alone like this.
He slowly stood and forced his feet to walk. He had been here for hundreds of times already, and yet, everything still looked the same. The fading mark of Zack's blood where it freely flowed was still here, faded, because of the continuous falling of rain that evening. The sword that Zack's gently thrust into his heaving chest, into his trembling hands, was still there where Zack last left it after succumbing to death. Cloud couldn't bear granting himself of such great thing. He couldn't even lift it with his hands.
He was done crying, that, he knew.
The tears were all dried up now and he couldn't cry anymore, no matter how much wailing he do, no matter how many times he banged his head to a nearby wall, or no matter how many times he tried to coaxed himself to cry some more, because really, Zack deserved more grieving than this. He was Zack Fair, for crying out loud.
He was a SOLDEIR, First Class.
He was a hero.
He was anything that Cloud wanted to be.
He was his friend.
And so, Cloud resorted to self-inflicting harm.
He punched and punched the hard ground with his bare fist, without any gloves that he usually wore around his hands.
He punched and punched and punched and it fucking hurt and he punched some more.
It felt good. Somehow.
So he punched some more. And punched and punched and punched until his knuckles became numbed until he could almost see the tearing of the flesh and the whitish bones surrounding his knuckles. Blood was now oozing on the ground and he couldn't help but think that this amount of blood couldn't even equaled to the amount of blood that Zack emanated that day and it was making Cloud want to punch some more.
He wasn't enough.
Everything wasn't enough.
But it hurts.
Everything hurts.
Did Zack felt this kind of hurt when he was dying?
Did he regret standing up for him, when he could have run away and leave him alone, who was in a very bad state at that time, and just save his life?
He still could have been alive by now. Smilling. Flirting. Defending and saving much worthier people.
"Uwaah... I never thought that he was saying the truth. Onii-chan was indeed right!"
Cloud almost banged his head to the ground where he was kneeling. The sudden voice greatly startled him and his azure eyes widened in shock as he tried to compose himself. His heart beat harshly inside his ribcage and his pulse now resembled that of a runner who just participated in a marathon.
The boy, who was at least ten or eleven years old in Cloud's calculation, was staring at his face like he was a new found specie of edible mushroom. He was staring so close that it was reminding him their first meeting of Zack.
"Onii-chan was really right!"
Allen snapped to his stupor and he winced when he accidentally leaned too much force to his hands that were now badly torn because of his mindless punching a while ago.
"W-what do you mean? W-who are you?" Cloud managed to ask as he regained his composure. Thank god that the kid backed away too. He wasn't as close as before and now that he was in normal range, Cloud could perfectly see the boy. He was skinny, his auburn hair was long and it was tied in a ponytail. He was grinning. And he was carrying a pail of water that he put down when he stared at him.
"I'm Jiro!" He exclaimed as he extended his hands on him. Cloud, whp was now as confused as he could be, automatically extended his momentarily forgotten bloodied hand to the grinning boy.
The boy didn't seem to mind the bloody mess in front of him nor did it faze the kid out. He just smiled and held Cloud's hand in a gentle manner.
"Uwaaah... Onii-chan was really right about you, nee?"
Cloud scrunched his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"He said you're quite a beauty. And Gaia, he was right!" The grinning came back and in its full force.
Cloud didn't want to blush but he felt his color betraying him.
Jiro laughed as he patted Cloud's blond locks. "He also said that you will be doing this to yourself, so I have to 'knock some sense into your head'."
Cloud gaped at the auburn haired kid and followed his movements. He fetched the pail of water lying not too far away from where he was slumped. He pulled a white cloth into his pants and began wetting in inside the container. He eyed the still smiling kid while he worked into his bloodied hand. The boy gently wiped the wounds and Cloud winced as he unconsciously tried to withdraw his hand.
"Stay still!" Jiro exclaimed as his eyes were still focused to the wounds. "You are so stupid just like Onii-chan said."
Cloud tried to focus on anything but the stinging of the wounds. The word stupid didn't even register into his mind or the fact that someone much younger than him was reprimanding him. "Who is this Onii-chan you are talking about?" He asked as he winced again, barely containing his whimpers.
"He's a friend of yours."
Wincing, Cloud stared at the boy carefully dabbing the wet cloth into his hand. "A friend of mine?"
"Yep. You got it right."
"What's the name?"
There was long pause.
Then Jiro, a faint smile now adorning his face, murmured. Cloud couldn't almost hear it at first.
"Zack. Zack Fair."
Cloud's cerulean eyes widened in shock as he continued staring at the young boy. "D-don't mess with me, kid," he said, his voice was laced with so much remorse and madness. "Don't mess with me!"
Jiro halted what he was doing and meet Cloud's eyes. "I am not messing with you," with striking clear eyes, he stared at Cloud as if he perfectly knew what was going on inside the blonds' head. "You're the one messing with yourself."
Cloud pulled his hand from the boy and he glared at him, trembling, shaking with anxiety and grief. He didn't need anyone to remind him that. Cloud didn't need anything to be reminded of what he was doing right now and the things that he didn't – couldn't – do in the past. The things life and fate didn't allow him to do.
Jiro smiled again despite the hostility Cloud showing him.
"He said I have to look for you and tell you something he didn't had the chance to tell you before."
Jiro sat at a huge, sticking root of a tree. "He wanted to say that he's not sorry he died protecting his honor as a soldier," he looked at Cloud and he grinned. This made the blond cringed. It looked so familiar...
"He said that he didn't regret dying for a friend. That he was happy he had been the one who saved that friend, and he wouldn't be happy if that particular person is now slowly but surely trying to end his life because he wouldn't be able to save that friend again from where he is now. A human could only die once, after all. But," Jiro inhaled, taking the fresh air of the deserted mountain into his lungs. He looked at Cloud and grinned again. "He also said that he would die for that person once more... if he could. Over and over again."
Cloud was now crying.
That was all he could do now.
He wanted to at least let himself grieved properly. He didn't want to deny himself the right to be sad, to be angry, and to be guilty.
He lost his commanding officer.
He lost a co-SOLDIER.
He lost a comrade.
He lost a friend.
He fucking lost Zack Fair.
Then something clicked inside his mind.
Cloud voiced it out, "H-How did you know these things?"
Jiro just smiled.
"Oh. I almost forgot."
Cloud looked at the boy.
Jiro stood and dusted his pants. He put his arms over his head and started to walk away, leaving the pail of water behind him. He turned around and looked at the blond.
"Onii-chan also said that he's not sorry he stole kisses from you."
Cloud blinked; his jaw dropping.
W-what?
After a while, Cloud shouted.
"W-what?"
Jiro laughed as he started to walk again, away from the astounded blond. His arms were still flung on his shoulders. "No clue!"
Not far away from Cloud, a stone with engraved writings on it was being lavished by the morning sun:
In the courageous memory of a true hero
Zack Fair
Born: September 14, 19XX
Died: July 25, 20XX
Here lies one who took his chances
In the busy world of men
Battled luck and circumstances
Fought and fell and fought again.
Won sometimes, but did no crowing
Lost sometimes, but did not wail
Took his lumps, but kept on going
And never let his courage fails.
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