Title: Birthday Wish.
Author: Doc
Notes:This story was written in dedication of Richard Schiff's B-Day.
Rating: PG-13.
"Good morning."
"Is it?"
"Ah yes, Happy Birthday Toby Ziegler."
"Yeah."
"How's it feel?"
"How does what feel?"
"Being a year older."
"Well, I'm a year closer to death."
"Is that why you're smiling?"
"Probably."
"Toby, does anything excite you anymore?"
"I still like naked women in my bed."
"When was the last time you had a naked woman in your bed?"
"See, now I'm depressed. Thanks, you've dampened my mood."
"Sorry."
"No you're not. You're smiling."
"Well, I haven't had a naked woman in my bed for a while either."
"We're not talking about you."
"So, you want a naked woman for your birthday?"
"Sure. One, or more would be fine."
"You want several women?"
"The more the merrier."
"You really are desperate."
"No. I just like naked women."
"I don't think I can grant you your wish."
"Then get out of my office."
"I did, however, get you a gift."
"What is it?"
"Well, not a naked woman."
"Give me the damn gift."
"Here...I hope you like it."
"What the hell?"
"It's a book."
"I see that."
"100 ways to make love in a car."
"Did you get me a car?"
"No."
"Get out of my office."
"I thought women loved your dodge dart."
"The damn car isn't working."
"It doesn't need to run for you to do what's in that book."
"Unless you bought me a car, and have a woman waiting for me in it, this is worthless."
"You want to know a secret?"
"No."
"I've never had sex in a car before."
"When I say I didn't want to know your secret..."
"I mean, me, of all people. I should have sex in my car twice a week."
"What makes you so damn special?"
"I'm sexy."
"No, you're cute. I'm sexy."
"You think I'm cute? Should this worry me?"
"I don't want to have sex with you."
"Why? I'm a good catch."
"Get out of my office."
"Now this is going to bother me."
"It bothers you that I don't want to have sex with you."
"No. It bothers me you wouldn't even consider it."
"I'm not gay."
"That's not the point. I think I have nice qualities."
"You bought me a book for my birthday that I will probably never use."
"Rent a car."
"I'm not having sex in a rented car."
"Why?"
"I'm not answering that."
"You should asked CJ. I think she's had sex in a car before."
"She has."
"How do you know?"
"I'm not answering that."
"You know something I don't know."
"The President has also had sex in a car. Limo, actually."
"What?"
"Yep."
"How is it you know this?"
"The First Lady thought it would be fun to give me all the details one night."
"Was it fun?"
"I'm still having nightmares, and she told me five years ago."
"Wow. The President?"
"Yes."
"Of these United States?"
"Yep."
"That's just..."
"Wrong? I know."
"I still think you should ask CJ."
"Too much history."
"How about the little blonde next door?"
"Too weird."
"Kate?"
"I think she has a thing for Will. I have no idea why? But that alone disqualifies her."
"I heard she thinks you have a nice ass."
"I do."
"And you call me conceded."
"You are."
"I know."
"Why are you here again?"
"Giving you a gift."
"Okay."
"You can use my car."
"I still need a woman."
"You can't have my woman."
"I wouldn't dream of having your woman."
"Liar."
"She's young enough to be my...uh, sister."
"Daughter. You're old now. It's okay to admit."
"Shut up."
"I have to go back to work."
"Excellent."
"Happy Birthday. Sorry I didn't get you a car."
"I would have preferred a woman."
"Andrea?"
"I don't think so."
"I say CJ is your best bet."
"She's mad at me."
"She's always mad at you."
"I know."
"Make-up sex."
"I didn't think about that."
"I got to go."
"Hey Charlie?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I use your car tonight?"
The End