Matt Ryan Presents: Dragonball Double Feature!

by Matt Ryan

Two short stories that'll end my first year. Check you guys later! Plus, it's the first time I've used HTML to post instead of TEXT.. So, uh, read.

Bachelor Party: Starring Vegeta

It's Matt Ryan's Dragonball Z Double Feature!

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Bachelor Party: Starring Vegeta!

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(Storyline Note: During Dragonball Z, Vegeta and Bulma get married for no apparent reason and have a son named Trunks, the most homosexual character in DBZ [Although that sword of his sorta kicks ass]. Yamcha and Bulma were originally paired. Okay. Enjoy the story!)

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Vegeta walked into the main lobby at the Capsule Corporation Headquarters. He picked up the mail and immediately jumped when he found that a pack of Gay Hentai addressed to Trunks had been delivered.

Vegeta looked around to see if anyone was watching and ran up to his room with the tapes. He opened the door and then all of a sudden,

"SURPRISE!"

All Vegeta's friends and enemies came out of hiding. Goku and Frieza were behind the couch. Krillin and Chaozu were in the closet. Tien, King Cold, Piccolo, and Gohan were in the refrigerator. Yamcha was right behind Vegeta, ready to stab him to death.

"Wowee!" exclaimed Vegeta, extremely out of character, "I'm soooo happy!"

"Hey," said Goku, "It's your last night before the wedding. Have fun!"

Frieza and Krillin had pooled their money to buy a stripper. Yamcha missed with his knife.

"The bitch should've been mine!" snarled Yamcha, "You'll rue the day you messed with my scarred ass."

The party was a wild one. Gohan was so drunk, he pissed in the grandfather clock. "I luv you, man." he said to King Cold, who slid over on the couch.

Tien dared Krillin to shave his head. Krillin, bald at the time and extremely drunk, did so, leaving only a bloody scalp.

Vegeta walked into the kitchen, chit-chatting with Frieza. Behind him, a chandelier fell. Vegeta shrugged it off.

In the shadows, Yamcha cursed to himself.

Piccolo began to read aloud from the bible, since he's Jesus and all (Kame's his "father", Kame's God, so Piccolo must be Jesus). Krillin threw a crabcake at him. Vegeta's dog, Mr. Scruffles, pooped on Gohan, who had passed out in a puddle of his own urine. There, Piccolo took him to the back and sexually molested him.

Yamcha pulled out a gun and shot Vegeta in the leg. Luckily (Or unluckily for all you Vegeta-Haters out there), Yajirobe appeared and gave Vegeta a Senzu Bean. He also sold Frieza a pound of cocaine and a Rolex.

Yamcha was about to shoot Vegeta again when the strippers lured him to the back. Before that, though, Piccolo and Gohan had left the bedroom after "Fusing" (Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more). Gohan had a blank look on his face since he was traumatized (or he was still drunk).

With Yamcha a little *Ahem!*, preoccupied, the party went on. That was when Future Trunks arrived.

"Hiya, Daddy!" he said to Vegeta, "Wow! Pink drapesth! I like 'em a lot-th!" Vegeta stared blankly at his son.

"Well," said Krillin, "This party certainly just got a whole lot more faggified." Then, everybody left except Yamcha, the strippers, and Future Trunks, who was admiring the fabric on the cushions.

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THE END

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Day at the Beach: Starring Goku!

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Goku, Chi-Chi, Gohan, and their dog, Senor Scruffy, got out of the car. Their friends were already there. Chaozu, Puar, and Oolong were building a sandcastle. Krillin, Tien, and Yajirobe were swimming. Bulma seemed to be seducing Yamcha and Vegeta simultaneously. Master Roshi was reading a playboy. Future Trunks was reading a Playgirl.

"Hi!" said Goku, "How's it goin'?"

"Alright." replied Krillin. Suddenly there came a scream!

"Help me!" cried Yajirobe, being eaten by a shark, "SWEET GOD NO! THE PAIN!" Goku went Super Saiyan and shot a Kamehameha at the shark. It dodged it, however, and Yajirobe was incinerated.

"Now Goku," said Chi-Chi, "You apologize to Yajirobe for killing him." Goku looked ashamed.

"I'm sorry." he muttered.

Goku looked out on the ocean, past the blood spot where Yajirobe just was. He saw Piccolo, King Cold, Nappa, and Frieza on a speedboat. Garlic, Jr. was water-skiing.

"Oh, those crazy villains." laughed Goku.

To Goku's right, the Sailor Scouts were playing volleyball. Oolong went over to them. Soon, Oolong and the Scouts drove back to his apartment.

Suddenly, the shark reappeared! It grabbed onto Future Trunks and bit down hard. "Hey Trunks!" yelled Goku, "If you die can I have your sword?" Trunks screamed out in pain. "Was that a yes?" Goku grabbed Trunks' sword and marveled at it. Trunks was eaten.

In unison, everyone on Earth said "Yay!"

"Hot dogs!" yelled a vendor, "Buy your hot dogs here!" Krillin and Gohan urged Goku to buy them a hot dog. Goku went over to the stand.

"Two hot dogs." he said. The vendor gave them to him.

Goku began to walk away with the hot dogs when the vendor yelled "Hey! That'll be $2.50!"

"Pay?" asked Goku, "Oh, I'll pay you... right after I KILL YOU!" Goku ki blasted the vendor. Then he realized Krillin was an adult and blasted him too for not buying his own damned hot dog.

Then everyone realized that Goku had gone insane! Or was possessed! Or was a robot! Or... something. Anywho, they all attacked Goku. He casually ki blasted them into oblivion while eating Krillin's hot dog.

Only Puar, Chaozu, and Senor Scruffy were left alive. Chaozu jumped at Goku and bit him on the arm. Goku flung him into the Sun.

Puar went Super Saiyan and charged at Goku, who incinerated him.

Senor Scruffy licked Goku. Goku smiled. And they lived happily ever after (until Senor Scruffy killed Goku and conquered the Earth).

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THE END

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This must be the most retarded thing I've ever written, but I thought it was funny and a good enough thing to leave you guys with. Yes, that's it. I'm officially leaving for the summer. Don't worry; I'll be back and better than ever! I've got a whole lot planned for the fall and if I can get my hands on a computer in mid-summer. I'll have the entire Dragonball Zero saga done, then I also have a whole new Dragonball series in the works, but that's a secret. Then there's a Batman story, a Punisher story, a Justice League story, an Avengers story, a Resident Evil story, and most likely three more Idiot's Guides that I'm considering. Plus, there's my super secret special miracle awesome fic that no one has ever done on this site before and will revolutionize the way we look at the chaptering system!

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Well, it's been a great first year. Thanks to everyone who gave me support and the courage to keep on writing and putting off homework until the last minute so I could get stuff out there for... wait a minute. I have a project due in World Lit Honors due tomorrow! Um, heh-heh! Visit my site at rpg/MATTSPAGE and also the not yet running Play By E-Mail DBZ RPG I'll have next year at dbz/virudodbzrpg. Also feel free to E-Mail me at superguymatt or my RPG's address, Virudo . Thanks for a great year and have a great summer!

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BOOYA! - Matt Ryan