Never to Know
Sometimes I'm under the impression that I perfectly know myslef. However, this has been proved wrong to me by all those nights I cried over an imaginary grave. Is it my own? Is it the grave of all my lost wishes and dreams? The grave of my hurt feelings? Help me to understand myself! I shout to you, and yet my voice is only a whisper, for you are far away... Far away from all I had desired, for all I had planned for us. Where are you now? Fighting a power that terrifies you up to the depths of your soul? Yes, that soul you hid away from me, with all your feelings locked deep inside... And all why? Why did you refuse to see your true self? Why did you run away when I was calling for your help? Why did you always let me get lost in my own darkness when I craved for your light? I know what your answer would be if you would stay right here, in front of me, right at this moment. You'd measure me up and down with your sad eyes, you'd force a painful smile and you'd say: "I'm sure it's better this way..." But how about me? How about what I'm sure of? Ha! I must be slowly falling into the no- return pool of insanity... Otherwise why would I have a go at someone that chose to step out of my world long ago? Me, me, me, always me! I should be telling you about your son... He's so gorgeous when he smiles that innocent smile on him: you can read the happiness right in his sparkling green eyes... Everybody says: "Oh, Lily! He's got your eyes!" and I always add silently: "...and his father's smile..." Remus! Remus! Remus! With what heart shall I tell our son that James is his father, when all my being is screaming your name? And with what eyes shall I look at James every time people will talk about you? Remus, I know you always loved me! Promise me, Remus, that if anything shall happen to me and James you won't let Harry get swept away by this hideous war! Promise me that, in spite of your second nature, you'll do your best and always be there when our son needs you! Promise me he won't suffer the consequences of a crazy fight between people that never knew and will never know what's the meaning of life! Promise me, Remus! I know something shall happen to me and James... I can feel it coming, a dark shade upon what was meant to be a glorious future... Be there for him... For us...Fire swept away the Godric's Hollow... It was a cold fire, and its flames would have probably freezed the souls of whoever approached it. All was burning in a painful sort of way, like a lost memory... The harsh sound of a motorbike echoed through the distance... There, somewhere into the icy flames, a woman held tightly in her hand two precious things: one of them, the wand, had saved a life, the other one, the letter, was about to burn, and with it the hope of two people, so dear to the one that was now having her last breath...A/N:I think I wrote this story mostly to get rid of dark feelings that I was having myself... Maybe you won't like it... But then again, if you do, please REVIEW.
Adreena Nightingale: What can I say? I'm flattered! blushes If you really want to read more fics of mine, you could give a try to Only Ashes; I'm working on it right now.
Sasami Tombo: Well, this is some kind of a letter Lily wrote to Remus in the hope that he would find it somehow. And yes, Lily is in love with him! =P
Applola Snipp: I don't think I'll update this particular fic, but I might write a sequel with the love story between Lily and Remus! =D