Summary: When an elderly woman appears in Konoha selling love potions, Naruto decides to test one on Sakura. Unfortunately for him, things don't go as planned, and soon the rest of the village is pulled into a tangled web of love, jealousy, and useless (sometimes creepy) shows of affection.
Humor with a side of romance and a dash of drama. Rated T for minor suggestive themes. There is technically no main character, for it focuses on several different characters.

This story takes place in Shippuden, sometime after the Sasuke and Sai arc, but the exact time is not important. I am pretty new to writing comedy, but I have already written the next few chapters and I promise that I have improved. Please note that I do not necessarily ship all the characters "paired" in this story; most if not all of them are matched up for laughs or because I feel it could be interesting to see them together (at least in the confines of this story). Constructive criticism will not only be accepted, but appreciated as well.

Chapter 1: Cherry Blossom Romance

Naruto lifted the vial to his eyes, peering through the glass at the pink-red liquid inside. He looked skeptical but interested.

"You mean this will really make someone fall in love?" he asked the graying woman behind the table. She smiled at him with a mischievous look in her eye.

"Of course," she said. "Anyone who drinks it will fall in love with the first person they make eye contact with. If you use the whole vial, I guarantee it will work or your money back."

Naruto considered for only a moment before grinning and pulling out his wallet, Gama-chan. "All right! I'll buy one!"

The woman bowed slightly and accepted his money eagerly. "Good luck!"

Naruto pocketed Gama-chan and the vial of potion as he walked off, grinning wildly. Now, to find Sakura.

After over an hour of relentless searching, Naruto finally found her walking down a street by herself. Grateful that his search was over, he ran up to her, calling "Sakura-chaaaan!"

She paused and looked back at him. "Oh. Hi, Naruto."

"Let me buy you a drink!" he said.

"What?" Sakura looked scandalized. "I'm not going on a date with you!"

"It's not a date!" said Naruto quickly. "Just a drink! Come on, it's on me."

She crossed her arms. "All right."

The moment she turned away, Naruto grinned. Step one of my ingenious plan: complete! he thought gleefully.

They made their way to the nearest teahouse and took seats at a small table, Naruto sitting directly to Sakura's left. Neither did much until their tea was served. Sakura took a sip and set her cup down, holding it between both hands and gazing down into it. Naruto watched her closely, but he saw no opening in which he could slip the potion into her tea.

Trying not to look impatient, Naruto glanced around the room. He saw Ino, Shikamaru and Chōji sitting nearby. This could be the perfect opportunity. He surreptitiously pulled out the vial from his pocket and unstoppered it, holding it under the table.

"What are they doing here?" Naruto asked loudly. Sakura looked up at him, then followed his gaze to see Team Ten looking back at them. Naruto hastily poured the entire potion into Sakura's tea. He stuffed the empty vial back into his pocket before Sakura looked at him again.

"Drinking tea, I suppose," she said simply. "What else would they be doing here?"

"Heh heh…right," said Naruto, scratching the back of his head. Sakura sighed and looked back at her tea. She looked suspicious at its redder color, but after a moment she seemed to shrug it off as her imagination and returned to looking upset.

"…Hey, Sakura-chan, what's wrong?" asked Naruto.

"It's nothing," she mumbled. Naruto crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. Glancing at him, Sakura gave in. "I was just wondering where Sasuke-kun is right now…"

"Oh." Naruto looked into his cup of tea as well. Sakura lifted her cup and took a long draft of the potion-tea solution. His heart leaping, Naruto looked at her once more, eyes wide. However, Sakura only set her cup down and closed her eyes.

"Naruto, what did you put in Sakura's drink?"

Naruto and Sakura looked at Shikamaru, who was now standing beside Sakura's chair with Ino and Chōji at his sides.

"W-what are you talking about?" asked Naruto, smiling in what he hoped was an innocent way. Ino looked annoyed.

"We all saw you, so don't play dumb!" she said. "Dumber than you already are, anyway!"

"Sakura, don't drink any more of that tea," said Chōji.

Sakura said nothing, still staring at Shikamaru. It was only then that Naruto remembered what the potion seller had told him about eye contact.

Gah! They ruined everything! Now Sakura-chan is gonna be in love with—

"Shikamaru," murmured Sakura, slowly standing up but not tearing her eyes away from him.

"Hm?" said Shikamaru. Sakura blushed. Ino raised an eyebrow.

"What are you staring at, Billboard Brow?"

Sakura ignored her completely. "You look handsome today," she told Shikamaru.

He blinked, glancing over Sakura's shoulder at Naruto's angry and panicky face. "Naruto, what did you give her?"

"Nothing!" said Naruto.

"Are you busy right now?" asked Sakura, oblivious to Naruto. Shikamaru walked around Sakura and stopped behind Naruto's chair. As Sakura turned to keep Shikamaru in sight, Naruto leapt out of his chair and stumbled around to the other side of the table to put some distance between him and Shikamaru.

"You slipped something into her tea," said Shikamaru. "Just tell us the truth. What was it?"

"This wasn't supposed to happen!" Naruto blurted out. "She was supposed to look at me first!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Ino.

"It was…it was a love potion," muttered Naruto.

"A what?" said Shikamaru incredulously.

"Shikamaru," said Sakura. "Are you listening to me?"

"And now she loves me? Tch! How troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.

"I just wanted to see if it worked!" said Naruto.

"Where did you get it, anyway?" asked Shikamaru.

"Some granny was selling them!"

"There are more?"

Silence fell. Shikamaru slowly looked at Sakura to find her still staring at him. Though her cheeks were rosy, she asked with determination, "Will you join me for dinner tonight?"

Naruto seemed to deflate, and Shikamaru stood speechless and perturbed. He realized that Sakura was drawing closer and closer even as he stepped back.

"…I gotta…do some stuff," he said, and with that, he bolted for the door. Sakura hurried after him, and then came Ino and Chōji.

"What stuff?" shouted Sakura, quickening her pace as he ran out the door.

Naruto stood there by himself, staring at the door even after Sakura, Ino and Chōji disappeared. Pulling out the empty vial, he looked at the kanji, "love", written on the glass. Was "love" the right term? "Obsession" seemed a bit more fitting—or was that just Sakura?

Shikamaru managed to escape from Sakura, and it did not take too much searching and asking around to find the potion seller. There she stood at the side of a street, behind a table that held several vials of love potion. She smiled as Shikamaru approached.

"Did you hear about my love potions?"

"Yes, I did," said Shikamaru. "You need to get rid of them."

"Whatever for?" asked the woman sweetly.

"They're causing trouble. You have to stop selling them before this gets out of hand."

"Trouble? Love isn't trouble!" She paused, smiling wider. "Did someone fall for you?"

"She's obsessed!" said Shikamaru.

"Don't you worry, it's not permanent. It's completely harmless! You should drink some yourself and relax, have a bit of fun."

"Fun? This is serious!" He stopped, clutching his head. Arguing was troublesome and unproductive. It was a real drag, but he would have to deal with this the hard way. He made to grab a potion, but the woman smacked his hand back with a closed paper fan.

"Unless you're buying, hands off," she snapped, and Shikamaru eyed her warily as he rubbed his hand.

"Shikamaru!"

He spun around and saw Sakura sprinting towards him. Paling, he turned and ran in the opposite direction. The potion seller threw out a hand when Sakura reached the table, and she paused, looking at the woman.

"How would you like to have him return your love?" she asked Sakura.

Sakura smiled wide.

"Shikamaru, you can't just keep running from her," said Chōji.

"I know, but did you see that crazy look in her eyes?" asked Shikamaru. "I doubt she'll listen to anything I have to say."

"You're the only one she'll listen to," said Ino. "She's ignoring everyone else."

Shikamaru sighed. "You're right… I'll give it a try. This is so troublesome…"

Sakura watched Shikamaru from behind a nearby tree, clutching the love potion firmly in her hand. She knew that Shikamaru was much too clever and vigilant to be tricked into drinking this potion, especially if she was around. He may also be powerful, but Sakura knew she had only one chance to make him love her, and she knew it had to be done by force.

Slowly, Sakura stepped out from behind the tree, holding both hands and the potion behind her back. She approached Shikamaru, who instantly turned to face her.

"Don't run," she said. "I just want to talk."

"Oh. Really? I wanted to talk as well," said Shikamaru carefully. Sakura smiled, feeling warm in the heart and face.

"I…I know I'm not much compared to you, but I'd like you to give me a chance."

"As if!" said Ino. Shikamaru said nothing, watching Sakura closely. She stopped in front of him and stared into his intelligent eyes.

"Would you have dinner with me?" she asked.

"…Listen, Sakura," said Shikamaru. "What you're feeling isn't real. It's just the effect of a potion that makes you obsess over the first person you look at. You don't love me, and you'll only be embarrassed after the effects wear off, especially if you do something—"

"I thought you'd say no!" cried Sakura, and she unstoppered the vial, swiftly pulling it out from behind her back and plunging the opening into Shikamaru's mouth. Caught off guard, he stumbled back as she grasped his face and forced the potion down his throat. Ino and Chōji gaped and stepped back as Shikamaru was shoved to the ground, Sakura falling on top of him and holding the vial and his face still. By the time Shikamaru managed to throw her off and spit the vial out, he had already swallowed the entire potion. Rolling over and pushing himself up off the ground, he coughed harshly, half-hoping he would throw the potion up.

"Shikamaru!" said Ino and Chōji, rushing to help him. He shut his eyes and lifted a hand to stop them. Instead, Sakura tackled him back down and tried to force his eyes open. He tried to get her off as he continued to cough, squeezing his eyes shut. Chōji ran over and dragged Sakura off of him.

"No! Shikamaru, look at me!" she said, squirming.

"Are you okay?" asked Ino, helping Shikamaru to his feet.

"I've been better," he muttered, keeping his eyes firmly closed. "This is just great…"

"The potion won't do anything unless you look at someone, right?" asked Ino.

"I can't just walk around with my eyes closed all day," said Shikamaru.

"How long until the effects wear off?" asked Chōji, still restraining the struggling Sakura.

"I have no idea."

"Let me go!" shouted Sakura, and she brought her foot down hard on Chōji's toes. He yelped in surprise and pain, and Sakura managed to hurl him over her shoulder, sending him straight for Ino and Shikamaru. Ino grasped Shikamaru's arm and jerked him out of the way; Chōji crashed into the building behind them.

"Chōji!" said Shikamaru, almost opening his eyes but stopping himself. Sakura turned to him and saw Ino's hands around his arm.

"You!" she snarled at Ino, her eyes suddenly ablaze.

"Chōji's fine—let's get out of here," said Ino, and before Shikamaru could say a word, she ran off, dragging him along. Sakura gave chase at once.

"Get back here!"

"Stay away from him, stalker!" Ino shouted back at her, turning the corner sharply. Not expecting the turn, Shikamaru almost tripped, but he kept up with Ino and kept his eyes closed. The chase continued for several minutes before Ino and Shikamaru managed to slip into an alley unnoticed.

"Thanks, Ino," said Shikamaru, breathing heavily as they came to a stop.

"No problem," she said. "Just keep your eyes shut."

"I'll have to open them eventually. Could you find out when the effects wear off? Maybe that woman who's selling the potions will tell you."

"I hope so," sighed Ino. "Stay here and don't open your eyes no matter what! I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Right."

She released his arm and hurried off. Shikamaru reached out his hand, found a wall, and leaned against it. If he was going to be temporarily blind, he may as well limit the number of directions from which Sakura could sneak up on him. He kept his ears open for even the smallest sound. If he could detect someone approaching, he could probably stall them with his Shadow Imitation Technique.

Sooner than expected, he heard several pairs of footsteps and he instantly formed the rat hand seal, sending his shadow toward the sources of the sound.

"What the—Shikamaru! What's the deal? Let us go!"

"Kiba?" said Shikamaru.

"Who were you expecting?" asked Kiba. "And why are your eyes closed?"

"Long story." He lowered his hands, retracting his shadow and freeing them.

"Why are you hiding in an alley?" came Shino's voice.

"Sakura's after me," Shikamaru muttered.

"Um, why?" asked Kiba blankly.

"She drank a love potion. She's obsessed with me and now I…I can't open my eyes or I'll fall for the first person I see."

"…Love potion?" Kiba failed to stifle a snicker. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"I wish," sighed Shikamaru.

"You're serious?" said Kiba.

"Shikamaru!"

Startled by Sakura's shout from the other end of the alley, Shikamaru cursed under his breath and ran the other way. Unable to see where he was going, he ran straight into someone, and the force of the impact sent them crashing to the ground. He landed on top of the person, and when instinct prevailed over his self-control, he opened his eyes. He would have regretted it had he not opened them three inches away from the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.