Just Fade Away

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. The characters, settings, and that kind of stuff all belong to JKR.

AN: OK, yeah…this is a story that I had originally done on my old FF penname..but I deleted it..and now I am bringing it back to life…it's revised and undergoing some changes..so if any of you feel like this seems familiar, just know that I have made some changes.. It's also been 3 years since I made the original post..so I don't think anyone will remember this…so Yay!

Summary: Sirius is dead and life with the Dursleys hasn't gotten any better (Even though Moody had warned them that he and some of the other wizards would come up to the door to get Harry out!). Harry keeps on having nightmares of his godfather dying and can't stand living anymore knowing that the last person he could see as a Father figure is gone. Now he closes his heart off from the world and won't let anyone in. That is until a certain curly haired friend starts to take down those solid walls.

Chapter 1: Nightmare

The air is cold and it's so dark that he can't even see his own hand in front of his face. Harry Potter tries to feel around for something that is familiar or something that he can support his weight on. But his legs won't move. He was trapped on the ground in the darkness of a place he dose not know. Harry knows that he is there for something. He knows that he has to find someone before it's too late. But who was it that he was searching for? Was it someone important?

Before Harry could try and think things through a searing pain shot through the lightning bolt scar that was on his forehead. The pain is so unbearable that he screams out in agony. But there was another emotion inside the pain as well. What was it? Happiness? No, that couldn't be it. As the pain subsided Harry rubbed his scar hoping it would relinquish him from the last bit of lingering pain.

As Harry opened his eyes when the pain completely left, a flash of red light shot across the room. Someone was laughing. It was so familiar. Harry pushed his body up to be able to look around, still not able to move his legs. Another flash of red light shot through the air and the laughter continued. It belonged to a man. Harry blinked and suddenly remembered where he was. He was in the Department of Mysteries and he had come looking for one of the most important people in his life. His godfather, Sirius Black.

Just as realization came upon him, fear overcame. Something bad was going to happen and it was going to ruin his whole world. Harry looked up and saw another flash of red light. He saw Sirius just barely dodging the blast still laughing. "Come on, you can do better than that!"

When Sirius spoke Harry remembered what was about to happen. He was going to lose Sirius! Gathering up as much energy as he could Harry tried to stand up but couldn't. His legs were still immobile, as if they had sunk into the ground. Giving up on trying to move Harry then yelled to his godfather, "Sirius! Get out of here!"

But it was too late. As the words left Harry's mouth a flash of green light shot across the room and hit Sirius in the chest causing him to fall backward into the black veil. Harry stared in shock at the curtain were Sirius had fallen. He was too late again. He couldn't save his godfather.

Not being able to accept the truth Harry screamed out to him, "Sirius!"

No answer came back. He tried again. "Sirius!"

The black veil just swayed from the nonexistent breeze, as if it were taunting him. Tears were starting to fall from Harry's eyes as he yelled for his godfather one last time. "SIRIUS!"

Harry collapsed onto the cold floor as he let his tears fall freely. He had lost Sirius. He was alone in the world again.

The early morning sun shone through Harry's window on the second floor bedroom that used to be Dudley's, in the house of the Dursleys on number four Privet Drive. It was barely morning and the sun was only now rising over the rooftops and onto the well kept lawns of Privet Drive. Harry woke covered in sweat and tears had soaked his pillow. It was the same dream. He hadn't been able to save Sirius from the attack of his cousin Bellatrix Lestrange. Harry had been having these dreams for a month now. It had been a month since Sirius had left him alone.

Harry whipped away some of the remaining tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes as he sat up in his bed. He leaned his head up against the wall and looked out the window watching the sun slowly make its way up to the sky. In another hour or so Uncle Vernon would wake up and get ready for work and then leave. But of course he wouldn't leave until he walked into Harry's room to wake him up and make sure that the boy was still alive. Uncle Vernon only did this to make sure that Mad-Eye Moody wouldn't have a reason to come up to their door steps with a bunch of other wizards from the Order.

Harry had hated the new attention that was given to him. In fact, he liked it better when they had completely ignored his existence. It wasn't like they had gotten any nicer. The Dursleys seemed to treat him worse than ever. Dudley and his gang seemed to beat Harry up more than usual. Aunt Petunia feed him regularly now, but the food that she had been giving him had to have been a week old. Uncle Vernon now always glared at him more than normal and was always looking for a way to send him to his room. Every time his Uncle yelled it always ended with "And now you're going to tell those freakish friends of yours what we've done! Aren't you boy?"

But of course Harry had never told anyone. He did receive many letters from his friends Ron and Hermione, but when he replied back they were always quick notes just saying that he was ok. In reality Harry was deeply depressed and very lonely. He had done his best to try and make everyone think he was doing alright with the loss of Sirius on the way back home on the Hogwarts express. Playing wizard's chess with Ron and talking with Hermione were the only ways he could think of being able to fool them, and it had worked.

During the first week back at the Dursleys house Harry had stayed locked up in his room. He didn't want to do anything or see anyone. Harry spent his days looking through his photo album that he had worked on over his years at Hogwarts. The moving pictures were always smiling but Harry couldn't bring himself to smile back. Every time he flipped to the last picture in the book tears would start to fall from his green eyes. It was a picture that he had taken with Sirius during Christmas at Grimmauld Place.

The annoying beeping of Uncle Vernon's alarm clock brought Harry out of his daze. He had exactly one hour to get ready before his Uncle came and literally pulled him out of his bed. Harry rolled out of his bed and got dressed to get ready for the day. As he got dressed Harry looked at himself in the mirror, he had gotten very thin. Along with trying to avoid the entire world Harry had pretty much stopped eating altogether. He was too depressed to even think about food. But as he looked in the mirror Harry was almost able to clearly make out all of his ribs. He would have to try and start eating more or else he would get sick.

The sound of the shower being turned on in his Uncle and Aunt's room told Harry that he had thirty-five minutes left to himself. Harry quickly pulled his shirt over his head and pulled out one of his zip-up sweaters and put that on as well. Once the sweater was on and zipped up half way Harry collapsed on his bed and just stared up at the ceiling. What would he do today? He could just hide up in his room again but he also wanted to go outside. Sadly going outside would mean Harry might have to interact with someone if they said 'hi' to him. Harry didn't really feel like putting up that fake smile and cheerful voice today. It seemed like to much trouble.

The shower turned off, fifteen more minutes left. Harry got up off his bed and went to sit at the desk on the other side of the room. He grabbed a pencil and looked around for a random piece of paper. Once he found one underneath his many school books that littered his room he stared to just write things at random. Harry did this every morning when his Uncle Vernon came in. His Uncle would never bother him as long as it looked like Harry was keeping to himself and out of his hair.

Thundering foot steps came from down the hall and Uncle Vernon burst into the room nearly yelling. "Wake up boy!"

Harry just turned around to stare at his Uncle in the doorway. Eyes blank and face emotionless; Harry greeted everyone like this in the house. When Uncle Vernon saw that Harry was up he just grunted a few times and muttered something under his breath as he slammed the bedroom door behind him. A few moments passed until Harry heard the sound of the car running and pulling out of the driveway then going down the street.

Knowing that he would have another two or three hours to himself before his aunt and Dudley woke up Harry set the paper that he was using aside and got up from his desk. He kneeled down next to his bed and reached underneath until his hand found what it was looking for. Harry pulled out a black leather bound book with the Gryffindor symbol that he had bought in Diagon alley some years ago but never used it. He had found it the first day he came back to Privet Drive while putting away his stuff, it had fallen off the top shelf in his closet.

Harry sat back down at the desk and opened the book. When he had started writing in it Harry discovered that he had a talent for writing song lyrics. Most of his songs were written based upon his mood. The words he wrote expressed all that he was feeling inside, emotions that he would never show anyone. As Harry let his mind roam free over the paper and just let the lyrics spill out of him he started to like how the song was turning out and was also beginning to get a beat from it. He looked over at the clock on his nightstand, it was six-thirty. Dudley and Aunt Petunia wouldn't wake for another half hour.

Quietly Harry got up from his desk as if the slightest sound might wake everyone up and kneeled back down next to his bed. He reached under and found the item that he was looking for more quickly than the note book. Harry pulled out a guitar case and lightly set it on the bed. He unzipped the back pack like case and pulled out a sleek back guitar.

The instrument had once been one of Dudley's many gifts from his parents that he asked for, but when he realized how much time and effort he would have to put into learning how to play he threw it away after only having it for three days. The night Harry's cousin had thrown it out he went back and fetched the guitar, music sheets, and case from the garbage can before it was taken to the dump. He had secretly hidden it from his relative's eyes in case they would take it from him and throw it away. After having a week of just locking himself in his room Harry had mastered the basic scales and even learned how to play some of the practice music sheets that came with it. Before Harry knew it he was writing songs of his own.

After tuning the guitar Harry grabbed the lyrics from his desk and sat on his bed leaning up against the wall. He let his fingers run along the many different notes until he found the one that matched the tune that had sung through his mind while writing the lyrics. After getting the perfect rhythm that he liked Harry cleared his throat, looked at his lyrics and began to sing.

"The night is cold the days are dark

I'll still sit here wondering where you are

Calling your name is a waste of breath

Because now I know you will never answer back"

Much to Harry's surprise he found out that along with being able to write lyrics and play the guitar he also had a very good singing voice. The way his voice carried through the lyrics was able to revile the pain that he was feeling inside. Since his aunt and cousin were such hard sleepers he raised his voice a little louder letting his emotions fill the air around him. Harry did his best to fight back a few tears that had been threatening to fall as memories of the time he spent with Sirius flashed through his mind.

"Unanswered calls, that's all there is

Because you will never laugh again

Unanswered calls is all I'll get

Because you will never speak again"

Before Harry could reach the second verse of his song the sound of a door opening down the hall made him stop and listen to see if any foot steps were coming to his door. Luckily he heard the bathroom door open and close and figured it must have been Dudley. Not wanting to risk getting caught Harry put the guitar back in its case and hid it back under his bed. He grabbed his note book and sat back at his desk as he started to think up more lyrics.

Only five minutes after Dudley had gone to the bathroom Aunt Petunia had woken up and could be heard making her morning routines of getting ready for the day. Harry set his pencil back down when nothing was coming to mind and just stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him, as if words were going to fly up at him. The sound of something pecking at the window made Harry jump, being pulled out of his own thoughts. Hedwig was fluttering just outside the window with a letter in her beak. Harry opened the window and held out his arms for his owl to land on. She gave her owner the letter and then flew over to her cage where Harry petted her a few times and told her 'thank you'. Hedwig cooed with delight when Harry gave her a few treats then he went and sat on his bed to read the letter the owl had brought. The letter was from Hermione. Harry opened the letter and read the girls neat cursive handwriting.

Dear Harry,

How are you doing? I hope things are going well for you over at your aunt and uncles house. You haven't written back yet from my last letter so I was getting kind of worried. I know its only been two days but I remember Mad-Eye saying back at the train station that if you didn't write back in three days they would come over and check to make sure you were doing ok. So I guess I'm just trying to help prevent a scene from happening.

Gosh it's only almost been two weeks and I miss you so much already. I hope we will be able to see each other at either the Burrow or headquarters soon. Well I have to get going. Write me back as soon as you get this ok. I'm worried about you.

Love,

Hermione

P.S. When do you think our O.W.L.'s are going to come in? Its so nerve wracking just sitting here and waiting for them.

Harry smiled as he read through Hermione's letter, something that he rarely did these days. It seemed like when ever she wrote him it always managed to make him smile. He figured it must have been because she was so close to him. Sometimes it seemed like she was the only one that truly cared for him. Whenever Ron wrote to him they were always so plane, almost as if he never put any feeling into it. Of course Ron had only written to him once so far this summer. Harry read through the letter again and noticed something different about this letter compared to the one's Hermione had sent him before. She wrote 'love, Hermione' at the end. It confused him but at the same time it made his heart skip a beat.

Harry shook his head from side to side. What was that feeling he just received? Ignoring it he got up from his bed and grabbed a piece of parchment and one of his quills and ink bottles. He sat at his desk wondering how he should write back to Hermione. Part of him just wanted to tell her what he was feeling. Deciding not to worry her he would just tell her that everything was fine and would make up some kind of story to go along with it.

Once he finished writing the letter he folded it into an envelope and gave it to Hedwig as he walked her over to the window. "Take this to Hermione." He said as the owl took the letter in her beak and soared off into the sky.

Authors Note: Well there you have it! "Just Fade Away" Chapter 1 is revised and edited…hope you all like it so far!

Just in case you all are wondering why in the world I have Harry singing…..music is an important part of my life…I sang in a choir since I was in 4th grade all the way until I graduated High School…now I be singing every now and then with my friends when we have the chance. So yeah…I had to put singing in there somewhere…but the whole song thing will only pop up every now and then. xD