It's been a weird couple of days and what is life?
He didn't know what was going on, but he knew Starscream was somehow involved. First it had been a monitor falling from its perch and crashing into his pede. Then an energon conduit had come loose from the ceiling and smacked him upside the helm. Now he had just barely dodged a pile of scrap being dumped on him as he made his way to Starscream's private quarters.
The little troll wasn't answering him comm. either.
"Starscream!" he bellowed, causing the Vehicons currently roaming the halls to shrink away in fear. "Starscream, answer me!"
He turned a corner only to have an antsy MO faceplant his chestplate.
He growled. "Knock Out."
"Ah, Lord Megatron," the Medic greeted, voice a few octaves higher than normal. "You… You are here… Looking for Starscream, I'm sure. Well, funny story there. You see-"
Megatron slapped his hand across Knock Out's face, sending the smaller mech to his knees. "If you are hiding something, Doctor," he spat, "know that I will peel your frame apart, piece by piece, until you are nothing more than a mound of polished waste."
Knock Out gave a nervous chuckle. "Not so, my liege."
Megatron pushed past him and stomped toward the Seeker's door.
"Um, my liege?" Knock Out called. "Really, there's something you should know before you go in there."
The door slid open and Megatron froze in his tracks, mouth agape and optics wandering the room.
Piles upon piles of muddy refuse covered the floor, berth and desk while wet, green and brown substances oozed down the walls at a sickeningly slow pace and a smell unlike anything Megatron had ever encountered permeated his olfactory sensors making the energon within him lurch. Tiny organics slithered across the mounds, nestling themselves in to what they obviously considered their home and there in the middle of it all, atop the largest pile of filth and looking very pleased with himself, stood Starscream.
Megatron pulled himself from his shock and growled at the Seeker. "What is the meaning of this?"
"It's my collection!" Starscream sang, flapping his wings happily. "I brought it all back myself!"
Megatron looked over his shoulder at Knock Out and cocked an optic ridge.
Knock Out shook his head with a shrug. "He went for a flight to clear his head and when he came back he had lost his mind. Seems to think he's a Sparkling." He glared passed Megatron at the Seeker. "I've been trying to convince him to let me take a look at him, but he keeps flinging his filth at me when I try to get close."
Starscream sloshed around in his treasure, giggling to himself.
Megatron watched him carefully. "And just what is this substance that our dear Air Commander has brought upon my ship, Knock Out?"
The Medic shuddered. "It's human waste, my liege. This is what happens after they've refueled."
Megatron frowned. "Starscream," he said plainly. "Come here."
The Seeker stopped his giggling and stared at him. "But I'm playing right now."
"Starscream. Come. Now."
"But you're only going to make me stop my game if I come down. That's not fair. You always ruin my fun. You hate me!" He crossed his arms and pouted.
Megatron thought a moment. Grinned. "But you have it all wrong, my dear friend," he said sweetly. "I only want you to come and explain your game to me so that I might play with you. It's so boring on the warship, don't you think?"
The flier perked. "You mean it?" he asked, beaming. "You really want to play with me?"
"Of course!" Megatron shot Knock Out a look. "Why, even Knock Out wants to play, if you'll let him."
The Medic's optics grew wide and he shook his helm rapidly, backing away as he did so.
Megatron caught him by the shoulder before he could escape and dragged him into the room, once more feeling an overwhelmingly sickening sensation surrounded by the mounds of waste. "Ah-ah, Doctor. You're committed to this now."
Knock Out shuddered, eyeing the gunk that slid down the wall.
Starscream watched them with his helm cocked to the side. His large optics had an odd innocence to them as he tried to determine whether or not he was being lied to. "Is he going to poke me with pointy things?" he asked quietly.
Knock Out and Megatron glanced at each other.
"He's afraid of needles?" Knock Out whispered. He made a mental note.
"Not at all, Starscream," the warlord assured. "We just want to play."
Starscream blinked. Smiled. "Okay!" He flapped his wings again. "But I'm not coming down. We're playing king of the mountain. You have to climb up and try to knock me off!"
"Of course we do," Megatron sighed. He hefted the smaller mech up and tossed him into the pile, smirking at the sound of the Medic's shrieks.
"No! My paint! My undercarriage! My optics! It's everywhere!"
Megatron then leaped over Knock Out, careful to make sure he splashed more grime onto him, and began sloshing up toward Starscream.
The Seeker grinned and threw globs of blackish-mud at his leader's face.
Megatron only barely managed to hold back a growl. Ordinarily he wouldn't have put up with such behavior, but Starscream clearly wasn't right in the head and, though he wouldn't admit it, he was curious as to just how far he might go in his games. So he pressed on, feeling the feces permeate his every crevice.
It was a bit harder to climb than he would have expected, but it wasn't much taller than he was so he and Knock Out made it to the top after only a few minutes.
Starscream clapped for them when they reached the top, praising them for how well they did and how funny they looked. And then he very unceremoniously threw his body at them, knocking them back down to the bottom of the pile. He giggled as he watched them squirm around before they managed to push themselves back to their struts.
"Try again! Try again!" he shouted.
Megatron frowned and leveled his canon at Starscream's pedes. He shot the foundation out from under him and watched as the Seeker tumbled to the ground.
"Hey!"
"I win."
"That's not how the game works!" Starscream yelled. "You have to knock me down while you're at the top or else you can't be king!"
"Oh, well," Megatron replied, reaching to grab Starscream's wing.
The Seeker rolled away from him, jumped over Knock Out and raced out the door. "You have to catch me!" he yelled over his shoulder as he disappeared down the hall.
Knock Out moaned. "This will never come out, you know."
Megatron rolled his optics. "Forget your vanity for one moment and find out what's wrong with Starscream."
"Assuming we can catch him," he muttered back.
The ex-gladiator glowered. "Soundwave," he said over his comm. "Find out where Starscream is and report his position to me." A pause. "What do you mean you can't find him? You always know where he is." Back to Knock Out: "What are you doing just standing there? Find him and fix him!"
By the end of the first day, every last Vehicon on the Nemesis had joined the search for Starscream. By the third day, even Shockwave and Predaking were scouring the halls. Soundwave had put the entire ship in lockdown when he couldn't find Starscream's signal, ensuring that he could not escape, but he had begun to wonder if the Seeker had somehow managed to bypass his security system and override the hangar door settings.
There was no other plausible way as to how the First Lieutenant could remain hidden from him for so long. He simply could no longer be aboard the carrier.
Yet Soundwave knew Starscream was still lurking around somewhere. Portions of his malodourous treasure he had amassed the first day—Soundwave still had no idea how so much raw sewage had passed through the groundbridge without his knowing—would show up in the corridors from time to time, sculpted to look like Cybertronian monuments from the pre-war times.
It irked the Spymaster to know that Starscream could so easily roam about without worry of being detected. It had never been so hard to keep tabs on him as it was now. Soundwave had all but abandoned his usual work in pursuit of any inkling as to where the malfunction had holed himself up, yet he could find nothing.
Megatron commed numerous times a day asking for any new leads and Soundwave was very tempted to simply block his frequency until he could actually find something. Anything.
Where was that stupid Seeker?
The door slid open behind him and he heard the familiar grunt of a certain angry Medic. "Three day," he started. "Three days of non-stop searching, being trapped in a giant, flying cage and never even getting the chance to pick this disgusting grime out of my plating because some half-minded, fool of a Seeker apparently found it funny to steal all my detailing equipment!" He stood at one of the consoles beside Soundwave and pulled up some security feeds of the area around the energon dispenser. "We found a feces figure of the Iaconian Archives near the rec. room. Thought old Screamy might have gotten hungry and went looking for an energon treat. Any luck on your end?"
Soundwave looked at him and allowed waves of frustration to pass through his energy field and onto Knock Out.
The Medic frowned. "This is getting ridiculous."
"This is… ridiculous," Soundwave echoed back. He glanced at Knock Out's feeds and stiffened.
The grounder turned and stared at the screen, replaying the last few seconds of the clip, and felt his jaw drop.
Starscream sauntered into view and spun around to look directly at the camera. He grinned cheekily, crossing his arms over his chest and appeared to be laughing, though there was no sound available on this particular feed. He tapped something on his chest—a device that could apparently block his life signal—and laughed again. Then, with a wink, he mouthed the words, "come and find me" and walked back the way he came.
Knock Out couldn't be sure whose anger was consuming the energy field he and Soundwave were currently sharing, but he knew he was in total agreement with the venom boiling around him.
Soundwave's visor lit up with an image of Megatron as he forwarded the newfound information to his master. Knock Out only stared.
"When I find him," he said steadily, turning to calmly exit the room. "I will poke him with every pointy object I own, can salvage or even build. He is a worm. A rotten, stinking worm. He belongs underfoot or in the bowels of a fish. He is a clunker bound for the scrap heap. He is…"
Knock Out's voice faded as the door slid shut. Soundwave found himself alone in the room, seething in his own rage.
His visor glowed red and he felt Lazerbeak twitching on his chest.
Deploy.
The drone exited its residence and soared out the surveillance center and down the hall toward the rec. room.
Soundwave would find Starscream first and when he did, he would pick apart the Seeker's brain for every secret he held. No one showed Soundwave up.
Especially not Starscream.
"Commander?" he called quietly. "I brought your energon treats." He set them on one of the empty cubes and backed away. "Are you still in here?"
Two red orbs popped to life in the darkness. They seemed lost at first, but after focusing on him for a few seconds they were filled with recognition and glee.
"Hi, Kevin!" Starscream whisper shouted.
"Um… It's Steve, sir."
Starscream crawled out of the darkness and snatched up the treats. "Really? Then who's Kevin?"
Steve shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Um, not me?"
Starscream beamed. "You're funny, Steve. I like you."
The Vehicon rubbed his helm awkwardly. "Thank you, sir."
There wasn't a Decepticon in all the universe that would say Starscream wasn't a strange one, but no one had ever seen him like this. He pranced around like a Newspark with all the cunning of one who wished to rule life itself and knew he was completely capable of doing it. He had actually stretched one round of hide and seek for three days, for spark's sake!
"Are you sure you're not ready to come out of hiding?" the Vehicon asked. Starscream had dubbed him his personal lackey for the remainder of the game and swore him to secrecy on his whereabouts. But the Commander got bored and decided to egg on the officers with his video taunts. Now he was laying low while the others searched for him again. Steve would admit he found the whole thing amusing. Well… he would admit it to the right person. "The others are getting worried, sir. And that dent on your head isn't looking so good."
Starscream frowned. "Yeah, it does hurt." He scratched at it absentmindedly. "But Knock Out will poke me and Megatron doesn't play fair and Soundwave is scary and I don't like Shockwave so I'm just going to stay here with you. Okay, Steve?"
Steve sighed. Never had Starscream enjoyed the company of a mere drone, yet here he was playing with and not wanting to leave one. But if Megatron found out that he had been helping Starscream to stay hidden for the last three days, scouting locations, blocking feeds and fetching goodies, he would have both their heads on a silver platter in no time at all.
"I want to go outside, Steve," Starscream said with a pout.
The Vehicon bristled. "Um… I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
"But I want to," Starscream whined. "Pleeeeease?"
Steve rubbed his helm. "Hey!" he said, getting an idea. "How about we play a new game?"
Starscream gasped. "Yes, yes, yes! This game is getting boring! I'm too good at it and that's not fun."
"Um… Right. So, a new game. Uh… um…"
Starscream tilted his helm expectantly, optics wide with excitement.
Steve racked his brain for anything he could use to entertain the Seeker while he figured out a way to get him the help he needed without being murdered in the process. "Okay, let's build a fort. We can use old energon cubes and spare plating and maybe some cleaning supplies. Then we can challenge Lord Megatron and the others to try to get into the fort-"
"But we'll have rules," Starscream interjected.
"Right," Steve agreed.
"No shooting down the walls?"
"No shooting down the walls."
Starscream smiled. "And we can build a maze?"
"That might take a while."
A pause.
"But we can set traps? To slow them down."
Steve thought about that. "I guess… As long no one gets hurt."
Starscream sprang up, giggling as his wings fluttered. "This will be fun! But we have to be careful. You have to go tell Megatron that I'm done playing hide and seek and he has to give me a day to build my fort before he can come try to get me."
Steve shook his helm. "I can't do that, Commander."
"Hmm. Yeah. They'd probably kill you." He thought a moment. "Let's record a message!"
Predaking had no intention of helping Starscream. He didn't care if the little goblin went missing. He would be happy if he never came back. But Megatron had ordered him to aid in the search after three days without any sign of the Seeker. Predaking obeyed and thought it odd that it took him so long to pick up a scent.
By the time he did, however, he had already heard enough about his quarry's antics that he felt compelled to keep his discovery to himself to see just how far this little game would go.
He had found a storage room directly above where he knew the Seeker was holed up and managed to squeeze his beast body into the space, curled up as though he were going to recharge and laid his helm down, listening to the conversations between the Air Commander and one of the drones.
He was elated when he found out that Megatron had accepted the terms of Starscream's game, albeit reluctantly and with no small amount of irritation. Predaking had not yet decided if he would insert himself into the equation, knowing what he did about the traps set throughout the lower levels, but he certainly wouldn't miss the opportunity of what promised to be the entertainment spectacle of the year.
Megatron, Knock Out and Soundwave were radiating their anger throughout the warship, making Predaking's tail and wings twitch in response. He was entertained by their inability to find one of their own. Even Lazerbeak could be heard roaming the halls from time to time in a desperate attempt to locate him.
Predaking pushed himself up and wiggled his way out of his hiding place. Once out in the hall he transformed and stretched his joints. He was not used to being trapped inside the Nemesis. Especially not for four days straight.
He growled at a passing drone, smirking when it jumped and walked a little faster.
Lowering his optics to the floor, he watched the area where he knew Starscream and the Vehicon were putting their final touches on their fort. He tilted his helm and stomped to the lift that would take him below. He wanted to make sure he had a good view of the show to come.
"He's been here the entire time?" Megatron yelled, wiping the sludge off of his face. Upon entering the lower levels they had been directed to, the party of three had been bombarded with more of the foul substance Starscream had collected on the first day. Knock Out looked as though he could cry from both the rage of Starscream's antics and horror over the state of his finish. Soundwave, who normally kept his emotions well in check, had nearly reached his breaking point and no one doubted that he would kill the Seeker if allowed to get his hands on him. Megatron simply saw this as another Starscream moment. True he bore less reasoning than a Newspark at the moment and only saw this entire ordeal as an innocent game, but that did not still the ex-gladiator's desire to pound him into the wall. "How have we not found him before now?" he spat.
Soundwave's fingers twitched and Knock Out instinctively took a step back.
"Can't we just get the Vehicons to storm the hall and take him by force?" the Medic whined.
"That would be cheating!" Starscream's voice echoed through the halls making it difficult to tell which direction he was in. "And no weapons, remember?"
Soundwave raised an arm and pointed at a corridor ahead and to their right. They ventured toward it, minding every step they took and hoping that nothing else would fly out of the shadows and into their faces. They made their first turn and were met with a canon fire.
"Starscream!" Megatron growled, shoving Knock Out and Soundwave out of the line of fire.
"What happened to not using weapons?" Knock Out demanded.
Starscream's giggles echoed around them. "That rule is for you, silly. Not me."
Knock Out slammed a fist down on the floor where he had fallen. "And you call us cheaters? You only made that rule so you'd be sure to win!"
"Well, duh, Knock Out. Of course I did," came the chipper reply.
The three of them paused and shared an exasperated glance.
"Wow," Knock Out deadpanned. "Just wow."
They pushed themselves up and ran farther down the hall, avoiding every flying, rolling, slithering and, yes, drooling object that was hurled their way.
Lasers, canons, stasis beams, null rays and plasma blasts were shot in their direction, but never straight at them, and after an hour of playing duck and cover they finally found themselves standing in front of Starscream's fort. It was more of an elaborately constructed castle, but it was Starscream's work and everyone was annoyed with him so absolutely no one was going to offer him even a moment's admiration. Though, deep down, they were all quite impressed with what he had accomplished in only a day using spare materials, trash and cleaning supplies.
Starscream, the little booger that he was, sat atop his fortress with a cheeky grin. "You didn't die!" he said happily. "Now you have to knock down the walls and tag me and Steve!"
Megatron arched an optic ridge at that. "Steve."
"The Vehicon?" Knock Out questioned.
Something clattered to the floor and the three hunters turned to see a very nervous looking Vehicon sneaking inside the fortress through a loose panel on the wall. He had apparently been carrying a dish of energon goodies and, upon hearing his name mentioned, had dropped the container and spilled the treats all over the floor.
"Hello, Steve," Megatron greeted far too sweetly. "Have you been having fun playing with my Lieutenant?"
If the Vehicon had a face Soundwave imagined his optics would be too wide to fit on it. He was clearly flustered.
"I, er, um, well, see-"
Megatron growled at him. "Run."
Steve wasted no time making his escape. He would be eaten with guilt for months to come over abandoning his Air Commander, but at the moment all he cared about was staying alive.
Megatron turned his attention back to Starscream. "Your games have gone on long enough, Seeker. Come down here, now."
Starscream frowned. "But that's not how the game works." His optics welled and he actually looked sparkbroken over the matter.
"You're not well, Starscream. Come down so Knock Out can examine you."
Knock Out mumbled, "And give you a good kick in the afterburners."
Lazerbeak broke away from Soundwave's chestplate and shot toward Starscream.
The Seeker jumped from his perch with a not so mechly squawk and ran as the birdlike minicon chased and shot at him, herding him toward the awaiting trio.
Soundwave dove at the Seeker, wrapping his tentacles around Starscream's struts when the lithe mech managed to slip through his grasp.
Starscream fell to the ground, whimpering in fear. His wings drooped and he covered his optics with his servos. "I just wanted to play," he said quietly.
Soundwave almost felt sorry for him.
Almost.
Knock Out sauntered to the fallen mech with a brow waggle and a tsk-tsk. "Oh, poor, little Starscream. You've been a naughty boy and now Doctor Knock Out will have to poke you with ever so many sharp things."
Starscream whimpered and curled in on himself, shutting his optics. "I just wanted to play," he whispered again.
Knock Out closed in on the trembling Seeker then paused. "My, my," he said, stooping to get a better look. "Isn't that a nasty dent? Where did you get that?"
Starscream only shut his optics tighter.
"Don't be like that, Starscream," the Medic said, voice taking a lighter note. "Come on, now. Let me look."
Starscream whimpered and curled tighter.
Knock Out rolled his optics, though he did have a sudden apprehension to cause the Commander any discomfort. He really did believe he was a Sparkling.
A dull thud came from behind them and they turned to see the Predacon crawling toward them on his belly. His head was low and his gaze soft. He moaned gently and nuzzled the Seeker as his most basic protecting instincts took over, forcing him to comfort the temporarily young mind of the flier.
Starscream pulled away at first, but then slowly relaxed and opened his optics to meet those of the Predacon. "I'm not supposed to like you, right?"
Predaking flicked his tail at that. His optics narrowed for all of a second before he pressed his muzzle into Starscream's midsection and chirped.
Starscream giggled and threw his arms around Predaking's head.
Soundwave sent a message to Lazerbeak to record the moment for his personal logs. Knock Out smirked as he thought about how Starscream would react to this whole thing once he had been repaired. And Megatron, becoming rather bored with the whole ordeal, shoved the Medic toward Starscream with a grunt.
Knock Out reached for Starscream's arm, but the Seeker pulled away with a whine. Predaking instinctually growled at the Medic then, catching the optics of one scowling Megatron, righted himself and gently pushed Starscream toward Knock Out.
"It's alright, Starscream," Megatron cut in. "Knock Out is just going to give you something to help you sleep while he takes a look at your head."
The Seeker looked between the Predacon and his master before scampering to hide behind Megatron. He peeked out from behind the warlord's arm and watched Knock Out warily.
Megatron sighed. He placed a servo on Starscream's back and led him back out of the room and toward the lift that would take them to the Med-Bay.
Knock Out shared a glance with Soundwave and cocked a grin. A smiley face appeared on the Spymaster's visor and Knock Out let out a laugh.
Predaking transformed, looking disgusted with himself, and sent a glare to the remaining Decepticons in the room. "Speak of this to anyone and I'll gut you both," he said plainly before leaving the room.
Knock Out and Soundwave watched him leave. Lazerbeak returned to his perch on Soundwave's chest and Knock Out inquired as to how much video the minicon had logged in its memory banks.
Soundwave flashed another face over his visor, this one distorted and grinning unnaturally. Knock Out recognized it as a troll face. He laughed again.
Starscream's optics onlined slowly. His head hurt like crazy and he wasn't quite sure why. He looked over his surroundings, slowly picking out different objects that he somehow recognized until he came to the conclusion that he was laying on a medical berth.
But why? What had happened?
"Look who decided to wake up," Megatron said from across the room. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "Care to play a game with me, Starscream?"
Starscream shuttered his optics a few times. Looked around the room then back at Megatron. "My liege?" he said, not quite sure he had heard right.
"Ah," Megatron said with a grin. "So you're back to normal then."
Starscream stared at him a little harder. "I… I'm sorry. I don't understand."
"No." He chuckled. "I suppose you don't."
Megatron strolled across the room and out the door.
Starscream watched him go, his confusion making his head spin.
Why was Megatron covered in dried human waste?
Throughout the days that to come Starscream would receive the oddest looks from everyone on the warship, cheeky grins from Knock Out, troll faces from Soundwave and scornful grunts from Predaking.
And all Megatron would ever say to him about the matter was, "Oh, they're just being childish." Then he would laugh and leave Starscream to wallow in confusion.
And that is exactly what Starscream would do.
Done.