Bella
Before Edward my life was...desolate. Renee had me, a child, when she was still a child and-actually she was just like that. Not ready to have a kid. I had to take care of her and myself without having any idea where to begin. I didn't even have an example, Charlie was on the other side of the country; I learned on the job.
I cooked, I cleaned, I paid the bills, made sure there was food and that mom had her clothes. Playing Mom kept me from figuring out who I was. I didn't have time to find my talent or a hobby. Bella was just…a girl who could look after a house, pass the year but after that? I did my best not to think about 'after highschool'. I just knew there was nothing. No future. And then I would die.
.
I was happy when she got married again; I hoped Phil would free me. But moving in with Charlie…it was Phoenix all over again. I cooked and I cleaned...
And then came Edward. He got me in touch with teenaged me. I was a normal girl, for the first time in my life, head over heels in love which was the rite of passage in high school.
I had friends now, even if Alice, Jasper and Emmett were Edward's siblings. But just as important, I had a family.
Carlisle and Esme just naturally took on the role of my parents, and I was glad. I wanted to live like this forever.
It felt like I was living in the present for once, in the moment. I had a boyfriend, a family, time to worry about what to wear to the prom... I had time.
Edward just knew what he wanted to do, go to college, and he was going to take me. I had a future. I had time, time to convince Edward to change me and I wouldn't die.
.
I was excited for the future with him. We'd be living together on the campus of Dartmouth.
Was.
He left me. Under the ridiculous pretense that it was for my own good. He was my own good.
I tried to make him understand but I couldn't really fully explain myself. Why I needed him, why I was so scared. My childhood had to stay secret, it just had to.
I couldn't make him stay.
If my screams sounded like I was dying it's because I was. I started dying again. I wouldn't live forever.
I wouldn't be a vampire, meaning I wouldn't have time, meaning I wouldn't have a future.
.
I kept everyone at a distance. I just wanted to be alone; if Edward was gone, then I would be completely alone.
It didn't take long for my old defense mechanisms to come back.
.
I've kept two jobs. I paid the rent, the bills on time; I cooked, I cleaned.
Not once have I ever thought Edward would come back. I knew if he did I wouldn't come back out of my 'I've settled' mentality just because he was back.
I knew that if Edward came back, I wouldn't be able to go back to living the 'I've settled' life if he left again.
I would die.
.
I was dying now. I had no future.
I have no future so I'm dead.
.
.
.
.
Edward found me on my death bed. I thought I was dying but with my future beside me, holding my hand as I drew my last breath, I was definitely dying now.
My future was near and yet out of reach.
I'm dead.
.
If a vampire doesn't suck your blood, they suck you dry.