Note(s): This is a high school AU – there are no evas.

READ THE NOTES

This is a fem!kawoshin fic, meaning Kaworu and Shinji are girls. Because I feel too weird having them calling each other anything else, and for other artistic purposes, Kaworu and Shinji will call each other Kaworu-kun and Shinji-kun, respectively.

This fic takes place after Q verse. I think that after so many time loops, 3.0 was the one that really fucked Kaworu up, that really hit him hard. So in this fic Kaworu is like Qworu but more broken, desperate, needy, and kind of traumatized from how the last loop ended. He often has nightmares about his failed loops. I understand that Kaworu is a composed, gentle character but I want to explore what is underneath his/her skin. I also want to show what Shinji offers in their relationship, because I don't feel that this is discussed enough. Kaworu lives by herself and is electronically given money every month by wealthy relatives. She has Kaworu bangs and long, wavy, silver hair that ends just above her butt.

Shinji lives with Gendo who dove into his work after Yui died. Gendo avoids Shinji because she looks just like Yui and it freaks him out. Shinji is Shinji (anime/rebuild verse-esque); depressed, lonely, fragile, compassionate. She can't remember her past lives but boy Kaworu often appears in her dreams. Her hair is pretty similar to boy Shinji, but perhaps a little bit more grown out so it's more feminine. Shinji doesn't do much to her appearance because she doesn't think she's beautiful and she never had any feminine person in her life to teach her how to do these things.

I've never done a multichapter fic, but this one is gonna be pretty long. I really want to explore Shinji and Kaworu's relationship, characters, and interactions. Additionally, as their relationship progresses, there will be smut. woohoo

Also for anyone who gives a shit: Kaworu doesn't give a frick about gender so shut it, it doesn't bother her at all that they are now girls.

Everything was dark and there was a specific, iron-like stench coating the place. The air felt sticky, and it took the most concentrated effort to move. Dead silence filled the chasm, accompanied by the faint and echoing sobs of a certain young boy. Nagisa Kaworu could not see. Floating in an odd substance, she stood up to find herself knee deep in this liquid. She began to run toward the source of the noise, but there was no direction. Eventually, she began to be slowed down by the sloshing thick liquid at her calves. Kaworu desperately maneuvered her head to look for the next step but there was nowhere to go. She was in nothingness. Falling to her knees, the blood sea splashed around her. Kaworu finally recognized the substance, and with wide eyes recalled how the dss choker had blown her head off. She felt for her head. It was not there. A high pitched scream resounded in the abyss.

Kaworu woke up with a gasp and in cold sweat in her bed. She turned to the alarm clock on her bedside table and found it was only three AM. Her body shivered, then jerked, and she convulsed, throwing up on her white sheets. Kaworu slowly rose and wiped her sweaty brow and mouth. She walked to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. Stripping herself of her garments, she sat in the bathtub and let it fill up. Reclining her head backwards, she looked upwards and whispered,

"Shinji-kun"

It was another slow day at school for Ikari Shinji. The hours of the day crawled by and nothing happened. Finally, it was lunch. Luckily for Shinji, she had a study hall after lunch and could maximize her free time. Not that time was enjoyable to spend; it was simply less annoying to do nothing than sit in class.

Shinji grabbed her bento and slipped out of the chatter-filled classroom. Her body felt heavy to move and her head pounded with an ache. She made her way to the roof, and, opening the door ever so quietly, tip toed to the area she spent every lunch period sitting in. Normally she wouldn't be this quiet, but it had come to her attention lately that there was another person in the high school who took refuge at the roof during lunch hour. Shinji didn't know her, but she had the distinct feeling of not wanting to be caught. After all, she came to the roof to be alone and to meet silence.

But the girl intrigued her and she couldn't help sometimes staring at her from behind a corner. Actually, of late, Shinji had made this into a daily habit, almost something to look forward to. It perplexed her that she took interest in another person, but that silver hair and porcelain skin was an oddity Shinji wanted an infinity to gaze upon. Steadily edging against the wall, Shinji looked past the corner to see the girl sitting in the bright daylight, hands propped up behind her. She never did eat; she often she would look into the sky. Shinji was unknowingly mesmerized by her aura. A lilting smile spread on the girl's lips and Shinji took notice.

"Are you finally going to come out today?" inquired the musical voice.

Shinji's body shot up and stiffened. Her eyes bulged and her face burned a deep crimson. She opened her mouth to say something, to offer an explanation, to say that she simply was exploring the school, but nothing came out. Seconds went by and Shinji internally cursed at herself.

"Come on, I don't bite" she continued. Her face turned in Shinji's direction, and that smile was accompanied by a pair of bright ruby eyes.

Shinji's dry mouth opened stupidly as she took in the sight of the girl's face for the first time. Her mind was generating thousands of thoughts but the only thing that ended up happening was Shinji moving her body in the direction of the girl. The girl smiled warmly at her and Shinji's feet finally stopped before her. No I'm too close, Shinji thought.

The girl's eyes remained anchored on Shinji. Gesturing her graceful hand outwards, she said "And you are?"

Shinji's mind was blank. Her face was flushed, her heart was about to fall out of her chest, and she was gripping her lunch box so hard it might've broken. She looked away in shame, and, shyly scratching at her cheek, she croaked, "Ikari. Shinji Ikari."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ikari-san. I'm Nagisa Kaworu, but you may call me 'Kaworu-kun.'"

Shinji stared back stupidly. Suddenly she came to her senses. "Kun?" she questioned.

"Yes" Kaworu chimed.

"Well then…." Shinji began, "I guess…. I suppose…If you want me to…ummmm….."

"Hmmm?"

"You- You can call me Shinji-kun!" she finally blurted, shutting her eyes tightly.

Kaworu continued smiling her knowing expression and extended her hand to Shinji, who was still standing up. Finally opening her eyes, Shinji jerked her hand back at Kaworu. But instead of shaking it, or getting her to sit down, Kaworu gingerly took Shinji's hand and pressed her lips against its surface.

Shinji freaked out. Her breath stopped, her eyes bugged out, that annoying blush found itself strongly on her face again, but she did not remove her hand.

"I look forward to knowing you" Kaworu chirped, eyes aimed at Shinji's.

"Y-y-yeah" Shinji managed to get out. Taking her hand back awkwardly she held her hand as if it had been burned. She continued to stand there, and looked away, casting her eyes downwards. Minutes passed.

"Why don't you take a seat, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji shivered. The way Kaworu said her name, so knowingly, so softly, so gently; it was as if she was cradling her with a word. Shinji shook the thought away and timidly sat down, folding her hands in her lap and not maintaining eye contact.

"Why don't you tell me about yourself, Shinji-kun?"

Everything in Shinji's body told her to shut up but it was as if she couldn't resist the lull of the other girl's voice.

Bashfully, Shinji opened her mouth and replied "I'm sure you don't want to hear about me. I'm rather boring."

An odd look flashed in Kaworu's eyes for a mid second. How many times has it been, and Shinji-kun always dislikes herself.

"Nonsense" Kaworu retorted cheerfully. "I want to learn all about you. Everything and anything you can think of"

"Um…" Shinji began, still doubtful.

Placing her hand over Shinji's, Kaworu leaned in her direction and sweetly said while batting her long, white eyelashes, "It's all I'll ever ask of you."

Shinji did not remove her hand. "Um, uh, okay, just a bit" she said quietly. "What do you want to know?"

"Ah, I see the question is too broad for you. Let's start with something simpler. How about you tell me why you come to the roof every day for lunch?"

Shinji flushed once again. She knows. "Well" Shinji began, "I, I uh don't, I don't get along very well with others. I'd rather sit by myself. The roof is always quiet, and there's no one here."

"But you seem to get along with me?" Kaworu questioned.

"Well, um, I- I don't know. I- I'm sorry Kaworu-kun, it's rather hard for me to talk about myself."

"You finally said my name" Kaworu breathed. But just as Shinji had caught the words, Kaworu continued talking in a different tone. "You know, Shinji-kun, if you're not ready to talk about yourself, we could always do something else. Why don't we look at the clouds? That should be calming enough."

Shinji nodded. "Okay"

The two of them repositioned their bodied so that they were lying down. Kaworu put her arms behind her head, and Shinji took notice of the absence of Kaworu's hand. It made her feel a little lonely.

"Look at that cloud, Shinji-kun!" Kaworu exclaimed excitedly. "What does it look like to you?"

"Hmm, I think I like that cloud better. It looks like an angel"

Kaworu paused before speaking again. "Do you like angels, Shinji-kun?"

"Um, well this is rather silly, but when I was much much younger, and my mother was still alive, she used to tell me a story about a group of angels. One of the angels was different from the rest of them, though. It wanted to be free, to go to Earth. So God gave the angel a pair of white wings so that it could fly down to Earth. After all, that angel was the angel of free will. That was why Angels have wings. I can't remember the name of the angel, though."

Kaworu looked at Shinji with longing eyes but Shinji was gazing at the sky.

"Tabris" Kaworu whispered.

"Eh?"

"The angel of free will. It's name was Tabris."

"Oh that's right, Kaworu-kun"

"Do you know why Tabris wanted to go down to Earth, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji paused and looked back at Kaworu, who was still looking at her. She felt like Kaworu's smile was hiding something. "I used to ask that question to my mother all the time, but she always responded with that same question."

"Hmm. How odd."

"Yeah" Shinji returned her gaze to the sky.

The school bell rang obnoxiously. Shinji sat up. "Oh, I've got to go to class"

She rose and started walking towards the door. With her hand on the handle, she realized that Kaworu wasn't following her. "Aren't you coming to class, too, Kaworu-kun?"

Kaworu turned around to look at Shinji. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ikari Shinji-kun" she said with that curious, warm smile.

"Okay..um.. bye, Kaworu-kun" she said, dashing out the door.

As Shinji was walking to class, she grasped the hand that Kaworu had kissed and held. It suddenly came to her thoughts that she had never enjoyed anyone's touch before, and she was puzzled why Kaworu's didn't. But then again, nobody had ever touched her like that before.