Title: The True Meaning of Love
Summary: Some of N's musings. What was love? What did it truly mean? And what did one have to do to achieve it?
Pairings: Minor N/Touya
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: I do not own anything and nor am I making any profit from this work
AN: This started off as a drabble but kind got away from me. Not entirely sure where this came from, to be honest. Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy reading!
N was not a very 'worldly' person. He knew he wasn't. He had been sheltered, exposed only to events that others wanted him to experience. A warped version of the world was all that he knew. To him, the abuse of Pokemon by their cruel trainers was the truth. It was something that happened everywhere and all the time.
He hated the truth. The truth was dark and tarnished.
He alone had the power to stop the cruelty. Only he could bring about an ideal world where Pokemon could live in peace and security. A perfect world where Pokemon ruled and lived freely without suppression. It had to be done. It was the only way to save his Pokemon friends.
But that wasn't true…
None of it was. His ideal world was not that of his own choosing. It was fed to him, one lie at a time.
It took the beautiful white Pokemon Reshiram and the mysteriously kind and compassionate Pokemon Trainer known as Touya to make him finally see the truth of their world. It wasn't perfect. Nothing was. But that was ok. One could work with imperfect.
While the truth could be pure and simple, it could also be dark and vile. Just like Ghetsis. He had reiterated what N already realised; his whole life had been nothing but a lie. He was a defective child. Useless. Unwanted. Imperfect. A mistake. A reject.
"Perfection doesn't exist," Touya had shouted, understanding with a sense of desperation in his voice as the dust of an impromptu battle began to arise. "Perfection is something that anyone can fake. To be considered perfect is to be seen as nothing more than a lie! You're not a lie, N. You may have been told lies your whole life, but that doesn't mean you are. You're not a mistake!"
Those words, the way Touya had said them, his voice absolute in his beliefs, made N want to believe him.
Touya didn't want to fight. He was gentle and kind. But he knew the truth. If he didn't fight Ghetsis with every bit of his will, then their imperfect world would become false and tarnished. It would become 'perfect' in Ghetsis' mind.
Thankfully, Touya had won. He put everyone on the line, even his own life, to protect the lives of Pokemon and humans alike. His honesty and compassion won over jealousy and desire. He was truly amazing.
But…N had to flee after the crumbling of his idealistic world. He had to put some distance between him and the young man that confused him so much with his words of truth. He wanted to hate him, hate the way his brown eyes looked at him without fear or hatred. Wanted to hate him for being the one who shone the light of truth into the darkness of his false ideals.
But he couldn't.
He had lived a lie his whole life. He couldn't hate the one who was the first to bring a sense of sincerity into his world.
Two years wandering the world brought N to realise many truths as well as ideals. Being idealistic wasn't something to be shamed. To believe better of the world was a good thing. In a sense being idealistic and truthful was the same thing!
But there was one thing that N still had a difficult time understanding;
Love.
He had heard many new words and overheard many enthralling conversations about Pokemon and about life in general. But wherever he wandered he would hear that word come up in conversation. It was said a lot. He never really thought much of the word before. To him it was just that; a word which humans threw around without meaning. It was a hollow word.
Still…he kept hearing it. In a number of different ways. In sentences that didn't really make much sense to him. How could one 'love' spaghetti and meatballs? How could one 'love' the rain sounded on a tin roof? How could one 'love' the way someone was fawning over them?
What exactly was love? It seemed to have so many different meanings and yet it was something everyone strived to achieve. It was much like the words truth and ideals.
The only person whom could shed light upon his confusion was Touya. Two years was a long time to be separated and N had honestly feared that Touya would not welcome him back into his life.
But he did.
Small tears of joy lined his eyelashes as Touya hugged him, clutching him desperately, whispering that he had missed him. And that he was glad that he was back in his life, safe and sound.
And again, N knew that he was speaking the truth.
A day or so after their reunion, N had finally pulled Touya aside. He asked him what love was truly about and what it wasn't. And Touya told him, in a way he truly understood.
Love, he explained, was a word so readily used, yet so misunderstood.
If a person willingly forced you to go through a series of trails in order to earn their attention, if they asked you to choose between them and saving the world, if they wanted you to give up everything for them...that wasn't love. They wanted your devotion. They wanted to control you, to feed their ego, to make them feel superior over you.
True love was many different things.
Motherly love. Fatherly love. Brotherly love. Sisterly love. Friendly love.
Lingering affection. Comforting. Reassuring. Understanding. Compassionate.
Romantic love was something a lot of people the world over relentlessly pursued. And yet that love, too, had a light side and a dark side.
To devote yourself to another is to give up everything that you are in order to make them happy, to keep them satisfied. They are to be your everything. Your dreams. Your hope. Your very existence. All that depended on creating them to be the centre of their universe. That was the dark side of romantic love.
The true side of romantic love was to commit yourself to another and to see yourself as their equal. To see their flaws and to accept them. For them to see your flaws and for them to be accepted as well. Commitment is seeing yourself living with that person, to compromise, to follow your dreams together while having your own thoughts and ideas. Two individuals coming together to be both the supporter and the supported, to stand by their side throughout all trials while remaining true to themselves.
The ultimate act of love wasn't completing a set of trails. It wasn't searching for the most expensive diamond ring. It wasn't sacrificing yourself for them.
The ultimate act of love was simple, and yet it had been lost to the strict rules of society and the human ego.
"The true essence of love is giving your love and affection to the other," Touya explained with a small smile on his lips, a dusting of red across his cheeks and a shy look in his eyes. "And allowing yourself to receive love and affection in return."
Touya then reached out and took N's hand in his, his skin so soft and warm against the scars and callousness of his own hand.
"This is new to me as well," Touya admitted with that beautifully shy smile of his. "But maybe we can find ourselves, who we want to be, together?"
N reacted on pure instinct; he tightened his hand around Touya's and nodded his head. Growing together. Learning together. Falling in love together.
"Sounds ideal," N answered, a sincere smile adorning his lips.
AN: Ah, yeah…I hope you enjoyed reading! Let me know what you think!