What You've Done to Me

by Amorette Asher

Cat Valentine was crushed, her boyfriend has broken up with her and everything is changing now...except he still wants her...he's her knight in shining armor and so much more. But her ex isn't done ruining things for her, and he comes back for one more blow...

A/N: I wrote this story differently than I usually write my other stories, but I felt that it would sound better like this. So, here goes nothing, hope you like it!

-2XA

What You've Done to Me…

If eyes were markers for stars, I could've looked into your eyes every night.

I would've laid on the soft grass in the warming darkness and catch the silver sparkles that rest above.

I would've thought of the windows to your soul and smile, because every thought I had of you was pure and beautiful.

Your eyes, the sky, and our memories would've been my haven. I realized that those things did make me think of you, and at first, though seemingly a blessing, they soon became my nightmare.

When you left I was destroyed, every skyward glance at the sky, every moment in the dark, every moment I see your eyes, I cried.

I'd feel my eyes tear; my teeth puncture my lip, and the rapid blinking that followed. I'd push all the thoughts of you into the back of my head, hold myself up, and walk past as if it meant nothing.

Yet it always did.

Luckily I had him.

Around him, I never feared being hurt, or dumped, or left. He made me feel safe, he made me laugh, and he made me smile.

But the burns you left never went away. You had always hated him and he had always hated you.

I should've listened to his serious tone when he told me 'he'll hurt you'. I should've realized when his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched when he saw us together.

I never realized. Until it was too late and your face turned blank as you told me you didn't love me anymore.

I was so attached; I was so taken by you. I wanted you to be mine and me to be yours. I was lost without you.

He was a shining light. He dragged me out of the dark hole you'd put me in. His hand in mine, leading me out of a dark night.

He gave new meaning to the phrase: Knight in Shining Armor.

He had to be my hero. You had to be the villain.

I guess, because you're my evil sorcerer, you couldn't leave me with any happy ending. You decided to step in.

You took your talent of weaving the darkness, and weaved it into my life. Every place you could fill you drowned in night. Black showered every crease of every wrinkle of every layer. You covered me in horror and pain.

I was never prepared, coming home to you in my yard, looking angry, looking crazy. You smiled evilly and every bone in your body screamed malice. You stood, moving towards me while I stayed frozen in fear.

The memories of all the torturous nights you caused came back to me, and all the times I shoved back the pain resurfaced. I could feel the tears start to flow despite all my efforts.

When I asked why you stood before me, you laughed cruelly. Your voice sounded like feet crunching dead leaves.

You told me that I could no longer be with the boy who'd saved me, could no longer be with him. I listened in silence, shocked into the quiet that had overtaken me. Yet still my mind raced and my heart paced.

Not be with him? Even in my fear I felt the anger stir inside me. You had broken my heart and destroyed my life. You had blanketed me with a black cloud I couldn't remove, but finally, when I managed to do so, you come back. You came back just to take away the sunlight that barely warmed my skin.

Although angry, I never moved. I knew I should've ran, my mind screamed it, but the fear was too overwhelming. When I didn't respond to your ranting, you attacked.

You'd been coldly calm at first, but now, you were screaming. Your eyes were wide and the veins in your forehead showed. Your screams and hollers echoed through the silent neighborhood. Although I wished you'd be heard, you weren't.

You screamed about our love for each other. You asked; don't we love one another? Don't we care? Don't we share a love that is more than we've ever felt? True, I abandoned you, but I was having a rough time. I know this was not true, as whose life had been worse other than mine? You were out partying and doing who knows what with other girls who partied with you. You danced around the streets crazily because who could stop you? Your life was fine; it was mine you had been ruining.

You continued without noticing my disbelief, don't you believe in me? Don't you still love me? I don't know how I could go on living without you. You said, stepping closer to me, your pleading eyes locked with my wide, fearful brown ones.

I wanted to say; I'll go on without you like I already have been, with him. But sense kept my mouth shut and my fists to my sides. Angering him further would only cause more trouble and pain I'm sure. This was the life I had hid with my smiles and my giggles and my stupidity.

The oblivious ones always are happy, as it's been said 'life's more painless for the brainless', and I made sure I was no exception.

I was never meant for that life; that happy, wonderful, shaded life that kept the smile on my face and the bounce in my step. I was born for sorrow and strife. That had to be the reason you stood before me in all your burning self-declared glory. So when you asked me to come back to you, I was shocked to hear my soft spoken words say a single but dangerous word.

No.

I would only have the fleeting moments of happiness that he gave me, but even that you'd take away. I was ready to give up until I felt your hand grab my wrist and your nails dig into my skin. I believe I cried for you to stop, but that's all a hazy delusion now. But I do still hear your voice as crystal clear as I heard it that day.

You deserve this Caterina Valentine, Your voice dripped with venom. If you weren't so stupid and worthless, perhaps I wouldn't be as disgusted with you as I am. You tossed me to into the grass beside the concrete pathway my father and I had built together. Although the grass was soft and the earth below was gentle and cushioning, my heart still ached. But that wasn't what hurt the most.

It was the blow across the face that really sent me reeling. The tears fell almost instantly and they made the new bruise sting. I didn't know how until I managed to run into the house and lock myself in the bathroom with my hand pressed lightly to my pained cheek.

It was with fear that I looked at my reflection.

My chestnut brown eyes were red with the after-effect of my tears and my mascara ran in a black mess down my cheeks. When I let my hand fall down to the sink below the mirror I sobbed.

Three red marks slid across the purple bruise on my face, each consecutive mark deeper than the last. I remembered each ring that made each cut.

The first, smallest cut was made by a ring that said 'truth' on it. The second, middle-sized cut was made with the ring that had the word 'love' on it. The third, largest cut was made by the ring with 'kindness' on it. As I touched each scar I grimaced at the pain that followed. I felt the horrible need to do something bad to myself.

So I punched my reflection in the mirror until only shards remained of the mirror. Then, looking at all the pieces on the ground I was met with millions of myself. Along with that aggravating image, and the fact that my self-loathing wasn't gone, I knelt on the sharp pieces and began to gather them up. I carefully held each one in my hand and cried before dumping them all away.

All except one.

That longer shard sat in my hand and stared back at me. I could slowly feel common sense taking over me, but I still felt the emotional pain. I took the glass shard and put it in my dresser underneath some clothes I never wore. I went to sleep right away so I could ignore the pain.

I didn't wake up until morning when my mother shook me awake and asked me what happened to my hands, my face, and my mirror. I came up with some unoriginal lie and promised to fix it myself to get her out of my hair.

Putting makeup on the bruise hurt, but I did it carefully and slowly. I told myself that it was to make sure that no one saw it, but I knew that I did it to create pain. I went to school in an unusually simple outfit.

When I walked into Sikowitz class, I was too tired to actually give anyone a smile. I was glad when he was the first to notice, and soon after came Jade. He placed his hand on my arm gently and looked me in the eyes, trying to understand what I'd come to that had hurt me so badly. Jade saw the little miniscule cuts all over my hands, and asked me in a colorful way what had happened. Luckily, before I could come up with a bad lie, class started and I sat down with a sigh. Class flew by in a breeze.

I went to the bathroom, hoping to escape my inquisitive group of friends, all of which had come to the knowledge of my scarred self. I looked in the mirror, happy to see my makeup job had covered up my dirty little secret. I took a deep breath and exited the room, making sure to walk slowly and calmly.

I took so much extra care in how I represented myself because I didn't want to seem scared or unsettled. I felt good enough to greet my friends at the lunch table with a smile and a cheery hello. I ignored their stares as I sat down with my salad, and diverted all their questions. Finally, the others assumed that I either didn't notice or it didn't matter and went back to their amusing conversations.

It was only Jade and him that continued their stares in my direction. I gave them each small smiles that only made them narrow their eyes. What other choice did I have but to pretend as if the even had never occurred right?

I think they realized something was up when they saw the way my eyes locked yours. The way my eyes followed you as you came towards the table. You smiled at me, winking, but said nothing. You passed the table smoothly, but he and Jade still watched your every move.

After lunch I had a free period with Jade, him, and the others. I was doodling in my note-book until he came over and his eyes glistened with curiosity I refused to satisfy. He asked me if everything was alright, what you had done to me, why I was acting like I was.

I asked him, defensively 'What's that supposed to mean?' and looked at him intently as he tried to explain his words better. Soon he just resorted to offering to buy me a soda and I cheered. He got me grape, one of my favorites. I sipped it quietly while he watched me.

'You know, Cat, you should tell me what's going on.' His eyes looked at me with sympathy. I shrugged, my eyes having to slip up to look at his. I had always been short, and he had always been slightly tall.

'Cat, just tell me, you know I can fix it,' He joked, but I believed him. I knew that he could fix it, but I still stayed resilient, refusing to let him in. He tried for the remainder of the period but still couldn't get me to talk. I went home as silent and sad as I'd come to school.

I locked myself in my room and sat softly on the bed. I took out a note-book and wrote something quickly for each of my friends, something that I thought they'd like to know. They weren't long notes, only short ones, things I thought they needed assurance of, things I thought they needed to hear from me.

Then I took out the shard of glass. I pressed it to my wrist, but I only pushed hard enough to let out a small dot of deep red blood. Without thinking, I grabbed my phone and dialed 7 on speed dial.

'Hello?' His voice sounded on the phone. 'Cat?' I smiled as he said my name. My parents weren't home, my brother was off…somewhere…I was alone. I was alone with just his voice, the shard, and the blood that welled beneath my skin.

I pushed harder with the shard, blood almost exploding from underneath it; I started making a small shape with the sharp glass. I gasped loudly, knowing that he had heard it. 'Cat what are you doing?' His voice was fearful. I saw blood splatter over the note-book that held the little notes to my friends. I hoped it was still readable.

I hissed at the dizziness that caused me to knock myself, the note-book, the phone, and the shard of glass unto the ground. I hit the floor with a thud, watching the room around me dim and spin. I heard his voice, but it sounded distant.

'I'm coming over,' He said, and I heard myself mutter, 'Oh no, that's not what you're supposed to be doing.'

I believe the only solace I found it what I had done to myself was that I knew that in some way, some possibly small insignificant way, it was all caused by you.

I don't remember when the lights went out, all I knew that at one point, I was in one world, and then, a moment later I was in another.

Dear Beck,

I've always loved you Beck, you got me through so much after my break-up with my boyfriend. You were right, he is a horrible person, and I know I should've listened! Oh well, what's done is done, people make mistakes right?

Well, anyway, I don't want to talk about him. I hope you're not angry at me Beck, because if you are, I'll be a ghost because I just can't die knowing you don't like me anymore. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it Beck, I just…had to. When I broke the mirror, the piece of glass called to me.

Then, the next day at school it was screaming after I saw my ex again. You and the others were so worried about me. I'm glad to know people cared, but I'm sad to know that I left you all.

I'm so sorry Beck; I just didn't know what else I could do…

Caterina Valentine.

P.S. I always wanted to be Caterina Oliver one day.

Beck watched them talk about Cat, those teachers from Hollywood arts who really didn't know anything about her.

You could've come to me, Cat. I could've helped you.

He told himself that every day. I'm sure they didn't think that and mean it with every fiber of their soul. Beck sat between Jade and Andre. Andre was trying to ignore the tears that were slowly seeping from his eyes and Jade was trying to keep her intimidating composure. Beck was simply staring ahead; face blank, missing Cat like plants missed the sun. He needed Cat. When that jerk had broken her heart he'd realized he had never wanted Cat to feel like that again. He hadn't even known about the guys visit to her house. Sure the guy was a creep and had been looking at Cat that day at school, but he just hadn't expected that Cat would kill herself over it.

He couldn't imagine Cat killing herself. That's why he didn't believe Cat was dead now. Bad things couldn't happen to girls like Cat…but…things like that always happened to girls like Cat.

Girls like Cat were always the victims.

1…2…3…4…5

Dear Jade,

You're going to be really mad Jade, I can already tell, but you're my best friend, and even though sometimes I think that you don't care, I know you do. You probably want to kill my ex, right?

Yeah? Well you can't, because you're all Beck's got. Maybe now, the two of you can finally come back together and get over your stupid anger problems and work things out. I always thought you guys were good for each other.

Besides, I want you to take care of Beck for me, alright? I want you to make sure he doesn't follow after me too soon.

I'm not scared or sad anymore Jade, and that's better, right? I know I was bad, but what else could I do? I just couldn't…and can't…think of any other option.

You're my best friend Jade, and so is Tori, so try and be nicer to her,

Caterina Valentine.

P.S. You should be a great movie director one day. I always wanted to be one of the actresses in one of your movies.

1…2…3…4…5

Jade wiped the tears from her eyes for about the tenth time in the past minute. She focused on ridding herself of the tears instead of the voices that sounded from the microphone. She knew that if she heard those words along with her twisted thoughts, then her tears would be impossible to control and she would embarrass herself. She also tried to ignore the fact that her father hadn't managed to show up for her best friend's funeral. He never managed to show up for anything else important, but this, this was more than just 'important'. Cat had always been there for her…and now…now it was just another empty space for another lost soul to fade from. Jade sobbed, covering her mouth with her gloved hand. She turned sharply when she felt Beck grip her other hand tightly. He wasn't looking at her; in fact, he wasn't looking at anything but a random point on the wall.

Jade had never been one for comfort, but she remembered Cat's words from the note and gripped Beck's hand back. She smiled when his dark eyes locked with hers. Even though tears streamed down her face and she was sure she looked horrible, she tried to keep the smile on her face. She looked back towards the sermon then, watching Cat's parents say tear-filled words for their young lost daughter. Despite herself, Jade found herself laughing at the strange tales of the strange things the red headed girl named Caterina Valentine had gone through.

If they could keep all of her stories alive, then maybe they could keep a part of the petite girl Cat alive as well. Jade assumed it would be easy to keep Cat in her heart and mind, because you met Cat Valentine and actually managed to forget her?

A/N: Well I hope you liked my story 8D Review! Thanks for reading!

~2XA